Many Hats, But An Empty Head

, , , | | Right | April 16, 2009

(We were having a sale on used DVDs. The price reductions were delayed in the computer system download, so we had to re-price every item manually. A customer came up with several used movies for purchase.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total is $249.75.”

Customer: “What? Did you miss some? I added it up, it should be more.”

Me: *after checking* “No, sir. We’re in the middle of doing our price changes, so all the movies you have that are marked $12.99 each are actually marked down to $9.99 each.”

Customer: “What? That’s illegal. The price sticker has to have the correct price on it.”

Me: “Sir, as I said, we’re in the process of re-stickering all of the DVDs. The 25 movies you’re buying are actually cheaper than you thought they would be.”

Customer: “But they’re priced wrong. That’s illegal.”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you we are doing nothing illegal, and if you’d like–”

Customer: “It is illegal, I’M A LAWYER!”

Me: “Okay… I can adjust the price so that the movies are all $12.99 instead of $9.99 if you’re really angry about saving $75.00. Is that what you want me to do?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Me: “What would you like me to do then?”

Customer: “I think I should get some free movies.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any free movies.”

Customer: “I’m a lawyer. It’s illegal. You need to give me five free movies or I’m calling the authorities.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you anything for free. As it is, you thought the price of these DVDs was much more than it turned out to be, so you’re already getting a deal…”

Customer: “I don’t care. This is horrible service! This is no way to run a business. If I ran my restaurant this way, I’d be out of business!”

Me: “So, are you a lawyer or a restauranteur?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Would you like to pay for the movies, or would you like me to cancel the sale?”

Customer: *hands over credit card*

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You Can’t Always Love What You Do

, , , | | Right | April 6, 2009

(While closing up shop alone one night, two gentlemen walked in and the following conversation took place.)

Customer: “So, uh… how much experience do you need to groom dogs?”

Me: “Well, none to start out. They start you as a bather, and then after about three months they send you through an academy to learn how to groom dogs.”

Customer: “You gotta go to school for this?”

Me: “Yes – it’s actually not as easy as it looks.”

Customer: “You make a lot of money?”

Me: “Well, that’s hard to say. We work on commission so… it just depends on how many dogs you can do in a week.”

Customer 2: “You think if you’ve got a cruelty to animals charge, they’ll let you work here?”

Me: “…no.”

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Ah, College, Part 2

, , | | Right | March 19, 2009

(I’m a bouncer in a college bar where you must be 21. Lots of underage people try coming in with fake IDs.)

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

College Student: “Yeah…”

(He hands me an ID that says he is 20.)

Me: “Um, you are only 20.”

College Student: “Yeah, you can read a birthday! Can I go in now?”

Me: “You have to be 21 to get in.”

College Student: “Oh… *hands me a fake ID* “…how about now?”

Me: “Now you just lost your fake ID.”

 

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Now That’s What I Call Customer Service

, , | | Right | March 17, 2009

(A customer used to come into the store about once or twice a month. She walks up to the new releases, and then proceeds into the center of the store where we don’t have many security cameras and stuffs the movies into her purse. We knew she had been doing it for quite some time, but we legally aren’t allowed to stop her. However, we got a new manager.)

Me: “Just leave her alone, she’ll be gone soon.”

Manager: “Watch this.”

(The manager walks up to the woman as she finishes stuffing the movies into her purse.)

Manager: *smiling* “Good evening, ma’am, can I help you steal anything else today?”

(The customer goes white and runs out of store. She never shows up again.)

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Family Values, Part 2

, , , , | | Right | October 21, 2008

Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Why haven’t I received my movie?”

Me: “Which one was it?”

(He gives me the name of the movie, and I check on the computer to see if that title is available.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have it on stock yet, but we will have your copy by Wednesday.”

Customer: “But you have it already for rental!” *goes to the shelf and brings me one of the cases*

Me: “Yes, but those are for rental only. We receive a few copies for rental only, and a few days after we get the ones for sale.”

Customer: “Then give me this one.”

Me: “That one is exclusively for rental.”

Customer: “F*** it. I’m leaving!” *storms out of the store with the DVD*

Me: “Hey!”

(I call mall security. A few minutes later, a guard comes laughing to the store.)

Guard: “Is this the stolen DVD?”

Manager: “Yes, thank you.”

Guard: “We found him trying to get in his car and two kids were inside. When we got him the kids started to cry, but not because we were taking his grandpa into custody.”

Me: “Then why?”

Guard: *laughs* “They were crying because they weren’t getting the movie today.”

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