Eye Should Stop Talking

, , , | Romantic | September 11, 2018

(My boyfriend is bad at giving compliments, and I’m bad at taking them. We’re both working on it. My boyfriend has blue-brown eyes that change colour depending on the lighting. I’m Asian and have the regular, brown Asian eyes.)

Boyfriend: “Your eyes are so pretty.”

Me: “Thank you. But they’re not as colourful as yours, though.”

Boyfriend: “No, they’re super colourful.”

Me: “They’re just brown.”

Boyfriend: “No, they’re also red.”

Me: “So, my eyes are bloodshot?”

Boyfriend: “NO! They’re not bloodshot. They’re just very pretty reddish-brown.”

Me: *skeptical*

Boyfriend: “And your eyes are so small.”

Me: “Are… Are you making fun of my Asian eyes?”

Boyfriend: “No! Not your eye shape! The holes in your eyes! It’s so small!”

Me: “Are you talking about my pupils?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, they’re so small, so I can see more of the coloured part of your eyes.”

Me: “So… basically I’ve got Anime villain eyes?”

I’m Totally Nuts About You

, , , , | Romantic | September 9, 2018

(After getting my boyfriend a new phone case, his audio is very quiet.)

Boyfriend: *unintelligible*

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: *more unintelligible stuff*

Me: “What did you say?”

Boyfriend: *louder* “Your name. I said your name.”

Me: “Oh.”

Boyfriend: “Why? What did you hear?”

Me: “It sounded like you said, ‘boar-nuts.’”

Boyfriend: “Boar-nuts, boar-nuts! My beautiful girlfriend, boar-nuts!”

(My name is Laura. I don’t know why I heard boar-nuts, instead.)

Aging Of Innocence

, , , , | Right Romantic | September 8, 2018

(I’m cashiering in the early morning. An older man comes through my line and as usual I try to be friendly, polite, and provide the best service I can.)

Customer: *after I’ve finished scanning and bagging about all his things* “You know you’re a real sweetheart, and do a great job!”

Me: *smiling, as the compliment seems genuine and kind* “Thank you, sir, your total is [total]. Would you like help out to your car today?”

(He declines, pays, and I hand over his change.)

Customer: *as I hand over his bags* “If I was sixty years younger, I’d try to kiss you!”

(I’m quite shocked at this. Yes, I am a young woman in college, but I’ve never had something like this happen.)

Me: *giving a little fake chuckle* “Have a great morning, sir.”

(He laughed and walked away. I stood at my register still in slight shock. I’d heard about stuff like this happening but I honestly felt really flustered and embarrassed. In all honestly, though, I’m sure the customer didn’t mean to offend me and was just trying to be sweet.)

A Date To Remember

, , , , | Romantic | September 7, 2018

(My mum and I are walking up to a market stall to buy coffees. There is an older man working at the counter. He turns to face my mum and says the following:)

Man: “Would you like me to date you?”

Mum: *turns red* “Um… What?”

Man: “Date? Yes?”

(At this point, the man holds up a pair of tongs with a dried date between them.)

Mum: *with a look of relief* “Oh! Yes, please.”

Throw In A Lil’ Humor

, , , , | Romantic | September 5, 2018

(My girlfriend and I are riding in the car when a mid-2000s era rap song comes on the radio, sung by a pair of famous rappers from the time.)

Girlfriend: “I wonder what happened to Lil’ Jon and Lil’ Wayne?”

Me: “They became Big Jon and Big Wayne, obviously.”

(She didn’t find it as funny as I did.)

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