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Don’t Make Your Wedding Plans More Difficult Than They Already Are

, , , | Right | May 9, 2022

I once had to deal with a frantic and angry bride-to-be.

Bride: “You sent my fiancé a message demanding immediate payment or you’d cancel his order! You told us when he ordered that he only had to pay the deposit! We don’t have that kind of money!”

Me: “We don’t send out messages like that. What did it say exactly?”

Bride: “I don’t know, but that’s what he told me it said.”

Me: “Could you get him on the phone?”

Fiancé: “Yeah, you sent me a message demanding immediate payment!”

Me: “Can you read it out to me?”

Fiancé: *Reading* “’Your order is now placed. As discussed, if you would like to make any changes, you have until seven days prior to the delivery date to do so. Changes after this date may be possible but could also attract an additional charge.’”

Me: “That… doesn’t say anything like what you said it did.”

Fiancé: “No.”

Do You Want To Maybe Sleep On It?

, , , , | Related | February 6, 2022

My fiancé and I are moving in together and are picking out pieces of furniture that we need. We find a mattress we like and call my fiancé’s dad to see if we can borrow his truck.

Fiancé: “Hi. We found a mattress we like and were wondering if we could please borrow your truck to bring it to the apartment?”

Fiancé’s Dad: “Why did you do that?”

Fiancé: “Do what?”

Fiancé’s Dad: “Buy a new mattress!”

Fiancé: “Because we don’t have one?”

Fiancé’s Dad: “You should have talked to me first. You could have taken your old mattress!”

Fiancé: *Long pause* “You mean the one that’s fifteen-plus years old?”

Fiancé’s Dad: “Yes. It was an expensive mattress when we bought it. Tell them you don’t want it anymore and get your money back. You can just take the one from your room.”

Fiancé: “We’re not going to do that. Can we borrow the truck or not?”

Fiancé’s Dad: “You should have discussed it with me and your mother first.”

Fiancé: “I don’t need to discuss any purchases I make with you. Never mind. We’ll figure something else out.”

The mattress ended up actually being in a box since it was a memory foam one, and we were able to fit it in our car. Later, we found out that [Fiancé]’s parents wanted to get a new mattress in [Fiancé]’s room to be a guest bedroom but didn’t think a fifteen-plus-year-old mattress should be thrown out.

She’s Just Green With Envy Over Your Happiness

, , , , , | Related | February 4, 2022

My girlfriend and I, both women, are getting married next year. We’ve been planning everything, despite her mother’s attempts to intervene. So far, she’s thrown a hissy fit over the bridesmaids’ dress color, tried to change the floral arrangement without my girlfriend’s knowledge or consent, and tried to force her female cousin to be the maid-of-honor instead of the woman my wife chose.

Soon, everything comes to a head when my future mother-in-law tries to control the guest list.

Mother-In-Law: “You need to uninvite [Guest #1] and [Guest #2].”

Girlfriend: “Why, Mom?”

Mother-In-Law: “Because I invited [Woman], and we’ll be exceeding the number of guests allowed.”

Girlfriend: *Sighs and pinches her nose* “Mom, I told you not to make any changes. [My Name] and her parents are paying for most of it, and you’re not paying a cent. I’ve made some compromises already to suit her needs. Besides, she doesn’t know [Woman], and [Woman] has never liked me, anyway.”

Mother-In-Law: “But she’s my friend!”

Girlfriend: “Exactly: she’s your friend, not ours. We already got the licenses and everything, and if they find out we exceeded the limit, we could get in trouble.”

Mother-In-Law: “You and [My Name] only get so much say in how it goes! I told you not to get that disgusting color of green for the bridesmaids’ dresses!”

Girlfriend: “Is that what this is about? You just don’t like the dress color? Well, too bad. [My Name] paid for them, so she gets to choose what color they are. Personally, I love the color. It goes well with most of our bridesmaids. Now, Mom, I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

My mother-in-law just sighed theatrically and petted the cat while pretending to sulk.

How Drunk Do You Have To Be To Mess This Up?!

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: ThatsNoMoOnx | December 5, 2021

I work in a hotel. A very drunk man and woman come into my lobby. The girl grabs some snacks and charges them to her room. They get on the elevator together to go to her room.

I am finishing up my night audit duties when a guest calls me, saying some drunk guy is knocking on their door. Okay, no problem. I radio security, and security brings down a drunk man in his boxers.

This is the same man who went up with the drunk lady. I call her room.

Me: “Hey, Ms. [Woman]. Sorry to bother you at this late hour, but the man you came in with earlier tonight is locked out. Could you let him in? He is literally in his underwear.”

