Many years ago, I started working with a woman who had an advanced degree in her field. I very much enjoyed working with her as she was smart, efficient, and very nice, and she would often talk about her family: a husband and two sons. She was a per diem employee, which meant that she gave the company the hours she was available to work and they scheduled her if she was needed.
Coworker: “Starting this fall, I won’t be working as much as I have been. [Son #1] is getting ready to go to college, and I’m enrolling in his classes so I can help him.”
This puzzled me a little, as she had never mentioned that he was intellectually challenged, but I was happy for her that she was able to do this for him. I am talking with my boss a few days later.
Me: “It’s too bad [Coworker] won’t be working with us as much. I really enjoy working with her.”
[Boss] is friends with [Coworker]’s husband.
Boss: “What are you talking about?”
Me: “Well, she’s taking herself off the schedule so she can go to school with [Son #1]. I didn’t even know he was intellectually challenged.”
My boss starts laughing uproariously.
Boss: “He’s not intellectually challenged; he’s a normal eighteen-year-old with an over-clinging mother!”
I don’t know what happened — if the college stepped in or her husband put his foot down — but she never ended up going to college (again!) with her son.
Fast forward to a few years later.
Coworker: “[Son #2] is going on a pilgrimage with our church; I’m very worried about him, but the pastor and the chaperones have all told me it’s perfectly safe.”
Me: “How old is he?”
Coworker: “He’s twenty, but he’s never traveled without me before.”
Really, never?
A month later, [Coworker] came to work.
Me: “So, how was [Son #2]’s trip?”
Coworker: *Getting visibly angry* “They abandoned him! They didn’t wake him one morning and just left him and continued on with the trip. I had to fly all the way to [Country] to rescue him! I am never going back to that church, and I have stopped talking to all my friends who went on the trip. I can’t believe they would just leave a helpless child all alone in another country!”
Later on, I was talking to my boss.
Me: “So, what’s with [Son #2]’s trip? I can’t believe the church people would just abandon him.”
Boss: *Grinning from ear to ear* “They didn’t really ‘abandon’ him. He was going off at night with the other kids his age, drinking, and staying out very late. As a result, getting [Son #2] up every morning was a major event; he slept through multiple alarms, would fall back asleep after being awakened several times, and would take an hour or so to get ready to leave. The group ended up being late for every part of the tour and even missed some events altogether because of his lateness. They sat him down several times to talk to him about his lateness, and when nothing improved, they gave him a countdown. If he made them late three more times, they would leave him and let him make his own way to the sites. Every time after that, when he was late, they would remind him, ‘You have only two chances left,’ and, ‘This is your last chance,’ and the third time, they held to their word and left him.”
Me: “Well, I don’t know what they could have done, but it still seems harsh to abandon someone who’s never traveled alone before.”
Boss: “Nah, they left him clear, written instructions about what to do once he finally woke up, along with everyone’s cell number. He was supposed to go to see the guy in charge of the accommodations, who would arrange for prepaid transportation to where the group had traveled to, and once he got there, someone would meet him and take him to the group. Instead, he called [Coworker] crying about how he’d been left all by himself and didn’t know what to do.”
Several years later, this same woman was incensed that her husband would not let her go with her son and his new bride on their honeymoon!
