Must Be Working The Midnight Shift

, , , | Romantic | September 26, 2017

(I tend to dress rather casually at work and, on this day, I’ve worn a bright orange T-shirt with my usual jeans. When I get home after work:)

Me: “You know, I might have to rethink some of my wardrobe choices.”

Husband: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Me: “One of my customers called me ‘Pumpkin’ today.”

Screen Out The Customers Offended By Screens

, , | Right | September 11, 2017

(I am standing behind the desk, inputting stock data into the computer inventory, when a customer approaches the desk. I enter the last number on the stock item – less than one second – and look up.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Customer: “You can start by dragging your eyes away from that screen you seem so glued to.”

Me: “I’m sorry? I—”

Customer: “It’s extremely rude to keep playing your computer games when there’s someone waiting to be served. I don’t appreciate being ignored.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry you felt ignored. It wasn’t intentional and I apologise. It won’t happen again. Now, what can I do for you?”

Customer: *huffs and puffs and heaves a big sigh* “I’m looking for [Book] by [Author]. I can’t seem to find it on the shelves. Do you have it in stock?”

Me: *turning to the computer monitor* “Let me look it up for you.”

Customer: “You’re doing it AGAIN!”

Unfiltered Story #92611

, , , | Unfiltered | September 3, 2017

A couple with a five- or six-year old daughter is browsing in my bookstore. After checking out the children’s books for a bit, the girl comes up to my desk.

Girl: I like your music. It’s catchy.

(This may have been the first time the Beethoven String Quartets were described as “catchy”, but you have great taste, little girl!)

Stupid Drives Long Distance

, , , , | Right | August 30, 2017

(This takes place in the CD/DVD department of a national chain bookstore. I have just handed the customer the movie she is looking for.)

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “$49.95.”

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Me: “That’s a special collector’s edition. It comes with extra…”

Customer: “I saw it for 50% off at your store across town yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sure you did. But today is the first Tuesday of the month, and all the sales and special offers changed this morning.”

Customer: “It’s 50% off at your other store, why not here?”

Me: “No, ma’am. The price changed just this morning. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

Customer: *in a loud voice* “I’m driving to the other store because movies are 50% off there.” *storms out*

Customer #2: *who has been waiting patiently* “There is a tax on stupid, and today, that tax is a gallon of gasoline.”

Star Of Devil

, , , , | Right | August 30, 2017

(I have taken a part time job while studying at university. The bookstore is near to campus.)

Customer: “I love how Satanic this section is. All the pentagrams! It’s so fresh!”

Me: “Pentagrams?”

(She points at a book.)

Me: “No, that’s the Star of David.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Judaism?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “You’re in the theology section.”

Customer: “Ooooh, and is Satanism a religion, too?”

Me: “I think it is, but we don’t sell anything relating to it.”

Customer: “Then what about the pentagram?”

Me: “It’s the Star of David.”

Customer: “Is that like New Age Satanism?”

Me: “No, it’s Judaism; one of the oldest religions in the world.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “You know, Jews?”

Customer: “Is that what they’re calling themselves nowadays?”

Me: “…no.”

(I excused myself and returned to the checkout. I refused to accept that she was being serious, but according to the shop owner, he had met shoppers that were stupider than that.)

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