Tongs Of Joy

, , , , | Romantic | February 17, 2019

(Earlier in the day I watched a popular de-cluttering television show. Now, I am attempting to cook in my mother-in-law’s kitchen and failing miserably because I can’t find anything.)

Me: “Arrrgh!”

Husband: “Hun? What’s wrong?”

Me: “Your mom has so much junk in these drawers that I can’t even open them!”

Husband: “I know, and you know, she blames it on the grandkids!”

Me: “Seriously?! Who needs this many sets of tongs?!”

Husband: “Yeah…”

Me: “That’s it. I’m going to sit your mom down and make her hold each pair of tongs and tell me which ones bring her joy!”

A Spoonful Of Sugar Helps The Diet Go Down

, , , , | Romantic | February 16, 2019

(I am trying to lose a bit of weight before my wedding, but I tend to have somewhat poor impulse control, foodwise. My fiancé knows this, as I have asked for his help to keep me on track. I am at his mother’s house for lunch one day, and I see that she has made brownies for us. Trying to be good, I cut a piece in half and offer one piece to my fiancé.)

Fiancé: “I was going to have a whole piece, actually.”

Me: “Oh, okay.” *picks up the second half along with my half*

Fiancé: “But if it will help you stay on track…” *takes his half back*

Me: *disappointed* “Oh… But you wanted more!”

Fiancé: “Yes, but I also want to help you with this! You did ask me to, you know.”

Me: “Yes… but I didn’t want you to actually do it!”

Fiancé: “Um…”

Me: “Yeah, you know, I want you to help me by supporting me letting me do whatever I want!”

(I ended up with only the half brownie.)

When She Gives You The Look Of Death

, , , , , | Romantic | February 15, 2019

(After a brief bit of, um, intimate groping, I make the following remark to my wife:)

Me: “I think that should go on your tombstone someday: ‘more fun in her pants.'”

Wife: *thinks a bit* “You know, I’m not at all ready for you to die, but I am now hoping you go first.”

Valentine’s Day 2019

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | February 14, 2019

Valentine’s Day.  It’s a day of romance and celebration of love. It’s a day of candy and flowers and romantic dinners. It’s a day for sappy endearments and mushy exclamations of adoration.

But this is NotAlwaysRight, so instead we’re going to look at another side of love:  Wedding Mayhem. Bridezillas. Groom-monsters. In-Laws that should be outlawed.  Maids of Horror and Worst Men.  Plus other participants in the event, willing or not.

Here are just the stories for you to make you think twice before walking down the aisle — or to bring up memories of your own.

 

Procrastination Cost You Your Marriage — What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Fall of Bridezilla — There are some lines that a bride — that anyone — should not cross.

The Bridal Shower Of Tears — So much for a family celebration.

Forget The Announcements, Here Comes The Pronouncements — The more you think about it, you wonder if she’s mean or right…

It’s A Warzone Up There — The wedding party has turned into a wedding riot.

Married To Herself — Maybe she was trying to start a family tradition of being self-absorbed.

She Is The Opinionator — The Maid of Honor is supposed to be helpful…

Pogo Bounce Out Of That Wedding — Even the band can get the worst of Bridezilla.

Bridezilla On Line 1 — What do you mean, you don’t have telepathy?

Mother Of Bridezilla — More like Momthra, wouldn’t you say?

Can’t Dress It Up As Anything But Bridezilla — “Your clothes. Give them to me.”

A Bridal Shower Of Criticism — The Momster Monster does not listen.

Stress About The Dress — We had to include this favorite, where a Bridezilla tries to ruin the day for another bride and gets her comeuppance.

Do you have any wedding disaster stories?  Was there madcap mayhem at your wedding, or in the planning of it?  Tell us all about it in the comments, or submit it here and we may publish it!

 

Sleepwalking Away From This Relationship

, , , | Romantic | February 14, 2019

(This takes place four years ago, when I’ve just started dating my boyfriend. I always take a long time to fall asleep, so I’m used to lying in bed next to someone who’s already asleep. My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for about a month and this is his first night at my place. He has been sleeping for about 20 minutes when he rolls towards me and gets up on his elbow.)

Boyfriend: “You know, I don’t want anything serious.”

(That is a big deal, as I thought we both wanted a committed relationship. I have a personal “no one-night-stand” rule.)

Me: “Um… What the f***? What do you mean?”

Boyfriend: *lying back down* “It’s complicated…”

(Something seems off. He has been nothing but very nice and open to conversation up until now, and this answer is out of place. I get up, go to my living room, and try to control my temper, as I’m very explosive. When I come back, I ask him:)

Me: “What was that about?”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “What do you mean what? You know perfectly well what I’m referring to!”

Boyfriend: “Do you know where my leeks are?” *pause* “Oh, that’s embarrassing…”

(And that’s how I found out my boyfriend talks in his sleep. I quickly calmed down and asked him about it in the morning. Of course, he didn’t remember and hadn’t meant a word of it. We live together now, and at least twice a week we chat about random stuff like the price of trout on Mars. It’s very unsettling because his voice isn’t sleepy when he does it and he actually answers me when I talk back, but now I find it funny!)

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