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Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

A Girlfriend By Any Other Initial… Would Complicate Matters

, , , , , | Romantic | October 15, 2021

My new boyfriend has been married before, as have I. He has a beautiful tattoo on his shoulder of a scrollwork cross with his former wife’s first initial in flowing script. One day, we are just sitting and talking, and the tattoo comes up, since I want to get one eventually.

He looks down and speaks quietly.

Boyfriend: “I guess I should get that removed, right?”

Me: “Of course not! It’s a beautiful work of art and represents an important part of your life.”

Boyfriend: “But every time you see it, you’ll be reminded of her.”

Me: *Gently but grinning* “Honey… what’s my first initial?”

He thinks for a moment and then remembers it’s the same and laughs.

Boyfriend: “So, instead of [Ex-Wife] it can stand for [My Name]!”

We had a good laugh, but the weird part came later. I was talking with a friend who knows about [Boyfriend]’s tattoo. Even after I explained the coincidence, she actually argued with me that I should make him remove it to “prove his love” to me. I suddenly had somewhere very important to be and we’ve barely spoken since.

If You Dig A Deep Hole, You’d Better Bring A Ladder

, , , | Romantic | October 11, 2021

Once in my life, I figured out the right thing to say to a woman.

I was chatting with the girl I was dating at the time. Just making conversation, I said:

Me: “I read an interesting article about astronomy today.” *Pauses* “Well, I don’t know if you’re interested in astronomy.”

She took this to mean, “I don’t know if you’re smart enough to understand astronomy,” and was insulted.

Girl: “I’m not dumb! I could understand it!”

I tried to explain that it wasn’t that I thought she wasn’t smart enough, but that I said exactly what I meant: that she might not be interested. But she wouldn’t have it. She went on and on about how she wasn’t stupid and how dare I say she was stupid and so on.

Finally, I got a burst of inspiration.

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s just that there’s this stereotype that all incredibly beautiful women must be dumb, and sometimes it’s hard to get past that.”

She accepted that explanation.

It Really Is A Small World After All

, , , | Romantic | October 1, 2021

My husband and I jokingly say that we encounter people from the town we grew up in everywhere we go. We now live twenty kilometers from that town. For instance, we met my father on a stretch of road fifty meters long on the other side of the country when we both didn’t know we would be there. We also encountered my parents-in-law when we were out cycling one day on a road close to us, where my parents-in-law had never been before, and they had no idea we would be there.

When we go to an island for our holiday, the first person we meet is our former neighbour from [Town]. A few days later, we are out walking in the dunes, on a path where clearly not many people go. From a distance, I spot a brightly coloured stone. It’s been painted and it’s a Happy Stone (which can be taken away and left somewhere else). I go and grab it. It’s beautiful and I’m really happy with it. I turn it over and read, “Happy Stones [Town].”

I can’t help but laugh out loud about it.

Me: “[Husband], remember how we always say we find people from [Town] everywhere?”

Husband: “Yes?”

Me: “Look!”

He found it just as funny as I did.

Reaching A Compromise Is Gray-t

, , , , , | Romantic | September 27, 2021

My girlfriend badly needs a new couch and I have recommended she just lurk on used websites until she sees something she likes. On the other hand, it is right in the middle of the first lockdown, and her mother has decided she would rather pay for a brand new couch than risk her daughter getting a [health crisis] couch.

We end up at a local store that is a big name in the community, looking at couches that cost more than we make in two months. And my girlfriend is really excited that she can get her couch in whatever colour she wants, as she is a very stylish woman who loves big, bold colours. She also loves that this store has the option to “build your own” couch, being able to take any design model and customize it to any shape.

She does keep in mind that there is going to be a bill that her mom will need to pay, so she gravitates toward the less expensive models. At one point, she locks eyes on a very heavily discounted couch and starts to get excited. It is not in any way, shape, or form, anything even approaching what she wanted, but for that price, she figures she can deal with it. I check the tag.

Me: “Umm, this price is for this couch.”

Girlfriend: “Yes! It’s not a terrible couch. It’ll work!”

Me: “No, I mean this exact couch.”

Girlfriend:  “Yeah, I don’t really like its shape that much, either, but it would save my mom a lot of money.”

Me: “No, I mean, this specific couch, in this colour.”

Girlfriend: *Recoiling* “Oh.”

It was a grey floor model — not even an interesting textured grey, just plain flat solid grey. Fortunately, her mother completely understood, agreed that a grey couch simply would not suit her, and was not upset to pay more for a better couch she actually liked.

My girlfriend currently has a cobalt blue velvet sectional. I’m slightly disappointed that she didn’t go for crimson like her last one, but I’m just glad I was able to talk her out of bright purple.

A Sense Of Humor Is Key To A Happy Marriage

, , , | Romantic | September 22, 2021

It’s late in the evening and I want to go outside to catch a digital pocket monster on my phone. My wife is quite the anxious type, who always triple-checks locks before heading to bed. It’s raining quite heavily. 

Wife: “Great, I just locked everything!”

Me: *With quite some sass* “That’s the great thing about locks: they can open and close again!”

I go outside and catch my monster. I come back and… the door is locked. I dig up my keys and unlock the door.

Me: “Why did you lock the door?!”

Wife: “Locks are a funny thing, you know? They can open and they can close again!”

I deserved that one.