Crochet Away

, , , , , | Romantic | January 14, 2018

(I come up to the checkout with a few bundles of yarn and a crochet needle.)

Cashier: “Ooh, you crochet?”

Me: “Not really. My mum made a lot of my clothes as a toddler. I thought I’d challenge myself and see how hard it is.”

Cashier: “That’s nice.”

(She scans my items.)

Cashier: “So, my brother’s single, and he’s looking for a boyfriend.”

Me: *not really paying attention* “Is he?”

Cashier: “So…?”

Me: “Card, please.”

Cashier: “No, silly! My brother.”

Me: “What about him?”

Cashier: “Are you interested?”

Me: “Not really. I have a wife and kids.”

Cashier: “You aren’t a very convincing straight man, coming in here and buying your pretty things! I clocked the man-obsession the second you walked in.”

(I start walking to the exit.)

Cashier: *practically screaming* “Wait, don’t you want your things?”

Me: “I’ll look elsewhere, thanks.”

Cashier: “COME BACK ANYTIME! AND LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU COME OUT. MY BROTHER WILL STILL BE SINGLE!”

(I looked elsewhere, and in the end managed to make a decent looking beanie. My wife immediately stole it. I didn’t even get the chance to try it on.)

Have You (Bapho)Met?

, , , , , , , | Right | January 13, 2018

(I wear a pentacle necklace with Baphomet, the “Satan” goat, every day. Today I’m in a craft store looking at nursery fabrics. I visit this store a lot and I know the basic layout. Two middle-aged women wearing crosses approach me.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, where are your Velcro strips?”

(I don’t work there. I’m wearing jeans, a Slipknot t-shirt, and arm warmers with belts on them. It couldn’t be farther from the store’s uniform.)

Me: “Oh, do you see the big racks with the big rolls of foam on them? The Velcro should be on a shelf right across from them.”

Customer #1: “Oh, thank you, sweethea—” *notices my necklace, crosses herself and the forehead of her companion, and shuffles away*

(I ignore them and continue looking at the fabric. The manager is manning the cutting counter a few feet away and I overhear them talking to him.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I want to file a formal complaint about your employee over there.” *points to me*

Manager: “Uh… Which one, ma’am?”

Customer #2: “That one, right there! The fat one!”

Customer #1: “She’s wearing the ugliest, most sinful necklace. She’s obviously a heathen that’s going to burn in the deepest depths of Hell, and I refuse to shop here while a servant of the Devil is here.”

(The manager stands there, confused and disturbed.)

Customer #2: “Are you just going to stand there staring at her or are you going to tell her to leave?”

Manager: “Well, ma’am, she… Uh…” *pause* “Well, if you continue with your shopping, we’ll handle the situation.”

Customer #1: “Good! I would expect that from a God-fearing Christian.”

(The women moved on happily and I never heard a word from the manager, even after having him cut some fabric for me. The cashier even complimented my necklace!)

They’re A “Special” Case

, , , , , | Right | December 26, 2017

(I work at a well-known craft and hobby store. This exchange happens between a customer and my manager.)

Customer: “I have a ceiling fan and I want to paint the part of the light fixture that houses the light bulb. What spray paint would you recommend for that?”

Manager: “Um… I wouldn’t recommend any spray paint for a light fixture. Spray paint is highly toxic and when the fixture heats up, it will smell and release chemicals into the air.”

Customer: “I know, but it’s either this or spend $200 dollars on another ceiling fan that I actually like. What about this one for appliances? It says, ‘special purpose.’”

Manager: “Yes, this one has a stainless steel finish. It will have the same problem, though.”

Customer: “But it says, ‘special purpose!’”

Manager: “It has actual metal in it. That’s why it’s special. It’s still not safe for what you want to do with it.”

Customer: “But it says, ‘special purpose.’”

It’s A Mad Ad World

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work at a popular arts and crafts store as a manager. We frequently get customers who don’t pay attention to our ads, which have the terms of our sales printed in large, plain letters. On this day, the amount of people doing this has been ridiculous. I finally get fed up with bending the rules for people, so I try to enforce our policy.)

Cashier: “Hey, [My Name], this customer says that these were marked as $8.99, but they’re ringing up as $16.99. Can you check for me?”

Me: “Sure thing. I’ll be right back!”

(Sure enough, I go check the product and see that the ad sign is outdated. It is also not placed near the product that the customer picked up.)

Me: *over the radio* “So, the ad isn’t for that product.”

Cashier: “She’s coming over to check.”

(At this point, I’m frustrated. I step out and sure enough, the customer is walking intently down the aisle toward me.)

Customer: “See? They’re $8.99!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but this ad sign is outdated…” *I indicate the date on the ad* “…and it is also not hanging near the product you brought up.” *I indicate that the product she has is not beside the ad sign*

Customer: “But you have to honour the price! It’s advertised!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but—”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am one of the managers here.”

Customer: “Then I want to speak to someone above you! Every other store I go to would honour that price!”

(After a couple minutes of arguing, I decide it’s just not worth it to argue with a customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am; I’ll get the cashier to honour that price for you.”

Customer: *smiling* “Well, I wouldn’t have wanted you to do something you weren’t comfortable with!”

Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.”

They Don’t Want You Or Your Money

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2017

(I work in a locally owned craft store. An elderly man brings a bouquet of balloons to the register.)

Customer: *hands me the price slip* “I guess you want money now, don’t you?”

Me: “Um… Yes. Just let me calculate your total.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just like a woman, isn’t it? They always want money!”

Me: *speechless*

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