Swept Away By Those Words

, , , , , | Related | September 13, 2017

When I was very young, my great-grandma and great-grandpa lived on the beach. Whenever we visited them, my great-grandpa and I would always go for a walk along the beach. We would look at what the ocean washed up and even looked into a tide-pool once.

One day, while we were walking along, a wave rushed up onto the shore and swept me off my feet. My great-grandpa, who wasn’t very fast and walked with a cane, rushed and managed to catch me before I was swept out into the ocean.

He then smiled and told me I had to be so wonderful and important that the ocean, which had been around for millions of years, wanted to keep me.

It is something I carried with me for all of my life, even after my great-grandpa and great-grandma passed on.

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An Odd Flow Of Conversation

, , , | Friendly | August 28, 2017

(I’m at the beach with my sister, when a random woman runs up to me, waving her hands frantically.)

Woman: *shouting* “Are you wearing red pants because you have your period?”

Me: “Uh, no?”

Woman: *calmer* “Crap. Any chance you have a tampon on you anyway?”

Me: “I do.”

(I hand her one and she quickly darts for the nearest bathroom. As she comes out, she shouts to me again from about 20 yards away.)

Woman: “Thank you, tampon lady!”

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Unfiltered Story #91669

, | Unfiltered | August 17, 2017

(My dad brought me to Mexico for a vacation when I was 20. I get talking about when I was a kid.)

Me: “I used to make myself pancakes every weekend. It was my little ritual. Every Saturday for 2-3 years I’d wake up early, watch cartoons, and make pancakes while Mom slept in. Eventually I got to the point that I had the entire recipe memorized…”

Dad: *nodding with an interested look*

Me: “…can’t f*****’ stand them now.”

Dad: “HAH! I was just about to ask why we haven’t had any pancakes yet!”

Me: “Well, there’s your answer. I had too much of a good thing. I pancaked myself out!”

(I haven’t made them since I was twelve. Fifteen years later, I still can’t take more than two bites of one without becoming completely disgusted.)

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Hawaii Five-OMG!

, , , , | Friendly | August 9, 2017

(I’m in the water at a beautiful, sunlit beach in Hawaii, surrounded by sea turtles, tropical fish, and other natural beauty. A teenage girl pulls out her phone and is obviously disgusted by what she sees:)

Girl: “I’m only getting a 3G connection! How do people LIVE out here?!”

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The Beach Is Full Of Little Nippers

, , , | Friendly | July 14, 2017

(I am sunbathing on the beach when a shadow hovers over me. I open my eyes and see it’s a young girl, probably four or five years old.)

Me: “Are you all right? Are you lost?”

Girl: “You have hairy nipples.”

Me: *taken aback* “Ugh, yeah.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Because I’m a man?”

Girl: “Can I have hairy nipples?”

(Before I could respond, a woman (presumably her mother) appeared, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her away, screaming so loudly about nipples that the entire beach stopped to take notice.)

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