Eduardo On The Other Eye Is Still Safe

, , , , , | | Romantic | August 2, 2019

(My boyfriend and I are laying in bed discussing the day, and I notice something. I’m a little sleepy and giggly.)

Me: “You’ve got a long hair in your ear!”

Boyfriend: “I’m getting ooooold.”

Me: “I’m not kidding. It’s, like, half an inch long!”

Boyfriend: “I mean, you’ve seen my super long eyebrow hair, right?!”

Me: “Oh, yeah. This one?”

(I reach out to pull it a bit and it just comes right out.)

Me: “Oh, no! No! It came out!”

Boyfriend: “JEREMY, NOOOOO!”

Heavy Metal Saves The Day

, , , , , , | | Romantic | July 31, 2019

(I’m a sixteen-year-old female and taking summer school to get ahead in my classes. Since the school buses don’t run during the summer here and I don’t have a car or even a driver’s license, I’m forced to rely on public transportation. Today, a friend of mine, who is the same age as me, has to take the bus home, as well. During the ride, we’re talking about lessons, teachers, everything school-related, and so on, when I notice that the man across from us is staring. He’s easily in his 50s, very ratty looking, and just overall creepy. I watch him out of the corner of my eye and, sure enough, he never looks away. I don’t believe my friend ever notices, while I just try to focus on our conversation and ignore him. Eventually, my friend’s stop comes, we hug, and she leaves.)

Creepy Guy: *to me* “I would have kissed her!”

(I give him a blank stare, but I’m incredibly disgusted. My friend and I were picked up in front of our high school, carrying backpacks, talking about classes. Clearly, we are underage, or at the very least too young for this jerk, but that obviously doesn’t deter him.) 

Creepy Guy: *winks* “You’re cute.”

Me: *pointedly pulls out my headphones and CD player of ancient times*

Creepy Guy: “Is that your way of saying you don’t want to talk to me?”

(I ignored him, covered my ears with the headphones, and blasted the heavy metal CD I had in my player. I saw his mouth moving a couple more times while he watched me, but I stayed quiet. Nothing else happened and I got off at my stop with no issues. Still, though, it was the most uncomfortable experience I’ve ever had with public transport, and I avoid buses like the plague to this day.)

In A State Of Entitlement

, , , , | | Romantic | July 29, 2019

(I like to post memes on my “stories” — a social media picture post that only lasts 24 hours. One such recent post references figuring out why my head hurts — “caffeine, my ponytail, sleep deprivation, a brain tumor?” — which apparently draws this man’s attention. Day one, Monday:)

Man: “So, why does your head hurt?”

Me: *forgetting what I posted* “Sorry?”

Man: “Your head. You said it hurts.”

Me: “Oh! Haha, no, it’s okay. It’s just a joke.”

Man: “Oh, good.”

Me: “Yeah, but thank you for your concern!”

Man: “Yeah, no problem.”

(A few hours pass.)

Man: “I’m [Man].”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Man: “Where are you from, [My Name]?”

Me: “[State].”

Man: “I live in [City and State nowhere near me].”

Me: “I’ve heard it’s nice there.”

Man: “What’s so good about [My State]?”

Me: “It’s just where I’ve always lived.”

Man: “Maybe I’ll come to see you sometime.”

Me: “Do you visit [My State] often?

Man: “Never seen it before.”

Me: “Oh. Okay.”

Man: “Yeah, so when I come to see you, you can show me around.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think you should. I’m married and this is making me uncomfortable.”

Man: “Oh, sorry.”

(I then get a notification that he’s following me. I don’t go on social media every day, so when I finally do log in again on Friday, I see that I’ve missed all of this. Day two, Tuesday:)

Man: “Sorry I haven’t been texting you. I’ve been working”

Man: “Hey, you there?”

Man: “I’m trying to be nice to you.”

Man: “[My Name].”

(An hour passes.)

Man: “Hello.”

Man: “[My Name].”

(Day four, Thursday:)

Man: “Okay, [My Name], I’m trying to be cool with you and chill with you but you’re just being rude. I’m going to unfollow you.”

Man: “Probably block you, too, since you are so rude to me.”

(Day five, Friday:) 

Man: “You know what, [My Name]? I was just trying to hang and meet a cool girl but clearly, that is not you, so bye.”

(I showed my husband what I’d missed out on and he laughed. Now, every time I thank him for something, he replies with, “I’m just trying to be cool with you.” And no, my cool Internet friend still hasn’t unfollowed or blocked me.)

Bright Green With Envy

, , , , , , , | | Romantic | July 28, 2019

When I first started dating my boyfriend, he had a female friend that obviously had feelings for him. My boyfriend is on the spectrum, and I can honestly say that he never noticed. But I did.

I hadn’t seen the girl in a while when my boyfriend came home looking very confused — not angry or upset, but perplexed.

He told me that the girl had told him that I had cheated on him the night before, and she had seen me at the local club dancing with lots of men and women before going home with one.

When my boyfriend asked his friend to clarify, she said, “I knew it was her because of her horrible, bright green hair! She looks like a goblin, ugh!”

My boyfriend’s confusion stemmed from the fact I had dyed my hair from the green to cotton candy pink the month before.

Because he has Asperger’s, he was more concerned that the girl couldn’t tell the difference between green and pink than her lies. He informed her of all of this in his usual impassive way.

She ran away crying.

Thus the friendship ended, running its course.

Sushi And Ice Cream And Money, Oh My

, , , , , | | Romantic | July 26, 2019

I was texting with a guy I met on a dating app for a little over a week before we agreed to meet for an official date. Things had been really clicking, we got along really well, texting and Snapchatting all day, being super flirty, and getting to know each other. Things were going great. 

We started brainstorming restaurants to try on our date and he asked what my favorite foods and restaurants were. I joked about the most expensive sushi restaurant in town, as it is my favorite, but I would never choose that for a date because it is expensive and I’d feel guilty. But he kept insisting that it would be a great first date place, and that if things worked out, it would be an amazing story to tell people how we went all out for our first date.

So, fast forward to our meeting a few days later at the sushi restaurant. Things were going really well. He was quite awkward, but he warned me ahead of time that he can be that way when meeting new people, so I didn’t mind it. The conversation was great and we both were smiling and having a good time. 

Dinner was amazing, at it always is at this restaurant, and our waiter brought over the bill. 

It is at this point that things started to go awry. 

My date decides at that moment, without even looking at the bill, to inform me that he had lost his debit card a few days prior, and was still waiting on the new one to arrive, so he only had cash. 

I was surprised and a bit confused, as he had not mentioned this to me at all leading up to this moment. 

He then asked if I’d mind putting the bill on my card, and he could just pay me back partially with the cash he had, as he wasn’t able to get any additional cash without his card. 

Thinking the date had gone really well, I told him I’d cover the bill tonight if he paid for the ice cream I was craving right up the road, and then pay for our next date. He agreed. 

We never got ice cream. 

He convinced me to go back to his car to “make out” a little bit while our stomachs settled, but instead tried to convince me to do a whole h*** of a lot more that I didn’t feel comfortable doing on a first date, let alone in someone’s car right next to a busy parking garage. 

I went back to my car and drove myself home, realizing I’d been duped into paying for the entire meal with no hope of being paid back. 

I found out later that he decided I was “too fat” upon meeting me in person, didn’t want to be out the $70 for the meal, and figured he’d take a shot at getting some action before never contacting me again. 

What a real catch.