Go See Your Sister And Never Go Back!

, , , | Romantic | July 1, 2018

(When we were together, my husband would tell me who I could talk to, where I could go, how I could cut my hair… basically how I could exist within his life. I told myself he was just protecting me and I should respect his decisions. When we would talk about upcoming plans — work, spending time with my family, etc. — he would say we never talked about it. I brushed it off for a while because I told myself he was just focused on other things. This is the story of when I’d had enough. A few weeks before this conversation, I csme up with what I thought was a foolproof way to avoid the “you never told me” conversation.)

Me: “Okay, I’m heading out. I’ll see you later. I love you!” *leans in for a kiss*

Husband: *backs away* “Where are you going?”

Me: “Uh, out shopping with my sister.”

Husband: *exasperated* “Why don’t you ever tell me your plans?”

Me: “I did.”

Husband: “NO. You didn’t.”

Me: “I did. We were making dinner on Sunday night and I told you–”

Husband: “You did not. You’re not going.”

Me: “Are you telling me I can’t go see my sister because you don’t remember a conversation?”

Husband: “I’m telling you that you can’t go because you’re always making plans and not telling me about them until you’re halfway out the door, and I’m sick of it!”

Me: *frustrated* “That’s not true.”

Husband: “It f****** is true!”

Me: “I told you!”

Husband: “Prove it and you can go.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I pull out my phone and open our text conversation. There, on Sunday night, around the time we would have been making dinner, is a message from me, to him. It reads, “I’m going shopping with my sister on Friday.”)

Husband: “Doesn’t count.”

Me: “And why not?”

Husband: “Because you can’t just text me and expect me to read it!”

Me: “You… You’re not serious right now.”

Husband: “I am serious!”

Me: “You will call me repeatedly until I pick up, but you aren’t expected to read a f****** text message?”

Husband: “I have a full-time job! I run this house! I can’t be expected to look at my phone all the time like you do!”

Me: “Okay.”

(That was the last time we had a remotely civil conversation. I will miss the good times we had, but living like someone’s blow-up doll is no life.)

Don’t Want To Be Pistoriused

, , , | Romantic | June 29, 2018

(After weather-related delays and some layovers, very late at night, I have the chance to make it home earlier than predicted, but too late to call. This flight will get me to my doorstep at 2:30 or so in the morning, unexpectedly for my retired military husband with mild PTSD. We’re out in the country, and the dogs bark when they hear the truck. I manage to drop a bag on the porch, and I’m not quiet going into the house, but my husband doesn’t stir. I set down my bags, and take a look in the bedroom. He’s solidly asleep. I consider joining him, then think… PTSD. Loaded 45 handgun on the bedside table. He doesn’t expect me until afternoon. Instead, I bunk down in the guest room. When I hear his alarm go off at 5:30 am, I text him:)

Me: “I’m HOME!”

(He goes to the front door, passing by the guest room on the way. I text:)

Me: “In here.”

Husband: “Why did you sleep in the guest room?”

Me: “I didn’t want you to accidentally shoot me!”

Husband: *considering* “Probably not a bad decision.”

Dirty Money

, , , , , , | Romantic | June 27, 2018

(I’m saying goodnight to my wife as I have to be up early for work. We are standing there hugging and I go for a cheeky feel of her backside. As I do, a 2p coin drops to the floor.)

Me: “Did you just poop out a 2p?”

Wife: “It must have got stuck to my bum.” *she’s not wearing pyjama bottoms*

Me: “Sure! Come on. If you can just do that with a few hundred rolls of £50 notes, I can give up work! You can be my golden goose.”

Wife: “I’ll goose you in a minute! I’m not pooping money for anyone.”

Introducing The Not Always Right Store

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | June 25, 2018

Hey readers!

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For the past 10 years, our community has shared stories of humor, frustration, and compassion with each other.

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Two Ruined Dates For The Price Of One

, , , , , | Romantic | June 25, 2018

(My friend is out with a guy on a first date. She can’t help but notice that he’s staring at a woman sitting with her date at a nearby table.)

Friend: “Is something wrong?”

Guy: “Sorry, but that woman looks really familiar. It’s bugging me; I know I’ve seen her before.”

Woman’s Date: “Can I help you, buddy?”

Guy: “No disrespect intended, man, but I think I’ve met this lady before.”

Woman: *looking uncomfortable* “I don’t think so, sir.”

Guy: “No, I’m sure of it… Wait! Do you dance at [Burlesque House]?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Guy: “That’s it! I’ve seen you strip!”

Woman’s Date: “WHAT?”

Friend: “WHAT?”

Guy: “What?”

(Both dates were over pretty quickly after that.)


Are you often annoyed by people? Well, misery loves company. Join us at our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!
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