Listen Here!

| The Netherlands | Working | February 23, 2017

(While moving heavy objects back into their original storage.)

Boss: “Don’t put that stuff in here!”

Coworker: “All right. Where should we put it?”

Boss: “Not here!”

Coworker: “Yes, but where should we put it, then?”

Boss: “NOT HERE!”

Payback Puns

| Little Rock, AK, USA | Working | January 10, 2017

(I work in a large warehouse where the environment is pretty informal, as we don’t interact directly with customers. My supervisor and I are talking with a trainer who is checking up on a new hire when the subject of pets comes up.)

Trainer: “I have a new puppy. I named her Sonya.”

Supervisor & Me: “After Sonya Blade?”

Trainer: “Yeah. She’s tough and fit, just like Sonya Blade.”

Me: “You should have named her Payback. It’s the perfect name for a female dog.”

Trainer: “Really? And why is that?”

Me: “Because Payback’s a b****.”

Trainer: *facepalms* “I’m going to see how the new hire is doing.”

Supervisor: *after he stops laughing* “That was great!”

Supervision Derision

| USA | Working | December 8, 2016

(I do deliveries for a florist. I just got hired. The supervisor is a young guy that looks like he’s in his twenties and has a bad attitude. I just have shown up to work.)

Supervisor: “Why are you just standing around? Did you clock in?”

Me: “I don’t know how to do that.”

Supervisor: “What? Didn’t you get an email from [Florist]?!”

Me: “I didn’t get an email.”

(At this point, I’m getting miffed, because by his tone he seems to think it is my fault.)

Supervisor: “Well, don’t you wanna get PAID?!”

Me: “That would be nice, yes.”

Supervisor: *now agitated* “Call [Boss]! Call him right now! Tell him to send you an email!” *storms away*

(I pulled out my cell phone, and called him. He sent it and everything was okay. Later, the supervisor angrily fired me because ‘they over-hired,’ but I somehow think otherwise…)

Acting Hokey About Hockey

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Working | June 27, 2016

(I’m a shipping clerk in a large warehouse, one of only two women in a staff of over 30. It’s hockey play-off time and I’m surrounded by burly warehouse workers hashing over last night’s game and getting into heated arguments. During a break in the bickering…)

Me: “You know, you guys talk about hockey as though it actually matters.”

(Cue crickets chirping.)

Gets It Right Windows 95% Of The Time

| Columbia, SC, USA | Working | June 13, 2016

Me: *to coworker* “When you are applying for a job, we all know to update our resumes and keep them current. Right?”

Coworker: “Yup, why?”

Me: “I’m going through some resumes and I feel like I need to dispense some basic advice. One: if you must abbreviate titles, the abbreviation for “Assistant Supervisor” is not “Ass Supervisor.” Two: ensure the software with which you are familiar is current. You get no brownie points for having knowledge in Netscape Navigator, WordPerfect, or Lotus 1-2-3. Three: keep your contact information current. Please do not use your ex-spouse’s telephone number. We don’t want to hear about how they hope you get this job because they owe you back child support or how that “p.o.s.” and you are going through a divorce…”

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