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Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

That Depends On Your Definition Of “Big”

, , , , | Romantic | March 25, 2022

My grandparents are having a party celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary. My grandfather is giving a speech talking about how they made it work.

Grandfather: “Sixty years ago, we decided on how we would handle decisions. We decided that she would handle all of the day-to-day decisions, and then when something big came up, she would tell me and I would make all of the big decisions. Can you believe that after sixty years, two houses, three kids, eight grandkids, job changes, and everything else… no big decisions ever came up?”

You Sure You Wanna Have Kids With Her?

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 13, 2022

I am agnostic and my girlfriend is an atheist. My last name is Chan.

I was just hanging out with my girlfriend and talking when, somehow, the topic of what we would name our theoretical future children came up. Neither of us took it at all seriously, and we were both trying to come up with the worst possible names we could give the poor kids.

Girlfriend: “Oh, oh! I’ve got the perfect name: Christopher!”

Me: “Why’s that perfect?”

Girlfriend: “Because we would be raising him to believe everything we believe, of course.”

Me: “So?”

Girlfriend: “So, he will be the only Chris Chan I’ve ever met that doesn’t believe in God!”

As I recall, I ended up throwing a French fry at her for that one. Years later, she is now my fiancée. No news yet on any Chris Chans, though.

Learning That Lesson The Hard Way

, , , , , , , | Romantic | March 10, 2022

My husband and I work for the same company and we both work from home. This company has a specific program to input items for classifications — drawings, software, hardware, etc. I have used this program frequently during our time working from home. Now the time has come for my husband to use it to classify items for his program.

I explain everything, send him the questions that the classifiers need answers to, and walk him through the process. There is one part that is odd, but I explain that, as well, and he proceeds to input all the information. He fudges up the odd part, which he told me he was going to do because he wanted to see what would happen. I explain that his item will be rejected and exactly why it will be rejected.

The next day, guess what? His submission is rejected with the exact explanation that I told him yesterday. He laughs about it when he sees that the rejection is what I said word for word.

Since the classifier is a friend of mine, I send him a message in a chat, explaining that, yes, this person with the same last name is my husband and that I really tried to teach him the correct way of doing things. My friend has this helpful suggestion: “Maybe his notes on this need to state clearly, ‘Do this EXACTLY as my wife told me.'”

That Escalated Awkwardly

, , , , , , , | Romantic | March 7, 2022

This story goes back many years before I met my wife and I was still in the dating game, and it summarises what was probably the worst date of my life. I think the young lady probably didn’t do too well out of it, either, but I’m sure she at least got a story to tell.

I met a girl online. We seemed to share a lot of interests and chatted for a few hours on an almost daily basis for a few weeks, so I asked her out, but on the day of our date, it was almost like she had been possessed. I don’t know if it was nerves, anxiety, or disappointment even, but she hardly said a thing. The only way I could get any words out of her was by asking direct and open questions. 

Evidently, this annoyed her; at one point, she asked me why I was asking her so many questions. Now that I’m older and wiser, I would probably have made my excuses and left, but in my youthful days, I felt that I had to stick it out to the bitter end, which leads us to the part of the evening where a discovery gave her a bit of a fright.

We had gone to a pub that played the type of music she was into and, having given up on meaningful conversation, I asked her if she wanted to shoot some pool on one of their tables. The table was coin-operated and released the balls after a coin was inserted into a drawer which was then pushed into the table. At one point, I tried to insert a coin into the drawer, but it must have been at an angle because it popped out and fell down the side of the mechanism.

I got down on one knee to fish around for the coin, and as I was rooting around, I found a ring that someone must have left there! I looked at it in puzzlement and, without thinking about the optics, I swiveled around on my knee to face her and I lifted the ring up to show her. Yes, that’s right. On an absolute disaster of a first date, I just got down on one knee and presented her with a ring.

As you might expect, there was a look of absolute panic on her face. After a moment she stammered out, “Um, that looks nice.” Her reaction puzzled me for a moment because I was expecting something more in the vein of, “Huh, that’s weird. Where did you find that?”

Then, the reality of what I had just done sank in. I blurted out a very quick explanation to her about having just found it and that I was just showing it to her. I think she believed me, but I’m not sure because my going over to hand it to the barman was pretty much the end of that date.

It might be one of the very few instances of someone ending an absolutely terrible date by accidentally proposing, though!

That Was Only Twenty Years Ago, Right? RIGHT?

, , , , | Romantic | March 4, 2022

My wife and I are searching for a new house to live in. We are determined to get something more or less new, as we have been living in a rather old building up to now and have learned that this usually means poor insulation, leaky pipework, and shoddy electrical wiring. So, while browsing offers online, I find one that seems reasonable.

Me: “Hey, that looks nice, and it’s not too old!”

Wife: “It says here that it was built in 1982.”

Me: “Yeah, so it’s pretty new, right?”

Wife: “You know, that’s literally as old as you are! So, it’s old!”

I silently closed the browser tab.