In the Doghouse With The In-Laws

, , , , , | Related | April 7, 2019

(My fiancé and I recently got engaged. We’ve just arrived at his parents’ house. This is not the first time I’ve met his parents, thankfully, but it is the first time I have visited them since the engagement. On walking in the front door, my fiancé throws his arm around me and says to his parents:)

Fiancé: “She followed me home! Can I keep her?”

His Dad: “Only if you promise to take care of her. I’m not going to be the one to clean up after her.”

(I love their strange sense of humor!)

A Spoonful Of Sugar Helps The Diet Go Down

, , , , | Romantic | February 16, 2019

(I am trying to lose a bit of weight before my wedding, but I tend to have somewhat poor impulse control, foodwise. My fiancé knows this, as I have asked for his help to keep me on track. I am at his mother’s house for lunch one day, and I see that she has made brownies for us. Trying to be good, I cut a piece in half and offer one piece to my fiancé.)

Fiancé: “I was going to have a whole piece, actually.”

Me: “Oh, okay.” *picks up the second half along with my half*

Fiancé: “But if it will help you stay on track…” *takes his half back*

Me: *disappointed* “Oh… But you wanted more!”

Fiancé: “Yes, but I also want to help you with this! You did ask me to, you know.”

Me: “Yes… but I didn’t want you to actually do it!”

Fiancé: “Um…”

Me: “Yeah, you know, I want you to help me by supporting me letting me do whatever I want!”

(I ended up with only the half brownie.)

Levelling Up Requires Blood

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 26, 2019

(My sister has MS and can be a little clumsy. One day she is sharpening kitchen knives and misses the sharpener. She ends up slicing her hand severely. She wraps it in a towel and walks to a back room where her fiancé is playing a multiplayer, fantasy-based computer game.)

Sister: “Hey. I cut my hand and you need to drive me to the emergency room.”

Fiancé: “Okay.” *yet continues to play the game*

(She figures that he needs to establish a stopping place, so she leaves to wait by the door. After ten minutes, he still hasn’t come. She gets up and goes back to the room.)

Sister: “[Fiancé]!” *places her hand in the bloodied towel next to the keyboard* “I need to go to the emergency room now.” *points to the towel*

Fiancé: *seeing the blood* “Oh, my God!”

(He rushed her over to the emergency room and her hand is fine. He now has to live this one down with the family because we all ask, “What did you hear the first time?!”)

About To Be NewlyDead

, , , , | Romantic | January 1, 2019

(After dating a year and a half, my fiancé and I are planning our wedding, or rather I am. My husband mentions he wants to hire some of his friends who run a photography and DJ business. Other than that, he generally says, “Whatever you want, dear.” All my efforts to get him more involved with any other aspects come to naught. I ask him to contact his friend while I do all the other bits. As the wedding date comes closer, I realize he hasn’t contacted his friends; he’d expected me to do that, as well, since I was the one “planning everything.” I freak out a little because it is so close to the wedding and his friends are now booked up. I scramble to find replacements for the photographer and DJ. At this point my husband-to-be catches on to how stressful the planning has been, and the following conversation occurs.)

Fiancé: “You are really stressing out over this, aren’t you? You know you don’t have to do it all on your own.”

(I feel the ball of stress that has been sitting in my chest for the last few weeks loosening a little bit.)

Me: “Thank you, I—“

Fiancé: *continuing his thought* “Just ask my mom for whatever help you need!”

(So close, yet so spectacularly missing the point.)

Getting Cross-Eyed At The Crossing

, , , | Romantic | November 22, 2018

(My fiancé and I are in the car with my fiancé in the driver’s seat. We are heading down a long road that has at least two traffic light crossings very close together. As we are approaching the first set of lights, they turn red, but the car is not slowing down. Slightly panicked, I alert my fiancé.)

Me: *voice rising in pitch* “You’re going to run a red light, [Fiancé]!”

(He slams on the brakes and comes to a sharp halt just before the crossing, staring ahead.)

Fiancé: “That could’ve been bad.”

(I notice that on the other side of the crossing, waiting for the light to turn green, is a police car.)

Me: “I can’t believe you almost ran a red light in front of a cop! Did you not see that it was red?”

Fiancé: *sheepishly* “All I saw was green. I saw the cop car… just not the red light.”

Me: “Are you colourblind?”

(My fiancé eventually explains that he was looking ahead at the second crossing, which was green, and completely forgot about the crossing he was approaching. He was very glad I stopped him from running a red light in full view of a police car. This will make for a great story to bring up next time he criticises my driving skills.)

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