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Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Not Always Right: 15th Anniversary Month! – All The Other Categories Retrospective!

, | Friendly Healthy Learning Legal Related Romantic | October 13, 2022

Dear readers,

As many of you know, Not Always Right started as a site about documenting the exploits of bad customers, from the hilarious to the horrendous! But as the site grew, so did the variety of stories we received, many of which were fantastic but didn’t fit into the dynamic of bad customer stories. Over the years, we’ve added more categories to the site, to slowly encapsulate all the possible combinations of human interactions. From witty comebacks in the home, to awkward first dates. From entitled behavior from bad neighbors, to those happy to break the law. Every type of witty and memorable story can now be safely covered in the ever-growing story feeds of Not Always Right.

In the last fifteen years, we’ve published thirty-thousand of your stories! Picking favorites was nigh-on impossible, but we’ve had a go at rounding up some of our more memorable stories, as well as some of your top-voted from all the categories! Here’s to thirty-thousand more!

 

Editors’ Picks – Our Top Fifteen Stories From NARe, NARo, NAL, NAF, NAHe, and NALe!

Your Urgency Is Not My Emergency – Sounds like you’ve got a conundrum there, buddy.

Geeks (And Doctors) Come In All Shapes And Sizes – But was she ginger?

Not Going To Get Walkathon’d All Over This Year – Thank goodness for sympathetic secretaries.

(more…)

Gosh, I Love You, Too, Honey

, , , , , , , | Romantic | October 11, 2022

When you use the voice-to-text feature on a phone, it usually gets some words wrong in an understandable way. This is the story of the best (and worst) voice-to-text error I’ve ever seen.

I used to take classes at the University of Washington, or UW. People would commonly pronounce the name “U-Dub” rather than saying the whole thing. One day, I was just leaving a class at a secondary campus in a smaller town called Bothell.

I texted my husband to tell him where to meet me. He was already driving, so his phone read out my text to him, and he replied using voice-to-text.

Husband: *To his phone* “Okay, I’m coming to pick you up at U-dub Bothell.”

Text I Received: “Okay, I’m coming to pick you up and you are awful.”

Fortunately, I knew right away it was a mistake, and we had a great laugh about it when he got there and I showed him how the text had turned out!

Cause A Meltdown And Watch Your Whole Life Melt Down

, , , , , , , , , , | Romantic | October 7, 2022

My boyfriend of two years and I have recently moved in together. However, as rent in our area is not cheap, we both need to be working full-time. I am a math teacher at a private school, and my boyfriend has been unemployed and living with his parents since he graduated from college. Now that he’s living with me, I expect him to pitch in financially.

It’s a bit like pulling teeth at first, but soon, he starts applying and getting interviewed for jobs. He’s a pretty smart, easy-going dude who just needs to be pushed a bit to get out of his comfort zone. After a few weeks of job hunting, he receives an offer for an executive assistant position at a local law firm, which he accepts. It’s excellent pay for the honor of running errands, making copies, and getting the lawyers’ coffee. Plus, it’s good hours, so he still has lots of time to chill out at home.

My boyfriend has a sense of humor that is very hit or miss. He’s accidentally burned some pretty important bridges in his life, due to not always “reading the room.” I’ve been working with him a lot on that, and the night before his first day of work, I remind him not to get too chummy with his new coworkers and superiors and keep working on understanding social cues. Then, I pack him lunch because I love him and see him off the next morning with a kiss.

I head to work, which wraps up about two hours before he’s done, and drive home… only to find my boyfriend sitting on the couch, eating dry cereal. I ask him without hesitation what happened.

Boyfriend: “I got fired.”

Me: “What?! But you only just started!”

Boyfriend: “I know.”

I’m ready to raise h*** in defense of my boyfriend… that is until he tells me the whole story. It turns out that one of the lawyers’ sons works the front desk at the firm and also happens to be on the spectrum. [Lawyer’s Son] is good at his job, but his father warned my boyfriend about one thing.

Lawyer: “We have a no-dog policy because of [Lawyer’s Son]. That means that no clients bring dogs in, no photos of dogs, nothing. He’s deathly afraid of them. Even the sound of a dog barking can set him off. He’s had a bad history with dogs, so please be mindful.”

That’s not too bad of a restriction, I think. My chill, seemingly awesome boyfriend can handle these instructions, right? Wrong. Turns out, as he was leaving for his lunch break, he thought it would be hilarious to show [Lawyer’s Son] a video of a young puppy squealing for its food. It apparently caused such a meltdown that [Lawyer’s Son] needed to go home early, and my boyfriend was fired effective immediately by phone call as he was ordering his lunch.

