These Steel-Capped Boots Are Gonna Walk All Over You

, , , , , , , , | Working | November 11, 2019

(My dad is a truck driver for a company that has offices and a warehouse on site. The warehouse worker’s canteen is inside the warehouse but away from the loading and unloading bays. My dad and his workmates are having lunch when a man in a hard hat and carrying a clipboard comes in. They don’t recognise him but he has a shirt on with the logo of the company.)

Man: “I’m the new health and safety officer here, guys, and I wanted to let you all know that as of now, you are all in breach of this site’s safety regulations as you are not wearing your hard hats in the warehouse.”

(My dad and his coworkers are a bit surprised by this but don’t say anything. The guy looks annoyed by this.)

Man: “I’m serious, guys! There are consequences when you don’t follow the rules; it can get you suspended or even fired. All of your attitudes are terrible. You should be grateful that I’m telling you this now, so you can avoid being written up for violations.”

(My dad raises his hand.)

Man: “Yes?”

Dad: “Are those steel toe cap boots you have on?”

(He points to the man’s shoes, which are clearly just black loafers.)

Man: “Of course not.”

Dad: “You have to have steel toe cap boots on when you are in the warehouse.”

Man: “Oh.”

Dad: “You should be grateful I’m telling you this. You could get written up for violations.”

Man: “Well, never mind. We are in the canteen after all.”

Dad: “Since you’re new, you can get us all a coffee.”

Man: “But there are 12 of you.”

Dad: “Well, use a tray, then. Safety first!”

(Needless to say, he didn’t stay long in the job.)

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I Know You Are But What Am I?

, , , , | Working | October 24, 2019

Coworker: “I’m sixteen and I’m still the most mature person in this warehouse.”

(Not even fifteen minutes later:)

Coworker: *touching a component of the machine we need to do any work* “Hey, do you guys dare me to unplug this?”

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Better Start On Those One-Armed Pushups

, , , , , | Working | August 26, 2019

(My job is in a small wardrobe room for a business and I do the closing shift alone most nights. I recently had a minor surgery on my left arm and was told not to lift anything heavy with it for a few days to allow the incision to heal. My supervisor was informed of this ahead of time and I remind him of it, as well, when I come into work for the day.)

Me: “I can do the regular work; I just can’t lift any of the boxes or really heavy things for the next three days.”

Supervisor: “Okay, we’ll work around it.”

(Five minutes later.)

Supervisor: “Oh, they decided they want to repaint the room after we close tonight. Since you’re closing, I need you to move all the racks to the center of the room, and take all the things off the computer desks to the center table.”

(This includes several desktop computers, printers, and heavy heat presses. I point at my bandaged up arm.)

Supervisor: “Can’t you just lift them with one arm?”

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Reaching Multiple Breaking Points

, , , | Working | August 21, 2019

(In our country, there is a chain of warehouses that is notorious for hiring really inadequate people. Often it is jokingly said that to qualify for a job there you need to have no qualifications at all, or a master’s degree in rudeness and stupidity if you want to become a floor manager. Another remarkable thing is that they call their employees to have their lunch breaks over the PA system. You know when you hear, “Second party for break,” over the PA that some employees would literally drop everything and go to have their break. It doesn’t matter if they are shelving or helping people at the checkout; when that message comes and it is their turn, they walk off. My father is shopping in that shop for some trousers and he finds a pair. It is the last pair of that make on the rack, but it has some oil stains, so my father takes it to a floor manager to ask if they perhaps have more of these in stock. Before he can even say a thing, the floor manager snatches the trousers out of his hands, looks at them, and says:)

Floor Manager: “Yeah, we will exchange these for a pair without stains.”

(She goes into a storeroom, comes out with a new, clean pair, packs it in a bag, and gives it to my father. The PA system announces her break and she hurries off to go for a lunch break. No money changed hands; she didn’t even ask for a receipt or tell anyone else to help my father. So, my father walks off with a free pair of trousers. I have another experience in that shop. I am 18 and I have saved quite a bit of money doing all kinds of chores and jobs. This is when vinyl records are still the norm, and when you go into a booth to listen to a record before buying it. I select four albums and go to an employee to ask if I can hear them.)

Employee: *looks at me* “Do you even have the money to buy them, before I let you listen to them?”

Me: *shows her my money*

Employee: “I wonder how you managed to steal so much money.” 

(I don’t know how to respond to that, so I let it go and insist on hearing the records. At that moment the message, “Third party for break,” comes over the PA, and she is gone. Since all the employees seem to have a break, I am left alone on the floor. I use my time well and switch covers and records as fast as I can. A Beethoven record goes in a Beatles cover, Beatles record in a Rolling Stones cover, Rolling Stones in a Chopin cover, etc. I manage to switch quite a few records in the fifteen minutes I have. The employee returns and I go to listen to the records. That is: the employee will put on a record, let a song play for ten seconds, and skip to the next song. Finally, she has “played” all the records and when I come out of the booth she has already bagged them and she tells me the amount.)

Me: “Thanks. Now I know that I have enough money to buy these records in the shop next door. Bye.” 

(That’s when I discovered that she was a floor manager and she did have a master’s degree in rudeness.)

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Time For A Mash Up

, , , | Right | August 20, 2019

(I run the warehouse for a country store. Customers pay for bags of animal feed and bedding, and then bring their tickets to the warehouse where I load the bags into their cars. Said bags are normally 20kg+ each. On this particular day, a fairly old customer gives me their ticket.)

Me: *sees that they want several heavy bags of animal food* “Okay, no problem. May I ask you to move your car up to the entrance, please?”

Customer: “Oh, my car’s just over there” *points to the other side of the car park, as far away from the warehouse as you can possibly park*

Me: “Okay, but we do ask customers to bring their cars to the entrance if they’ve bought several bags, just so that we can get you your products as quickly as possible.”

Customer: “Oh, my car’s just over there.” *points again*

Me: *realises she’s not going to move her car regardless of what I say* “Okay, I’ll just be a couple of minutes.

(Her ticket says she’s paid for two bags of chicken feed pellets. I pick up a bag of this and take it out to her car, which takes me about a minute because of where she’s parked. I walk back to the warehouse, pick up another bag, and take it across the car park and put in her car, and it’s only when I’ve done this that she says:)

Customer: “Oh, no, I wanted the mash, not the pellets. Could you put the mash in my car, instead?”

Me: *internally rolling eyes* “Your ticket said you’d paid for pellets, so if you’d like to take it back to the shop they’ll be able to exchange it for you.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want to walk all the way back to the shop. Can you just put the bags in my car?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since you haven’t paid for the mash, I can’t give it to you. If you’d just like to talk to the person on the till, they’ll be able to sort it out for you no problem.”

Customer: “Oh, but can’t you just put the mash in my car?”

(This went on for about two minutes before I finally convinced her to go back to the shop. She came back a couple of minutes later, by which time I’d taken the two bags of pellets back into the warehouse. I gave her the bags of mash she’d paid for, as well as the other three bags she wanted. She still refused to move her car.)

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