Cabin Filters Can’t Filter Out The Duds

, , , , , , | Right | September 12, 2019

(I am an assistant store manager at an auto retail store. I have worked for the company for eleven years, four of them in management; I am also female. Our parts guide won’t give you the parts unless you pick the car out, down to the specifics.)

Me: “[Store], [Location]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Hi. I’m after a cabin filter.”

Me: “Yeah, no problems. What’s it for?”

Customer: “A cabin filter.”

Me: “Yes, what’s it for?”

Customer: “A cabin filter.”

Me: “Yes, a cabin filter. What car is it for?”

Customer: “Oh, sorry. A 2008 Mitsubishi Lancer.”

Me: “No worries. Is that the 2-litre or the 2.4?”

Customer: “A cabin filter. Not a regular air filter.”

Me: “Yes, mate, I’m well aware of what a cabin filter is. I need to know what car it’s for so I can tell you if we have it.”

Customer: “Oh, ah… 2.4.”

Me: “No worries. It’s [price], and I have three in stock.”

Customer: *click*

(The store manager looks over at me and raises an eyebrow.)

Me: “Guess he couldn’t hear me over my ovaries.”

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I Sensor That This Will Not End Well

, , , | Right | August 24, 2019

(I work in an auto shop. I take a call early in the day about a “Tire Pressure Monitoring Sensor,” which I’m already wary about. That part is not as simple as many believe because the sensor has to be taught to communicate with the car it’s being installed in. You need to know how to do it. Electronic parts like sensors are also not returnable once installed. During the call, I mention that a tool is needed to program it, and I tell them our policy and all relevant information. When the customer comes in to actually buy the part…)

Me: “All right, let me go grab that from the back for you. I’ll be right back.”

(I leave the counter and when I’m coming back out I hear my boss talking to the customer.)

Boss: “When she comes back, she can get that for you.” *sees me* “Your customer wants a price on a quart of 10w30.”

Me: “All right. A quart would be [price].”

Customer: “This doesn’t say anything about lawnmowers…”

Me: *this is the first I’ve heard about lawnmowers from this customer* “Well, it’s engine oil. If your lawnmower takes 10.30, this is what you need.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say anything about lawnmowers…”

Me: “Well, there really isn’t a specific ‘lawnmower oil.’ It has an engine. It uses engine oil.”

Customer: *still doesn’t look fully convinced but nods* “All right… I just don’t want it to blow up.”

Me: “It won’t blow up. Your total is [price].”

Customer: *looking at the sensor now* “What’s this part?”

Me: *that bad feeling returns with a vengeance* “That’s the actual sensor part that is in the tire that the stem connects to.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(The customer hands me his card and I run it. As his hands are full and the receipts are printed a few steps away from the counter, I put his card down on the counter in front of him to get his receipt.)

Customer: “Well, that’s rude.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Putting my card on the table like that when I handed it to you…”

(He seems like he wants me to say something or try and explain myself so he can argue over what I say, but I’ve been in retail long enough to know to be careful with my response.)

Me: *hands him his receipt* “Sorry about that. Do you need a bag for your items?”

(The customer looks annoyed that I barely responded to his complaint about his card but takes the offered bag. As I’m putting his items in the bag, he snatches it from me.)

Customer: “I got it, before you drop it on the floor.”

(I don’t rise to the bait and he grumbles as he leaves.)

Me: *to my boss beside me* “How much do you want to bet he screws up that sensor and tries to return it… despite it not being returnable once installed?”

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Another Red Alert

, , , | Right | July 7, 2019

(I work for an auto shop. I answer a phone call.)

Me: “Good afternoon. This is [My Name] from the service department.”

Customer: “Hi, is my truck ready?”

Me: “Can you tell me which one is your truck?”

Customer: “It’s a Chevy.”

Me: “Yes, I understand, this is [Location] Chevrolet Service; which is your truck?”

Customer: “The red one.”

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Your Car Is On The Highway To Hell

, , , , , , , | Right | April 5, 2019

(I am a customer witnessing this epic exchange. My tire goes flat in rural Florida. I get it to what has to be the only shop in 50 miles. I sit down to wait while the shop owner talks to another customer getting an oil change.)

Customer: *looks through the window into the work bay* “Hey! I don’t want that [Religious Slur] working on my car.”

Owner: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I said, I don’t want that [Religious Slur] working on my car!”

Owner: *after a pause* “Well, you’re in luck. Today at [Auto Shop], we’re giving out free life lessons. Today’s lesson? Don’t piss off the man who owns the lift your car is sitting on top of.” *opens the window to the bay* “[Mechanic], drop the [Car].”

Customer: “Hey! What the h*** are you doing?”

Mechanic: “It’s not done, boss.”

Owner: “Drop it anyway and push it to a parking spot.” *closes window*

Owner: “You see, that is [Mechanic]. He’s worked with me for ten years. He’s my best and fastest guy on oil changes. Given how long he’s had your car, I can say with complete certainty that your vehicle doesn’t have a drop of oil in it. And it’s not going to… not from my shop.”

(The owner hands the customer a business card.)

Owner: “That’s the number for the only tow truck that doesn’t charge extra for coming out this far. But I’m not sure he can help you once I call him. His kids are in little league with [Mechanic]’s kids. Given how long it takes other tow companies, I’m going to give you 45 minutes to get your vehicle out of my parking lot. Then, I’m going to call the sheriff’s office. [Deputy] is on shift today and his mom plays bingo with [Mechanic]’s wife every Saturday. I’m sure he’ll be willing to tow it to an impound lot for you. You’re also banned from my store, which makes you standing there trespassing. Feel free to wait outside, no closer than fifty feet from the building.”

Customer: *looks like he might say something, but just stands there, silent*

Owner: *steps forward, leaning into the customer’s face* “Thus endeth the lesson.”

Me: *applauding as the customer heads out towards his car*

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Customer Satisfaction Is Like Watching Paint Dry

, , , | Right | March 12, 2019

(I work for a repair shop that has quite a good reputation for fixing cars that have been in accidents. We have a customer who needs to get one of her doors replaced. When you order a new door, it doesn’t come painted, so we need to do that in the shop. The colour is a pretty standard, darker colour and there is not much to mess up with that, especially because my coworkers are highly skilled and specifically trained for paint jobs. The customer, however, is not satisfied at all when she comes to pick up her car.)

Customer: “Have you even looked at the car? It looks horrible! The door is much darker than the rest of the car! You need to redo that. This is unacceptable!”

(One of my other coworkers and I go out to see for ourselves while the customer waits inside.)

Me: “I honestly don’t see anything wrong with that, do you?”

Coworker: “No. It was painted nicely. I guess it seems darker to her because of the bad weather today. Also, the new door is clean, whereas the rest of the car is a bit dusty.”

(I have to mention that we usually wash the customers’ cars before we return them, but you shouldn’t do that to a freshly-painted car.)

Coworker: *after a bit of thinking* “Tell her we’ll fix it. She can come back tomorrow to pick it up.”

(The next day, we had someone hand wash the car. To our delight, the sun came out, and we placed the car with the painted side facing the sun. When the customer came to pick it up, everything was fine, but she didn’t leave without the classic, “Why was that so hard?”. We had a good laugh afterward.)

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