Her Baggage Is Not The Kind You Can Stamp

, , , , | Right | October 30, 2019

(At our store, if you bring in a reusable bag, you get a stamp on a card. Fill up the card — ten stamps — and you get a dollar-off coupon. The customer has just finished up an epic, ten-minute long rant about how she is never going to shop here again. Two managers and one shift leader were called over to talk to her at various points. She dared us to have the police called on her for making a scene because she felt that strongly about never coming back. She told every cashier she hopes we’ll quit and never have to set foot in the store again. And then, she buys her cartful of groceries. As you can imagine, it’s really awkward to be the cashier checking her out. As I finish putting her things into her bag, she starts to storm off, and then pauses.)

Customer: “Oh, before I forget, I need to start a new bag card. I used one bag today; can you stamp this for me?”

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Did Not Pass With Flying Colors

, , , , , | Working | August 27, 2019

(I am checking out groceries at a local supermarket. It is early in the morning so there is no one behind me, so I decide to chat with the cashier. I have naturally curly hair that I’ve bleached and dyed a vivid purple colour.)

Me: “I love your nails; great colour choice!”

Cashier: “Thanks! I decided on the colours, even though it took me ages; too many choices!”

Me: “Well, they’re bold and beautiful. Good choice.”

Cashier: “Yeah, there was an older lady getting a pedicure across from me and she looked over at my nails and scoffed at them…”

Me: “Oh, no. Really?”

Cashier: “Yeah, she said that those colours don’t belong outside of primary school children! Can you believe it?!”

Me: “Well, some people are a bit judgmental, not that I can talk!”

(I motion to my vivid, purple, and curly hair. The cashier visibly scrunches up her nose in a look of disgust.)

Cashier: “Well, purple is a hideous colour.” *sighs heavily* “But I guess we have to be accepting of other people and their choices, right?”

(I had no idea how to respond to that. Her nails were multi-coloured, sparkly explosions, but she had an issue with my hair?)

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Taking Hypocrisy Out For A Ride

, , , , | Related | January 11, 2019

(My dad and I are driving to the store to pick up stuff for dinner when my dad notices a motorcycle in a disabled parking bay, which means he can’t use the tag in the car to park there.)

Dad: “Now, that’s just ridiculous. You can’t get handicap tags for a motorcycle. They don’t even have a license plate!”

Me: *turns and spots the license plate, admittedly not very easy to see* “Oh, there it is. And it is a handicap one, so they’re okay to be there.”

Dad: “Yeah, well, disabled people shouldn’t be riding around on two wheels.”

Me: “Don’t you have a motorcycle?”

Dad: “Yeah, but this tag belongs to your mom, not me. She has it because of [medical reason]. Besides, I’m probably more disabled than her, because my ankles swell up when I walk, so I should have one, too.”

(The hypocrisy was lost on him. I’d try to push it more, but even if he came to the realization that he was wrong, all he’d do is yell at me and then pretend it never happened.)

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How Many Ways Can You Translate “Irony”?

, , , , | Learning | November 22, 2018

Boss: “The college bought four Rosetta Stones—” *expensive language teaching software* “—a few years back, and since they are expensive, we currently do not have plans or funds to buy more. So, when we need more for the students to use, we’ll make a copy of the original disk and label them accordingly.”

(Literally two seconds later:)

Boss: “Also, [My Name], if you see any of the students with their phones out taking pictures of the screen while they are using the program, you need to stop them, because that’s stealing.”


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Their Mess Is Your Problem

, , , | Right | November 13, 2018

(I work at a large and fairly popular movie theater in my area, mostly in the middle of the week and the entire weekend. This particular weekend is the opening of the popular children’s movie “Storks,” and large crowds of parents and their children come to see it. Naturally, this means that the auditoriums showing the film are disaster areas. It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m working as the lead usher, where I make sure that my team is quickly and properly cleaning the theaters and that trash is being taken care of. We’re cleaning up our largest theater, which holds nearly 500 people at full capacity. There’s popcorn, candy, and trash everywhere, and every trash can is overflowing. I’m forced to call a manager to assist us with cleaning. A large group of people waiting for the next showing has gathered outside, and they are impatient.)

Manager: *over his radio* “Could we get an extra set of hands in this theater? We’re not going to get this done in time.”

Supervisor: *over her radio* “Yeah, I’m on my way now.”

(As my supervisor steps through the doors to the theater, I can hear the guests whining and complaining outside.)

Me: “Don’t we have a hold-out line for this theater? I hate listening to these people.”

Supervisor: “We were supposed to, but no one told the greeter, so he didn’t direct them towards it.”

Me: “Great.”

(We frantically try to finish cleaning the theater. At this point, we’re not as thorough about it as we usually are; we just need to get it done. I finish cleaning my area and head to the trash cans so I can change them. Unfortunately, the guests standing by the doors can see me through the windows. One of them, a middle-aged gentleman, steps into the theater.)

Guest: *yelling* “Are you guys done yet?”

Me: “We’re still trying to finish up in here. I’m so sorry about the wait, sir, but it’s very messy and we’re going as fast as we can.”

Guest: *walking further into the theater and still yelling* “Can’t you go any faster?”

(Before I can respond, my manager walks towards us, looking extremely frustrated.)

Manager: “Sir, if you could please go back outside and wait, we are almost finished in here.”

(The man grumbles and steps back outside, and my manager helps me change out the trash. I start to get a little nervous watching the people outside get more and more frustrated, but we finish after that and begin walking out of the theater. As we step out, the crowd starts clapping and walking into the theater before my ushers, the manager, the supervisor, and I have exited. I frown at everyone as they walk by and listen to them grumble.)

Guest: “They always take so long to clean the theater; it’s so annoying.”

Guest’s Friend: “I know; I wish they would go faster.”

(My ushers and I wait for everybody to enter the theater before moving on to the next one.)

Me: “God, did you see how they clapped for us? That was so frustrating.”

Usher: “It was so messy in there; it was ridiculous.”

Me: “I know. You’d think people would keep it clean so we don’t take so long and make everyone angry.”

(An hour and a half later, we returned to the theater to find it just as messy as it was earlier. People never learn.)

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