I am selling British-style fish and chips at the beach. They are very popular with the beachgoers… and the seagulls! I warn everyone to be careful around the critters when walking away with their food, but there’s always one person…

Customer: “A seagull stole my fish!”

Me: “Yikes! Yeah, they do tend to do that.”

The customer just stares at me.

Me: “Was there anything else, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you going to do anything?”

Me: “Would you like to buy another fish?”

Customer: “You need to give me another one for free!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but it’s a natural hazard for being on a busy beach. You need to watch out for the seagulls.”

Customer: “You work on the beach! The seagulls are part of the beach! Therefore, they’re your responsibility, and you owe me another fish!”

At this point, a seagull has landed close to the moaning customer and started honking super loudly. Another customer in my line speaks up to the moaning customer:

Customer #2: “When I can’t tell the difference between a honking seagull and an entitled blowhard like you, then you should take the hint. Go away!”

The moaning customer, shocked into silence for a moment, was about to kick off again when yet ANOTHER seagull flew down and started honking. Realizing she was defeated, she harrumphed and stormed off.

The birds followed her.

I am a twenty-five-year-old woman on oxygen. I go into the bathroom at the beach and see that the handicapped stall is available. I can fit my tank in a normal stall, but it’s more comfortable with the extra space, so I take it.

No sooner do I sit down than I see a boy of two or three try to crawl under the door. He is pulled back and a woman scolds him. I exit the stall to see a woman and two children under five.

Woman: “You took the handicapped stall?”

I gesture to my oxygen tank

Me: “Yes?”

Woman: “You shouldn’t use it.”

Me: “Uhh… why?”

Woman: “I need that space.”

She gestures to her children.

Me: “Oh. You’re disabled?”

Woman: “I have children!”

Me: “I’m so sorry. That must be so difficult.”

The woman stared at me for a moment before dragging her children into the stall. I understand using the stall for families. I don’t understand how she saw me with my tank and thought I wasn’t allowed to use it.

I am on vacation visiting a national park in Hawaii. Among other natural and historical wonders is a beach where sea turtles regularly haul out to rest and sun themselves. You are allowed to get pretty close to the turtles, but there are numerous large signs posted stating that it’s a federal crime to touch, feed, or otherwise harass them since they are an endangered species.

While I am taking photos of the adorable reptiles, a woman and her daughter come over to look at them. While the woman doesn’t immediately do anything to raise alarm, she is talking loudly and being generally obnoxious, so I decide to look at something else for a few minutes and then circle back to the turtles.

When I come back, the woman is being confronted by a rather angry-looking park ranger. Apparently, the lady plopped her daughter on the back of one of the turtles for a photo just as the ranger rounded the corner to the beach.

I didn’t stick around to find out what happened, but I assume the woman was given a fine of an amount in the four- to six-figures variety, if not a court date. The last thing I heard as I walked away was her wailing, “But I thought it was dead!”

I’m lifeguarding on my tower and I feel a stabby poke on my calves. I see a woman whose scowl is apparent even behind her sunglasses and huge hat.

Woman: “You need to turn up the temperature of the water! It’s far too cold!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, ma’am.”

Woman: “Ugh! Totally useless! Why can’t you?!”

Me: “Because… because it’s the ocean, ma’am.”

Related:
Please Address All Complaints To Mother Nature

This particular fish and chip shop is near the seafront. It has a restaurant section as well as a very small counter section. My sister, who I don’t look similar to, works at the counter and is working by herself this afternoon. I go in to pick up some food for my teenage friends and myself. My friends are waiting outside because we have a dog with us and it’s cramped. A couple is in there, as well, and they have a touristy look about them.

Sister: “Did you want to get that order for the table side? No extra cost to eat in.”

Man: “Oh, no! We’ve come to enjoy the seaside, so we’re going to eat them by the sea!”

Sister: “I’m going to recommend not doing that due to the gulls. They’re pretty aggressive.”

Man: *Laughs* “No, no! I’m sure they’ll be fine! Just a way to get bums on seats to get more money!”

Woman: “Are you sure, [Man]? She’s recommended it, and it’s not extra…”

Man: *To me* “Are you a local?”

Me: “…yeah?”

Man: “And are you eating in or out?”

Me: “Out, but we’re going to be eating in—”

Man: *Not letting me finish and going back to the woman* “See, the locals don’t!” *To my sister* “We want it to go, please!”

Sister: “Okay, then. Open or wrapped?”

Man: “Wrapped, of course!”

Woman: “I still feel like we’re making a mistake, [Man].”

Man: *To the woman* “I’m telling you, it’s just a way to encourage people to sit in so they can get more money!” *To my sister “Not that that’s a bad thing — you gotta make money somehow — I just know how all of this works.”

Sister: *Dryly* “If you say so, sir. Here’s your food.”

The couple takes it and leaves. My sister comes round the counter to watch them through the windows, which I’m already doing and my friends did as soon as they realised the couple was heading to the seafront with open fish and chips.

Sister: *Quietly* “And five…”

A gull spots them.

Sister: “Four…”

So do a few more.

Sister: “Three…”

They start to gather.

Sister: “Two…”

The lady looks nervous.

Sister: “One.”

On cue, they’re bombed by gulls. My friends and I laugh. My sister shakes her head and heads back to the counter.

Sister: “I tried to warn them. Hopefully, they don’t come in demanding their money back. Right. You. What you lot havin’?”

She’s getting me sorted when the couple comes back in, minus the food they were given moments ago.

Woman: “The idiot underestimated the gulls. If we want to eat in, do we need to order here first?”

Me: “Nah, just go through there and they’ll get you a table and sort you out.”

Man: *Almost with suspicion* “You know how this place works…”

Woman: “Yes, because she’s a local, [Man]. She’s a local who probably knows where it’s safe to eat so you don’t get mugged. And she was trying to tell you where but you didn’t let her finish. Where are you eating, by the way?”

Me: “In my friend’s beach house.”

Woman: “So, appears she’s eating out but still inside. We don’t have that option, so let’s eat in the restaurant. It’s got lovely open windows to see the seafront and no birds.”