Don’t Housekeep To Yourself

, , | Right | April 25, 2019

(I’m a housekeeper at a hotel mainly for long stays. Today, I am pushing my cart to go to a room when a door opens and a woman catches my attention.)

Woman: “Hey. Do you work here?”

(I am also wearing a uniform shirt with the company logo, totally visible.)

Me: “Yes…”

Woman: “Do housekeepers clean on Fridays?”

(Not sure why she thought hotels had days where there wasn’t someone to clean rooms.)

Best Not To Log-Split Hairs With This Guy

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2019

Customer: “So, you ain’t got no log splitters?”

Me: “We actually do. We sell 25-ton units and 35-ton units. They’re on display in front of the store.”

Customer: *looking all around, even UP, in an effort to see splitters IN the store* “Where?”

Me: “Sorry about the confusion. They’re outside, in front of the store, lined up on the sidewalk.”

Customer: *still scanning the heavens for, apparently, flying log splitters* “You mean… OUTSIDE?!”

Me: “Yes. Which size were you interested in?”

Customer: “The 20-ton.”

Me: “We actually don’t sell a 20-ton unit, we carry 25s and 35s.”

Customer: “So, it’ll do both?”

Me: “No… they’re two separate units. One does 25 tons and the other does 35 tons.”

Customer: “So, it’ll do 25 tons?”

Me: “They are two separate uni…”

(In my mind I say, “F*** it.”)

Me: “…yes, it’ll do 25 tons.”

Customer: “How much is that one?”

Me: “The 25-ton unit is normally $999, but we have a sale starting this Friday that takes them down to $849, for a savings of $150. However, since you’re here today, I will honor that sale price and let you have it for $849 today, prepped and ready to go.”

Customer: “Well, how much without the prep cost?”

Me: “We actually don’t charge for preparation. We throw that in as a perk to you for buying from us. It’s a value of not having to pay for a bottle of oil or gallons of fuel. When you buy from us, your unit will be ready to leave the store and go straight to the woods to start splitting.”

Customer: “So, how much money does it take off if I don’t have you prep it?”

Me: “Sir, there is no cost for the preparation. We do that for free.”

Customer: “I know; I understand that! But if you don’t do it, how much will I save?”

Me: “You don’t get additional money off if we don’t prep the unit. You would actually be losing value because we are in fact giving you that service for free.”

Customer: “Um… okay.” *still very confused* “So, when does this sale start?”

Me: “The sale doesn’t officially start until Friday, but I will give you the sale price today. It’s a $150 savings.”

Customer: “So, it’s $700?”

Me: “No, it’s $849.”

Customer: “You said it was $150 off!”

Me: “Yes, it’s $150 off the original price, which is $999. $999 minus $150 comes out to the sale price, $849.”

Customer: “Well, when does it go on sale for $700?”

Me: “Sir, it doesn’t go down to $700 ever. Okay, here: the original price of the unit is $999. With me so far?”

Customer: *nods*

Me: “So, the sale price of the unit, which is what I’m offering you today, right now, is $849. That’s a savings of $150.”

Customer: “Okay, so when does the sale start?”

Me: “Friday.”

Customer: “So, I come back on Friday and it’s $849? Will you take any money off if I buy it today?”

Me: *bewildered pause* “If… Yes, sure, I’ll give you a ‘special deal’ of $849 if you buy it right now.”

Customer: “Don’t you have another location in [Town]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Do they carry the same stuff as you guys?”

Me: “Yes, they do; we’re a chain. There might be some variation in inventory, but we carry the same product, yes.”

Customer: “Oh, good. I’m not from around here; I’m just in the area right now. Thanks for all the info; I’ll go up there and pick one up on Friday when the sale starts!”

Me: *face meets palm*

That Drove Through One Ear And Straight Out The Other

, , , | Right | April 25, 2019

(It’s about fifteen minutes after closing. All of our exterior building signs, the parking lot lights, and the menu board are turned off, and there are bars over the windows. I still have a headset on because it is the easiest way to communicate with a crew member doing closing tasks on the other side of the restaurant without yelling. A car pulls up and I decide to greet them before they start honking to get our attention, which comes across as VERY loud over the headset.)

Me: “Hi! I am very sorry, but we are closed for the evening. Our store on [Street] is open 24 hours a day.”

Person In Car: “So, that means we can still order, right?”

The Rewards Program That Isn’t That Rewarding

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2019

(Our department store has a rewards program. Customers have praised the rewards program for the discounts it offers, but the only problem is that the customer is the only one who has access to their rewards account, meaning we cashiers can’t look it up on our registers. We can only connect their account to their purchase so that they can get the points for it. They either have to download the store’s app on their phone, look it up online, or print out and show us their coupons on their email to use their rewards. It just takes a matter of preparation in advance. Unfortunately, our store’s competitor has a very similar rewards program that CAN be accessed through their registers, as well as being able to use the coupons from that account. Customers occasionally confuse us for our competitor and ask us, “Do I have any rewards?” despite us not being able to check. Sometimes the customer is cordial about it and will accept a coupon I may have at the register, or annoyed because they “hadn’t planned on stopping in” and hence didn’t think to see if they had any coupons. Regardless, I try to take it in stride and offer as much help as I can so that they can get their discounts now, or tell them how they can save more the next time they come in. An older gentleman approaches my register with some expensive shoes.)

