Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

I Prefer Dean, Personally

, , , , , | Romantic | January 27, 2021

I live with my boyfriend. I also talk in my sleep. One night, I dream that I am making love to my TV crush, and I must be extra talky that night. When I wake up, I realize I am still purring and reaching out for him. My boyfriend is sitting up in bed, sulking.

Boyfriend: “Who’s Sam?”

Me: *Pauses* “Sam Winchester.”

He got annoyed with me and tried to make me jealous by talking about Amy Lee from Evanescence. I just laughed at his jealousy, and he got more annoyed with me, and now the subject of Sam Winchester is forever banned.

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Sew A Patch On This Marriage

, , , | Romantic | January 25, 2021

I’ve recently picked up embroidery. I have a hard time using my full-sized scissors on the thread, so I look for my small ones and find them in the spare room. My wife was using them to trim her plants. If you sew, you know what my reaction is! Thankfully, they are low-quality anyway, so I just talk to my wife about not breaking my stuff and move on.

A few days later, I am embroidering and my wife comes up to me.

Wife: “I need to rearrange the zip ties in the mouse cage. Can I use your scissors? They’re the only ones we have that are the right size.”

Me: “You used my sewing scissors to cut zip ties? Seriously? Fine, just make sure you don’t use the ones I’ll be buying soon.”

I hand them to her since they’re already broken.

Wife: “Yeah. Oh, is that why they’ve gotten dull?”

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Morning Sickness For Everyone!

, , , , , | Romantic | January 23, 2021

My fiancée and I both have a weird sense of humor. It’s what drew us to each other. One night, we’re both lying in bed, about to go to sleep, when she farts under the covers. I’m usually the one that has the most foul-smelling farts in this relationship, but since she got pregnant she’s been trying to take first place.

Fiancée: “Oh, wow, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “It’s fine. You know how mine usually are.”

She quickly lifts her covers.

Fiancée: “Oh, wow. No, babe, this one is terrible!”

I get a whiff of hers, and yeah, it’s pretty bad. So I let one go myself, and like normal, it’s pretty bad.

Me: “Oh, no, I got one that’s worse.”

Fiancée: “No, I win. You know why? It’s two versus one.”

I love this woman.

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Didn’t You Learn To Use Your Words In Kindergarten?

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 20, 2021

My boyfriend and I are at a friend’s house when we witness this interaction. My friend’s boyfriend grabs her bra strap and pulls it. In response, she turns around and squeezes his balls. Then, my friend’s boyfriend honks her boob, so she pulls his leg hair.

My boyfriend and I are initially speechless!

Boyfriend: “If I ever do anything you don’t like, just tell me and I’ll stop.”

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Sleep Cannot Stop Our Love!

, , , , | Romantic | January 17, 2021

I am unable to sleep and am reading a book on my phone. My boyfriend has been asleep beside me for two hours. Suddenly, he jerks and makes what sounds like a grunt of pain.

Me: “Babe? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Boyfriend: “Delflerdimerf. Delferd. Osktembers! Osktembers! Osktemberfulls!”

Me: “Babe, those aren’t even words.”

Boyfriend: *Grumpily* “Osktembers.”

I notice that his blanket is no longer covering him, so I cover him back up.

Boyfriend: “Ahhh. Yes. I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too.”

Boyfriend: “Granberwoo. Osktemberfull.”

He began snoring again. He may not be able to say much that’s coherent in his sleep, but at least he can still say, “I love you!”

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