Reply All, Also Known As “The Party Button”

, , , , , | Friendly | March 29, 2021

Pre-health crisis, my friend sends out an email to a large group of people, inviting them to a party. He includes me on the list.

Me: *Replying to the email* “Sounds great! Can’t wait.”

I hit send and then realize too late that I selected “Reply All” by mistake.

Me: *To myself* “Aw, crap. Well, can’t be helped.”

Two minutes later, I get an email from someone I don’t know.

Unknown Person: “WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU EMAILING MY HUSBAND? WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY ‘CAN’T WAIT’?”

It turned out that she was married to one of the other email recipients. Rather than realizing that I’d accidentally replied to the entire group, or scrolling down to see the original email, she immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. I made sure to avoid her and her husband at the party.

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Always A Sister, Sometimes A Bridesmaid

, , , , , | Related | March 19, 2021

I’m the oldest of three sisters. The youngest sister is fully in her gothic elegance/vampire-esque fashion style. She’s had to really fight our parents about wearing it; despite her looking extremely smart in it, they can’t get over the fact that it’s black on black, so at this time she’s been refusing to change her style for ANYONE and ANYTHING. She also works in fashion and knows seasonal trends, etc. She’s ideal to have around if you want style advice, basically. The middle sister — [Bride] in this story — has a very effeminate style — bright and pastel colours and florals.

[Bride] is getting married and is having a spring-themed wedding, which she clarifies to mean light colours, pastels, and florals. Her bridesmaids — the groom’s sisters, her friends — go from being great and loving the light pinky-purple dresses [Bride] picked to suddenly hating them after [Bride] pays for them. They start demanding that she buys them black dresses that are really, really short and reveal a lot; it’s pretty clear that they want [Bride] to pay for party dresses for them.

I then find out from [Youngest Sister] that Mum has been steamrolling every appointment so it’s what SHE wants rather than [Bride], and when [Bride] stands up for herself, Mum calls her a Bridezilla and threatens to not let her have use of a family heirloom that’s been used for every wedding in our family for literal centuries.

We are in a group chat, just the three of us sisters. None of us have discussed what [Youngest Sister] and I are wearing for the wedding. [Bride] has been messaging us complaining about the bridesmaids.

Bride: “It’s just OBVIOUS they just want a free outfit from me! I don’t have that kind of money.”

Youngest Sister: “Plus, like, you’re the one who has to live with the photos. I’ve tried that with Mum, by the way, and she’s still not budging on the holly jacket and dark green skirt.”

Me: “They’re s*** friends. Drop ‘em. Also, how dark is this green?”

Youngest Sister: “It’s pine green. Literally the colour of a Christmas tree. I have no patience for her. ‘It’s flooooraaaaaaal and green is new groooooowth.’ BS! It’s not. It’s obviously from the autumn/winter collection. It even says it on the label!”

Bride: “Thanks for trying. Oh, by the way, you know that velvet floral thing you have?”

Youngest Sister: “You mean the one dad calls my funeral attire, yes?”

Bride: “Yeah. Can you wear it to the wedding?”

Youngest Sister: “I mean… I can, but I did buy something specific for the wedding.”

Me: “Ooh, so did I. Do you have photos?”

Youngest: “Sure do. I’ll send them through. But like, I’ll wear whatever you want, [Bride]”

We wait for the photos to come through. I am shocked to see that it’s a pencil/shift dress with a rose pink bodice and a white rose floral design for the bottom with the roses outlined in black. She’s coupled it with a black shrug, black and pink shoes with roses on them, and a pink fascinator/hat that has a little veil effect.

Me: “This is mine!”

I share what I picked out, which is from the same collection as [Youngest Sister]’s dress. Mine is an A-line with the white floral rose print on the bodice and the skirt section entirely in the rose pink. I’ve coupled it with a white shrug and white and pink shoes.

Youngest Sister: “Oh, my!”

Me: “We match!”

Bride: “Did you match on purpose?”

Youngest Sister: “I spent a long time looking at that one but couldn’t deal with the amount of rose pink on that one, though I love the silhouette.”

Me: “We didn’t talk about it! I tried that one on but the hips said no.”

Youngest Sister: “We didn’t. And just as well your hips don’t lie, really. But anyway. I’ll wear what you want me to do, in this case.”

Bride: “But you HATE pink! And… colours! You’re a beautiful, gothic fairytale living your best life and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable!”

Youngest Sister: “I hate them for making you cry more than I hate pink. I’m gonna give them a shock and show ’em how it’s supposed to be done since they’re s***s.”

Bride: “Christ. Like. Wow. Okay. If you’re happy to. Like. Thank you.”

The subject changes and a few days go by. Then, we get this.

Bride: “I was trying to compromise with the two s***s and was telling them how my very gothic sister has gone with a pink and white dress… which matches my other sister’s dress… and then it clicked. Why am I wasting my time with those two?! F*** ‘em! Will you be my bridesmaids, instead?”

