I work for a junk removal company that specializes in move-outs, hoarding, and decluttering.

We arrive at the house of a customer who is moving and needs her basement and attic cleared out. She gives us the tour and then we set to filling our box truck and trailer.

During the cleanout, we confirm that she wants photos and miscellaneous items removed. We fill the box truck and that truck’s driver takes those items to donation places like Goodwill, teen groups, Salvation Army, etc.

He returns and we fill the box truck again to the point of us forcing the door closed. We also fill the trailer.

Customer: “Did you take it?”

Me: “Take what?”

Customer: “The thing out of the closet.”

Me: “What thing out of the closet?”

Customer: “I don’t know what, but it was in the closet and now it’s gone.”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to be more clear. We don’t know exactly what you’re looking for unless you tell us.”

Customer: “We need to look for it. It has to be in your truck.”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t unload the truck here in your yard. You’re going to have to come with us to the warehouse. We will have you look through the stuff as we bring it out.”

At the warehouse, the customer looks through every can, box, bag, etc., until we have unloaded both trucks. She grabs multiple items but none are “the thing.” It has now been nine hours since the job began and it should have ended an hour ago.

Me: “Ma’am, are you positive we took the item?”

Customer: “Yes, I don’t know what it was but I know you took it. Can we check the stuff you took to donation?”

Our poor owner ended up taking them to the places we donated the stuff and spent the next couple of hours searching for “the thing.”

For those wondering, “the thing” was never found and we still don’t know what “the thing” was. She also never tipped us for the nine hours of labor to clear out her basement and attic on a very hot day with lots of stairs.

The boss did let me take a box fan home, though, so that was nice.

I take a get-out-of-the-house job at a store with high turnover. I speak and read seven languages but don’t advertise it, ever, for reasons like this.

Coworker: “Anyone speak French?!”

Me: “Sometimes!”

Coworker: “Can you read it?”

Me: “Sometimes.”

My coworker shows me new holiday brochures.

Me: “It’s a suggestion of wines to drink with the meat.”

They give me a blank look.

Me: “It says, ‘Get this meat and this is the best way to get drunk with it.’”

Coworker: “Ooohhh! What’s that word?” *Points*

Me: *Pause* “‘Of.’”

That continued, with me saying, “‘Red,’” “‘Fancy grape type,’” and, “That’s English.”

Do they not require multiple languages in school anymore?

I’m a teller at a bank. It’s the middle of the health crisis, so we don’t have many customers coming in. One coworker and I are sitting behind the counter. The door opens.

Customer: “Oh, sorry. I’m just checking if you’re open.” *Leaves*

My coworker and I shared confused looks.

I’ve been out of the workforce for about a decade, due to illness and staying home with kids. I recently decided to try part-time work at a friend’s cafe. Since I just started, my boss has been in training and helping me. 

In walks a woman who seems a bit flustered.

Customer: “Do you have something like iced coffee?” 

Me: “Yes, we do!” 

Customer: “And can I get… caramel in it?” 

Me: “You sure can!” 

Customer: “Great. And cream and sugar.” 

We are a small cafe. We provide cream and sugar, but we never add it in. My boss steps in.

Boss: “We have cream and sugar down at the end here, and you can add it in yourself.”

She seems satisfied, so I tell her the total.

Customer: “And you mixed in the cream and sugar?” 

I can see my boss twitching, so I try to help.

Me: “No, we provide the cream and sugar for you to add. That way you’ll have it exactly as you like.”

Customer: “So you don’t mix any of it?”

Me: “Oh, yes, we will mix in the caramel, just not the cream and sugar.”

Customer: “So I have to do everything myself?! Does it come with sugar?”

Now this woman seems to be getting visibly distressed. I’m confused at what to do, but I keep trying.

Me: “We will mix together your coffee and the caramel. There is sugar in the caramel.” 

Customer: “Okay, but what about the sugar?!”

Me: “Would you like us to add sugar for you and mix it in?”

This is not our policy, but this lady is freaking out, and my boss is frustrated. It’s taking way longer than it should, and we are not understanding her request. 

Customer: “NO! I just want the cream and sugar!” 

Customer: “Right. So we will mix in the caramel, and you can add cream and sugar at the end.” 

Customer: “And what about the sugar?! What’s the point? I could’ve done this myself. I’m just so confused at this point. Just give me the coffee.” 

I’m still trying, because this woman mentioned she lives across the street, and that usually means repeat customers.

Me: “I’m trying to understand what you’d like. We can mix in sugar for you, and the caramel is already mixed in.”

Customer: “I have no idea what’s going on. I’ll just take it.”

We have no idea what’s going on, either.

She finishes adding whatever she adds, and I find coffee all over our counter.

Boss: “Yeah, it was probably that crazy lady who has never seen a coffee shop in her life. I don’t need her to come back.”

I have two girls, ages four and two, and am visibly pregnant with my third child. My mother is watching the younger girl while I do a quick run to the grocery store with my elder daughter.

A random stranger comes up to me who clearly wants to rub my belly but is restraining herself.

Stranger: “Ooh, a new baby!” *To my daughter* “Are you hoping for a brother or a sister?”

My four-year-old speaks up VERY loudly in that way that only four-year-olds can.

Daughter: “I want a brother because I already have a sister and one’s enough of those.”

A nearby cashier tried very hard not to laugh.

My daughter did get her wish. She and her sister are still very close, though, thirty-five years later!