Morning Sickness For Everyone!

, , , , , | Romantic | January 23, 2021

My fiancée and I both have a weird sense of humor. It’s what drew us to each other. One night, we’re both lying in bed, about to go to sleep, when she farts under the covers. I’m usually the one that has the most foul-smelling farts in this relationship, but since she got pregnant she’s been trying to take first place.

Fiancée: “Oh, wow, I’m so sorry!”

Me: “It’s fine. You know how mine usually are.”

She quickly lifts her covers.

Fiancée: “Oh, wow. No, babe, this one is terrible!”

I get a whiff of hers, and yeah, it’s pretty bad. So I let one go myself, and like normal, it’s pretty bad.

Me: “Oh, no, I got one that’s worse.”

Fiancée: “No, I win. You know why? It’s two versus one.”

I love this woman.

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Kindness In Bloom, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | January 11, 2021

I used to work in a very established small hair salon in a fancier part of town. We had quite a few older women who would come in every week to get their hair set, and they had been doing so since time immemorial.

After working there for a few years, I got engaged to my now-husband. I didn’t make a great song and dance about it, but I did wear my new ring to work and these ladies sure did notice!

About an hour after the first client of the day came in, the flowers started arriving! When I was distracted, one of the ladies had made a quick call, and the word had spread very quickly. I ended up with so many flowers I couldn’t take them all home that day!

Related:
Kindness In Bloom


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for January 2021!

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Sometimes Love Goes With Logic

, , , , , , , | Working | September 22, 2020

I got engaged in college, after dating my fiancé for a few years. I know that seems young to a lot of people, and for some people, it is too young. Not surprisingly, a few people expressed surprise that we were planning to get married at our age. Two funny reactions came from military officers; I was in ROTC, and as the wedding date was before graduation and commissioning, I thought I should tell the officers in charge of our unit.

The first reaction was from a hard-nosed, very strict, imposing, and somewhat intimidating captain. He broke out in a huge grin and exclaimed, “Congra— Wait, how long have you known him? Longer than a couple of weeks, right?” I reassured the captain that we’d been dating for a few years and his smile returned. “Then I’ll stick with my first instinct: congratulations!”

But a major seemed disappointed and asked me why I wanted to get married so young. She said, “Why are do want to settle down with your fiance right now? Don’t you want to get out there and explore, go see the world?”

“Of course,” I said. “With him.”

She blinked a few times before saying, “That’s… a really good answer. I’ve never thought of it that way before.”

We’re about to have our fifteenth wedding anniversary this summer.

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A Whisker Away From Insanity, Part 2

, , , , , | Related | September 22, 2020

When I am ten years old, I beg my mom for a cat and she finally relents. We bring home the cutest but fiercest black and white girl. Ten years later, my live-in boyfriend at the time and I are driving her back from visiting my parents for the holidays and she is meowing the entire way with me answering her with small reassurances. He is so amused by me having a conversation with a cat, commenting on how she doesn’t understand me anyway.

A few years after that, she passes. There are many tears from both of us, but we eventually move on, and he gets me another cat who turns out to be an absolute daddy’s girl, while he gets himself a male cat.

I am walking by his office when I hear the following conversation with “the other woman” in his life.

Cat: “Meow.”

Fiance: “Yeah, well, she told you not to do that.”

Cat: “Meoooow.”

Fiance: “Fine, I’ll talk to her about feeding you on time. I have to go get something. You aren’t going to steal my chair, are you?”

Cat: “Mew?”

Fiance: “I am going to have to pick you up if you do.”

Cat: *Indignantly* “Meow!”

Fiance: “Okay. I will be right back.”

I walked away laughing hysterically before he could see me.

Related:
A Whisker Away From Insanity


This story is part of our Best Of September 2020 roundup!

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Do You Need To Be Drunk To Enjoy Your Family’s Happiness?

, , , , , | Related | September 11, 2020

My love and I are going to get married and we have an occasion where we can tell family members in person and we’re not stealing the spotlight from someone else.

Me: “So, the cards will come in a few weeks. Please let us know if you come!”

Aunt: “Of course I’ll come! I love wedding parties!”

Wife-To-Be: “Yes, and we decided to do things our way, so expect things to be different. But what and how things will be different… will be a surprise!”

Aunt: “Oh, that’s okay. Just place me at the bar and I’ll have the best time of my life!”

Me: “Yeah, about that… We decided to keep this wedding alcohol-free. There will be no alcohol served.”

My aunt snaps her head around to look at me. Her smile is gone. 

Aunt: “What did you say?”

Me: “We… asked the bar to not serve any alcoholic beverages.”

Aunt: “But… but… why?!”

Wife-To-Be: “We have our reasons. Besides, we want everyone to have fun and not have to worry about who has to drive.”

Aunt: “Oh… okay.”

Uncle: “Well, we’ll be looking forward to your invitation!”

My aunt and uncle did not attend the wedding; they had forgotten about a planned vacation they booked one week after we told them. Such a shame.

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