Naturally, we agreed. Our parents did think this meant that [Youngest Sister] had moved on from her phase, but they were quickly disappointed. Whenever Mum nagged her over her clothing, she’d just point out the winter suit Mum wore to a spring wedding.


This story is part of our Best Of March 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of March 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of March 2021 roundup!

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Time For An IP Ban

, , , , | Friendly | January 8, 2021

I’m playing an online video game with a few friends when a newer player approaches and asks to join. I, the leader, say no because it would hold back our leveling. Then, we have the following conversation.

Player: “Let me join! I’m a good player, I promise!”

Me: “I’m happy to do it later, but I’m grinding right now, and a low-level player would only hold me back.”

Player: “Why not let me join? I can help you a lot!”

Friend: “[My Username] is right; we can’t let you join right now. In a bit, maybe, but not right now.”

Player: “F*** you!”

My Whole Party: “What?!”

Player: “You all are a bunch of a**holes!”

Me: “Cool it, buddy.”

Player: “Just let me join, or I’ll report you!”

Me: “Nope, not now, not later, not ever.”

The player lets loose a slew of profanity and slurs, directed toward me.

Me: “You signed your own death warrant just now.”

I click report and the player is kicked shortly. The next day, I meet someone with a username just one letter off, and I receive this message.

Player: “Hi, can I join your party?”

Me: “You must take me for a low-watt bulb.”

Player: “What?”

Me: “Your username is literally just one letter different. At least change it properly, if you’re going to try and trick me.”

The player unleashes another slew of profanity, stretching for a few minutes.

The player was kicked again. We’ve danced to this same tune at least half a dozen times now, and it won’t be the last. I’m partly entertained by this dude’s persistence and partly saddened to have lost my hope in humanity.

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A Troll By Any Other Color Would Be As Annoying

, , , , | Friendly | January 6, 2021

I’m playing on a rather small Minecraft server when a new player approaches me.

Player: “Hey, [My Gamertag]!”

Me: “Hello! Welcome to the server.”

Player: “You’re wearing diamond gear. Can I have some?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no. I barely have enough to keep my armor repaired.”

Player: “I’m black.”

Me: “Okay, and?”

Player: “Give me diamonds.”

Me: “Look, I already said no. I can help you mine for them, but I can’t just give you my stuff.”

Player: “Racist!”

Me: “What?”

Player: “You’re not giving me diamonds because I’m black!”

Me: “No, I’m not giving you diamonds because I can’t spare any.”

Player: “[Moderator #1], [My Gamertag] is harassing me!”

The mod has read the entire exchange.

Moderator #1: “…”

Player: “[My Gamertag] is a racist. BAN HIM.”

Moderator #1: “I’m not banning him, and you need to calm down, [Player].”

Player: “You’re racist, too! This server sucks!”

Me: “Just be quiet. Nobody is buying into your crap.”

Player: “F*** you, f****t!”

Moderator #1: “Stop cursing, or you’re going to be banned.”

Player: “You can’t tell me what to do, p****-a** b****!”

The mod bans the player.

A few days later, a player with a very similar username joins.

Player: “Hi, I’m white. Give me diamonds.”

Me: “Didn’t [Moderator #1] ban you a few days ago?”

Player: “I don’t know what you mean.”

Me: “Listen, I don’t have any diamonds to spare.”

Player: “You’re a racist! You’re a hacker! You’re…”

The player proceeds to call me every name in the book and proceeds to contradict himself multiple times, saying that I hate black people and then later saying I hate white people. 

Me: “Hey, [Moderator #2]! Can you ban this guy?”

Player: “I haven’t done anything!”

I couldn’t help laughing; this guy was so stupid. [Moderator #2] banned him.

I haven’t seen him since, but I still joke about it sometimes with my friends. To this day, I wonder if he was a troll or just plain dumb. I hope it’s the former; otherwise, I would lose faith in humanity.

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When A Read Receipt Doesn’t Mean Anything

, , , , | Right | January 6, 2021

I have a small merchandise business that operates online, and I usually have direct contact with my customers via a texting app. I have also posted all prices, duration to complete the product, and where to send the artwork.

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to know the price of your button badge, please?”

I send a text full of badge price, duration to complete, and guidance to send the artwork.

Customer: “So it’s [amount] each?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “When can you have it done?”

I resend the same lengthy text as above.

Customer: “So I can have it done within a week?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But where can I send the design? Can you please show me how?”

I resend the same lengthy text again.

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you. Next time, can you please provide all the details so I won’t have to ask you all the time?”

Me: “Oh, thank you for the suggestion. Will sure do it next time.”

Customer: “Yes, you should thank me for the idea.”

I resent the same lengthy text yet again. I got no replies from the customer after that.

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