Buy A Bible Or You’ll Have The Devil To Pay

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(Where I live, people are quite devout when it comes to their religious beliefs. I am waiting in line at a local bookstore. The woman ahead of me puts a bible down on the counter, and the cashier reluctantly picks it up and scans it.)

Cashier: “That will be, umm, £6.66 please.”

(Both I and the woman stare at the little display, showing that a discount percentage has been applied due to a sale.)

Woman: “I don’t know what to do. It’s the Holy Bible, but it’s clearly satanic.

Me: “It’s just the sale price.”

Woman: “I know. Are the owner’s Satanists?”

Cashier: “I don’t think so. The sale was decided by the publishers, as they’ve released a newer edition with a hardback.”

Woman: ”Is it more holy?”

Cashier: “It’s definitely more expensive.”

Woman: ”I don’t know what to do…”

(After some serious consideration, the woman agreed to buy both the sale bible and the new £37.99 edition with an elaborate hardback and velvet marker.)

Me: “What will you do with the cheaper one?”

Woman: “I’ll take it to my church and dip it in holy water. If it doesn’t burn I’ll donate it.”

(Finally I’m able to purchase my book.)

Me: “Have you had that a lot since the sale?”

Cashier: “We’ve had people coming in with priests and vicars. I’ve even had holy water sprayed on me. I think the publishers are just playing a joke on us.”

The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 6

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Right | July 31, 2017

(Starting today, my store’s cash registers are updated so that gift cards can no longer be swiped through the PIN pad. From now on, the cashier has to take the gift card and slide it on the register. A few hours into my shift, an older customer comes into the store to buy a newspaper. As I ring her up, she complains about how she had a bad experience at another store across town.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, your total this afternoon is $1.96.”

Customer: “I have a gift card.”

(She slides the card through the PIN pad, and the register buzzes loudly. The PIN pad says “GIFT CARD HAS NO BALANCE.”)

Me: “May I see the gift card, please?”

Customer: “You don’t need to see it! I just slid the card through!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we have a new system now, and gift cards won’t work if you slide it there. I have to slide the card on my side.”

Customer: “You’re a liar! I bought the paper last week and used the gift card myself! You just want to steal my money!”

Me: “I’m sorry about the change, ma’am, but this just started today. If you slide the card there, it will say that the gift card has no balance.”

(The customer tries sliding the card on the PIN pad again, and the register beeps. I can see the PIN pad says “GIFT CARD HAS NO BALANCE.”)

Customer: “What the f*** did you do with my money? I had over $20 on there! I knew you were trying to steal it. Give me my newspaper.”

(I call the manager up and explain what happened.)

Manager: “May I see the card? I want to make sure that there’s a balance on it.”

(The customer hands him the card, he slides it through the register, and everything works fine. He hands the newspaper and the receipt to the woman.)

Manager: “Sorry about that. The gift card works fine. The cashier is still new, and he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.”

(The customer took the paper and left. The manager muttered something about how I didn’t know anything about gift cards, and then he walked away. The funny part was, the manager really thought I was new and confused, even though I’ve worked there longer than he has!)

Related:
The Gift Card That Keeps Giving, Part 5
The Gift Card That Keeps Giving, Part 4
The Gift Card That Keeps Giving, Part 3

Reading Too Much Into The Situation

| IA, USA | Right | July 26, 2017

(I work in the cafe part of a large bookstore chain.)

Customer: *walks up to the counter, looks around nervously*

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes…” *leans over counter slightly, whispers* “There are people reading books in here… Are they allowed to do that?”

Me: *attempts to avoid an are-you-stupid look, glances at manager, who is in the back room* “Uh, yes… They don’t have to purchase them to read them.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…” *gives me a weird look, walks away*

Books For The Extra Brainy

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | July 14, 2017

(I work in the children’s section of my bookstore. We get a lot of kids with nannies, who sometimes don’t really know how well the kid reads. I often just talk directly to the kid to find something that will work for them. This day, an adorable, articulate little girl and her nanny come to the store.)

Girl: “Excuse me, where are the four-year-old books?”

Me: “These picture books here are great for four-year-olds!”

Girl: *pointing to chapter books* “Are these for four-year-olds?”

(Some families read chapter books to their young children. They read a chapter a night, then as the child learns to read better, the take turns with the child.)

Me: “They can be. Do you guys read stories at home?”

Girl: “Not really.”

Me: *to her nanny, who has been on the phone the whole time* “Can she read yet?”

Nanny: “How am I supposed to know?”

Girl: “No, I can’t read, but I want to.”

Me: “That’s okay, you’ll learn in school!”

Girl: “Yeah! But right now, I just want a book I can read with my BRAIN!”

Anna Oprahnina, Part 2

| LA, USA | Right | July 11, 2017

(I’m working at the customer service kiosk when a lady walks in. She looks up, totally confused, and addresses me.)

Me: “Welcome to [Bookstore]. Let me find your next great read.”

Customer: “I’ve been here for an hour and I still can’t find the book I wanted.”

Me: “Really? Let me fix that. What is the name of the book?”

Customer: “I don’t know. It was on [Talk Show].”

Me: “Okay, who’s the author?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Subject?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Don’t you watch [Talk Show]?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m at work all day. Is there anything about the book you remember?”

Customer: “It was brown.”

Me: “I’m sorry; there’s not enough information for me to find it.”

Customer: “YOU ARE SO INCOMPETENT! WHY CAN’T YOU SIMPLY FIND MY BOOK?”

Me: “If I could read minds I would be working the lounge at the Bellagio.”

Related:
Anna Oprahnina

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