Customer: “I need help with these glasses.”
Me: “Ma’am, we are an art supply store. But you’re in luck, because I used to work as an optician, so I might be able to help you anyway.”
Customer: “Perfect! See, I just picked up these prescription glasses for my son, and they’re all wrong.”
She shows me a case with a brand new pair of glasses with a shiny black plastic frame.
Me: “Wrong how…?”
Customer: “They’re the wrong color! You see, they’re black when they were supposed to be blue!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you want me to do about that. That is definitely something you should take up with the optician you got them from. It sounds like they messed up your order, so it would be on them to fix it.”
Customer: “Oh, no, I ordered the black ones because the optician said these frames don’t come in blue. My son picked these even though he wanted blue glasses, so I am going to surprise him and make them blue!”
Me: “If your son picked these, don’t you think he liked them the way they are?”
Customer: “Don’t be ridiculous, he doesn’t like black! Blue is his favorite color, so I will find a way to make them blue. Now, how do you think I should go about this?”
Me: “Alright, I will try to figure something out for you here. But let me point out that I strongly advise against messing with your son’s glasses in any way. Especially considering these are brand new, if you modify them in any way and it turns out the prescription isn’t quite right for your son, your optician will most definitely refuse to exchange the glasses.”
Customer: “It’s going to be fine, don’t worry. Just tell me how I can paint the glasses!”
Me: “Alright. First of all, I recommend only painting the outside of the frames, where they don’t come into permanent direct contact with your son’s skin. Also, these are high-gloss plastic frames, so you will need to sand the surface so that any color you put on will have a chance to stick. Then you will have to paint them, and finally, you will need a clear gloss varnish to protect the paint. And even then, I cannot guarantee that the paint will actually last.”
Customer: “Sand them?! No, that’s far too much work. I was thinking more along the lines of blue tape.”
Me: “Tape won’t last at all, Ma’am.”
Customer: “Then what about acrylic markers?”
Me: “That’s the same as using normal acrylic paint. The surface of the frames is way too smooth for any kind of paint to stick. You’d be able to scrape it right off with your fingers.”
Customer: “What about felt-tip pens then?”
Me: “Those are water-soluble, so they will come right off with a bit of sweat and natural oils from your skin. Not to mention, felt-tip pens don’t work on plastic.”
Customer: “Well, you’re not being any help at all. I feel like you don’t want me to get creative with these glasses at all!”
What tipped her off?
Customer: “I’ll just have a look around the store myself. I’m sure I will find something that works!”
And off she goes. As the store is pretty quiet at this time, my boss (who is the sole owner of the store) and coworker have both been able to listen to the conversation I just had. My coworker is now standing next to me as we watch the customer walk back and forth between the aisles, wondering what unhinged idea she will come up with next. Eventually, the customer returns to us with the smug air of someone who has no idea what they’re doing.
Customer: “I found the perfect thing!”
Me: “…Ma’am, that’s wax. For decorating candles.”
Customer: “I know, it’s exactly what I need! Candles are smooth, and the wax sticks to them with no problem.”
Me: “Wax is also soft and malleable at room temperature.”
Customer: “I’m sure there’s a way to make it harden. Maybe I can put it in the oven, like those oven-bake clays!”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Now you’re speechless! Hah! I knew I’d figure this out.”
Me: “Ma’am… please humor me here: What happens to wax when it gets hot?”
Customer: “It melts. …. Oh.”
Me: “Yup. And before you go back to that oven-bake clay idea—”
Customer: “—I wasn’t! I was just going to use ceramic paint pens!”
Me: “Those also need to be baked into the material in the oven. And what do you think happens to plastic, the material those glasses are made of, when it gets hot?”
Customer: “Now you’re just making me sound stupid. Fine, I’ll take the paint you suggested first. But I won’t do the sanding! That’s just ridiculous.”
Me: “Certainly.”
I show her the outdoor weather and corrosion-resistant acrylic paint. The customer picks a blue shade and struts off to the registers, where my boss is waiting to ring her out.
Boss: “Hi there! I heard you talking to my employee and that she expressly advised you against this project. I trust and support her judgement on this. Please also keep in mind that paint is non-returnable. I still hope you’re successful with your art project anyway.”
You’d think that would be it, right? Wrong! That was only part one. This part of the story, I only got to hear about via my boss and colleague, as I was on lunch break when this happened:
Lo and behold, a few days later, the customer returns in a sour mood and walks up to my boss at the registers.
Customer: “I want to return this paint I bought a few days ago.”
Boss: “I’m sorry; as I told you when you bought this, paint is non-refundable.”
Customer: “But I didn’t even use it! My son got home before I got to painting his new glasses and said he didn’t want them to be blue! He liked the black ones, can you believe it?”
Boss: “Be that as it may, I still can’t refund the paint. Maybe your son can use it for his next art project at school.”
Customer: “No! I don’t need this paint, and you have to refund it!”
Boss: “I do not. You wanted blue paint; this is blue paint. You bought it even after my employee and I both advised against it. I am not taking it back.”
Customer: “You will! And I will keep standing right here until you do!”
Boss: “Sure, go ahead. We close in about five hours, so you will be standing for a while.”
She ushers the other customers in line to the next registers, literally three feet to the right, to cash them out, and proceeds to ignore the now sulking customer. The customer lasts for all of five minutes before she snaps and stomps her foot.
Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! REFUND ME NOW!”
Boss: “Absolutely not.”
Customer: “I WILL SUE YOU! JUST WAIT UNTIL MY LAWYER HEARS ABOUT THIS!”
Boss: “I’m sure he’ll be delighted over this much drama over a 4€ bottle of paint.”
Customer: “I WILL NEVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN!” *Storms out.*
Boss: “Good riddance.”
Other Customer In Line: “I will definitely be back. You don’t get this kind of entertainment elsewhere!”
At this point, I return from my lunch break, having heard the screaming.
Me: “What happened here?”
Colleague: “You’ll never believe who didn’t want their blue paint after all…”
