At one point during college, I worked as a Saturday delivery driver for a mini-chain of local auto parts delivery stores. I got the job because my father worked there for many years, and we’d known the owner for quite some time. After a few weeks of working there, plus my usual part-time job and classes, my give-a-f***-o-meter had broken.

One delivery stands out as notable.

Me: “Here are your items. Please check and sign the invoice.”

Customer: “Thanks. These took a long time to get here.”

Me: “Really? When did you order them?”

Customer: “Like three to five days ago. [Dad] took my order.”

Me: *Trying not to grin* “Oh, that guy? Yeah, I’ve dealt with him.”

Customer: “Yeah, he can be a pain.”

Me: “Let’s do something about it.”

I took out my cell phone and called my dad.

Me: “Hey, [Dad], I’m delivering to [Customer], and he says you’re slow at getting the order filled and that he made it several days ago.”

Dad: “Oh, he’s pulling that again? He put it in late last night, I saw it this morning, and he got added to the deliveries list.”

Me: *Loudly* “Oh, okay, thanks for the clarification.” *To the customer* “My dad says you put that one in last night.”

Customer: “Oh… I… Yeah, I guess I did.”

He never pulled that again.

I own a little gift store in our city. In December 2022, an elderly lady comes in wearing a mask, and after a while, chooses a single low-ticket item and brings it to the checkout. I tell her the total, and she pulls out her wallet and gives me exact change.

Then, she pulls down her mask, licks her fingertips, and counts out the paper money.

It is all I can do to cautiously take it from her and set it aside until after she is long gone, at which point I proceed to spray down the money with rubbing alcohol. Multiple times. And my hands, too, just in case.

She understood germs well enough to wear a mask but still gave me money with spit on it.

Related:
A Stupid Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 2
A Stupid Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked

I get a call at the box office. The caller sounds like they’re in their forties to fifties.

Caller: “I need tickets for [Movie] for next week. I’m gonna need two. It’s for my parent’s fiftieth anniversary! Do you have them available?”

Me: *Checking the schedule* “Yes, we do have tickets on sale for that.”

Caller: “Okay, lemme order them over the phone.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we cannot take ticket orders over the phone at this location. But you are more than welcome to come in and purchase them, or you can purchase them online.”

Caller: “Ugh. Okay. So, what are the showtimes for next week? My parents will be in Vegas, so I want to get them ahead of time.”

Me: “Wait… what?”

Caller: “I wanna come in and buy tickets for your location in Las Vegas for my parents.”

Me: *Confused* “Las Vegas… like in Nevada?”

Caller: *Slightly taken aback and annoyed.* “Yeah… did I stutter?”

Me: “I think you somehow got the wrong number. This is a movie theater location in upstate New York.”

Caller: *Very firm* “Yes… I know. I live down the street. And you’re going to sell me tickets to your location in Las Vegas!”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry… but I can’t do it. I can sell tickets for this location — not locations on the other side of the country.”

Caller: *Now furious* “How hard can that be?! Honestly?!”

Me: “Well, considering I only have access to this theater’s showtimes… it’s impossible.”

Caller: “It’s ridiculous! I should be able to come in and buy tickets for any theater in any state in any country!”

Me: “It’s never worked that way in the ten years I’ve been here, nor was it that way in the fifteen years I came to this theater before I was an employee. That’s just not a thing at this theater.”

Caller: “I demand you sell me Vegas tickets!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but it’s actually impossible for me to do that.”

Caller: “You’re ruining my parents’ fiftieth anniversary… I hope you know that!”

Me: “Might I suggest you try ordering the tickets online? That would be your best bet.”

Caller: *Shouting* “How will my parents get the tickets, then, huh?!”

Me: “You could forward the confirmation email or text to them.”

Caller: “They don’t text or use computers!”

Me: “You could also print it off and hand it to them before they go to Vegas.”

Caller: “I can’t do that! They live in Texas!”

Me: *Long pause* “So, let me get this straight… You’re calling a theater in New York… to buy tickets for your parents who live in Texas… to go see a movie in Las Vegas next week? How were you planning on getting them the tickets if they live in Texas?”

Caller: “Well, saying it like that just makes me sound stupid!”

Me: “Again, I’d suggest you order the tickets online. All of our locations are on the website. You could just call them and give them the confirmation number to give to the other theater.”

Caller: “Well, I’m not paying an online ticket fee when you could just sell them to me.”

Me: “I can’t sell them to you. Unless you want to try calling the theater in Vegas…”

Caller: “I will not! I got you on the phone! It’s your responsibility to make the customer happy!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ve basically put yourself in a box. I can’t help you. You just told me you won’t call the theater you want tickets for. And you won’t buy tickets online.”

Caller: “I demand the service I want!“

Me: “And I cannot reasonably provide that.”

Caller: “Give me a manager! Now!”

I grab a manager and she takes the call. She’s just confused as I am when the caller explains their plan… and then quickly loses patience when they begin screaming at her so loudly on the phone that I can hear every word they say. There is screaming for about a full minute before my manager gives up.

Manager: “Look, I’m sorry, but buying the tickets online is your best bet. We cannot sell them to you here. That’s just not how it works.”

Caller: *Screaming* “I won’t pay the online ticket fee, you b****!”

Manager: “Do not swear at me. You could sign up for a rewards card; that’ll waive the fee.”

Caller: *Screaming* “I won’t! I want you to sell them to me, moron!”

Manager: *Bluntly* “Well, I’m sorry to say it… but I guess you’re just s*** outta luck!”

Caller: “Pfft! Good luck staying in business, you stupid f****** b****!”

Manager: “We’re actually one of the biggest theater chains in the world. I think we can live without one a**hole’s money.”

My manager slammed the phone down.

Hospital Executive: “[Doctor] left me a note that I’m worried about. He said he, quote, ‘really likes all the misogyny in the director’s office’ and ‘wishes we could have more.’ Did something happen?”

I read the note.

Me: “Mr. [Executive], that word is ‘mahogany.’”

I am doing some shelving at a bookstore. A middle-aged man and woman walk in. I smile, say hello, and tell them to let me know if they need anything. I am wearing a knee-length dress with a high collar, leggings, legwarmers, and motorcycle boots with no heel. Unfortunately, this is relevant to the story.

The man walks up to me.

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I could say something inappropriate right now, but I won’t.”

Me: “Okay, then.”

Customer: *Leans in and whispers* “I was going to say that you look really hot in that outfit.”

Me: “That makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I don’t think it’s okay to say to someone at their workplace.”

He looks surprised and skulks away. They leave the store soon after. I tell my manager about the interaction. Later in the day, she gets a phone call.

Customer: “Can the girl in the brown dress tell people to leave the store?”

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I just told her that she looked nice, and she told me to get out.”

Manager: “That’s not the way I heard it.”

Customer: “Well, she told me to leave.”

Manager: “She didn’t, but I will. Feel free to come back when you’re not going to harass our booksellers.”

I didn’t see that man again, and [Manager] is the best boss I’ve ever had.