Go See Your Sister And Never Go Back!

, , , | Romantic | July 1, 2018

(When we were together, my husband would tell me who I could talk to, where I could go, how I could cut my hair… basically how I could exist within his life. I told myself he was just protecting me and I should respect his decisions. When we would talk about upcoming plans — work, spending time with my family, etc. — he would say we never talked about it. I brushed it off for a while because I told myself he was just focused on other things. This is the story of when I’d had enough. A few weeks before this conversation, I csme up with what I thought was a foolproof way to avoid the “you never told me” conversation.)

Me: “Okay, I’m heading out. I’ll see you later. I love you!” *leans in for a kiss*

Husband: *backs away* “Where are you going?”

Me: “Uh, out shopping with my sister.”

Husband: *exasperated* “Why don’t you ever tell me your plans?”

Me: “I did.”

Husband: “NO. You didn’t.”

Me: “I did. We were making dinner on Sunday night and I told you–”

Husband: “You did not. You’re not going.”

Me: “Are you telling me I can’t go see my sister because you don’t remember a conversation?”

Husband: “I’m telling you that you can’t go because you’re always making plans and not telling me about them until you’re halfway out the door, and I’m sick of it!”

Me: *frustrated* “That’s not true.”

Husband: “It f****** is true!”

Me: “I told you!”

Husband: “Prove it and you can go.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I pull out my phone and open our text conversation. There, on Sunday night, around the time we would have been making dinner, is a message from me, to him. It reads, “I’m going shopping with my sister on Friday.”)

Husband: “Doesn’t count.”

Me: “And why not?”

Husband: “Because you can’t just text me and expect me to read it!”

Me: “You… You’re not serious right now.”

Husband: “I am serious!”

Me: “You will call me repeatedly until I pick up, but you aren’t expected to read a f****** text message?”

Husband: “I have a full-time job! I run this house! I can’t be expected to look at my phone all the time like you do!”

Me: “Okay.”

(That was the last time we had a remotely civil conversation. I will miss the good times we had, but living like someone’s blow-up doll is no life.)

Don’t Want To Be Pistoriused

, , , | Romantic | June 29, 2018

(After weather-related delays and some layovers, very late at night, I have the chance to make it home earlier than predicted, but too late to call. This flight will get me to my doorstep at 2:30 or so in the morning, unexpectedly for my retired military husband with mild PTSD. We’re out in the country, and the dogs bark when they hear the truck. I manage to drop a bag on the porch, and I’m not quiet going into the house, but my husband doesn’t stir. I set down my bags, and take a look in the bedroom. He’s solidly asleep. I consider joining him, then think… PTSD. Loaded 45 handgun on the bedside table. He doesn’t expect me until afternoon. Instead, I bunk down in the guest room. When I hear his alarm go off at 5:30 am, I text him:)

Me: “I’m HOME!”

(He goes to the front door, passing by the guest room on the way. I text:)

Me: “In here.”

Husband: “Why did you sleep in the guest room?”

Me: “I didn’t want you to accidentally shoot me!”

Husband: *considering* “Probably not a bad decision.”

Dirty Money

, , , , , , | Romantic | June 27, 2018

(I’m saying goodnight to my wife as I have to be up early for work. We are standing there hugging and I go for a cheeky feel of her backside. As I do, a 2p coin drops to the floor.)

Me: “Did you just poop out a 2p?”

Wife: “It must have got stuck to my bum.” *she’s not wearing pyjama bottoms*

Me: “Sure! Come on. If you can just do that with a few hundred rolls of £50 notes, I can give up work! You can be my golden goose.”

Wife: “I’ll goose you in a minute! I’m not pooping money for anyone.”

Introducing The Not Always Right Store

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | June 25, 2018

Hey readers!

After our accidental announcement two weeks ago, we’re delighted to announce we are launching the Not Always Right Store today — for real this time!

For the past 10 years, our community has shared stories of humor, frustration, and compassion with each other.

We want to continue our purpose of bringing our community closer together by unveiling our latest creation with you: the Not Always Right Store!

Read more and get 25% off your first purchase!

Two Ruined Dates For The Price Of One

, , , , , | Romantic | June 25, 2018

(My friend is out with a guy on a first date. She can’t help but notice that he’s staring at a woman sitting with her date at a nearby table.)

Friend: “Is something wrong?”

Guy: “Sorry, but that woman looks really familiar. It’s bugging me; I know I’ve seen her before.”

Woman’s Date: “Can I help you, buddy?”

Guy: “No disrespect intended, man, but I think I’ve met this lady before.”

Woman: *looking uncomfortable* “I don’t think so, sir.”

Guy: “No, I’m sure of it… Wait! Do you dance at [Burlesque House]?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Guy: “That’s it! I’ve seen you strip!”

Woman’s Date: “WHAT?”

Friend: “WHAT?”

Guy: “What?”

(Both dates were over pretty quickly after that.)

Are you often annoyed by people? Well, misery loves company. Join us at our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!
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