Customer: “Can I give you my rewards number?”

Me: “Absolutely! What’s your phone number?”

Customer: *tells me number* “I should have some rewards there. I want to use them for this.”

Me: “Oh, well, unfortunately, I can’t see what you’ve earned in your rewards account. You can either look it up on your app, the website, or your email.”

Customer: *stares at me* “That’s not right. I did it last time, and you guys were able to do it!”

Me: *confused, before I realize something* “Oh! Do you by any chance mean you did this at [Competitor]?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we can’t do the same thing they can. Our register just can’t see your rewards account. But I can definitely put the points you earned in this purchase into the account!”

Customer: “But I want my coupon. What can we do so that I can use my coupon right now?”

Me: “Well, you can look it up on the website! May I see your phone?”

(Presumptuous me assumes he has a smartphone connected to our store’s WiFi. Imagine the dumb look on my face when he hands me an old-school flip phone. He stares at me as I laugh nervously and apologize, handing it back.)

Me: “Another option is that you can look it up on your email! Do you have a computer at home with email access?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Cool! So, when you get home, print out the coupon and show it to customer service, as they’ll happily take the discount off today’s purchase. Or, you can always leave your shoes here on hold and buy them with the coupon when you come back.”

Customer: “So, I need my email?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Give me something to write with.”

Me: “Okay, sure!”

(I hand him a piece of paper and a pen and I watch, clueless, as he writes something down. He turns the paper to me and stares.)

Me: “Is this your email?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can I ask what you want me to do with it?”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “I want you to look up my account and use my coupon.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t look it up on my register. It—“ *turns the register to show him* “It doesn’t give me the option.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “And it’s not a computer, so I can’t look up your email.”

Customer: “But you said I needed my email address to get my coupons!”

Me: “Yes. For you to use at home. On your computer.”

Customer: “So, you can’t get my coupons for me?”

Me: *genuinely apologetic* “No.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Whatever.”

(He purchases his shoes and leaves in a frustrated huff.)

Me: *to myself* “My lips were moving, but all he heard was, ‘blah blah blah.’”

Make Swimming Great Again

, , , | Right | April 25, 2019

(My coworkers and I are cleaning up after finishing swimming lessons. Suddenly, one of my coworkers approaches me and asks me to check out some raised voices she heard in the hallway. I walk up and I do hear raised voices coming from two mothers. I approach one of the ladies who is yelling and, for the sake of this story, it’s important to note that she is white and the woman she is arguing with is of African descent.)

Me: “Hey, ladies, what seems to be—“

(Suddenly, out of nowhere, the white lady screeches and storms up to the other woman.)

Lady: “DON’T YOU EVER TALK LIKE THAT TO ME!”

(The two start arguing while I’m trying to calm them down. I quickly radio the site leader that night, who helps me separate them. While we are trying to talk to both of them, the one customer is fuming and won’t calm down.)

Lady: “That f****** b**** and her son are dead. Dead! Her [racial slur] son hit my little girl!”

(The son and daughter are no more than five years old.)

Team Leader: “Ma’am, that language is not allowed here.”

Lady: “KICK THEM THE F*** OUT!”

(Meanwhile, I’m talking to the other mom, who is calm but obviously shaken, and trying to console her son, who is crying. It turns out that as they were passing by each other in the narrow hallway, the little boy accidentally bumped into the little girl and apologized. That’s when the other lady lost it. As I’m writing down a report, the team leader comes to me, obviously having had enough of the other lady.)

Team Leader: “Since you were the first one here, I just want to clarify something: would you say that the lady I’m talking to is the one who instigated the fight?”

Me: “Well, they were both arguing when I arrived—“

Team Leader: “But if I were to say in the report that the other lady was the one who was the most uncooperative and most argumentative, would you back up this statement?”

Me: “Oh, yes. I would, 100%.”

Team Leader: “Thank you.”

(She then walks back over to the other lady, who is still swearing and cursing.)

Team Leader: “You will stop this at once and leave this building or I will call and have police escort you out. Furthermore, you are banned from using this facility ever again for uttering death threats and discriminatory remarks. If you try to come back, we have your information and the police will be called. Do you understand?”

Lady: *starts to cry and wail* “It’s because I’m white, isn’t it?”

(That was the first and only time in my lifetime — so far — that I’ve ever heard that remark. Also, no, lady, it’s because you’re crazy!)

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