As soon as he’s done regaling me with this shocking saga, he looks up at me as if expecting sympathy. Au contraire, mon ami. I am f****** LIVID.

Me: “So, let me see if I got this. You managed to land a job that pays you well, has flexible hours, and even provides you benefits. I tell you to remember to be respectful on your first day. And you promptly traumatize a f****** coworker mere hours after you start — whose dad you work for, mind you — and you think that’s gonna fly?!”

Boyfriend: “I didn’t think it was that serious!”

He had every excuse prepared for me — that the phobia couldn’t have been that bad, that the puppy in the video wasn’t threatening at all, that [Lawyer’s Son] was overreacting, etc. I didn’t buy any of it. He slept on the couch that night, and I deeply reconsidered the whole arrangement.

HE ultimately broke up with ME because I was “too harsh on him” and “acted too much like his mom” when he subsequently slacked off on any further job hunting.

Last I heard, he was living in a mobile home with some college buddies, making minimum wage. I wound up rooming with a woman whom I ended up marrying. I eventually stopped by the law firm to apologize for my now ex-boyfriend’s behavior. It turns out that [Lawyer’s Son] volunteers for a cat shelter — he has no problem with our feline friends — and my wife and I have adopted two cats from the same organization based on his referral. Livin’ the dream!

Home Improvement Is Exhausting — The Action, Not The ‘90s TV Show

, , , , , | Romantic | October 3, 2022

My wife and I moved into our new place right after we were married. She hated some of the flooring options we took with the place, but the massive price markups for simple upgrades deterred us from paying and going with them.

The basic flooring option was vinyl inside the front door, the kitchen, and the bathrooms in the house. To go with wood flooring or ceramic tile would cost thousands of extra dollars that we couldn’t really budget into the cost of everything, so we went with the basic vinyl flooring.

After five or six years of living there, my wife really wants to get rid of the vinyl floor and install ceramic tile. Neither of us has ever installed ceramic tile, but I work at a place that sells installing supplies. Plus, growing up, I watched my dad install different floorings for his job, so I have an understanding of how it is done.

We go through the irritating process of pulling up the vinyl and then removing the adhesive and cleaning the floor. Thankfully, [Wife] is more than willing to do this work so it isn’t just me doing it.

We go through the grueling process of finding the “right” tile [Wife] wants to use, and once we find it, we order enough to cover the flooring, plus a few extra boxes just in case. I borrow a small wet saw from my stepdad, I purchase all the floor installation supplies; mortar, grout, spacers, etc. All products are now in our possession, so we can start the installation process.

I figure we’ll do the kitchen first; it’ll be the most annoying place to do since it’s the area with the most foot traffic, and I want to get it done first. The floor has to be done in sections over the course of a week to allow the moving of appliances, dry times, and so on. (Remember, my only cutting tool is the wet saw, so doing intricate curves or cuts is almost impossible.)

I drag the stove out and tile under it and as far out as I can. I let the tile set and mortar dry and move the stove back the next day so I can continue installing tile. As I’m starting to move along the floor and line things up before making my measurements and marking my cuts, I can tell that the walls have settled over time and are no longer square. I have the tiles laid out how they will go and things look almost square, but you can see a slight angle if you’re looking hard enough. The grout line won’t be perfectly square or straight. I explain this to my wife and show her and tell her that making things perfectly square might not be possible, but I’ll try my best. I don’t think she really understands me; she just kind of nods and goes along with what I am saying.

I go about making cuts on the tiles I need to cut pieces out for and begin to mix and put the mortar down. I start setting the tiles into the mortar the exact way I had them laid out when I showed [Wife]. She comes into the kitchen and stands behind me. She’s pissed that one of the tile pieces I cut isn’t lining up perfectly and wants me to remeasure and cut a new piece. I take measurements again, mark a new tile, and cut the piece I need.

That’s still not good enough, so, again, at [Wife]’s request, I measure and cut one more piece. It really isn’t any different, but she says it’s acceptable. I lay down the edge piece I just cut for the third time, drop in spacers, spread more mortar, and lay the full tile next to it (this is the area I told [Wife] about and showed her it would be slightly off). She loses her mind and starts yelling at me that the grout line won’t be perfectly square and it’s not good enough.

Me: “I showed you and explained to you why things would be slightly off. I’m not a professional tile installer. This is the first time I’ve actually done this.”

