Do As I Say, Not As I Do

, , , , | Related | March 1, 2021

Like all dads, my dad hates when lights are left on when you’re not in the room. This exchange occurs as I’m walking back into my bedroom after getting up to blow my nose. My dad is standing at the kitchen counter pouring a drink.

Dad: “Hey… why is your bedroom light on if you’re not in there?”

Me: “Because I left it on?”

Dad: “But you’re not in there.”

Me: “Maybe the bed likes the light; you don’t know.”

He starts to argue when I happen to glance over and see his bedroom light on.


There’s a long pause.

Dad: “Now, listen here, you little s***…”

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We’d Be Seriously Pee-ved

, , , , | Healthy | February 23, 2021

I am seeing my primary care physician.

Doctor: “You really need to start taking a multivitamin.”

The following year, I see them again.

Doctor: “Why on earth are you taking a multivitamin?! All you’re doing is making your pee expensive.”

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, , , , | Friendly | February 16, 2021

When our family and my husband’s younger sister’s family both had small children, we visited each other on a regular basis. Admittedly, it was very obvious that, when his sister was the host, she would prefer we left after one or two hours while her husband wanted us to stay the entire day, so we usually only stayed for three or four hours at most.

They both claimed to be fond of nature and to be very spiritual. However, we learned that my sister-in-law will often express opinions or sentiments she feels she ought to have instead of what she really means or feels. On two occasions, I spent quite a while making her homemade gifts only to have her turn her nose up at them. She would say that she liked them but it was obvious she didn’t and that she was actually angry at us for having given her exactly what she asked for. I have been selling my crafts at markets, so I seriously doubt it was the quality of the gifts which was the problem. She only likes things that are store-bought. In reality, she is the most materialistic person I know.

We stopped talking about nature hikes and such with them because of one incident.

Sister-In-Law: “What did you two do last weekend?”

Me: “Not much. We just hung around the house and then we took a short trip to the local forest on Sunday.”

She screeched at me that our way of living wasn’t the only right way to do things. We thought they also went to the forest on a regular basis, but now we think that was more wishful thinking than reality and she expected me to read her mind and know that.

We often did them favors and lent them things. We have helped them move on four occasions. The last time we asked friends and family to help us move instead of using a company, her school was closed that entire week. She didn’t help us, as she needed rest. When school wasn’t closed, she only had to be at school ten to fifteen hours a week and had hardly any homework.

She doesn’t understand why she can only keep friends for a maximum of two years and we are quite happy to live far away from her now.

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Gambling With Your Health

, , , , , | Right | February 6, 2021

I’m standing in line at a gas station waiting to check out, and the cashiers ask each customer if they’re buying a lottery ticket, as only one of the registers is equipped for that. The man in front of me is asked if he is buying a lottery ticket:

Customer: “No, thanks. That stuff is way too dangerous to get into. Could I have a pack of smokes?”

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Time To Play Our Favorite Game: Bigotry Or Stupidity?

, , , , , , | Working | February 3, 2021

I live in both the US and France, and to avoid international fees, I have credit cards for both. I can’t remember my password to log in to view my statements for my US card, so I call them up.

Rep: “Oh, no problem. Just tell me the place and amount of your last transaction and we’ll reset your password.”

Me: “Well, I haven’t used this card in almost a year, so I have no clue.”

Rep: “Don’t you have a statement?”

Me: “No, it’s all online. I passed the security questions; isn’t that enough?”

Rep: “No, we need to make sure it’s you.”

I think, “Isn’t that what the security questions are for?” 

Me: “I just need my account balance. I’m not looking to make any transactions.”

The rep would not budge and we eventually hung up.

My husband called later for his balance and told another rep about my problems. Note that we do not have a joint account. All he did was give my name — the account was still in my maiden name — and she entered it and gave him my balance!

I told my father the story and he went into his local bank to talk to them about it. We also have no joint accounts. The bank gave him full details about my call, my account balance, and the fact that they had me marked as a “suspicious person.”

So, I give my name, address, birthday, and telephone number, answer two security questions, and give the number, expiration date, and CCV of my card, and I get marked as a suspicious person, but two men just give my name and absolutely nothing else and get my account balance!

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