Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Morning Sickness For Everyone!

, , , , , | Romantic | January 23, 2021

My fiancée and I both have a weird sense of humor. It’s what drew us to each other. One night, we’re both lying in bed, about to go to sleep, when she farts under the covers. I’m usually the one that has the most foul-smelling farts in this relationship, but since she got pregnant she’s been trying to take first place.

Fiancée: “Oh, wow, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “It’s fine. You know how mine usually are.”

She quickly lifts her covers.

Fiancée: “Oh, wow. No, babe, this one is terrible!”

I get a whiff of hers, and yeah, it’s pretty bad. So I let one go myself, and like normal, it’s pretty bad.

Me: “Oh, no, I got one that’s worse.”

Fiancée: “No, I win. You know why? It’s two versus one.”

I love this woman.

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Didn’t You Learn To Use Your Words In Kindergarten?

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 20, 2021

My boyfriend and I are at a friend’s house when we witness this interaction. My friend’s boyfriend grabs her bra strap and pulls it. In response, she turns around and squeezes his balls. Then, my friend’s boyfriend honks her boob, so she pulls his leg hair.

My boyfriend and I are initially speechless!

Boyfriend: “If I ever do anything you don’t like, just tell me and I’ll stop.”

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Sleep Cannot Stop Our Love!

, , , , | Romantic | January 17, 2021

I am unable to sleep and am reading a book on my phone. My boyfriend has been asleep beside me for two hours. Suddenly, he jerks and makes what sounds like a grunt of pain.

Me: “Babe? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Boyfriend: “Delflerdimerf. Delferd. Osktembers! Osktembers! Osktemberfulls!”

Me: “Babe, those aren’t even words.”

Boyfriend: *Grumpily* “Osktembers.”

I notice that his blanket is no longer covering him, so I cover him back up.

Boyfriend: “Ahhh. Yes. I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too.”

Boyfriend: “Granberwoo. Osktemberfull.”

He began snoring again. He may not be able to say much that’s coherent in his sleep, but at least he can still say, “I love you!”

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The Worst Kind Of Wedgie

, , , , | Romantic | January 14, 2021

I make the mistake of not putting my new underwear in a lingerie bag when I wash them in the washing machine. I should’ve washed them by hand, in hindsight. One thong gets caught in the agitator and some socks and other panties get tangled up into a bundle. It takes ten frustrating minutes to untangle the whole thing.

When I come upstairs, I am cursing the washing machine and my own stupidity.

Me: “Stupid f****** machine!”

Husband: “What’s wrong, hon?”

I explain what happened. He kind of chuckles. 

Me: “What?”

Husband: “So, basically, you’ve got your panties in a bunch?”

I’m still giggling at that two days later. He knows how to cheer me up.

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Trust Should Go Both Ways

, , , , , | Romantic | January 11, 2021

My boyfriend and I settle down to watch a movie. We live together and have had no trust issues until now.

Boyfriend: “So… there’re some things on your computer that I don’t like. I want you to delete them.”

Me: “Wait, what? You looked at my computer?”

Boyfriend: “Well, yeah. If we want this to go further, we have to know everything about each other. That one guy, what’s his name? [Celebrity]? I want you to delete all those pictures of him.”

Me: *Pause*  “I think you should get out and not come back.”

Boyfriend: “Why?”

Me: “Because you invaded my privacy! If there’s something you need to know, I will tell you, but looking through my computer or phone is not okay. It’s a huge breach. You clearly don’t trust me enough to be honest with you, and now you’re trying to control me. This isn’t going to work out.”

He tried to apologize, but I told him to leave anyway.

This story is part of our Best Of January 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of January 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of January 2021 roundup!

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