Can Recognise A Scam in Any Language

, , , , | Legal | February 20, 2019

(I work in a warehouse in Norway. I am doing my usual rounds when suddenly my cellphone rings. I notice on the caller ID that it is a very long number from a foreign country. I answer and, lo and behold, it’s a “your Microsoft Windows has a virus” scam. I am somewhat multilingual; I speak Icelandic and Norwegian, can scrape together Danish and Swedish, and have the bare basics in German. I also speak English, of course, but I decide the unlucky SOB has called the ONE person in Norway who doesn’t speak a word in it.)

Me: *automatically speaking in Norwegian* “Hallo, this is [My name]”

Caller: *very foreign accent but speaking English* “Hello. I’m calling from Microsoft because we have detected a virus on your computer.”

Me: *realizing what it is, does not switch to English and continues to speak Norwegian* “I’m sorry? I don’t understand you.”

Caller: “Ah, do you speak English?”

Me: *switches to my mother tongue, Icelandic* “Is this English? I’m sorry; I don’t speak English.

Caller: “English. Do you speak English?”

Me: *in my absolute worst Danish* “I’m sorry; I still don’t understand you.”

(I quickly whisper to my Danish coworker nearby what is happening and they nearly fall down laughing.)


Me: *pretends like I’m thinking about it, then exclaims in utter joy, in my bad German* “Deutch? Ja, ich sprechen Deutch!”

(“German? Yes, I speak German.” He hung up for some reason.)

Unfiltered Story #137127

, | Unfiltered | January 23, 2019

I’m the stupid customer in this story.  I try to call a company to get a replacement part for a small appliance.  The phone rings and rings.  Finally…

Employee:  (Very tentative) Hello?

Me:  Hi.  I’m calling to see if I can get a replacement (part).

Employee:  Um, I’m sorry.  I’m part of the cleaning crew.  The company is closed today for Thanksgiving.

Me:  Oh, crap!  I’m sorry!  I’m Canadian.  I totally forgot it was American Thanksgiving today.

Employee:  No problem.  By the way, I love that “Red Green” show.

Don’t Panic; Just Attack

, , , , | Working | January 8, 2019

(I’ve been out of a job for a while due to depression and anxiety issues. Things are getting better, so I apply for a job as a picker for an online supermarket. This company is mostly run by young people who give space to starting adolescents to succeed in the market, no matter the background. I get the job and find out newbies are being put on “flow” duty, meaning that instead of picking orders, as the job description said, I’m stocking crates and the like. That works fine for me, but the crates are quite heavy and the stress level is high. One week in, I’m put on crate supply. This means I have to fill up a big trolley with crates, put it in an elevator, let the elevator go down while I take the stairs down, and unload again a level below, climb back up the stairs, and repeat. People from four different departments are nagging for crates, and I do what I can — on my own — to fill their demands. I feel the anxiety building up but I’m too busy to catch a break. At one point I feel like I’m about to burst, and I ask my department manager, who is quite a stern-looking woman, if there is something else I can do.)

Manager: “What do you mean, you need something else to do? Why can’t you just do your job?”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I’m doing a job that is meant for three people, on my own now, for the last two and a half hours. I’m at the end of my rope here. Can I please go back to filling duty and swap with someone else?”

(Filling means putting plastic bags in the crates. She huffs but agrees, muttering something under her breath about laziness. This adds to my insecurity and I feel tears welling up. I struggle to get a plastic bag to fit over the edges of the crate. The manager comes to stand beside me.)

Manager: *very condescending* “What? Is this too difficult for you, as well?”

Me: *shaking* “Again, I am so sorry. I sometimes get panic attacks and… and… I’m sorry; I have to go take some medicine for it. Excuse me.”

(I bolt to the break room to have a panic attack and take my meds. Unfortunately, I’m not the only person there, and soon enough I’m surrounded by concerned coworkers. I’m sent upstairs to the boss.)

Boss: “I’m so sorry to hear you are having trouble keeping up. I know what it’s like; I used to have panic attacks, too. It’s a nasty business.”

(I’m getting my hopes up; if he understands what it is, he must know how hard it is to keep a job, and will, therefore, show some compassion, right?)

Me: “It’s just the stress of the first week, I assure you. If I can maybe get the rest of the day off, I’ll be fine.”

Boss: “I don’t think you will be. We can’t really use someone like you on the floor. It holds up the production line. I’m sorry, but I have to let you go.”

(Well, so much for compassion, and way to add to the anxiety!)

A “Couple” Of Scheduling Issues

, , , , , | Working | September 12, 2018

(I’m a guy who has been trying to get a job at the same place my husband works night shifts, on the same shift as him, which I made clear when I first applied. Attending the drug and alcohol test, the recruiter made it clear that that specific shift was unlikely to have any openings in the near future, and suggested another night shift, finishing and ending two hours earlier.)

Recruiter: “So, these are the hours; it’s only two hours difference to [Husband].”

Me: “Let’s do it. It’s better than waiting for months, but I wanted to have the same rota as him.”

Interviewer: *looks confused*

Me: “So we can have the same days off?”

Interviewer: *seemingly completely baffled* “Oh… Why?”

Me: “So we can… do things together?”

(He was seriously confused by the concept that a couple would want to share their days off. I don’t want to know what his relationships have been like for that to be such a foreign concept…)

People Lose Their Jobs After The Great Crash

, , , , , , , , | Working | August 23, 2018

In a busy warehouse it can often be difficult to store everything. In such instances, the answer is often to start stacking pallets to consolidate them into a smaller area. Whilst space efficient, this does carry the risk of having a stack collapse if some thought isn’t put into the matter.

On this occasion, we were receiving four full articulated (26 pallet) loads of piston heads at 600 heads per pallet. The heads arrived in plastic shipping containers with grooves in the top to line up a crate above — in other words, perfect for stacking. However, the warehouse manager and I, the deputy warehouse manager, agreed that due to weight and product value, we should go no more than three high, and informed all the staff working that this was to be the case.

Fast forward a few hours: wagon three of four is being unloaded and I’m in my office filing paperwork when I hear an almighty crash. I run out to find hundreds of piston heads strewn across the floor and an extremely sheepish forklift driver. After a bit of investigation, it is found that for whatever reason he had attempted to stack five-high, and the stack had promptly fallen over once he’d pulled the forks out.

Cleanup took two days due to the heads being small enough to roll under pallets elsewhere in the warehouse. All told, just over 2,000 heads were thrown loose in the fall. Only some 400 carried visible damage; however, due to the precision nature of the items, all items thrown from their pallets had to be written off at the expense of £120 per head. Due to insurance, we avoided having to pay this out of our own pocket, but the customer promptly cancelled our contract with them. The forklift driver was let go soon after.

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