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Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

This Is Why You Don’t Give Your In-Laws Keys

, , , , , | Romantic | September 7, 2022

My husband and I travel together for work. I have to come home for some reason, though we don’t tell anyone I am coming back. I am sitting in my living room when I hear my front door unlock and open. My mother-in-law’s voice comes down the hall, but I can’t make out what she’s saying.

Me: “Hello?”

Mother-In-Law: “JESUS CHRIST!”

I meet her just inside the door, holding hands with a man who is not her husband. She drops his hand and stares at me.

Mother-In-Law: “What are you doing here?”

Me: “Well… this is my house. What are you doing here?”

Mother-In-Law: *Smiling* “Just making sure everything is okay. Since you’re supposed to be gone.”

Me: “We didn’t ask you to check in. Who is this?”

Mother-In-Law: “Don’t worry about it. We’re leaving.”

I called my husband later and described the man. He didn’t know who it was, so he called his dad. His dad knew who he was — the man [Mother-In-Law] swore she was not having an affair with.

When he filed for divorce and kicked her out, she tried to move in with us. According to her, the divorce was MY fault.

We changed the lock and got a video doorbell.

At Least SOMEONE Had A Decent Time

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | September 5, 2022

My boyfriend and I are on vacation for a week, staying at a hotel on the beach.

Boyfriend: “What do you want to do today?”

Me: “We can go to the beach.”

Boyfriend: “It’s gonna be too hot out there.”

Me: “There’s [Amusement Park].”

Boyfriend: “Too expensive. And probably super crowded!”

Me: “The mall?”

Boyfriend: “We have a mall back home! I want to do something fun and different.”

Me: “Okay, there’s the aquarium, the zoo, or the nature reserve. We can go—”

Boyfriend: “No, they all sound stupid.”

Me: “Okay, well, you figure out what you want to do. I’m going to the lobby for breakfast.”

Boyfriend: “Can you bring me—”

I walk out, angry. When I get back upstairs, I find him sitting in bed watching racing.

Me: “This is what you want to do today?”

Boyfriend: “You didn’t offer up anything else, so yeah, I guess this is what I’m doing.”

Me: “I offered several things and you turned them all down.”

Boyfriend: “You offered stupid things.”

I walk out again and go to the beach by myself. We repeat variations of this song and dance every day that week until it is time to go home.

Boyfriend: “What a boring vacation. We could have done the same thing at home and not paid for the hotel.”

Me: “Yes, we could have. “

Boyfriend: “Why didn’t we go anywhere fun? I swear, we just stayed in the hotel room all week.”

Me: “You did. I went to the beach and the zoo and shopping.”

Boyfriend: “So, basically, you spent a bunch of money and left me alone.”

Me: “Yup. Best vacation ever.”

We broke up when we got home. I’m pretty sure he still blames me for having such a boring vacation.

Uh… Is She Okay?

, , , , , | Romantic | September 3, 2022

My brother broke up with his girlfriend when she wanted to get married after three months of dating but he did not. A few weeks after, she sent me a message via social media.

Ex-Girlfriend: “Hi, [My Name]. Do you have a minute?”

Me: “What’s up?”

Ex-Girlfriend: “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I want to be honest with you.”

Me: “Okay…”

Ex-Girlfriend: “I have decided to break up with your brother. It’s a difficult decision, but we are not in the same place in our lives, and I need someone who is more mature.”

Me: “[Brother] broke up with you weeks ago. Are you okay?”

Ex-Girlfriend: “I care about him a lot and I know you’re very close. Because of this, I do not think you and I should be in contact anymore, either.”

Me: “Okay, then. Best of luck to you.”

She unfriended me, as well as my whole family. I asked my brother if they had reunited or something, but he said he hadn’t talked to her since he dumped her. I still have no idea what she thought she was doing by telling me she was dumping him.

“T-REX!” Is The Four-Year-Old Version Of “FORE!”

, , , , , , , | Romantic | September 1, 2022

I have a four-year-old son who I co-parent with my ex. I pick him up from his mother’s house and decide mini golf would be a fun activity for us and my girlfriend to do.

Ex: “Are you sure mini golf is a good activity? I’m concerned [Son] might hurt himself, you, or [Girlfriend] swinging that putter around.”

Me: “It will be okay. I’ll be sure to tell him not to swing hard, and I’ll carry the putter to each hole.”

We get to the course and [Son] is excited to see the obstacles. He listens to me perfectly until we get to the fourth hole, which is dinosaur themed.

Son: “T-REX!”

I put his ball down, hand him his putter, and step to the side. He then screams a little battle cry and swings back as far as he can, and before I can stop him, he hits the ball, which ricochets off the T-Rex and hits me in the side of my head near my eye.

[Girlfriend] and I decide it’s best to take [Son] back to his mom while I recover from a possible concussion. [Girlfriend] drives us while letting out little giggles. We both walk [Son] to the door. [Ex] sees the large bruise on my face.

Ex: “Are you okay?”

Me: “I’ll be fine. I’ll see what my doctor has to say and go from there.”

Ex: “You know, it has been a long time since I’ve said this to you…”

I think she’s going to say something reassuring.

Ex: “I told you so.”

[Girlfriend] collapsed to the ground with laughter, and I grimaced, knowing [Ex] was right.

Behind Every Man Is A Partner Who Knows More About His Health Than He Does

, , , , , , | Romantic | August 30, 2022

My husband has a sensitive stomach, so I keep a sort of mental note of which products are safe for him and which give him entire nights of stomach cramps.

This conversation happens after I, after testing positive for a certain contagious illness, have come back from isolating at a family member’s house while they were on holiday.

Me: “I just did some groceries. I got some more cheese.”

Husband: “Man, I mostly lived on cheese this last week — so many cheese sandwiches and pasta with cheese. It was the easiest and fastest way to get some food in me after a long day, especially with you gone.”

Me: “I did see that. I’m surprised you got cheese from [Supermarket], though. I’ve been avoiding that like the plague for years, because you got cramps from it the last time we tried it.”

Husband: “…”

Me: “What?”

Husband: *In a small voice* “That would explain so much about this week.”