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What Should We Do With The Hefty Bag, Then?

, , , , | Working | May 12, 2022

I hate being solicited for insurance. Even my car and home insurance company seems to be required to ask me if I want life insurance. I have devised a method to get them to put a note into my file so they will know not to ask me again.

Insurance Agent: “While you’re on the line, I see you don’t have any life insurance with us. You know, life insurance [blah, blah, blah]…”

Me: “I have no need for life insurance. You can see in my file that I have no dependents.”

Insurance Agent: “But do you have enough money set aside for your funeral expenses?”

Is this really an issue people are concerned about?

Me: “Don’t need it. A Hefty bag is only a dollar.”

That usually shuts them up, at least for a while.

A Totally Metal One, Grandma!

, , , , , , | Related | May 9, 2022

My great-grandmother immigrated from Poland to the USA. She was endeavoring to learn English, but sometimes there could be a little confusion with names. She had been informed of my birth and that my name would be Bernadette. She got a horrified look on her face, and offered this quite indignantly:

Great-Grandmother: Burn the dead?! What kind of name is that for a little girl?”

Zero Respect At Ground Zero

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2022

I wanted to give my fiance, who had never been in NYC before a quick tour of Manhattan before we finished packing up my home and moving halfway across the country.

One of the places we wanted to go to was the 9/11 Memorial. I passed it daily on my way to and from work, and had never gone. Having vivid memories of that day, and knowing people who had been killed in the Towers, it was a somber self-guided tour. There is a room that has small plaques of each victim that light up and a short announcement made of the person’s name, where they were from. There had been eight people from my tiny hometown village killed, including one of our councilmen. I wept, not just there, but in several other areas.

My emotions were raw, and flashbacks to that day were hitting. We entered a large room where there were mangled fire trucks, police cars, rescue vehicles, etc. Most had scorch marks, interiors grey with ash, etc. They were all behind rope barriers, with multi-language signs saying ‘Do Not Touch.’

Ahead of us was a tall man with a small six-or-seven-year-old child, appearing to be father and son. The child scampered off ahead of the father, ducked under one of the ropes surrounding a mangled police car – a door was missing, the front hood caved in, and the trunk popped open. The child climbed right onto the car, and started playing on it like it was a playground jungle gym.

The father not only didn’t say anything, but encouraged his son, and started taking photos. They were talking and laughing with each other in some European-sounding language. I wanted to smack the father, but my fiance dragged me out of there and found a security guard to go extract them out of that room (hopefully out of the Museum altogether).

I was appalled at the disrespect shown to the memories of the 2736 people killed at that very spot.

Please Tell Me Everything I Can Do In Asia

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2022

I used to work as a customer service agent for a touring company that sold tickets to events and activities worldwide. My job was to deal with cancellations, rebookings, quality complaints, no-shows by tour guides, etc. You would be amazed at the number of these calls we’d get.

Caller: “Hi! I was wondering if you could recommend something for me!”

Me: “Where are you looking to go?”

Caller: “Umm… let’s say somewhere in Asia.”

Me: “Where specifically?”

Caller: “Mmmm… let’s say Singapore. No, wait, Thailand! No, stop! Japan! Yeah, Japan!”

I scream internally as I go to the EXACT SAME WEBSITE available to the customers.

Me: “What kinds of activities were you looking for?”

Customer: “I don’t care.”

Me: “I need a rough idea.”

Customer: “Pick something!”

I check the queue to see seven calls on hold.

Me: “Sir, we have a website you can search for any kind of activity you’d like, and they are sorted by customer rating. The ones that [Company] recommends are always listed as the first results in bold. You can also sort according to price range and distance from a specific city.”

Customer: “If you don’t want to help me, then f*** off!” *Click*

Me: *Smiling* “Whew! Thank you!”

I moved on to the next REAL call.

Kids Are Always In Mortal Kombat With The Rating System

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2022

I’m in a popular gaming outlet. The cashier is talking to a kid who looks about nine or ten years old.

Cashier: “Sorry, can’t sell you that. That game is rated seventeen and up.”

Kid: “Oh, it’s for my cousin. I’m giving it to him as a gift.”

Cashier: “I said the exact same thing when I was your age and Mortal Kombat 3 came out. They didn’t believe me, either. Pick something else.”

Months later, I’m hanging around outside a mall. A girl who looks twelve or so approaches me.

Girl: “Excuse me, are you eighteen?”

I pull off my cap to reveal a badly receding hairline.

Me: “Don’t I wish! I’m not buying you cigarettes, though, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Girl: “No, no. [New Game] came out and I really want it, but they won’t sell it to me because it’s M-rated. Can you buy it for me?”

She is holding up a small wad of cash.

Me: “Listen. I did the exact same thing when I was a kid and they wouldn’t sell me a mature-rated game and my parents said no. I asked some random shmoe if he could run in and buy it for me, and I gave him the allowance money I’d been saving for months. The jerk went inside this exact same mall here and never came back out. Use your head! You have no idea who I am or who the next joker after me is.”

Girl: “Um… yeah, I guess I didn’t think of that.” *Shuffles away*

It sure is funny watching the next generation after you bump their noses in the same corners of the maze of life.