Will Not Miss Mister

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2019

(In France, as probably almost everywhere, non-profits hire students to stop people in the street to ask them for donations. It’s expected that they remain friendly and smiling, and people seem to take that as a “please abuse me” sign. Sure, they can be a bit annoying, but they never insist once you tell them you’re not interested. I have a rather old bike which tends to fall apart easily, needing me to stop for a minute or two to pick up the broken parts and put them back together. One day, I stop right next to a student working for an NPO and hear this exchange between the employee and an old guy.)

NPO Employee: “Hi! Do you have a minute?”

(Note that in French, using words such as, “sir,” “mister,” etc., would be weird in that sentence and setting.)

Old Guy: “If you want to talk to me, you’ll call me mister!”

NPO Employee: *hesitant* “Okay, and does mister have a minute?”

Old Guy: *with a smug smile* “No!”

(I don’t like it when a**holes seem to think they can bother whomever they want, just because they’re younger, or for whatever reason. I stand up from my improvised bike repair and walk up to the old guy. I’m a 20-ish female, but I’m 1.80m — 5’9” — and am very well-built, so I tower over him.)

Me: *in the sweetest voice I can muster* “Then why did mister feel the need to importune that underpaid student? Would mister deign explain it to someone who isn’t contractually obligated to smile and be polite to him, or would mister rather f*** off?”

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Sometimes You Just Have To Be Your Own Parade

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2019

(It’s the day of a well-known pirate-themed parade. Our store is near the parade route, so we often get people in various states of sobriety that stop in to stock up on food and drinks. A very tall man, dressed in full pirate gear, walks through the doors. It’s about 10:00 am.)

Customer: “What’s up, everybody?! It’s [Parade] Day!”

(My coworker bagging groceries chuckles.)

Coworker: “This should be fun.”

(The customer wanders through the store, occasionally stopping to exclaim over food items and yell, “Hello!” at other customers. He gets to my register. He’s buying chips, Gatorade, and a lot of liquor.)

Customer: “What’s up, [Grocery Store] peeps?! It’s a great day for a parade!”

Me: “That’s what I hear!”

(I ring through his stuff and he pays.)

Customer: “Right on, cashier lady!” *high-fives me* “Have an awesome day!” *grabs his stuff, fist bumps my coworker, and walks out*

(My coworker and I stare at each other and start laughing.)

Coworker: “Day drunk or just really excited?”

Me: “I’m going to guess… really excited. Although he was in full costume at 10:00 am, so… who knows?”

(When the local news aired parade highlights that night, there was my customer, riding a float and throwing beads!)

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A Very Last Shift In Behavior

, , , , , , , , | Right | October 18, 2019

(It’s not long before the end of my very last call centre shift and my tolerance for stupidity is at an all-time low.)

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [Bank], [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Caller: “Reset my online password. Your stupid system blocked it.”

Me: “Can I take your account number, please?”

Caller: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “Okay, is this for a credit or a debit account?”

Caller: “Credit.”

Me: “Perfect. And is it a personal or business account?”

Caller: *tutting* “Personal.”

Me: “Let me just bring up the credit card system. Can I take your name and the first line of your address so I can search for you?”

Caller: “It’s [Caller] and [address].”

Me: “Nothing is coming back with those details. Let me just search the business credit card system.”

Caller: “It’s not a business card. Jesus.” *to person in background* “How hard is it to listen to what I’m saying?”

Me: “All right. Well, there’s nothing with your details coming up on the credit card system. Is it definitely a credit card?”

Caller: “No! Jesus Christ. It’s a debit card. Why is this taking so long?” *to person in background* “She isn’t listening to anything I say.”

Me: “All right, I’ll search the debit card system. Again, nothing is coming up on that system. Are you definitely a [Bank] customer?”

Caller: “This is ridiculous. Yes, I am a customer.”

Me: “Okay. By any chance is it a business account?” *even though she already said it isn’t*

Caller: “Yes! Are you stupid? I told you already that it is!” *to person in the background* “This idiot is the stupidest person I’ve ever spoken to.”

Me: *starting to see red* “What’s the business name?”

Caller: “[Business].”

Me: “Nothing is coming up under that name, either. Please double-check and give me the right business name.”

Caller: “F***’s sake. It’s [Other Name].” 

Me: “Okay, I finally have your account. Can I take your security number to verify you?”

Caller: “It’s [number].”

Me: “Nope, that’s not right. Try again.”

Caller: “Try [number].”

Me: “That’s not correct, either, so now I need to ask you some security questions. Can I get [details]?

