Slick Parenting

, , , , | Right | March 12, 2018

(We sell a certain brand of collectible stuffed animals that are very popular with kids. It’s a very common occurrence to see kids asking their parents for these. A dad and his little girl come to the cash with one of the stuffed animals, and the girl is very excited.)

Me: “Good choice! He’s one of my favorites!”

Girl: “What’s his name?

(They come with names printed in the tags.)

Me: “Slick.”

Girl: “Slick. He’s so cute! Slick, Slick, Slick.” *matter of fact* “It’s a good thing we can use the credit card. You should always keep your credit card on you, in case you need it to buy things!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “That’s… very good advice.”

Dad: “Especially when you have children.”

(I couldn’t stop laughing after that; they made my day!)

Unfiltered Story #107067

, , | Unfiltered | March 12, 2018

(The vacuum cord at our bookstore only reaches halfway across the floor so I have appropriated a giant bright green extension cord from the supply closet. The extension cord has gotten kicked around a bit and is sticking out from behind my desk area. I hear a noise and turn around to find a very, very small child trying to pick up the extension cord, which is about the same size as he is. I’m sure he won’t be able to actually move it but I’m slightly concerned he’ll get dirt all over his clothes so I turn to him and say:)

Me: *cheerfully* “I don’t think that extension cord looks very fun to play with, dude,”

(His mother turns around, stifles a laugh, and says:)

Mother: “He thinks it must belong to him because it’s the same color as his shirt.”

(He gave up and toddled off a few seconds later. Most adorable supply thief ever.)

Unfiltered Story #106888

, | Unfiltered | March 6, 2018

(I work at an independent bookstore that is unfortunately closing soon. Because of this my boss has cleaned out her office and placed a bin full of old buttons from different book promotions and whatnot on the front counter with a sign that says “Free”. People have been rifling through them all day and there’s probably about 8 or 9 left, a few being duplicates. I have a girl who looks like she’s about 12-14 years old come in with a couple other people. She comes up to the counter and sees the sign that says “Free.”)

Customer: “How many of these can I take?”

Me: “As many as you would like!” *thinking she’d take one or two, maybe four at most*

(She then uses both her hands to scoop all of them out of the bin and pins them all onto her shirt, even the duplicate ones. Then she looks at me, in all seriousness and says:)

Customer: “You’re gonna’ need to refill that.” *leaves the store*

A Scrabble To Get The Scrumble

, , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(We are a fairly small bookstore.)

Me: “Welcome! Is there a book you would like to purchase?”

Customer: “Yes, please! I can’t remember exactly what it was called… um… Something like… Scrabble?”

Me: “Well, Scrabble is a board game, but we have the children’s book Scumble, by Ingrid Law.”

Customer: “What? You stupid b****, I’m looking for the book Scrabble, not a board game.”

Me: “Well, ma’am—”

Customer: “I can’t believe you think I’m so stupid to the point where I can’t tell a game from a book! Ugh!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you buying this for a friend?”

Customer: “Yes! Here, let me get my son to send a picture of the book.”

(A minute or two goes by, while she gets a picture of the book.)

Customer: “Here it is!”

(She shows me a picture of “Scumble” by Ingrid Law.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is the title of the book I just told you we had in stock.”

Customer: *sputter* “But… but… Whatever! Just give me the God-darned book!”

That’s Harassment In Anyone’s Book

, , , , , , | Working | February 22, 2018

Some time ago this customer came into the campus bookstore where I work. He stared at me uncomfortably as I rang up his textbooks, but I thought nothing of it after. Then, he started showing up more and more to buy smaller things like pencils, etc., and he’d always go to my register despite there being empty lines at others.

One day he came in again and stared at me, as he always does. Twenty minutes after he left there was a phone call at the register. I answered and immediately recognized his voice. He asked me horrible sexual things. I hung up and told my manager. We figured he might call again and waited. I saw the same number come up and pointed it out to my manager. My manager answered the phone this time, threatening to call the police.

Campus police were called, and the responding officer had me fill out a report. By the end of it, the officer claimed there was no solution, because banning the guy from campus “wouldn’t be fair,” since he’s a paying student. I’m a student, too, and am forced to see this kid from time to time. My manager, however, made sure he’s at least not allowed in the store.

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