Will You Girls Just STOP?

, , | Right | July 12, 2018

(I watch this happen between two girls and the bus driver. The bus stops, passengers disembark. Literally two seconds after the bus starts moving, [Girl #1] presses the bell. After about 15 seconds, this happens.)

Girl #1: “Why isn’t he stopping?”

Girl #2: “I don’t know. You pressed the bell.”

Girl #1: *to the driver* “Are you stopping?”

Driver: “Yes, when I get to my stop.”

Girl #2: “But we need to get off here.”

(She starts pressing the bell repeatedly.)

Girl #2: “Why won’t he stop?!”

Girl #1: “He has to stop. He’s a bus!”

(Frantically ringing the bell.)

Me: “He’ll stop at the other end of the road, which is his stop.”

(Both girls stare at me like I have three heads.)

Girl #1: “But we need to get off here.”

Me: “This is a bus, not a taxi. He stops at predesignated stops, not in the middle of the street.”

(Turns to [Girl #2], who is still pressing the bell.)

Me: “And doing that won’t make him stop any sooner.”

(They glared at me and at the driver, then started whispering to each other. The bus stopped and they got off, giving me and the driver dirty looks. When I got to my stop, I thanked the driver, and we shared a laugh over the two stupid girls who still didn’t understand buses in their late teens.)

Will You Please Just Pokémon-Go Away?

, , , , | Friendly | July 9, 2018

(My mom and I are on a bus together on a mutual day off. I went into the city to play Pokémon Go, while she needed to run errands and asked me to keep her company first. The errands run way longer than expected, and she apologizes and lets me pick where we go for what’s left of the day. I’m playing while talking to her, and she’s even looking at my game and commenting about it the moment a middle-aged man moves from his seat to sit across from us.)

Man: *to me* “Now, ma’am, I have to say something. You see this person sitting next to you? They are your best friend.”

Me: *giving him a dead-eyed stare* “That’s my mom.”

Man: “They are your best friend. And you’re on your phone, talking to your Internet friends. Now, you see, you can have your Internet friends…or you can have your best friend. You can’t have both of them.”

(I raise a perfect Spock Eyebrow and keep staring at him. He is looking at me for reaction, and looks like he might even keep going until he sees the look my mom, who doesn’t suffer lightly idiots, mansplainers, or weird men approaching her daughter, is giving to him. The guy silently decides to move back to his original seat with the air of someone who has imparted great wisdom.)

Me: “Soooo, I guess we can’t be Facebook friends anymore?”

Mom: *rolls her eyes and shakes her head* “Go catch another coconut tree-thing.”

Kind Gestures For A Dollar

, , , , | | Hopeless | May 28, 2018

(I am a sophomore in high school, and my sister has just left for college on the other side of the country. I miss her and am having a horrible day, having just figured out that I failed a big test in school. It is freezing cold outside, and I have depression and anxiety, so I am about to start crying. I have left my wallet at home, so I have to use the limited cash I had to pay for the bus fare. I get on the bus and put in my $1.10. The bus driver then rudely tells me that the fare has gone up recently, and that I need another $0.35. I only have a few pennies on me. I have put in my last dollar, and it will be getting dark soon, so I can’t wait for another bus. I am standing there, completely unsure what to do. Both my parents are working, so I can’t call either of them for a ride home.)

Woman: *puts the needed $0.35 cents into the machine*

Me: *shocked that someone is actually nice to the sobbing teenager*

Woman: *hands me a $1* “You look like you need a drink.”

Me: *completely missing the joke* “I’m 16…”

(That act of kindness helped me remember to start carrying $5 with me at all times, and my sister has recently come home for the summer from college. I wish I could thank the lady that helped me when I was at such a low point in my life.)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 5

, , , , , | Working | April 17, 2018

(It’s my first year at university and I am still getting used to the new buses I have to take. The bus app is malfunctioning, so I have to remember my bus times from memory. I get on one bus and ask the driver a question.)

Me: “Does this bus go to [Intersection]?”

Bus Driver: “I only follow the GPS.”

Me: “I know, but it should be a stop. I just want to make sure I’m on the right bus.”

Bus Driver: “I just follow the GPS. I don’t know.”

Me: “Really?”

Bus Driver: “I just follow the GPS.”

(Since I was 90% sure I was on the right bus, I stayed on, and I was right, but what bus driver doesn’t know intersections?)

GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 4
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 3
GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity, Part 2

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Knows How To Drive Them Away

, , , , | Working | March 30, 2018

(I’m on a bus late in the evening. It’s packed, but it gets worse when two young guys board who have obviously been drinking. They seem like trouble waiting to happen, but unless they actually break any laws, they can’t be kicked off. I’m hoping the bus driver will step in — the guys reek of booze and keep making loud, inappropriate jokes — but when the driver announces the next station, her voice sounds really timid and girly, so I expect that’s not going to happen. Then, somewhere along the route, there’s the sound of a glass bottle falling over. The driver’s voice comes back on the intercom, suddenly rather stern:)

Driver: “Guys, was that a beer bottle?”

Drunk Guy: “Haha, sure! Don’t worry; I just finished it!”

(Without further warning, the driver pulls the bus over to the side of the road and actually stops.)

Driver: *still over intercom* “Then I suggest you get off here. Alcohol is not permitted on the bus, so I guess you’re walking.”

Drunk Guy: “What? Are you crazy? You looking for a fight?”

(The other passengers, me included, haven’t said anything so far. At this announcement, though, I can see a few male passengers getting ready to intervene. Before anyone can actually step in, the driver opens the bus doors.)

Driver: “What if I am looking for a fight? Let’s settle this outside!”

(The two guys, too drunk to realize what she’s doing, actually get off the bus to wait for her outside, only to have her close the doors in their faces. We think that’s the end of it and I’m in awe of her genius move, when one of the guys kicks the bus door in frustration. The driver opens one of the doors again and is out of her seat in a second. We can all hear her from outside, yelling, and definitely nothing timid about her:)

Driver: “Yeah, that’s right! If you kick my bus one more time, I’ll kick you so hard you’ll cry for your mommy to save you, only she won’t, because she won’t be able to recognize you! Now run, little boy. That’s right. I knew you didn’t have the balls!”

(That five-foot-nothing bus driver gets two drunk guys to slink off in shame. They simply run away. The bus driver casually gets back on the bus, closes the door, and continues the route, while those passengers who were prepared to “save” her are left looking a bit sheepish.)

Driver: *again over intercom, now back to quiet timid girl voice* “Next stop is [Station]. And, uh, sorry for earlier. That’s usually not my style.”

(I sure hope it’s her style, and I really want to be her when I grow up!)

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