No Need To Be Catty About This

, , , , | Related | September 28, 2020

My dad has always helped make sure our pets are financially cared for. As children, he always told us that if we get a pet we are accepting the responsibility to care for them no matter what happens. When we all grow up and move out my dad inherits the cat who has been there for over ten years. Now that the cat is sixteen years old, my dad has passed on care of the house and cat to me. About two weeks ago, he asked me about my twelve-year-old chihuahua.

Dad: “How is [Dog]? I’ve noticed you haven’t borrowed any money for her to go to the vet lately.”

Me: “Oh, she’s good. She should probably see the vet for her heart murmur, though.”

Dad: “Why haven’t you done that? Money is no excuse. When you get a pet, you take responsibility for that pet.”

Me: “Well, with my car breaking down and you loaning me the money for that and for the house, I was trying to pay you back before I asked for more.” 

Dad: “I’m well aware of how much you owe me, but you owe it to her to make sure she sees the vet.”

Me: “I, uh… Yes, sir. Thanks.”

Today, I get a card from the vet saying it’s time for my dog’s yearly vet appointment along with her kitty brother. I owned two cats before moving in. As a bad pet parent, I accidentally waited too long and did not get my female fixed before she, ahem, “multiplied,” and I kept one of her kittens. With the sixteen-year-old, I now have three cats; all are now fixed.

Me: *To Dad* “Hey, remember how we talked about the vet the other day for [Dog]? Well, I just got a card saying that she and [Young Male Cat] are due for checkups. Will you help me pay for them?”

Dad: “Sure. It’s [Vet], right? They’re used to how we do things.”

Usually, my sisters or I go to the vet and my dad pays over the phone.

Me: “Yup. Oh, and when is [Old Male Cat] due for his next checkup?”

Dad: “I’d have to look it up. I’m a bad pet parent and don’t practice what I preach.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’ll practice what you preach, then. I can plan on taking [Older Male Cat] and [Momma Cat] together in about six months. That way, it’s two pets twice a year.” 

Dad: “Perfect.”

He never wanted pets, which did cause him to be incredibly strict on the whole “take care of your pet” thing; if we didn’t feed them and treat them right, they got new homes. It sounds harsh, but we learned real quickly that he had no problem giving animals to “other children willing to appreciate their pets,” and we’ve always made sure our pets were cared for in homes, not shelters.

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Hypocrisy, Thy Name Is Dad

, , , , , | Related | September 10, 2020

My father retired from his job several years ago but still does odd jobs on the side for friends and friends-of-friends. Every couple of weeks or so, he cleans the parking lot at a deli in the next town over. One summer, he’s been having some shoulder pain and asks me to come along and help him to lighten the load. As we are driving, he tosses an empty cigarette pack out the window.

Me: “Dad, you shouldn’t litter.”

Dad: “Don’t worry about it. I’m keepin’ the guys who clean up the streets in business, right?”

After we’ve arrived and started cleaning the parking lot, he grumbles about there being more trash than usual and how the people are too lazy to throw their stuff away in the nearby garbage can.

Me: “Well, they’re keeping you in business, right?”

He just rolled his eyes at me. Unfortunately, he’s still something of a litterbug and refuses to see the flaw in his logic. Sorry, Mother Nature!

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Picky Is As Picky Dads

, , , , | Related | September 8, 2020

My dad has a major weakness for ice cream. One of his favorite kinds to buy is a certain brand’s banana sundae: it’s Neapolitan with chopped walnuts in the chocolate stripe, banana syrup in the vanilla stripe, and pineapple bits in the strawberry stripe. However, for some reason, he’ll eat everything BUT the strawberry. Most of the time, I’ll finish the strawberry myself even if his habit annoys me a bit, but if he’s bought multiple cartons, I’ll occasionally open a fresh one to get a shot at all three flavors.

One day, he walks in while I am doing this.

Dad: “Isn’t there already an open one in there?”

Me: “That one only has strawberry in it. I wanted to have some chocolate and vanilla, too.”

Dad: “You should finish one before opening another, though. Don’t be picky.”

Me: *Thinking to myself* “I’m not the one leaving the strawberry uneaten in the first place!”

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Gee, It’s Almost Like Those Laws Exist For Similar Reasons

, , , , , , | Romantic | August 31, 2020

My husband and I are on our way home from somewhere and stop at our local convenience store for a fountain drink. As per recent city bylaw, we are both wearing masks. As we leave, he starts complaining about other people in the store who aren’t masked.

Husband: “I don’t like wearing a mask either, but…” 

He continues into a long rant about how we’re supposed to wear them.

At this point, we’re in the car, and I’m struggling to put my seatbelt on while holding my drink.

Husband: “Hon, we’re only a few blocks from home; you don’t need to put on your seatbelt.”

He then continued with his rant about people not following the law. I decided not to point out the irony.

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Age Is Just A Number; Maturity Is Everything

, , , , , | Friendly | June 15, 2020

My family — my husband, our three-year-old son, and me — are flying across Canada to visit extended family. We were able to upgrade our seats to first-class for a really reasonable rate at the last minute. We’ve got a big bag of stuff to keep our son entertained on the flight. We know; babies and little kids are not always the best travellers.

We get settled in and another family boards right after us. The parents are in their fifties or so, and their three kids are in their twenties. They take one look at my son, who’s sitting quietly while I read him a book, and start complaining. Loudly. They’re saying things like, “Oh, great! I thought this was supposed to be first-class!” They’re trying to engage the other first-class passengers, who are mostly looking uncomfortable that we can clearly hear these people complaining about us.

As soon as the plane takes off, this other family starts ordering drinks. And more drinks. First, they start talking and joking in increasingly loud voices. Then, they start bickering, shouting across the aisles at each other. They are the noisiest passengers I’ve ever been stuck with. 

Our three-year-old son, meanwhile, was quiet and calm the whole flight. He watched cartoons, ate snacks, and played with his toys. Model flyer.

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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