Do Not Make Contact With Your Girlfriend

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 8, 2017

(I am waiting for my boyfriend at a restaurant and this happens:)

Stranger With Glasses: *walks up to me* “Hey, beautiful.”

(The stranger kisses me before I can react. I freak out and punch him in the face, throwing him to the floor and knocking off his glasses.)

Me: “YOU CRAZY SICKO! Wait a minute… [Boyfriend]?”

(And that’s how I found out my boyfriend wears contacts.)

That Was Rebound To Happen

, , , | Romantic | October 7, 2017

(My fiancé and I have this silly thing where one of us will say something like, “There’s a cupcake,” and the other will say, “You’re a cupcake.” One day this backfires on him. My fiancé throws trash at the bin. It bounces off the rim and lands in a nearby box.)

Me: “Ohhhh, rebound!”

Fiancé: “You’re a rebound!”

(Moment of silence, followed by a moment of me pretending to be hurt.)

Fiancé: “I didn’t think that one through.”

Leaving This Argument Behind

, , , , , | Romantic | October 6, 2017

(We don’t argue very often but when we do, my husband usually makes a comment that I should just pack up and leave. It’s never him doing the leaving; it’s always me — especially when the argument is not going his way. He’s following a pattern that I’ve seen his parents follow with each other. Saying anything about it just starts a whole new argument. We’ve had one of these arguments, he’s gone to work the next day, and I’ve stripped everything of mine out of the bedroom. I leave my drawers and wardrobe open for effect. Our teenagers have noticed and asked what I am doing as I carry everything to our back room.)

Me: “Oh, I’m just sorting through my clothes and stuff. I need to get rid of things and de-clutter.”

(I am sitting out, folding and sorting, when I hear my husband get home and go into the bedroom. A few moments later I hear him in the kitchen with my son.)

Husband: *very quietly* “Do you know where Mum is?”

Son: “Yeah, she is in the family room.”

(I don’t even acknowledge him as he looks in the door, just keep folding my clothes while watching TV. I think my passive-aggressive lesson worked; he’s never made a comment like that in the five years since.)

Make Love, Not Warcraft, Fifth Expansion

, , , , , , , | Romantic | October 5, 2017

I am 18, and have a boyfriend who is addicted to World of Warcraft. Sometimes his addiction gets the better of him.

We are standing in the kitchen talking about something, and in the middle of my sentence, he leaves the kitchen and walks into our bedroom, where the computer is, where he proceeds to sit for about ten minutes.

He then comes out, and asks if I had been saying something before he left the kitchen.

It turns out he had gotten an idea about WoW, and had to go play it right that second. He hadn’t even heard a word I said.

My Husband The T-Rex

, , , , | Romantic | October 4, 2017

Me: *making toast in the kitchen* “What are you looking for?”

Husband: “Paper towel.”

Me: *hands it to him; it is right next to his hand* “Wow, that really was a man-look.”

Husband: “I can’t help it. Men have eyesight based on movement. It’s true. Look it up. It’s a hunter thing.”

Me: *laughs* “Are you saying that all men are predators?”

Husband: “Rawr!”

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