Free-Range Kids

, , , , , , | | Friendly | July 8, 2019

(My mother can definitely be described as cheeky, but she does have her heart in the right place, and she hates bullying and strong people picking on the weak. This happens in her late teens, in the early 80s. My mother sits on a bus, close to an older woman with her leg in a cast. A younger boy — around three or four years old — and his mother step onto the bus and take the seats opposite the older women. The young boy starts kicking his legs, each kick lands on the cast of the older women.)

Old Woman: “Dear, could you please stop doing that? Do you see this cast? I fell and hurt my foot, so when you kick the cast, it hurts.”

(The little boy ignores the woman and keeps kicking.)

Old Woman: *turns to the mother* “Excuse me. Can you make your child stop kicking my cast?”

Boy’s Mother: *turns her nose in the air* “Absolutely not! I believe in a free upbringing.”

(My mother’s blood starts to boil at this point. As the bus is closing in on her stop, she gets up from her seat and taps on the shoulder of the boy’s mother. She looks up, and my mother spits her right in the face.)

My Mother: “I could not help myself… I was raised with a free upbringing.”

(And before anyone had time to react, she got off of the bus.)

Grandchildren Grow On You, Like Fungus

, , , | | Related | July 4, 2019

(I’m taking the bus to my workplace. Behind me are a grandmother and her grandchild, doing a crossword puzzle clearly intended for children. The kid is not nearly as interested as the grandmother seems to be.)

Grandmother: “All right, let’s see here. Three letters, ‘part of your foot.’ What do you think that could be?”

Kid: “I don’t know.”

Grandmother: “Come on. It’s fun! The clue is part… of… your… foot.”

Kid: “I… don’t… know.”

Grandmother: “Just take a guess! Here, look: what’s on Grandma’s foot right here?” *clearly indicating her toes*

Kid: *pause* “Fungus?”

(She quickly put down the crossword puzzle after that and said nothing else during the rest of the trip.)

Being Cross-The-Street Wise

, , , , , | | Right | July 2, 2019

(I’m on the bus, heading to work. The driver stops for a woman who doesn’t quite get on the bus.)

Woman: “Are you going downtown?”

Driver: “No, that bus stops across the street.”

Woman: “I need to get downtown.”

Driver: “Okay, you’ll have to cross the street.”

Woman: “If I get on the bus, will you take me downtown?”

Driver: “No, ma’am.”

Woman: “Why?! Google says [route number] goes downtown!”

(I don’t wanna be late for work, so I go near the door.)

Me: “Cross the freaking street! We’ve got places to be!”

(The woman glares at me but walks towards the crosswalk. I turn to the bus driver.)

Me: “Sorry, I should have been nicer. Do you need to throw me off?”

Driver: “H*** nah! If you hadn’t already paid, I’d give you a free ride.”

Standing Up By Sitting Down

, , , , , | | Friendly | June 22, 2019

(I am in my early 20s but have an invisible disability. It attacks my muscles and, when I’m in a crisis, makes it very hard to do ordinary things, like even standing up for long periods. I am just getting past a flare-up in my disease, and I’m out alone on a bus for the first time in ages, having a really great day. The bus is fairly full when an older lady, late 50s or early 60s, gets in. Since I’m on such a good day, I decide to offer my seat.)

Me: “Here, ma’am, you can have my seat.”

Lady: *rudely* “I should hope so. You young people have no business even standing on a bus, much less sitting. You should be walking or at least using a bike! Lazy! You’re all lazy!”

(I was gathering my things to stand, but as she begins to rant, I sit right back down.)

Lady: “What are you doing? Why aren’t you standing?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you clearly would rather complain than sit down, so I’m giving you more reasons to do that.”

Lady: “That’s outrageous! You owe me respect! What kind of parents did you have that they didn’t teach you to respect your elders?”

Me: “Pretty good ones; they taught me to stand up for myself. And that means no bus seats for people who insult me. So, you can stand, instead, and keep complaining!”

(After complaining some more, and trying to cause a scene, she appealed to the bus driver. But since I had a disabled pass, meaning I can sit on even reserved seats, there was nothing he could do. And since everyone around heard what the woman was spouting, nobody else offered her a seat. I continued having an even better day, having hopefully taught someone to keep their mouth shut!)

Time To Bail On This Scam

, , , , , , | | Friendly | May 25, 2019

(Two ladies behind me on the bus are chatting.)

Lady: “Oh, I got a call yesterday from some fellow claiming to be a sheriff from someplace in Utah.”

Friend: “Oh, what did he want?”

Lady: “He said my grandson was in jail and I needed to send him bail money right away.”

Friend: “You don’t have any grandsons.”

Lady: “Yeah. So, I asked him if it was ‘Randall.’”

Friend: “And?”

Lady: “He said yes, and I told him to forget it. Said I never liked that little s***, anyway, and he could stay in jail.”

(Fortunately, I had to get off the bus then, or I’d have burst out laughing.)

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