Certainly Has Some Issues

, , , , | Right | April 16, 2018

(I work in a used bookstore that sells books and media. We often have large coffee table books for a dollar or two. A lady comes up to my register with an armload of large books and I ring her out.)

Me: “Would you like a bag or two for these?”

Customer: “IT’S YOUR ISSUE!”

Me: “Y…yes? Would a box be better? I can make a box!”

Customer: “IT’S YOUR ISSUE! IT’S YOUR ISSUE!”

(She waves off a box and quickly becomes exasperated, as if we are forcing her to buy this giant pile of giant books. I put them in a couple of bags. She’s still not happy.)

Customer: “HOW DO I CARRY?! IT’S YOUR ISSUE!”

Me: “I can help you to your car. Where are you going?”

Customer: “HOW FAR?!”

(I then realized that she was walking, and imagined carrying her books around town. I repeatedly asked where she lived but only got, “IT’S YOUR ISSUE,” in return. She came back a few more times and yelled, “IT’S YOUR ISSUE,” at different booksellers, to the point it became a catchphrase at the store. Was she on a personal crusade against bags? Or books? We still see her occasionally, but she has stopped buying large amounts of large books.)

Should Take Note Of The Place

, , , | Right | April 12, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have a notary public?”

Me: “No, sir. I’m afraid not.”

Customer: *smirks* “What, libraries don’t have notaries?”

Me: “I wouldn’t know, sir. This isn’t a library.”

Customer: *stops smirking* “It’s not?”

Me: “No, sir. It’s a bookstore. We sell books; we don’t loan them.”

Customer: “Well, do you know where I can find a notary around here?”

Me: “At nine pm, on a Sunday night? No, sir.”

Customer: *slinks away*

 

What’s Another Word For Dictionary?

, , , | Right | April 12, 2018

(I work in a bookstore. School is about to start, so we’ve had a lot of people coming in looking for dictionaries for their children. Usually this is not a complicated request, until this lady comes in.)

Lady: “Hi, I’m looking for a dictionary?”

Me: “Of course. They’re just over here.” *starts walking toward dictionaries*

Lady: “So, um… Is a dictionary the same as a thesis?”

Me: “You mean a thesaurus?”

Lady: “Yeah, that.”

Me: *shocked that she has no idea what a thesaurus is, or even what it’s called* “Um, no. Not at all. A dictionary tells you what a word means, and a thesaurus gives you other words that mean the same thing as that word.”

Lady: *still seems really confused* “Oh… Okay… So… Do I need both, then?”

Me: “I… couldn’t say. That’s really up to you.”

Lady: “Well, they only told me to get a dictionary. I thought they were the same thing.”

Me: “We do have packs that come with both, but if they only said to get a dictionary, then that’s probably all you need.”

Lady: “So, I don’t need to get both? But what if she needs it?”

Me: *deciding enough’s enough* “No, you won’t need a thesaurus. Just get the dictionary and you’ll be fine.”

Lady: “Oh, okay. Thank you for your help!”

(I’ve never had so much trouble with what should have been a very quick and simple request! Who on earth doesn’t know the difference between a dictionary and a thesaurus, or what either of them are for? And why did anyone send her to pick them up if she had no idea what she was looking for?)

Disproportionately Cents-less

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2018

(I am the manager of a chain bookstore location. Customers who purchase items on our website can return online purchases to any store location; we simply enter the order number into the register and the computer takes care of the rest by processing the refund amount to the original method of payment — credit card, gift card, etc. The customer gets a print-out to show that the return has been processed. On this particular day, I am on the floor when a cashier at the cash desk has just processed an online return for a customer.)

Cashier: “[My Name], can you help out with this?”

(I approach the cash desk.)

Me: “What can I help with?”

Customer: “I returned this online order, but the computer isn’t refunding the correct amount!”

(I look at the return print-out and see that the original purchase was $53.21, and the refund amount processed is $53.20. Starting to wonder if the customer is really upset over a difference of ONE CENT, I speak with the customer.)

Me: “I apologize. The computer must have rounded off the tax differently when it did the original purchase to when it calculated the refund amount.”

Customer: “So? It charged the one cent to my credit card! What are you going to do about it?!”

(Canada stopped using pennies a few years ago, so now our lowest coin in circulation is five cents. Realizing it’s pointless to even begin to argue with a customer over ONE CENT, I open the till and give the customer a nickel.)

Me: “Here’s five cents.”

Customer: *suddenly happy* “Thank you!” *she walks off*

(Over 15 years in retail and over five years as a manager, and that was the first time I ever had somebody upset over ONE PENNY!)

Please Do Not Microwave The Babies

, , , , | Right | April 7, 2018

(We have stuffed animals filled with “beans” on display at the register. I am ringing up one customer when he picks one up. He starts to massage it almost aggressively, then sniffs it, before putting it back down.)

Customer: “Do you microwave these?”

(I am so taken aback, I assume I have misheard him and that he must have said “manufacture.”)

Me: “Um, no. We just sell them.”

Customer: “I have some bean bags at home; I microwave them and put them on my shoulders to help with pain. Can I do that with these?”

Me: “No, these are kids’ toys. They would probably get burnt.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

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