Taking Hypocrisy Out For A Ride

, , , , | Related | January 11, 2019

(My dad and I are driving to the store to pick up stuff for dinner when my dad notices a motorcycle in a disabled parking bay, which means he can’t use the tag in the car to park there.)

Dad: “Now, that’s just ridiculous. You can’t get handicap tags for a motorcycle. They don’t even have a license plate!”

Me: *turns and spots the license plate, admittedly not very easy to see* “Oh, there it is. And it is a handicap one, so they’re okay to be there.”

Dad: “Yeah, well, disabled people shouldn’t be riding around on two wheels.”

Me: “Don’t you have a motorcycle?”

Dad: “Yeah, but this tag belongs to your mom, not me. She has it because of [medical reason]. Besides, I’m probably more disabled than her, because my ankles swell up when I walk, so I should have one, too.”

(The hypocrisy was lost on him. I’d try to push it more, but even if he came to the realization that he was wrong, all he’d do is yell at me and then pretend it never happened.)

How Many Ways Can You Translate “Irony”?

, , , , | Learning | November 22, 2018

Boss: “The college bought four Rosetta Stones—” *expensive language teaching software* “—a few years back, and since they are expensive, we currently do not have plans or funds to buy more. So, when we need more for the students to use, we’ll make a copy of the original disk and label them accordingly.”

(Literally two seconds later:)

Boss: “Also, [My Name], if you see any of the students with their phones out taking pictures of the screen while they are using the program, you need to stop them, because that’s stealing.”

 

Their Mess Is Your Problem

, , , | Right | November 13, 2018

(I work at a large and fairly popular movie theater in my area, mostly in the middle of the week and the entire weekend. This particular weekend is the opening of the popular children’s movie “Storks,” and large crowds of parents and their children come to see it. Naturally, this means that the auditoriums showing the film are disaster areas. It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m working as the lead usher, where I make sure that my team is quickly and properly cleaning the theaters and that trash is being taken care of. We’re cleaning up our largest theater, which holds nearly 500 people at full capacity. There’s popcorn, candy, and trash everywhere, and every trash can is overflowing. I’m forced to call a manager to assist us with cleaning. A large group of people waiting for the next showing has gathered outside, and they are impatient.)

Manager: *over his radio* “Could we get an extra set of hands in this theater? We’re not going to get this done in time.”

Supervisor: *over her radio* “Yeah, I’m on my way now.”

(As my supervisor steps through the doors to the theater, I can hear the guests whining and complaining outside.)

Me: “Don’t we have a hold-out line for this theater? I hate listening to these people.”

Supervisor: “We were supposed to, but no one told the greeter, so he didn’t direct them towards it.”

Me: “Great.”

(We frantically try to finish cleaning the theater. At this point, we’re not as thorough about it as we usually are; we just need to get it done. I finish cleaning my area and head to the trash cans so I can change them. Unfortunately, the guests standing by the doors can see me through the windows. One of them, a middle-aged gentleman, steps into the theater.)

Guest: *yelling* “Are you guys done yet?”

Me: “We’re still trying to finish up in here. I’m so sorry about the wait, sir, but it’s very messy and we’re going as fast as we can.”

Guest: *walking further into the theater and still yelling* “Can’t you go any faster?”

(Before I can respond, my manager walks towards us, looking extremely frustrated.)

Manager: “Sir, if you could please go back outside and wait, we are almost finished in here.”

(The man grumbles and steps back outside, and my manager helps me change out the trash. I start to get a little nervous watching the people outside get more and more frustrated, but we finish after that and begin walking out of the theater. As we step out, the crowd starts clapping and walking into the theater before my ushers, the manager, the supervisor, and I have exited. I frown at everyone as they walk by and listen to them grumble.)

Guest: “They always take so long to clean the theater; it’s so annoying.”

Guest’s Friend: “I know; I wish they would go faster.”

(My ushers and I wait for everybody to enter the theater before moving on to the next one.)

Me: “God, did you see how they clapped for us? That was so frustrating.”

Usher: “It was so messy in there; it was ridiculous.”

Me: “I know. You’d think people would keep it clean so we don’t take so long and make everyone angry.”

(An hour and a half later, we returned to the theater to find it just as messy as it was earlier. People never learn.)

Obamacareless Comments

, , , | Learning | October 26, 2018

Principal: *at staff meeting* “It is pointless to complain about someone without talking to them first. If a parent complains about you to me, I’ll ask if they’ve spoken with you. If you have a problem with a coworker, talk to them, not me. You can’t resolve an issue if the person isn’t even in the room.”

(Later:)

Principal: “We can no longer serve sugary snacks in school. Thanks, Obama.”

(The former president was not in the room.)

Hypocrisy Goes At Its Own Pace

, , , , | Right | October 22, 2018

(I work in a discount supermarket and usually we’re three people on one shift, but today we’re suddenly one worker short. I am walking towards the till where a couple of customers are waiting. Another customer asks me a question as I am walking and I stop for a second to answer her, when I suddenly hear a loud whistling sound.)

Customer: *clearly a bit tipsy, even though it’s only nine am* “HEY! God, that was slow!”

Me: *already at the counter, scanning another customer’s items* “I’m sorry, but we’re really understaffed today. I promise I’m going as quickly as I can!”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. It just cannot be that you take such a long time to come over and take care of paying customers!”

(The customer I’m currently dealing with laughs nervously and is clearly uncomfortable.)

Me: “Well, we cannot be everywhere when we’re short on staff and so many products are waiting to be put on shelves, but I am just going to go really quickly with your items here so you can get out of here and enjoy the day!”

(I keep smiling and scan his items in a jiffy. All the while he keeps ranting about how insane it is that I was so slow to serve him. As the time for him to pay comes…)

Customer: *fumbling in all his pockets* “Oh, it seems I cannot find my wallet… Just hold on a sec.”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, I guess it’s your turn to be slow now!”

(The customer looked up at me with a VERY embarrassed look on his face while he kept fumbling for his money, holding up all the other customers in line. He never found the money and left the store with his head low, mumbling apologetically. Even though he didn’t apologize, he clearly realized his hypocrisy and was VERY quiet when he came back with the money. This totally made my otherwise stressful day.)

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