Your Car Is On The Highway To Hell

, , , , , , , | Right | April 5, 2019

(I am a customer witnessing this epic exchange. My tire goes flat in rural Florida. I get it to what has to be the only shop in 50 miles. I sit down to wait while the shop owner talks to another customer getting an oil change.)

Customer: *looks through the window into the work bay* “Hey! I don’t want that [Religious Slur] working on my car.”

Owner: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I said, I don’t want that [Religious Slur] working on my car!”

Owner: *after a pause* “Well, you’re in luck. Today at [Auto Shop], we’re giving out free life lessons. Today’s lesson? Don’t piss off the man who owns the lift your car is sitting on top of.” *opens the window to the bay* “[Mechanic], drop the [Car].”

Customer: “Hey! What the h*** are you doing?”

Mechanic: “It’s not done, boss.”

Owner: “Drop it anyway and push it to a parking spot.” *closes window*

Owner: “You see, that is [Mechanic]. He’s worked with me for ten years. He’s my best and fastest guy on oil changes. Given how long he’s had your car, I can say with complete certainty that your vehicle doesn’t have a drop of oil in it. And it’s not going to… not from my shop.”

(The owner hands the customer a business card.)

Owner: “That’s the number for the only tow truck that doesn’t charge extra for coming out this far. But I’m not sure he can help you once I call him. His kids are in little league with [Mechanic]’s kids. Given how long it takes other tow companies, I’m going to give you 45 minutes to get your vehicle out of my parking lot. Then, I’m going to call the sheriff’s office. [Deputy] is on shift today and his mom plays bingo with [Mechanic]’s wife every Saturday. I’m sure he’ll be willing to tow it to an impound lot for you. You’re also banned from my store, which makes you standing there trespassing. Feel free to wait outside, no closer than fifty feet from the building.”

Customer: *looks like he might say something, but just stands there, silent*

Owner: *steps forward, leaning into the customer’s face* “Thus endeth the lesson.”

Me: *applauding as the customer heads out towards his car*

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Customer Satisfaction Is Like Watching Paint Dry

, , , | Right | March 12, 2019

(I work for a repair shop that has quite a good reputation for fixing cars that have been in accidents. We have a customer who needs to get one of her doors replaced. When you order a new door, it doesn’t come painted, so we need to do that in the shop. The colour is a pretty standard, darker colour and there is not much to mess up with that, especially because my coworkers are highly skilled and specifically trained for paint jobs. The customer, however, is not satisfied at all when she comes to pick up her car.)

Customer: “Have you even looked at the car? It looks horrible! The door is much darker than the rest of the car! You need to redo that. This is unacceptable!”

(One of my other coworkers and I go out to see for ourselves while the customer waits inside.)

Me: “I honestly don’t see anything wrong with that, do you?”

Coworker: “No. It was painted nicely. I guess it seems darker to her because of the bad weather today. Also, the new door is clean, whereas the rest of the car is a bit dusty.”

(I have to mention that we usually wash the customers’ cars before we return them, but you shouldn’t do that to a freshly-painted car.)

Coworker: *after a bit of thinking* “Tell her we’ll fix it. She can come back tomorrow to pick it up.”

(The next day, we had someone hand wash the car. To our delight, the sun came out, and we placed the car with the painted side facing the sun. When the customer came to pick it up, everything was fine, but she didn’t leave without the classic, “Why was that so hard?”. We had a good laugh afterward.)

I Tire Of These Auto-Shop Scams

, , , | Working | February 7, 2019

(I have just moved to a new city, and wouldn’t you know it, I get a flat! I put the spare on and my landlord kindly drives with me to a local garage for help. I am a female; the mechanic is male.)

Mechanic: “Okay, yeah. You got a hole; treads are okay, though. So, I can either do a patch or get you a new tire.”

Me: “How much for the tire?”

Mechanic: “I can get you a good used one for $200.”

(Keep in mind, having just moved here, I’m sticking to a tight budget. Also, these guys have a sign that clearly says CASH ONLY. However, I may not be a car expert, but that sounds way too high to me.)

Me: “How much for a patch?”

Mechanic: “Only $15, but it won’t last beyond two weeks.”

Me: “I’ll take the patch.”

(They repair my tire, and my landlord and I drive off. A few days later, I drive over to my uncle’s house, about five hours away, to visit. I called him beforehand to explain I needed a new tire, and since he’s the “car guy” of the family, I figured he could get me a better deal.)

Uncle: *inspecting the tires* “There’s nothing wrong with this tire.”

Me: “Really? Guy said it wouldn’t last long.”

Uncle: “Bulls***. You made it all the way here on the crappy highway and it’s still going. Plus, I’ve put God knows how many patches on your aunt’s tires and they’ve all held. The guy was just trying to scam you. You can get four tires for $150 at [Local Auto Shop].”

Aunt: “Yeah, I keep telling you, honey, when we women go to auto stores, they try to up the price. That’s why I stick to [National Auto Chain] when traveling. They hire women and give good service without trying to scam you.”

Uncle: “You always say that, but I’m starting to believe you now.”

(Long story short, my tire is still fine and my uncle told me to call him first before doing any more car repairs.)


Unfiltered Story #137015

, , , | Unfiltered | January 18, 2019

(I’m calling body shops for a quote on a very strange request. I’ve looked online and have found one with a very excellent rating and rave online reviews so I give it a call.)
Shop: “Thank you for calling <Body Shop>, how can I help you?”
Me: “Hi, I have an unusual, custom body job I’d like to see if I could get a quote on.”
Shop: “Sure, what is it you are looking to do?”
Me: “I’m curious how much it would be to remove a moonroof from my 3 series.”
Shop: “What?”
Me:”I want to get a quote on removing the moonroof out of my 3 series.”
Shop: “A moonroof? What is that?”
Me: A little more than astonished “You know, moonroof, some call it a sunroof. The window in the roof?”
Shop: “A what roof? A window in the roof? You want a window roof?”
Me:”This is <Body shop> right?”
Shop: “Yup!”
Me: “I’m going to hang up now…”

The Temperature Of Confusion

, , , , , | Right | January 8, 2019

Customer: “I need to make an appointment for my car.”

Me: “All right, when were you looking to come in, and what’s the problem?”

Customer: “I need an oil change, but I also have an issue. Something isn’t right.”

Me: “All right, what’s the issue you are having?”

Customer: “The engine smells… hot.”

Me: “It smells hot?”

Customer: “Yes, it smells hot.”

Me: “All right, are you smelling burning? Fumes? A coolant smell?”

Customer: “No, it just smells hot hot. [Owner] will know.”

(I get this frequently: that my owner will know. Of course he remembers every person and every problem!)

Me: “Is there any way for you to describe the smell more clearly?”

Customer: “Umm… It smells hot.”

Me: “All righty. Well, I have the notes in here, and [Owner] will check out the car when it’s in.”

(I go out to the garage after to tell the guys that this woman’s car “smells HOT and that [Owner] will know!”)

Tech: “Did you ask her what cold smells like?”

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