No Tequila Sunrise For That Bottle

I’m an assistant manager at a huge family-owned liquor store in Texas that has now been around for sixty years. I have to call out on a Saturday because of family issues, so I’m not there to deal with this issue firsthand. Since we legally have to be closed in my state on Sunday, I don’t hear about this until the following Monday.

Cashier: “So, what happened with the crotch goblin theft?”

Me: “The what now?!“

Cashier: “Oh, didn’t [Store Manager] call you and let you know?”

Me: “Obviously not!”

Cashier: “Yeah, turns out we caught some lady that was shoplifting after the fact, but we couldn’t prove anything at the time because she shoved the bottle of [Expensive Tequila] under her dress and up herself and walked right out! We didn’t catch it until [Store Manager] saw it on camera!”

I can understand shoplifting food, medicine, baby formula, or something like that, but there’s no reason you need that tequila THAT badly.