I used to work at an engagement ring store. A woman and her fiancé came in, and her ring was mangled. They told us this amazing story of how she slammed her hand in a car door, and the ring was the only thing that kept her finger from breaking.

We repaired the ring for free and even got her an updated band style.

She came on her own a week later to pick up the new ring.

Me: “Wow, it’s so amazing the ring saved your finger!”

Customer: *Completely deadpan.* “Yeah, I lied. I hated the design my fiancé picked out, so I smashed that thing with a hammer.”

A young man comes into the store with his parents.

Customer: “I’m here to find an engagement ring for my fiancée, well, hopefully my fiancée.”

Customer’s Mum: “I’m here to make sure he picks something that she’s actually going to like.”

Customer’s Dad: *Grumpily.* “I’m here to make sure either of them stays on budget!”

I awkwardly laugh it off and show them our selection. They spend half an hour ooh-ing and aah-ing and settle on a few options.

Customer’s Mum: “So how much are these?”

Me: “This one in this setting is [price].”

Customer’s Dad: “Jesus Christ! How much?!”

Customer: “Dad, that’s the standard price for this kind of ring these days.”

Customer’s Dad: “What does it do for that price? Rule them all, find them, bring them all, and bind them?!”

The dad’s outburst reminded the mum to ask about engraving.

My parents have been divorced for over a decade now, and my dad has been seeing someone for part of it.

One year, my dad takes me out for my birthday. The conversation is somewhat awkward, but we enjoy dinner, we spend an hour or so talking, and we part ways.

I’m reversing out of the parking spot when Dad runs up to me, out of breath and excited.

Dad: “Did I tell you I’m engaged? I’m getting married!”

I knew he had a girlfriend, but I’ve never met her before.

Me: “Uhhhh… no? Congratulations? When are you—”

Dad: “Thanks! And we have no idea. At some point. I’ll keep you posted!”

He rushes off, and I pull out of my parking spot, planning on telling my mother when I get home that her ex-husband is getting married. You’ll notice that I just spent an hour or so chatting with him, and this NEVER came up. 

Just under a year goes by, and my dad texts me that he’d like to speak with me over the phone. Nothing bad, he assures me. He calls on a Tuesday night. 

Dad: “Hey! How’s it going? Did I tell you I’m getting married tomorrow?”

Me: “Uhhhh… no?! Congratulations, I guess? Uh…”

Dad: “Yeah, we’ve had the paperwork for weeks, but we’re going to court tomorrow to finalize it. We’re going to Hawai’i on Friday to visit your uncle, and we’ll have a ceremony then. We just have to pack.”

Me: “That’s… That’s great, Dad! Sounds good! Congrats!”

Dad: “Thanks! I’ll send photos!”

I have met this woman thrice now. I have never met her kids (who are around my age). I didn’t really have much knowledge about this in any way… and this is how he tells me. 

At least I know one reason my parents divorced.

My mother-in-law has always been a headstrong woman, determined to get her own way, and to heck with what other people might want. One example is this story. Here’s another example.

In the early 1990s, my then-fiancé and I were saving every extra penny for our wedding. Money wasn’t exactly TIGHT, per se, but we cut out all unnecessary expenses. During this time, we paid a visit to my fiancé’s parents. When the visit was over and we were on our way out the door, his mother handed him a box.

Fiancé: “What’s this, Mum?”

Mother-In-Law: “[Younger Brother]’s high school held a fundraiser by selling boxes of oranges and grapefruit. I got you and [My Name] one.”

Fiancé: *Surprised* “Oh! Well, thank you. That was nice of—”

Mother-In-Law: *Interrupting* “So, you owe me [amount].”

He was too taken aback not to pay up. In hindsight, the two of us should have given her the box back and said, “No, thanks.” As we trudged to the car:

Me: “She didn’t even ask if we wanted this stuff.”

Fiancé: “I know.”

Me: “If she had asked, we would’ve said no. We don’t like grapefruit!”

Fiancé: “I know.”

Me: “In other words, we spent [amount] that we can’t really afford on a box of fruit, half of which is probably going to end up in the garbage.”

Fiancé: “Yep.”

I’m happy to say that we’ve both developed backbones since then, and we now firmly refuse if [Mother-In-Law] tries to coerce us into doing something we don’t want to do.

Related:
A Very Awkward Engagement

It is Valentine’s Day. I’m working the host stand with a manager in the middle of the day before it gets too busy.

Customer: “Hi, I have a table booked for later tonight and I wanted to propose to my girlfriend. Can I put my ring inside the champagne glass and have you guys bring it out to her.”

Manager: “Sorry, but no. We can’t do that after the swallowing incident of 2017.”

Customer: “The… what?”

Manager: “Champagne comes out and the lady is so thirsty she just downs the glass in one go. Didn’t even feel the ring go down. They tried the proposal again but had to wait a couple of days…”

Customer: “Oh… what about putting it inside a dessert?”

Manager: “Last time we did that, the girlfriend changed her dessert order last minute while the guy was in the restroom. Her engagement brownie was replaced with an ice cream sundae, and due to a mix-up, we couldn’t find the ring again until another woman ended up thinking she was being proposed to. We had to comp both meals, not worth the hassle.”

Customer: “Oh… how about—”

Manager: “—my friend, we can offer you a pillow to pad your knee for when you get down on it. We can offer a congratulations brownie after the fact that can say whatever you want. But please, for the love of God, stop putting your jewels into our food.”

He went for the more traditional knee method…