Turned Into A Corny Story

, , , , , | Working | September 22, 2017

I was listening to music while eating candy corn. It was a slow day, and my boss was incessantly interrupting me to talk about video games. Thinking his interruptions were about work, I kept having to take an ear-bud out and then put it back in.

Finally, after being interrupted too many times, I ended up putting a candy corn in my ear and trying to eat one of my headphone ear-buds.

I thought to myself, “Why does this candy corn taste like earwax and failure?”

That’s His Story And He’s Stick-ing To It

, , , , , | Related | September 22, 2017

(While I sit at the dining room table on my computer, my older brother is sitting across from me, attempting to carve wood. He’s trying to get a knot out of the edge of the wood, and doing so in a very dangerous manner, hammering the point of the blade in with the handle of a different blade, while the blade in the wood is pointing towards his hand. Since he’s already proven to be accident-prone and easily injured, I speak up.)

Me: “I’m worried you’re going to hurt yourself.”

Brother: “Nah, it’s fine.”

(I sigh and turn back to my computer. Suddenly, my brother lets out a loud yelp!)

Brother: “It was the stick! The stick stabbed me, not the blade!”

Not Getting That Friday Feeling

, , , , , , | Working | September 21, 2017

(I only have one other coworker who has exactly the same position as me in our department. He’s a nice enough guy, but staggeringly incompetent at our job, which frustrates me to no end because cleaning up his messes dramatically complicates my duties. I was excited when we brought him on, because the department was a lot for me to handle alone, but he makes so many mistakes I’m not sure I’m actually working less. We used to work side-by-side frequently, but the schedule recently changed so now we mostly work opposite shifts except for overlapping on one day. This means I’m not around to babysit him as much as before. It’s important we communicate about what work is being handed off, and I always make clear to customers which days I’m in the office and which days they will catch him instead. One Friday, close to closing time, the phone rings.)

Receptionist: “[My Name], can you take a call? She asked for [Coworker], but he’s off today; when I told her she got pretty pissed. I’m hoping you can help her.”

(I end up talking to her for quite a while, getting the situation untangled. Afterwards:)

Receptionist: “Were you able to get it figured out?”

Me: “Yeah, and I don’t blame her for being angry. [Coworker] worked with her last week, and she talked to him again Monday. He told her, ‘I promise I’ll call you by the end of the day Friday. I’m writing it in my calendar so I don’t forget.’ That’s awfully specific, and sounds like something he’d say; I don’t think she was lying. And she never heard from him today, so that’s why she called.”

Receptionist: “…but he didn’t work today.”

Me: “Yep. He only worked Monday and Tuesday this week. I know he’s usually here Wednesday, too, but last Friday is the only Friday he’s worked since the schedule change, because I traded for Wednesday. He NEVER works Friday otherwise. And he definitely never told me about her.”

Receptionist: “Wow.”

Me: “And, get this: I checked, and he never actually ordered the parts to fix her car in the first place. Both when she first came in, AND when she talked to him again.”

Receptionist: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yep. I took care of it and booked her for Monday when he’s back. Unlike what he did to me, I’ll actually tell him what’s going on, so he doesn’t get blindsided.”

(What I happened to know that WOULD blindside him is that he would be written up Monday, twice, for two separate mistakes that cost the department over a thousand dollars, a week after getting written up for doing a horrible job helping a different customer. I don’t think he’ll be with us much longer.)

Well, Since Phones Are Only Used For Texting These Days…

, , , | Working | September 21, 2017

(In the next cubicle over, I overhear a fellow IT employee, attempting to help an employee in another department:)

IT Employee: “Could you hold your phone a little closer to the screen so I can see what you’re talking about?”

Nugget Is Actually A Good Name For A Stuffed Animal

, , , , | Related | September 21, 2017

(One Sunday morning, my son wakes up and tells me about his dream.)

Son: “I dreamed I was eating chicken nuggets, and when I woke up I was chewing [Stuffed Animal].”

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