Me: “Guest services, how may I help you?”

The guest calling is clearly a confused elderly woman.

Guest: “Yes, hello. I have blinking words flashing on my TV screen, and I can’t watch my shows with those on there. Can you take them off?”

Me: “Yes, those are your subtitles. You just have to press a button on your remote that will either say ‘Sub-T,’ or, ‘CC.’ They will turn your subtitles off.”

After a long pause:

Me: “Were you able to find it on your remote?”

Guest: “No, my remote only says, ‘Volume,’ ‘Flash,’ and, ‘Redial.’”

Me: “Ma’am, that is your phone. You have to use your remote.”

I ended up having to send our maintenance guy up to help her out.

Related:
Not Even Remotely Close, Part 4
Not Even Remotely Close, Part 3
Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2
Not Even Remotely Close

Caller: “Oh, how do I submit the request for reimbursement through my smartphone?”

Me: “You can do it right through our mobile app.”

Caller: “Is that a form?”

Me: “Nope, it’s an app.”

Caller: “Yeah, is that a form?”

Me: “No, it’s an application through your smartphone”

Caller: “I don’t have that application.”

Me: “Well, no, you would have to download it through your app store. Are you sure you have a smartphone?”

Caller: “Oh, I guess not. I have an iPhone.”

Me: “That is a smartphone.” 

I then proceeded to explain what an app was and how to use apps through her phone.

Related:
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 39
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 38
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 37
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 36
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 35

I work in healthcare and I am running to the store after work. I’m clearly in medical scrubs and, with the current health crisis, everyone is giving me a wide berth. I’m standing in line to get something for the pharmacy counter and a customer and her husband are in front of me. 

Customer: *To her husband* “You put the meat in the cart wrong and now’s it’s dropping blood all over the floor!”

The customer sees me.

Customer: “Weeeeeell, are you going to clean this up? What do they pay you for, anyway?!”

I’m just standing there dumbstruck when her husband speaks up.

Customer’s Husband: “I don’t think she works here.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know that? All workers look the same! If she asked, I bet they’d give her a mop and she could clean it up! It’s not my issue she’s lazy!”

The husband got her to leave, but I was so taken aback that she expected me, who didn’t work there, to clean up her mess.

Related:
Mama Mushroom, Her Name Is Karen
When Karens Are So Bad They Bring Other Names Down With Them
Karens Are Bad Enough When They Leave At The End Of A Transaction
The Tale Of The Princess Karen
A Little Karen In The Making

This conversation happens with a resident who orders “the little round things”, her word for Cheerios, for breakfast — the same thing every single day of her long life.

I bring out pancakes to mix things up for her.

Me: “Good morning, [Resident]! I brought you something a little different today!”

She gives the most dramatic sigh I have ever heard, clearly disappointed.

Resident: “Oh… same ol’ thing…”

She was perfectly delighted when I then brought her a bowl of her favorite “little round things.”

I’ve recently returned home from Spain after studying abroad for a year. It’s a couple of days after getting home, and I’m out shopping for my parents since I’m staying with them until I can get an apartment. I’m browsing the bread, deciding between brands and types. I hear a woman talking, but I assume she’s talking on the phone, so I’m not paying much attention. Suddenly, she’s at my ear.

Customer: “I SAID, DO YOU KNOW IF THEY HAVE HONEY-WHEAT BREAD?!”

I jump, then automatically go to Spanish, as it has been my life for the past year.

Me: “¿Perdón? No trabajo aquí.” *Sorry? I don’t work here.*

Customer: “UGH! Typical! D***ed immigrants not learning English before coming here!”

I catch myself and remember to go back to English.

Me: “Lady, I was born five miles away and except for the past year, I’ve lived in this city my entire life. And during that year, I’ve been studying abroad. If you have an inventory question, I suggest you ask an employee!”

I grabbed my bread and turned my back on her, walking away.

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 34
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 31
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 30