Not A Top-Heavy Romance

, , , , , | Romantic | November 4, 2018

(My husband and I are cuddling in bed, topless. He starts talking to me very tenderly and sweetly.)

Husband: “Never leave me.”

Me: “I would be the biggest fool in the world if I did.”

Husband: “Be with me forever, darling.”

Me: *kissing him* “Of course I will.”

Husband: “And never… never… put your shirt back on.”

(I cracked up. So much for the sweet, romantic mood!)

This Relationship Has Turned Sour (Milk)

, , , , , | Romantic | November 2, 2018

(I have been dating my boyfriend for two years when our milkman asks me out. He and I are close to the same age, and he’s been delivering our milk for years.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. I have a boyfriend.”

(A couple of weeks later he tries again.)

Milkman: “Hey. I spoke to your ‘boyfriend’ and he said it was all right for you to go out with me.”

Me: “What the h***? You really think I’m going to stuff up a two-year-long relationship on that?”

(He starts dating my best friend for a few months. She dumps him because he’s too clingy, telling me that I was lucky to avoid that. A couple of years later I get married and am back at my mother’s place for visit when he arrives to deliver the milk.)

Milkman: “Hey, [My Name]. Where have you been?”

Me: “I got married.”

Milkman: “Oh… How is it?”

Me: “Well, I’m back here”

Milkman: “Oh, how about you and I…”

Me: “I’m joking; I’m just here for a visit.”

Milkman: “Oh…”

Halloween Roundup

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | October 31, 2018

It’s time to carve that Jack-o-Lantern, put on your costume, and collect the candy! Or will you spend the night watching scary movies?  Having a costume party?

To celebrate Halloween, here are some of our favorite tales of ghosts and witches, monsters and creatures, the spooky and scary and weird, and things that reach out from under the bed to tickle your funny bone. These stories are sure to give you a frighteningly good laugh!

 

This Story Will Haunt You Forever — Claims of bravery may be exaggerated.

Thrill You More Than Any Ghost Would Dare To Try — A classic song for a spooky evening.

Ice Screaming Monsters — Which will give you more indigestion, the food or the monsters?

Scare Me? Not A Ghost Of A Chance! — Everyone wants their own ghost, right?

They Usually Go For Black Cats — The fuzziest kind of witchcraft.

Pray They Weren’t Watching Christine — Poor kid got honking scared!

More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7 — Every old school horror fan just screamed in terror.

The Son Of Mondegreen — The monsters are where?!

Halloween Has-Been — Surprise!

The Customer Is Always Fright(ened) — Must have been too fussy for that poor ghost.

The Ghost Of Theories Past — But they say it’s haunted!

Trumps All Other Scary Stories — The horror story of our times.

 

Happy Halloween, everyone!  Post pictures of your costumes!

 

Marriage Is A Sauce Of New Foods

, , , , | Romantic | October 31, 2018

(My husband was not a very adventurous eater before we met, and his mom was not much on cooking. I discovered this when we were dating and I would cook dinners for us. Here are some of my favorite exchanges we’ve had.)

Husband: “What’s wrong with this apple?”

Me: “Nothing?”

Husband: “But it’s pink. Apples are only red or green.”

(It’s a pink lady apple, but he didn’t know there were more than red delicious or Granny Smith! Another time, while eating a stir fry with a peanut sauce…)

Husband: “This is good. Can I see the bottle the sauce came in so I can buy some?”

Me: “It didn’t come in a bottle, but I can give you the recipe.”

Husband: “You made this? I didn’t know a regular person could make a sauce.”

(Another time, while eating some mixed vegetables…)

Husband: “These green beans taste a little funny.”

Me: “That’s because they’re asparagus.”

When Sleeping On The Job Means Not Sleeping On The Job

, , , , , | Romantic | October 29, 2018

(I suffer from a fatigue disorder which has only within a couple of years begun to be managed by medication. I hate napping, because if I nap for more than an hour, I can’t sleep at all the next night, and napping for less than an hour gives me a migraine. Thankfully I haven’t gotten tired enough to nap since starting the medication. It is also important to note that my wife usually has to push to get me to leave the house for work and school, as I am a massive shut-in.)

Me: “I’m not feeling well.”

Wife: “That’s okay. We have nowhere to go. Just take it easy.”

(A couple of hours later, I end up taking a nap for four hours.)

Me: “I hate to say it, but I don’t think I can go to college tomorrow.”

Wife: *uncharacteristically agreeable for this subject* “Okay, hun, go ahead and take the day off.”

Me: “What? No argument about my obligations?”

Wife: “If you’re sick enough to decide to take a nap, and you sleep through the night tonight, I’ll be able to tell you’re actually sick as opposed to having anxiety issues. It’s pretty simple.”

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