Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

How Were They A Tease?! HOW?!

, , , , , | Romantic | February 14, 2021

I’m about eighteen. An old friend is moving away and is having a going-away party. A lot of friends I haven’t seen in a long time show up, so we’re all having a great time catching up. A few of us decide to go to dinner afterward. I don’t have a car, so a male friend, [Friend #3] offers to drive me and his sister, [Friend #2], as we all live near each other. He gets pulled aside, and I continue talking with my group.

Another guy approaches and just stares at me for several minutes. He looks vaguely familiar, but I can’t place him.

Friend #1: “Hey, [My Name], you need a ride to dinner? You can drive with me.”

Me: “Nope, I have a ride. Thanks, though!”

Friend #1: “Anytime!”

The unknown guy mentioned above has now slid into the seat next to me and is in my personal space.

Me: *To the guy* “Oh, excuse me.”

I move over to give myself more room.

Guy: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Guy: *At full volume* “[My Full Name]?”

Everyone stops talking and stares at him.

Me: “Have we met?”

Guy: “Seriously? We went to church together back in the day! [Church]?”

Me: “I did go there when I was a kid, but I can’t place you.”

Guy: “You really don’t remember me?”

Me: “No, sorry!”

Guy: “C’mon, I’m [Guy]!”

I recognize the name. I was friends with his sister when we were all kids. I didn’t really talk to him back then, as he was older than me and kind of annoying.

Me: “Are you [Old Friend]’s brother?”

Guy: “That’s me!”

Me: “Is she here?”

Guy: “Couldn’t make it.”

Me: “Oh, that’s a shame. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other.”

Guy: “Sure has. You’re all grown up now.”

He scoots closer. I move over as far as I can. [Friend #2] approaches on the other side.

Friend #2: “[My Name], we’re ready when you are.”

I shoot her a relieved look.

Me: “Well, [Guy], I gotta run.”

Guy: “I heard you need a ride. I can drive you home if you want.”

Me: “No, thank you. I have a ride.”

I head for the door, but he follows me.

Guy: “Really, it’s no problem. I’d love to talk more! Where do you live? You’re in college now, right?”

Me: “I have a ride, and he’s waiting for me. [Friend #3]! Are we still going to dinner?”

Friend #3: “Obviously! Didn’t we discuss this a few minutes ago?”

Guy: “Of course, a boyfriend!”

Friend #3: “Wait, what?”

Guy: “Ugh, never mind.”

He gives me a death glare, grumbles something about me being a tease, and walks away.

Friend #3: “I was only gone for ten minutes! What did I miss?!”

Friend #2: “Bro, you just saved [My Name] from a creeper.”

Friend #3: “Ah. Next time, text me a warning. I can play it up way more.”

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Sometimes That’s All It Takes

, , , , | Romantic | February 12, 2021

My wife and I text while she is at work. I receive this message.

Wife: “Today hasn’t been a good day. :(”

A few minutes later: 

Wife: “Oh, it got a bit better. There is cake!”

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You Can’t Just Go Around Licking People’s Bean Bags!

, , , , , | Romantic | February 8, 2021

My husband has a padded tray he uses for his laptop. Noticing it’s damp, he sighs and turns to our dog.

Husband: “You’ve been licking my bean bag, haven’t you?”

I dissolve into laughter.

Husband: “No! The thing under my laptop!”

I laugh even more.

Husband: “Wait. That doesn’t sound any better.”

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Time To Cor-go And Sleep On The Couch

, , , , , | Romantic | February 6, 2021

I’m eight months pregnant and have noticed throughout my pregnancy that my two dogs and my boyfriend have gotten progressively needier.

I was already in bed sleeping with the dogs when my boyfriend tried to sneak in without waking me up. Unfortunately for him, he had to move one of the dogs to make room to snuggle with me. And when he moved that dog, the other would just swoop in and take their place. This just kept going in a cycle and ended up waking me.

I got the luxury of seeing my boyfriend be outsmarted by two corgis until he just gave up, angrily whispering, “What the actual f***?”

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We Get The Feeling He Knows Where He Stands

, , , , , | Romantic | February 4, 2021

Me: *In an increasingly silly voice* “I love you! I love you! I looove yooouu!”

Husband: *From the other room* “I love you, too!”

Me: *Quietly, to the dog* “Shoot. Should we tell him I was talking to you? No, right?”

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