This Story Would Be “Not Always Working” If It Was In A Library

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2019

(I work in a bookstore.)

Customer: “You sure have a lot of books in here!”

Me: “Yes, I was thinking about selling some.”

Lettuce Never Forget This Moment

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 12, 2019

I’m standing at the till in the bookshop where I work. There are a few customers walking around, but no one seems to need my help. To my right, between the till and the door, are several displays with cards; we call it the jungle.

I’m pricing books when an unexpected sound comes from the jungle. I turn my head to witness a woman with a head of iceberg lettuce in her hand, browsing the cards. As I watch, this deer in disguise tears off a good chunk of lettuce and eats it, chewing matter-of-factly, causing the sound I wasn’t expecting to hear in the bookshop. I slowly turn back to my pricing, too surprised to even ask if she wants help.

I am convinced that she was a hardcore vegan, and that was her version of a snack.

Homo Sapiens Are People, Too

, , , | Right | March 5, 2019

Customer: “I need a book on homosexuals?”

Me: “Fiction or nonfiction?”

Customer: “Probably nonfiction, although I don’t really know. My son wants something to school his eight-year-olds on how homosexuals evolved.”

Me: “Umm, I think you might mean ‘homo sapiens’?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Homosexual is gay and lesbian, while homo sapiens is the human species.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Why don’t I pick something out, and if he doesn’t think it’s right he can return it within 28 days?”

(I picked a book and she purchased it. A week later we got a call from her son thanking me for putting her right, as apparently, every bookstore she had been in prior to mine had laughed her out of the door for confusing the two terms.)

The Times, They Are A-Changing (Tables)

, , , , , , | Right | March 5, 2019

(A customer holding her baby approaches me at the help desk.)

Customer: “I just asked my husband to go change the baby’s diaper in the restroom, and he said there was no changing table in the men’s room.”

Me: “Well, ma’am—“

(She cuts me off.)

Customer: “I mean, it’s the twenty-first century; men are parents, too. Parenting is a partnership. This isn’t the 1950s.”

Me: “Ma’am, we—“

Customer: “I just think it’s really embarrassing that a store like yours is still enforcing these gender stereotypes, and it’s not fair to only have a changing table in the women’s restroom. I mean, come on! Get with the times!”

Me: *finally getting a word in* “Ma’am, there is a changing table in the men’s restroom.”

(The customer stares at me, looking confused, for a moment.)

Customer: “Then why did my husband say there wasn’t one?”

Me: “I don’t know. Maybe he just didn’t want to change the baby?”

(She thinks for a moment and it dawns on her. Suddenly, her frustrated expression turns angry.)

Customer: “Thank you. I’m going to go find my husband now.”

(And with that, she stormed off. I guess she’s living in the twenty-first century, but her husband has some catching up to do.)

Oprah: The Bane Of Bookstore Clerks Everywhere

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(It is very busy at our bookstore, and I am working as a cashier. We don’t have an info station, so when somebody wants to find a book they often ask us at the front.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a book, but I don’t know what it’s called. It was about dreams, and it’s blue.”

Me: “Is that all you know? Do you remember any of the author’s name or any words of the title at all?”

Customer: “No. But it was blue!”

Me: “Well… I’m sorry. I can search for books about dreams, but there’s going to be a lot. What was it about?”

Customer: *blank look* “Dreams.”

Me: “Right, but… I mean, is it a novel, or a nonfiction book about dream interpretation, or somebody’s dream journal, or a psychology book?”

Customer: “I don’t know! It was on Oprah!”

(I’m resisting the urge to face-palm; that one fact is nearly everything I need to know to identify the book.)

Me: “Okay. All the books Oprah recommends are on that table right there, under the sign that says, ‘OPRAH RECOMMENDS.’ I can see a blue one from here; is that the one?”

(The customer trots over to the table to peruse it, and as I move on to the next person in line, I hear the customer shout:)

Customer: “YEAH, THAT WAS IT!”

Page 1/15312345...Last