GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 5

, , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(It’s my first year at university and I am still getting used to the new buses I have to take. The bus app is malfunctioning, so I have to remember my bus times from memory. I get on one bus and ask the driver a question.)

Me: “Does this bus go to [Intersection]?”

Bus Driver: “I only follow the GPS.”

Me: “I know, but it should be a stop. I just want to make sure I’m on the right bus.”

Bus Driver: “I just follow the GPS. I don’t know.”

Me: “Really?”

Bus Driver: “I just follow the GPS.”

(Since I was 90% sure I was on the right bus, I stayed on, and I was right, but what bus driver doesn’t know intersections?)

Related:
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 4
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2

Knows How To Drive Them Away

, , , , | Working | March 30, 2018

(I’m on a bus late in the evening. It’s packed, but it gets worse when two young guys board who have obviously been drinking. They seem like trouble waiting to happen, but unless they actually break any laws, they can’t be kicked off. I’m hoping the bus driver will step in — the guys reek of booze and keep making loud, inappropriate jokes — but when the driver announces the next station, her voice sounds really timid and girly, so I expect that’s not going to happen. Then, somewhere along the route, there’s the sound of a glass bottle falling over. The driver’s voice comes back on the intercom, suddenly rather stern:)

Driver: “Guys, was that a beer bottle?”

Drunk Guy: “Haha, sure! Don’t worry; I just finished it!”

(Without further warning, the driver pulls the bus over to the side of the road and actually stops.)

Driver: *still over intercom* “Then I suggest you get off here. Alcohol is not permitted on the bus, so I guess you’re walking.”

Drunk Guy: “What? Are you crazy? You looking for a fight?”

(The other passengers, me included, haven’t said anything so far. At this announcement, though, I can see a few male passengers getting ready to intervene. Before anyone can actually step in, the driver opens the bus doors.)

Driver: “What if I am looking for a fight? Let’s settle this outside!”

(The two guys, too drunk to realize what she’s doing, actually get off the bus to wait for her outside, only to have her close the doors in their faces. We think that’s the end of it and I’m in awe of her genius move, when one of the guys kicks the bus door in frustration. The driver opens one of the doors again and is out of her seat in a second. We can all hear her from outside, yelling, and definitely nothing timid about her:)

Driver: “Yeah, that’s right! If you kick my bus one more time, I’ll kick you so hard you’ll cry for your mommy to save you, only she won’t, because she won’t be able to recognize you! Now run, little boy. That’s right. I knew you didn’t have the balls!”

(That five-foot-nothing bus driver gets two drunk guys to slink off in shame. They simply run away. The bus driver casually gets back on the bus, closes the door, and continues the route, while those passengers who were prepared to “save” her are left looking a bit sheepish.)

Driver: *again over intercom, now back to quiet timid girl voice* “Next stop is [Station]. And, uh, sorry for earlier. That’s usually not my style.”

(I sure hope it’s her style, and I really want to be her when I grow up!)

Listening To A Musical “Duality”

, , , , , | Friendly | March 5, 2018

(I’m on a late bus home after a hard day at work. I’m sat minding my own business, listening to “The Beatles” whilst reading a book. Sat opposite me is an older man who appears to have had a few drinks. He starts poking me in the shoulder, causing me to take out my earphone.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: *still poking me whilst yelling* “Will you turn that s*** off?! It’s way too loud!”

Me: “I have this at half volume and the rest of the bus is empty. If you think you can hear it, then please f*** off to another seat.”

(At this point, I put my earphone back in and try to go back to reading. He keeps poking me and I try my best to ignore it, but after two more minutes I take my earphone out again.)

Me: “What the f*** is your problem?”

Man: “I told you to stop listening to that loud rubbish, so turn it off!”

Me: “I am listening to The Beatles, and it’s not loud. If you keep touching me, I will change to heavy metal and turn it up to full blast. You have two options: f*** off and leave me alone, or I listen to Slipknot at full blast. Up to you.”

