You Think Being Old Is Hard? Try Listening To Unsolicited Lectures!

, , , , | Friendly | May 12, 2020

My boyfriend and I are out for a stroll at a popular walking park and have sat down at a picnic-style table along the route to catch a breather after walking for forty-five minutes.

An elderly couple approaches and the woman is huffing and puffing exaggeratedly. She slumps down on the bench beside me. I stand up to make room for her. 

Woman: “Oh, don’t get up for poor old me! It’s okay; you can sit. I just have to rest for a bit. I’m over ninety years old you know! Not unlike you healthy young lot!”

Me: “Well, we were sitting here for a while already, so we don’t mind getting going again. Have a nice day!”

Woman: “Oh, no, don’t let us shoo you away! But if you were sitting here for quite a while… ha! Isn’t that just lazy? Are you tired already from your little walk? You and your young legs!”

Her husband chimes in. 

Husband: “Yeah, we’re both over ninety and still taking long walks! Let’s see if you can still keep that up when you reach our age! You think you have it easy now? Just wait until you’re old! Same with jobs nowadays. You youngsters think you have it tough, but we had it much tougher back in the day, you know!”

Both of them go into a spiel on how young people are spoiled and lazy and their generation had it worse, etc. All the while, they keep a friendly smile going. They ask what kind of jobs we are doing and how it’s probably all a piece of cake for us.

I stand to the side a bit, biting my tongue and restraining myself from giving them a piece of my mind and telling them how I’m currently struggling to get a job with my muscle-condition, which is also causing quite some pain on my legs and feet at this very moment, even after the ”little walk” we had. 

My boyfriend is politely answering their questions but also giving signs that we want to continue our walk. The couple seems determined, however, to keep us there as long as they like so they can tell us how privileged our generation is. 

We finally shake them off and walk along.

Me: *To my boyfriend* “Jeez, with all due respect for the elderly, did they just really want us to keep them company so they could spew their opinion about lazy youth on us?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, do us both a favor and let’s never become an old, spoiled, rich couple with matching designer parkas and [Expensive Brand] walking shoes like them!”

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This Landlord, Much Like His Furniture, Remains Unmoved

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 11, 2020

I’ve spent almost my entire adult life living in rented rooms in shared houses or flats, as was the case when I started dating a great guy. Tensions arose at home due to me dating another man, resulting in me being given minimal warning to try and find another place. Then-boyfriend and I agreed to try to find a place together, and we ended up moving into a ground floor flat with the owner and his wife.

It turned out that the owner was a bit of a control freak. He set off my C-PTSD — coupled with other, unrelated life events — and I became very isolated and afraid of him. It turned out, while he wasn’t aware of everything going on, he absolutely approved of my being intimidated by him. 

However, one day he pushed me too far and my fear evaporated and I started standing up for myself. He reacted so badly to this that we argued over a blown light bulb and he ended up giving us our notice to move out after we’d been there about two years.

This story just about sums up what a pain in the behind he was.

On the day of our leaving, we had a friend — who also rents rooms — come over, ostensibly to help, but really to be there in case things went south, between his experience and his physical presence, since he was broader and beefier than the other three people combined. Our landlord protested him being present; I was ready to stick to my guns but my friend excused himself and stood by the open window to listen.

Our landlord started pulling the furniture out from where it had stood for the entire time we’d lived there and complaining about the dust behind them. He demanded to know why we hadn’t cleaned there. I pointed out that he had expressly forbidden us from moving the furniture.

“That isn’t true,” he claimed.

It absolutely was. I reminded him of the time my boyfriend went to him to ask if we could move the room around and he flatly refused.

“That never happened.”

I pointed out that there were even labels stuck to the furniture saying not to move them.

“That’s not true.”

Of course, it was true! I went over to a piece of furniture and pointed to the label, exclaiming that it was right there!

He rolled his eyes, muttered, “Typical,” and instead started pulling out the drawers to make sure they were all empty.

When he left the room, my friend poked his head through the window. He had been just about crying trying not to laugh loud enough to be heard, and he said that he thought I’d been exaggerating how much of a pain the landlord was. 

NOPE! Not at all. This story is one single perfect example of just how he was.

My boyfriend and I had decided how much of our deposit we’d be willing to say goodbye to, just to be rid of him; we said he should take the last couple of week’s rent out of it. We got a little more than our minimum back and off we went.

In the years since, we’ve gotten married, we’ve stayed close friends with the friend who was there, and my mental health has enormously improved.

I just pity his wife, who was as lovely as our landlord was petty and controlling.

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What’s The Politest Way To Say, “None Of Your Business”?

, , , , | Friendly | May 11, 2020

I haven’t spoken to my father or his family in years. The reason isn’t really important; it’s just important to know that I don’t speak to them, don’t know where they are, and don’t care to know. 

I am a full-grown adult. My mom and I are invited to a friend of a friend’s house party so she can show off photos she took while traveling, and we are making small talk while waiting for the other guests to arrive.

Mom: “Hi, I’m [Mom] and this is my daughter, [My Name].” 

Hostess: “So, it’s just you and your mom?”

Me: “Pretty much, yep.”

Hostess: “Where’s your dad?”

Me: “Um… don’t really know and don’t want to. I don’t talk to him.”

Hostess: “Oh.” *To my mom* “Well, do you know where he is?”

My mom and I were both so baffled by the extreme rudeness of this comment that neither of us knew how to respond at all. We just kind of walked away.

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Stupidity Reaching New Heights

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 9, 2020

I’m in the ladies’ washroom on the observation deck of the CN Tower, formerly the tallest free-standing structure in the world, over 1,100 feet high, and well above the height of any other building around.

[Tourist #1] flushes the toilet.

Tourist #2: “Hey! The water pressure is really good in here!”

Tourist #1: “Yeah!” *Pause* “We must be close to a water tower.”

Tourist #2: “I didn’t see any water tower. Did you?”

Tourist #1: “No, but there has to be one for the water pressure to be this good.”

Tourist #2: “Let’s go out and look again.”

They finished washing their hands and went out to look!

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The Dining Hall Didn’t Ace Apple Pie Baking

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 8, 2020

I’m going to a moderately famous school, miles away from my hometown. My first couple of weeks are rough, as I don’t know anyone, but my roommate ends up inviting me to have lunch with a couple of her friends in one of the eating halls.

[Friend #1] is eating a fairly bland apple pie that was being offered pretty cheap. She makes an extremely exaggerated moan as she does so.

Friend #1: “Oh! It’s better than sex!”

Friend #2: “You’re ace. Scratching your armpit is better than sex for you.”

[Friend #1] just took an exaggeratedly big bite of the pie in response. They are now some of my best friends, and this is a prime example of the kind of relationship we all have.

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