The Container Couldn’t Contain It

, , , , | Right | July 16, 2018

(I work in a Christian bookstore. We don’t have a dedicated lunchroom. All staff use a table and chairs which are set up behind the store, in front of the shipping container we use as storage. [Coworker #1] and  [Coworker #2] are both male and I am female. Both coworkers rush inside laughing, looking shocked.)

Me: “What’s happening?”

Coworker #2: “You will not believe what is happening out there!”

Me: “What?!”

Coworker #1: “Okay, first of all, [Coworker #2] and I were out there eating lunch. Nothing special. And I looked up to that tall building on the corner. There were people pressed against the glass, looking down our way! One even had binoculars! I thought, ‘What’s so interesting about a black man and a white man eating lunch?!’”

Coworker #2: “He’s not kidding! It was nuts! I thought, ‘What the h*** could they be looking at?’ So, I looked over my shoulder and leaned my chair back a bit to take a look behind the container.”

(Both coworkers start giggling again.)

Me: “And? What?!”

Coworker #2: “There are people back there. Having sex!”

(I gape at him in disbelief.)

Coworker #1: “He’s not kidding. They are having sex!”

Me: “I suddenly need to put this box here in the bin out back.”

(I walk out the back to put the item in the bin, glance over, and yes, there are people having sex on the very hard and sharp rocks between the storage container and the fence. I rush inside and wander in disbelief into the office.)

Me: *to the manager* “Um, [Manager]? There are people having sex behind the container.”

Manager: “What?!”

Me: “Seriously. [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] were out the back having lunch and just told me, and I saw for myself.”

(Our manager takes off out the back and I follow. She stops at the end of the container and just looks at them in disbelief.)

Manager: “I don’t think that’s very appropriate, do you?”

Sex-Man: “Yeah, probably, but we’re almost done.”

(The manager walks back inside, not quite knowing what to do. About two minutes later, they wander out from behind the store, wander INTO the store, browse for a while, and then leave.)

Me: *to the manager later* “I think we may have just won the ‘Crazy Work Story’ competition for all time.”

Adventure To The Warehouse Of Infinity

, , , , , | Right | July 14, 2018

(I’m the weekend and night manager of a small university bookstore. I typically run the register, since the work-studies usually are in and out all day. I don’t mind it except when I get the bizarre customers.)

Customer: *holds a sweatshirt* “Do you have this in a medium?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are all out of that size.”

(I know for a fact that all we have of that particular sweatshirt are out on the floor.)

Customer: “Do you have it online?”

Me: “We do have an online store, but everything we sell online we simply pull from the stock we have here, so if we don’t have it here, we don’t have it online, either.”

Customer: “But I can order it online?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we are out of that size.”

Customer: “But you just said you have an online store?”

Me: “Yes, but we pull from the same stock. If we are sold out here, then we are sold online.”

Customer: “But if I go to [National Chain], and they don’t have it in the store, they can order it.”

Me: “That is a national chain; they have warehouses of stock. We are a small bookstore; we don’t have that.”

Customer: “But you have it online. You have to have a warehouse of stock.”

Me: “Ma’am. We are a small bookstore. All of our stock is in the back room. We don’t have a warehouse. If we are sold out of something here, then we are sold out everywhere.”

Customer: “Oh… So, there isn’t a warehouse?”

Me: “No.”

(Thank God she finally seemed to get the message that we don’t have piles of stock in some warehouse somewhere that we pull orders from. Sadly, I wish this was an unusual circumstance, but as most folks in retail know, the customers insist the stockroom is a magical place where every size and color of the rainbow is hidden.)

What’s Another Word For Thesaurus?

, , , , , , | Right | July 13, 2018

Customer: “Can you show me where I can find a ‘thirk-tionary’?

Me: “I’m sorry, a what?”

Customer: “A ‘thirk-tionary.’”

Me: “Do you mean a dictionary?”

Customer: “No, but they’re kind of like a dictionary.”

Me: “Um, okay, let’s go take a look at that section.”

(I take her over to where we keep the dictionaries. She grabs a thesaurus off the shelf.)

Customer: “Ah, here it is!”

Me: “Oh! You meant a thesaurus!”

Customer: “Yeah, a ‘thirk-tionary.’”

Me: “Um… Okay. Well, let me know if you have any more questions.”

Customer: “I will, thanks!”

Why Don’t You Just Go Look Under A Bridge?

, , , | Right | July 12, 2018

(I work in a bookstore in Norway.)

Tourist: “Can you show us your books on the Norwegian trolls, please?”

Colleague: “Yes, of course!” *finds several illustrated children’s books*

Tourist: “No, no! Not children’s books. We want books with photos of the real trolls, in their natural environment!”

Colleague: “…”

Literally ROFL

, , , , , , , , | Working | July 4, 2018

Years ago, I was working at a bookstore with a cafe in it. I had always gotten along well with the cafe crew and liked to joke around with them. When the fad of drawing a mustache on your finger to hold up to your lip first became a thing, I thought they would get a kick out of it. One day, before my shift started, I went and stood in line in the cafe to get my drink, like I usually did, and when it was my turn at the register I smiled, held the drawn mustache up to my lip, and made my order.

My coworker let out a boisterous laugh, and then literally doubled over on the floor laughing. I was shocked at her reaction, as I was only expecting to get a chuckle out of her, not this kind of extreme response. I stood there embarrassed as the line of customers behind me was wondering what was happening. Another coworker in the cafe, upon seeing the cashier on the floor, let out a disgruntled sigh and stepped over her to come take my order, obviously annoyed with both of us. I sheepishly repeated my order, paid without a word, and stood to the side, red-faced and looking at the floor.

After that, I decided to cut back on horsing around with the cafe crew… At least where customers would be watching.

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