Wife: “It can’t be that hard to make it a straight line. I don’t see what the problem is here. I don’t want it like that! Fix it so it’s straight!”

I’m already pissed she’s had me remeasuring and cutting multiple pieces over and over again.

Me: “If you think it’s that f****** easy, you do it!”

I stand up as fast as my sore knees let me, drop the trowel into the mortar bucket, take my car keys off the counter, and leave.

I come back home a few hours later. I walk into the kitchen and see that [Wife] has put down two tiles and no more. I also notice that she left the trowel in the mortar and the mortar bucket was left sitting on the floor. The mortar has now hardened enough that both the bucket and trowel are ruined and I will need to buy new ones.

My wife comes downstairs and into the kitchen. She looks at me and sees that I’m still pretty pissed.

Wife: “I’m sorry I yelled at you about this. It’s a lot harder to do than I thought.”

I got an apology, which I am kind of surprised about. I clean up. The next day, I pick up a new trowel and bucket, and I go back to finishing the tile work over the next few days. I do the grout and sealant and things look pretty good in the end. There is just that one grout line that is slightly shifted, and you can’t really notice it unless you are looking hard for it.

After all the ceramic tile is installed on the floor in all the rooms, I now get the fun job of doing the backsplash in the kitchen. [Wife] found some tile she wanted (I think it is kind of ugly and too busy) because it will help accent the ceramic flooring and paint color in the kitchen. I get all the backsplash tiled and grouted, and things are all done.

Fast forward about eighteen months. [Wife] has been complaining about how she doesn’t like the backsplash in the kitchen anymore and she wants to change it out for something more simple.

I explain to her that when you tile drywall, you don’t just simply pull off the tile and replace it. You have to be very careful or you’re going to ruin the drywall and just end up having to cut out the drywall and replace it. I tell her I don’t want to have to deal with that crap, and it seems to deter her — that is until I come home from work a few days later.

I walk into the kitchen and [Wife] has got my set of good flathead screwdrivers and a hammer, and she’s been slowly chiseling off the current tile on the backsplash. She’s already ruined one screwdriver and she’s doing a number on the second one.

Me: “What the h*** are you doing? And why are you using my good tools? Look at this! You’re ruining them!”

Wife: “I told you that you can remove this tile without having to replace the drywall! Look. The first sheet came off without a problem.”

Notice how she hasn’t even addressed the abuse of my tools.

Me: “I never said you had to replace the drywall. I said that if you’re not careful, you would have to. Also, you’ve wrecked my good screwdrivers. They’re not designed for this.”

Wife: “I didn’t know what tools to use. I just grabbed what I thought might work.”

She continued to work on removing the tile on the backsplash. At some point, I heard her cussing from the kitchen. I walked into the kitchen and the section of tile she’d been trying to chisel off had taken a huge chunk of drywall with it, leaving a gaping hole in the wall. At that point, she got upset and just started ripping the tile off and ruining the drywall on the backsplash area.

I was pissed, but there was nothing I could do to stop her since she had started, and I just had to go with the flow.

I had to cut out the ruined drywall and get my stepdad to help me pick up and deliver a couple of 4×8 sheets of drywall to our place. (He’s got a nice truck to move things in; the drywall wouldn’t fit in my hatchback.) Thankfully, he helped me cut, hang, and mud the new drywall. Then, I went through the process of putting the new tile up for the backsplash.

I told my wife that this was the very last time I was fixing up her mess like this or installing tile. She’d have to find a way to pay for someone to do the work. For the next ten years or so that we lived at that place, she never tried to remove any more tile, nor did she ask me to tile anything else.

The Cat Has Spoken

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | September 29, 2022

My long-time girlfriend of eight years recently passed away. I’ve stayed close with her parents in the weeks and months since.

One day, I’m over at her house helping her parents with some stuff. In the family living room, they have several couches and chairs in a semi-circular set-up centered around the TV. Seats were first-come, first-serve, but everyone had their unofficial-official seat.

Girlfriend’s Dad: “We’ve been thinking about who should take over [Girlfriend]’s seat. We thought you would be the perfect heir to it if you want.”

Me: “Sure, that would be great!”

Just then, we hear clawing at the back door and see my girlfriend’s cat standing outside, begging to be let in. I go and open the door for her. The cat races in and jumps into my girlfriend’s seat, looks at me and meows, and then settles in for a nap.

Me: “I think [Girlfriend] just established who the heir to her seat is, and I guess it’s not me.”

Girlfriend’s Dad: “Guess not.”