(I put my earphone in and ignore him. He moves, and all of a sudden my earphone gets ripped out of my ear. The man shoves his phone into my ear, playing some obnoxious ringtone. I grab his phone and throw it down the bus, smashing it against the back of the bus driver’s cabinet.)

Me: *yelling* “Who the f*** do you think you are? You touch me again, and it won’t be just your phone smashed into pieces!”

(The man ran to the front of the bus where the bus driver laughed at his complaint and kicked him off at the next stop.)

Unfiltered Story #105498

, , , , , , | Unfiltered | February 15, 2018

One year, me and my friends decide to go to an anime convention for the new year in Austin. We ended up booking tickets with a cheap bus company, and would soon grow to regret it. Though there was a bus station from our home city, arriving in Austin would present us with the company’s ‘station’ there; Namely a completely empty lot, several miles away from our hotel. It wasn’t so bad, except the walk convinced us to call a taxi for when we decided to return.

The day that the convention ended, and that we were supposed to take the bus home, we checked out of our hotel and began to enjoy the last day. A few hours before our bus was supposed to leave, I call a taxi to arrive at our hotel at a specific time. Nothing seems out of the ordinary…until the taxi arrives well over an hour before it was supposed to.

Not wanting to be standing in an empty lot, in the middle of Austin, I asked the taxi to come back in an hour. An hour passes… and the taxi never returned. It becomes a mad dash to find another way there, especially now that it was too late to call another taxi. We managed to find one of our friends from our hometown, who had driven and, therefore, had a car available. They drove us to the lot where the bus was supposed to be, with a good 5-10 minutes to spare, only to find that the bus HAD ALREADY LEFT.

Me and my friends were now stranded in Austin, with no hotel room, and the soonest bus from another company leaving early the next morning. (At this point it was only ten at night.) Two of the four of us decided to camp out at the bus station (an actual station), in order to catch the earliest possible bus. The friend who had given us a ride offered to let us stay in their room for the night, since they weren’t going to check out until the next day, and would drive us to the station in the morning.

Thankfully we were able to get home safely, without any other incidents. But that cheap bus company has most certainly made it where I’m never going to use it again!

Her Argument Has Your Foot To Stand On

, , , , , | Friendly | February 12, 2018

(I am a 20-year-old male. I completely destroyed my foot in a soccer game two months ago, and I’m now returning to work. I have a full cast on my leg and have to get around on a little scooter. I sit in a disabled seat on the bus that is close to the door, put in my headphones in, and start watching a show on Netflix. About halfway into the ride, a woman stands in front of me; I think nothing of it, until she decides to reach forward and rip my headphones out of my ears.)

Me: “WHAT THE HELL, LADY?!”

(I look up and realize she is pregnant.)

Lady: “I’m pregnant.”

Me: “Okay. Is it mine?”

Lady: “What? No! I just need to sit there.”

(I look around the bus; there are seats available everywhere.)

Me: “I seem to be missing why I should give a d***. You could sit over there.”

Lady: “I’m pregnant! I demand to sit here! I can’t stay on my feet, and walking all the back there isn’t going to be good for me!”

(I now look at my cast, at my scooter, and back at her.)

Me: “And you think it’s going to be great for me?”

Lady: “You’re probably just faking it! Move!”

Me: “No! I got here first! Also, this is a hard cast. I would have to be very dedicated in order to go through the trouble of making a fake cast.”

Lady: “Move! I’m bringing a baby in the world; I deserve this seat!”

Me: “No. You don’t. I don’t owe you anything. This is a disabled seat. If you want, I can pull out my temporary disabled sticker. But go sit elsewhere.”

(She tried to tell the bus driver, and asked him to tell me to move, but he told her to stop being a whiny b****, sit down, and just shut up. She glared at me the whole time. It was so worth it.)

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