This… Is… Spyware!
Customer: “Hi, my son says that I have Spartans on my laptop and I should bring it to you guys.”
Me: “Ma’am? Spartans?”
Customer: “Yes, I called my son at school and told him that screens keep popping up all the time, and he said that I have Spartans.”
Me: “Oh! You mean trojans! That’s a possibility; let me run this analyzer on your laptop real quick and we’ll see what’s going on.”
Customer: “Young man, my son is in college and he says it has Spartans. You just stand here in a little uniform and make minimum wage. I think my son knows what he is talking about.”
Me: “You’re right, ma’am. I was hoping to run a diagnostic and find out that it wasn’t Spartans, but just by looking at the login screen, I can tell that you probably have about 300 of the little guys running around.”
Customer: “300?! Is that bad?”
Me: “It’s horrible. They cram themselves into a bottleneck and kill wave after wave of data, until there is a wall of dead programs blocking any more traffic through your computer.”
Customer: “Oh, that just figures. I’m going to go buy a new computer.”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, I think that would be best.”
This story is part of our celebration of Not Always Right publishing over 100,000 stories!
This story is included in the roundup of absolute classic stories to toast this achievement!
