There Are Two Types Of People…

, , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I’ve just finished ringing a man up for two or three items, at twenty minutes to close.)

Me: “Here’s your receipt, sir! Have a great night!”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be so cheerful.”

Me: *laughing it off* “Is it a problem?”

Customer: “You should be sad and tired.”

Coworker: “Just because you are, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be.”

(The customer glares angrily and hurries away.)

Coworker: “Sorry, that was mean. I should be more cheerful!”

Giving Change Is Not A Piece Of Cake

, , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I am helping out at my school’s summer fair by selling cupcakes and chocolate lollies. Note that cupcakes are 20p and chocolate lollies are 10p, and we have only been selling for ten minutes.)

Me: “Hello. What would you like?”

Customer: “One cupcake and two chocolate lollies, please.”

Me: “Okay, that will be 40p, please!”

Customer: *places a £50 NOTE down* “Do you have change for this?”

Me: *screams internally* “No, sorry.”

(She came back later, but thankfully paid with a £20 note, instead! I always wonder why she thought we had enough change when we had only clearly sold a few cakes!)

I Speak Fluent “Customer”

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work at a small children’s clothing store that prides itself on customer service. I’ve been working there long enough that I know generally how customers might react to different things, and can sometimes help them preemptively. A Chinese woman has just walked in with her husband and roughly three-year-old daughter, and they’ve immediately gone to the winter coats. Making a guess, I grab a couple coats that were put on hold earlier.)

Me: “Was it your mom who called earlier? Are you [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes! How did you know?”

(The customer grabs the coats from me and speaks in Chinese while putting one on her daughter, looking at it critically and tugging at the bottom. I go and find a different style that’s shorter.)

Me: “Here, this one is shorter.”

Customer: “How did you know?”

(She switches back to Chinese, getting the girl to switch coats. The girl starts crying.)

Me: “If she really likes the other one, we can try the smaller size. I don’t think it will fit her for very long, though.”

(I hand her the smaller size in the original coat. The customer changes coats again. I think she agrees with me that it’s too small, since she switches back to the other coat. The girl is in tears again, and her mother begins carrying her while she and her husband look for something, still talking in Chinese.)

Me: “Mirror? At the back there.” *pointing*

Customer: “How did you know?”

(They find the mirror, and the girl stops crying, apparently liking this coat after all. I approach with a matching hat, gloves, and scarf. The little girl exclaims something that I assume is “kitty” in Chinese as she grabs the cat-ear hat out of my hand and tries to put it on. While her mom helps her with the hat, I grab a couple other items.)

Me: “If she likes cats, these are also good for winter.”

Customer: “How did you know?”

(Her daughter is now trying to carry all the cat-related items at once, but her little arms in the big puffy coat are making it difficult. Not seeing anything else I can help with, I go back to tidying the store until they approach the cash register, and I go back to help again.)

Customer: “Do you speak Chinese?”

Me: “No, sorry. I tried to learn once, but it was hard!”

(The customer seemed satisfied by this answer, maybe thinking I’d picked up a few words, and we had a little conversation about how different English and Chinese are while she checks out. Really, I tried and failed to learn to count in Chinese; body language and actions are just really easy to read sometimes.)

He Tried His Breast

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work at a deli that also serves hot food during the day. We have a hot case with various pieces of chicken and potatoes to make combo meals from. It’s the very end of the day and we’ve run out of breasts to make the combos with, so it’s by-piece or bust. It should be noted we have a discounted eight-piece meal that’s incredibly popular at the moment, so it’s a quick grab for most. It features two of each piece: breasts, thighs, wings, and legs. A customer walks up about twenty minutes to close, an older gentleman with frazzled hair looking a bit… out of it.)

Customer: *looking over the meals* “I want some chicken.”

Me: “Can do, but fair warning that we’ve run out of breasts, so I can’t make you any combos. Can’t substitute for ’em.”

Customer: *seeming a bit out of it* “That eight-piece chicken.”

Me: “Sorry. No more breasts for the night; can’t do any combos.”

Customer: “That eight-piece chicken.”

Me: “No breasts? Single pieces are all we have.”

Customer: *quietly, with a tinge of annoyance* “I want an eight-piece chicken!”

Me: *sighing internally, trying a different tactic* “I can give you thighs and other pieces, but no breasts—” *gesturing to the case FULL of the other pieces* “—perhaps a few of those?”

(At this point, the customer stares off into space, as if this decision would blow up a sun somewhere in the universe. He pauses for a minute.)

Customer: “Oh. Uh.” *stares* “Chicken?”

Me: “I, um… How about I just grab you a few of each and make you a box?”

Customer: *hazy* “Chicken?”

(I just nodded and made him a box. He ended up requesting five of everything, something close to nearly $25 of chicken. I handed it over, and he happily tottered off to the checkout. Enjoy the chicken, eight-piece dude.)

Wish You Could Get This Crazy On Tape

, , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work at a local grocery store as a cashier. We sell frozen breakfast corndogs. They’re delicious; they are pancakes wrapped around breakfast sausages. The ends of the box are taped down. But a customer thinks that the box was tampered with when they see the tape.)

Customer: *stares at breakfast corndog box*

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: “Yes. This box was tampered with.”

Me: “I see. Let me get you a new one.”

(I return from the frozen aisle.)

Me: “I just realised, after looking at all the boxes, that all of those have tape on the ends. I still got you a new box since the other one was dented.”

Customer: “That one was tampered with also; that one is taped, too!”

Me: “Ma’am, the box wasn’t tampered with. All the boxes are taped like that.”

Customer: “No, food boxes can’t be taped! I want you to get me an untaped one right now!”

Me: “You don’t understand. That’s just how that company packaged them.”

(A manager hears this back and forth, and comes to my register.)

Manager: “Is something wrong here?”

Customer: “This box of breakfast corndogs was tampered with, and your employee says that it wasn’t, even though it clearly was!”

(I explain the situation that all of the boxes are taped like that.)

Manager: “I’ll check the ones we have in the back, just to be sure.”

(The manager leaves for the back room, and comes back within two minutes.)

Manager: “[My Name] was right. That’s just how they’re packaged.”

Customer: “But food boxes can’t be taped, and the customer is always right! I expect a discount for all of this!”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t do that. If you’re so concerned about them, then you don’t have to buy the corndogs.”

(The customer quietly paid for the rest of her groceries, but then started ranting about how she should have been given a discount since we tried to sell damaged goods to her. She kept it up until she walked out the door.)

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