Caller: “Is this call ever going to f****** end? It’s [details].

(By now I am completely confused and I’ve forgotten that she wants to reset a password. It’s almost 11:00 pm and at this time of night, 99% of calls are for lost cards, so I automatically assume that’s what the call is for.)

Me: “Those details were actually correct, so I can cancel your lost card now.”

Caller: “WHY THE F*** ARE YOU CANCELLING MY CARD?! Jesus, are you completely stupid? I want to reset my password. Is that too difficult for your dumb brain to comprehend?”

Me: “I’m sorry. There has been so much back and forth while I try to find your account that I forgot the call reason.”

Caller: “That’s not good enough. You’re a stupid f****** idiot who hasn’t listened to anything I’ve said. You’re a moron.”

Me: *finally reaching my limit* “DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! I am not stupid and I have listened to everything you’ve said. You said it was a credit card when it was a debit card. You said it was a personal account when it was a business account. You said the business name was [Business] when it’s actually [Other Name]. You rang the bank without any account details or account information. And finally, you’re the one who doesn’t know their verification details. I’ve spent nearly fifteen minutes trying to find your account when this entire call should have only taken two or three minutes, all because you’re too stupid to know a single thing about your account.”

Caller: “Well, I, uh, just…”.

Me: “I’ve reset your online password now, and since you’re soooooo smart, I’m sure you’ll figure out how to create a new one yourself. Goodbye.”

(I then hung up on her. The password reset process is extremely difficult without help, but my shift was over so I never found out if she had to call back.)

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With Friends Like These…  

, , | Right | October 18, 2019

(Monthly, my store is scored on how many surveys we get in, as well as how high the customer scores us in the surveys. We try to offer the surveys to everyone.)

Me: *reading over the surveys my manager has just printed out* “Uh… [Manager]?”

Manager: “Hmm?”

Me: “Did someone really give us a poor score because they didn’t like the people they were shopping with!?”

(The survey said, “There was nothing wrong with the store and the staff were lovely, but I had a poor time because of the people I came with, 0/10.”)

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Will Not Spill The Tea On What’s Bothering Her

, , , | Right | October 18, 2019

(We are selling teas, and customers are able to try anything that they want. We also have some flavours readied for customer tasting at the front. We are visited by a lady customer; I end my break and she is browsing when I come out to the shop floor. My colleague has tried to serve her.)

Me: “Did she want any tea?”

Colleague: “Nope. She said she just wants to browse.”

(Some other customers walk in and I notice that she is looking for a particularly long time at one of our teas. I approach her.)

Me: “Do you want to try anything that interests you?”

Customer: “Actually, I’m interested in this one. Do you have a bigger size?”

Me: “Yes. We have it here.” *pointed to the shelf* “Would you like to try that? We have it in front, actually.”

(I proceed to the front, pour the tea for her, and she drinks half of it and puts the cup down.)

Customer: “Hmm… I don’t really like that. It tastes like water.”

(She goes back to the shelf and smells the same tea. I think maybe she doesn’t like the taste, since it will have differences between the smell and the finished brewed tea.)

Me: “May I ask what kind of flavour you like?”

Customer: “I prefer stronger ones.”

Me: “Oh, you can try this Japanese one if you like. It has a stronger taste.”

Customer: *visibly annoyed* “I prefer fruity.”

Me: “Oh, I see.” *browsing through green tea section to find fruity ones with strong green tea* “Unfortunately, the other fruity green tea will be either weaker or the same…”

Customer: “You are not helping me. You just try to smell and drink that. You tell me what kind of taste is that!

(I am stunned, so I’m left there wondering why she is angry.)

Customer: “You are not going to help me standing like that, so smell this and taste the one you just gave me. Okay?!”

(I go and pour the tea from the same pot I gave her and return back to her with the tea. I have no problem with the usual taste.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but the taste is supposed to be like this…”


Me: “Well, there will be a slight difference when you brew and when you smell…”

Customer: “NO, THERE’S NOT!” *proceeds to browse another shelf*

Me: “If you don’t like it, I could brew you another flavour that you might like…”


(I informed my colleague briefly what happened and that it seems I made her angry. The customer eventually buys an infuser and leaves.)

Colleague: “I don’t even dare to ask her for our membership.”

Me: “Why?” 

Colleague: “I’m afraid that I might offend her again.”

Me: “I think she is triggered because I gave her that tea.”

Colleague: “Because she doesn’t like the taste?”

(We will never know why she seemed to be so angry about the tea.)

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