Woman: “Everyone who is supposed to be in my room is already here. And also, someone keeps knocking; tell them to stop.”

Me: *Pauses* “Okay, let me get this straight. You are telling me you do not know the man you came in with at all?”

Woman: “No.” *Hangs up*

Man: “Ms. [Woman] is my fiancée and we’re visiting from out of state!”

I really was not expecting this amount of bulls*** on a Tuesday night.

This man was clearly very drunk, and he started accusing me of being in cahoots with his alleged fiancée. Bro, I don’t care about this lady; I just want your naked a** out of my lobby!

The man decided to call his father, a Super-Duper Shiny Member. He agreed to pay for a separate room for his son over the phone. I freaked because I had never worked a property that didn’t require me to have a CCA form and copy of a picture ID to make a reservation.

Since I was new to this property, I call my general manager… at 4:30 am. I got prepared to be chewed out.

But no! The general manager said I could check him in over the phone because he was a Super-Duper Shiny Member.

But it turned out that the woman was, in fact, the man’s fiancée.

She came down crying, looking for the man, who I had sent up to his new room. The guy’s dad called her and cussed her out. The rest of their visit was, thankfully, uneventful.

Either She Doesn’t Exist, Or She Came To Her Senses

, , , , , , | Right | September 13, 2021

I work in a bridal boutique. I take an appointment; the caller to book the appointment is the groom. That in itself is not too unusual, but the rest of the conversation is.

Groom: “My fiancée and I are getting married in six months and she hasn’t tried on any dresses at all yet. She says she’s not really a dress kind of girl, but I really want her to wear a dress to our wedding. I think if you have her try some on, she’ll see how pretty she looks and change her mind.”

We get this from a lot of friends and family — usually, the Mother of the Bride — and our policy is to offer styles to the bride and let her pick what she wants to try on.

Me: “Sure, we can schedule an appointment for her to work with a consultant and browse our samples. She can try on any styles she’d like so she can get a sense of what she feels best in. Can I ask for a little more information about your wedding date and preferred budget, or should we ask her when she comes in?”

Groom: “No, no, you can ask me. She doesn’t want to try on dresses, so I’m making the appointments so she can’t get out of it.”

Me: “We do have some dress alternatives, like bridal jumpsuits or separates, so hopefully we can find something that’s close to her personal style.”

Groom: “Do you have anything in her size?”

Me: “We carry samples in mid-range sizes to fit up or down and gauge how a fitted dress will look, and then we can order her the dress or outfit she chooses in her size based on her measurements.”

Groom: “Well, I don’t know; she’s really fit and toned.”

He goes into a long description of her Pilates routine.

Groom: “She needs something that will be flattering on her and I want her in something fitted to her figure.”

Me: “We can easily size most styles down with clips so she can see how they’ll look in her size, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Groom: “She needs something that shows off her figure. She has a really nice figure; she wears a lot of fitted pants and high heels.”

At this point, I’ve stepped away from the reservation computer and am leaning against the wall, holding the phone with a baffled look on my face. My coworker has stopped her paperwork and is staring at me strangely since this side of the conversation has gone so quiet.

Groom: “…and she has really large breasts for her size. She wears a DDD cup so she needs something that will show them off…”

Me: *Desperately trying to interject* “That’s fine. We’ll take her measurements once she finds a style she likes—”

Groom: *No indication that he’s heard me.* “…she prefers [Brand] lingerie and she wears a lot of demi-cut black lace…”

I’ve completely slid down the wall at this point and am basically sitting on the floor, holding the phone.

Me: “That’s great! I have all the information I need, and we can sit down for a chat when she comes in for the appointment!”

Groom: “You’ll be able to make her try on dresses that will fit her and look good on her figure?”

Me: “Uh-huh. I’m sure we can find something that she likes!”

Groom: “Okay, good, because she really doesn’t want to wear a dress and I want to make sure she shows off her figure…”

At this point, I was considering a followup drink for every time he described her figure.

I finally wrapped up the call, confirmed the booking, and considered going home to take a long shower to scrub the call off my skin.

I wrote minimal notes in the appointment field to avoid scaring off consultants working that day. I just mentioned that the groom may be in attendance and he had some preferences but, so far, the bride didn’t seem too sold on a traditional dress. I made a mental note to try and be available around that time for support, as well.

We confirmed the appointment with the contact information given to us — the groom’s phone and email — in advance of their time frame but, wouldn’t you know it, the appointment was a no-show. At this point, we seriously started to doubt the bride existed outside of his imagination!