When She Gives You The Look Of Death

, , , , , | Romantic | February 15, 2019

(After a brief bit of, um, intimate groping, I make the following remark to my wife:)

Me: “I think that should go on your tombstone someday: ‘more fun in her pants.'”

Wife: *thinks a bit* “You know, I’m not at all ready for you to die, but I am now hoping you go first.”

Valentine’s Day 2019

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | February 14, 2019

Valentine’s Day.  It’s a day of romance and celebration of love. It’s a day of candy and flowers and romantic dinners. It’s a day for sappy endearments and mushy exclamations of adoration.

But this is NotAlwaysRight, so instead we’re going to look at another side of love:  Wedding Mayhem. Bridezillas. Groom-monsters. In-Laws that should be outlawed.  Maids of Horror and Worst Men.  Plus other participants in the event, willing or not.

Here are just the stories for you to make you think twice before walking down the aisle — or to bring up memories of your own.

 

Procrastination Cost You Your Marriage — What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Fall of Bridezilla — There are some lines that a bride — that anyone — should not cross.

The Bridal Shower Of Tears — So much for a family celebration.

Forget The Announcements, Here Comes The Pronouncements — The more you think about it, you wonder if she’s mean or right…

It’s A Warzone Up There — The wedding party has turned into a wedding riot.

Married To Herself — Maybe she was trying to start a family tradition of being self-absorbed.

She Is The Opinionator — The Maid of Honor is supposed to be helpful…

Pogo Bounce Out Of That Wedding — Even the band can get the worst of Bridezilla.

Bridezilla On Line 1 — What do you mean, you don’t have telepathy?

Mother Of Bridezilla — More like Momthra, wouldn’t you say?

Can’t Dress It Up As Anything But Bridezilla — “Your clothes. Give them to me.”

A Bridal Shower Of Criticism — The Momster Monster does not listen.

Stress About The Dress — We had to include this favorite, where a Bridezilla tries to ruin the day for another bride and gets her comeuppance.

Do you have any wedding disaster stories?  Was there madcap mayhem at your wedding, or in the planning of it?  Tell us all about it in the comments, or submit it here and we may publish it!

 

Sleepwalking Away From This Relationship

, , , | Romantic | February 14, 2019

(This takes place four years ago, when I’ve just started dating my boyfriend. I always take a long time to fall asleep, so I’m used to lying in bed next to someone who’s already asleep. My boyfriend and I have been long-distance for about a month and this is his first night at my place. He has been sleeping for about 20 minutes when he rolls towards me and gets up on his elbow.)

Boyfriend: “You know, I don’t want anything serious.”

(That is a big deal, as I thought we both wanted a committed relationship. I have a personal “no one-night-stand” rule.)

Me: “Um… What the f***? What do you mean?”

Boyfriend: *lying back down* “It’s complicated…”

(Something seems off. He has been nothing but very nice and open to conversation up until now, and this answer is out of place. I get up, go to my living room, and try to control my temper, as I’m very explosive. When I come back, I ask him:)

Me: “What was that about?”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “What do you mean what? You know perfectly well what I’m referring to!”

Boyfriend: “Do you know where my leeks are?” *pause* “Oh, that’s embarrassing…”

(And that’s how I found out my boyfriend talks in his sleep. I quickly calmed down and asked him about it in the morning. Of course, he didn’t remember and hadn’t meant a word of it. We live together now, and at least twice a week we chat about random stuff like the price of trout on Mars. It’s very unsettling because his voice isn’t sleepy when he does it and he actually answers me when I talk back, but now I find it funny!)

That’s So Corny(flakes)

, , , , | Romantic | February 13, 2019

(I am getting myself and my baby dressed for the day when my husband runs into the bedroom and throws a cereal box on our bed.)

Husband: “There! Now you can say I gave you breakfast in bed.” *runs out*

Me: *speechless*

A Breakdown Evens Out A Breakup

, , , , | Romantic | February 12, 2019

(I am a cashier at a drugstore, trying to get through my last year of university, when I see a girl in the same uni hoodie as mine enter the store. She seems to be around 18 or 19 and is holding an aftershave that usually costs around £40.)

Girl: *in tears* “I’m so sorry. I bought this a couple of weeks ago and I want to return it. I know I might not be able to because it’s opened, but is there anything you can do?”

Me: “Er… My manager is just over there; I’ll grab her. Is everything… okay?”

Girl: “No, I’m sorry. My boyfriend is at [Distant Uni], and I bought some of his aftershave so I could make his hoodies smell of him — I know that sounds strange — and he broke up with me last week, and I can’t bear to smell this stupid f****** smell anymore, but there’s loads left, and I don’t want to waste my money…“ *breaks down again*

Me: “Oh, no! I’m so sorry about that. This is my manager; could you explain that to her?”

Manager: “I heard, honey, and I’m so sorry. Give me a second and I’ll see what I can do.”

(There are a few seconds while my manager tries to refund it.)

Manager: “Sweetheart, I have some good news: I can refund you even though it’s opened.”

Girl: “Thank you so much. Do you want me to just… I mean… Should I…”

Manager: “I’ll take it from you, honey. Do you want cash?”

Girl: “C-Cash is fine, it’s okay. Thank you.”

Manager: “While you’re here, sweetheart, get some chocolate or ice cream or anything you need, on me. I got divorced last year and I needed all the chocolate I could get!”

(The girl declined, but she came in a week later with a box of chocolates and a thank-you card each for me and my manager. In my card was a phone number. Ten years after that, we’ve been married for five years, and we have a baby daughter.)

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