Unfiltered Story #91669

, | Unfiltered | August 17, 2017

(My dad brought me to Mexico for a vacation when I was 20. I get talking about when I was a kid.)

Me: “I used to make myself pancakes every weekend. It was my little ritual. Every Saturday for 2-3 years I’d wake up early, watch cartoons, and make pancakes while Mom slept in. Eventually I got to the point that I had the entire recipe memorized…”

Dad: *nodding with an interested look*

Me: “…can’t f*****’ stand them now.”

Dad: “HAH! I was just about to ask why we haven’t had any pancakes yet!”

Me: “Well, there’s your answer. I had too much of a good thing. I pancaked myself out!”

(I haven’t made them since I was twelve. Fifteen years later, I still can’t take more than two bites of one without becoming completely disgusted.)

IP Address:
54.193.67.9

Hawaii Five-OMG!

, , , , | Friendly | August 9, 2017

(I’m in the water at a beautiful, sunlit beach in Hawaii, surrounded by sea turtles, tropical fish, and other natural beauty. A teenage girl pulls out her phone and is obviously disgusted by what she sees:)

Girl: “I’m only getting a 3G connection! How do people LIVE out here?!”

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The Beach Is Full Of Little Nippers

, , , | Friendly | July 14, 2017

(I am sunbathing on the beach when a shadow hovers over me. I open my eyes and see it’s a young girl, probably four or five years old.)

Me: “Are you all right? Are you lost?”

Girl: “You have hairy nipples.”

Me: *taken aback* “Ugh, yeah.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Because I’m a man?”

Girl: “Can I have hairy nipples?”

(Before I could respond, a woman (presumably her mother) appeared, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her away, screaming so loudly about nipples that the entire beach stopped to take notice.)

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Their Demands Are Making Waves

, , , | Right | June 5, 2017

(I work part-time in the summer season as a lifeguard at a public beach. The waves have been a bit choppier than normal, so I am watching pretty carefully from the chair for anyone that might need help. A lady comes stomping up to me, dripping wet, and I brace myself for a demand to ‘turn down the waves.’)

Woman: “I lost my earring!”

Me: “…I’m sorry to hear that?”

(The woman just stares at me for a second.)

Woman: “Well?”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that?”

Woman: *grunts* “Go find it!”

(I stare at her, then down at the beach. She has a tiny little stud in one ear. The chances of me finding the matching stud if it was laying out on the sand would be bad; add in the waves, and it is effectively zero.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I have to stay on duty to keep an eye out for anyone who might be in danger.”

(That is literally the line they gave us in training for when someone invites you to play volleyball or have a drink with them. The lady stared at me, wide-eyed, before she started making a noise like a steaming teapot. Her shrieky whistle rose up to a full scream, and she just stood there, screaming at me for moment, before she spun around and stomped away, still screaming. I found out from a friend that works in a food stand nearby that she came up to the stand to try to file a complaint against me.)

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With Waves Of Rainbows And Sprays Of Glitter

| Friendly | May 23, 2017

(I am swimming with a few friends on a hot day. A ball splashes next to me and I see a woman swimming up. I hold onto it until she gets to me. I am male.)

Me: “Sorry, but balls aren’t allowed in the water on this part of the beach. You can use them on the sand though.”

Woman: *snide* “And how would you know!”

Me: “My husband is a lifeguard on duty. I know a lot of the rules.”

(Her eyes widen and she looks me up and down before turning and swimming away.)

Woman: “Kids, get out of water! Quick!”

(Her children protest.)

Woman: “There’s a [slur]! It’s in the water. It’ll turn the whole ocean gay!” *turns back* It’s already happening!”

(My friends and I watch as three children and the mother sprint out of the water and into their car. They’re still wet as they drive off.)

Friend #1: “That was really weird.”

Me: “What did she mean, ‘It’s already happening?’”

Friend #2: “Oh, [Friend #3] and I decided to start snogging when we realised where it was headed.”

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