To Undoodle A Poodle

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(A woman brings in her dog to get groomed. The dog is a Goldendoodle, a cross between a Golden Retriever and a Poodle.)

Me: “So, what would you like to do for her haircut today?”

Customer: “I don’t want her to look too much like a Poodle.”

Me: “Well, your dog is half Poodle, but I’ll see what we can do.”

Entitlement, Thy Name Is The Upper Middle Class

, , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(I work in a grocery store that caters mostly to the upper middle class. It’s a small, busy store, so it’s often crowded. I’m pulling a cart loaded with perishable product from our receiving area to the walk-in cooler and have to pass through a fairly narrow aisle. One of my coworkers — also with a cart of product — and another customer are behind me. A customer in the aisle is bent over next to his reusable bag, rearranging its contents. There’s just enough room for me to get through, but to be polite and warn him — and avoid a potential collision — I speak up.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir.”

(I start to pass him, and he shifts into my way so that neither I nor those behind me can get through. Then he looks me in the eye, and speaks in the snootiest tone I have ever heard.)

Customer: “I come first.”

(I had no idea how to respond, so I didn’t say anything. He took a few more seconds to pack up, and the moment he shifted back out of my way, I passed by and cleared the way for those behind me.)

I Got A Hundred Problems And All Of Them Are You

, , , , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(It’s Sunday, and I’m an hour into a seven-and-a-half-hour register shift. I’ll note that it’s ten am and our customer service counter opened at eight, like every other day, and also, that since it’s Sunday, the bank in the store isn’t open.)

Customer: *holding out a hundred dollar bill* “Yeah, I’ll take a fifty, a twenty—”

(At this point I understand he wants change. I’m not allowed to open my drawer for anyone unless they’re making a purchase and I’m giving change, or if an employee of the cash office needs to take money from my drawer.)

Me: *being polite and smiling* “Sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t make change for you. Customer service can, though!” *gestures to the customer service counter up front*

Customer: *looking irritated* “I already went up there! She said she didn’t have enough money and to go to the bank, but they’re not open yet!”

(Obviously, he hasn’t realized yet it’s Sunday and most banks aren’t open, and my coworker obviously was on autopilot. I decide rather than make him more irate and tell him that it’s Sunday and the bank won’t open, I try to explain politely.)

Me: “Sir, I’m not allowed to open my drawer unless I’m giving back change on a purchase.”

Customer: *basically shaking his hundred dollar bill at me* “But I know you have a fifty in there; I saw it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but my managers have told me I’m not allowed to open my drawer unless I’m giving back change on a purchase. If you buy something and pay with the hundred, I can give you change.”

(I’ll also note our store is big on giving the best customer service we can.)

Customer: *giving me a wide-eyed, frankly kind of scary look* “Is that the kind of customer service you want to be giving?”

Me: *in my head* “Sir, I’d like to help you, but I’m not going to break rules for you and possibly get fired.” *out loud* “I apologize, sir, but there’s nothing else I can do.”

(The guy huffs, spins around, and browses the candy on display by the register before grabbing a pack of gum and tossing it on my belt. I scan his item, he hands me his hundred, and I count out his change and even triple-check because I really don’t want to piss him off anymore at this point. I stick a paid sticker on his gum and hand it and his change to him.)

Me: *as he’s walking away* “Have a great day, sir!”

(He just walked away, all irritated. I even gave him the stupid fifty he saw in my drawer — instead of the normal two twenties and a ten — in his change so he wouldn’t bother me anymore. I later told a manager, and she told me, “Good on you!” because I didn’t give in even though he was being rude.)

You Gouda Brie Kidding

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2018

Customer: *in condescending tone* “I need a pound of American cheese.”

Me: “Someone’s using that right now; can I get you any meats until the cheese slicer is free?”

Customer: “I need provolone. Is Stella Swiss provolone?”

Me: *pause* “No.”

The Mutant Kind, Ma’am

, , , , , | Right | October 15, 2018

Customer: *pointing to roast beef dip on menu* “What kind of chicken is this?”

Server: “It’s roast beef, ma’am.”

Customer: “I know what it says, but what kind of chicken does it come from?”

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