Didn’t Plan For That In The Pipeline

, , , , , | Working | December 3, 2019

(Our European company is producing and servicing pipe inspection equipment. While most of our customers are from Europe, we also have some from overseas. With these, the prevalent way of servicing is to ship the faulty equipment to us for repairs, but some customers prefer repairs on-site. For these cases, our technicians prepare everything that they may need – tools, spare parts, cables, electronic components, various measuring devices, and assorted gadgets — all packed in a big plastic trunk. Such pieces of luggage may look very suspicious in a post-9/11 situation, so when our colleague is traveling to South America via New York for on-site repair, we are joking that the trunk will surely cause bomb alert. But the colleague, a bit prankster himself, shrugs it off with a smile as a “bad joke.” He is wrong, because the trunk is really flagged as suspicious and, instead of preparing for subsequent flight, he finds himself standing impatiently in a separate room with TSA agents around the trunk. The agents, pouncing on the equipment inside with enthusiasm of small boys in a toyshop, are especially interested in camera heads; these devices don’t look like pieces of ordinary electronics, but more like solid chunks of aluminum and stainless steel, designed to withstand harsh conditions. After a while, one of the agents, holding the camera heads in his hands, asks my colleague about them.)

TSA Agent: “What are these devices?”

Colleague: “Camera heads for pipe inspection.”

TSA Agent: “Pipe inspection? What kind of pipes? Gas pipes? Oil pipes?”

Colleague: *grinning* “Sewage pipes.”

TSA Agent: “Yuck!”

(My colleague watched as the agents put everything back and scurried away, probably to wash their hands with a hand sanitizer. He never bothered to tell them that all the spare parts, camera heads included, were just fresh from manufacturing and they had never been in a real sewer. He was just glad that he was able to catch the next flight.)

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Not A Very Sedate Sedation  

, , , , , | Working | December 3, 2019

(I take a day off of work to have a routine dental procedure that requires light sedation. My manager gives me the day off, but forgets to take me off of the schedule. I let her know, and she says that she will take care of it. Fast forward to the day of the procedure. Everything goes fine, and I am home. I am still really out of it from the sedation, though, when the phone rings.)

Manager #2: “[My Name], why aren’t you here? You’re on the schedule.”

Me: “Wah? I spoke to Sunny and he said that I was okay.”

Manager #2: “What? Sunny is the bird!”

Me: “Sunny said I could take the day off to see the Tooth Fairy, and when I come back on Monday, we will count all the fish and give the baths.”

Manager #2: “Allll right, then. See you on Monday? I think?”

(When I got back on Monday it turned out that [Manager #2] texted my manager who filled her in on what was going on, and assured her that, no, I was not on drugs.)

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This Transaction Is Heavy With Bad Attitude

, , , , | Right | December 1, 2019

(I work in a supermarket as a cashier, and I’ve only been there for nearly a month as it’s just a summer job. I already saw my fair share of rude customers when I was just a customer, but this is the worst of them that I’ve encountered so far. I start to scan items for an elderly lady.)

Me: “Hi. Do you have our store card?”

Elderly Lady: “No. Double-bag everything. Everything is too heavy.” 

(She has a lot of light stuff, but I just smile and double-bag everything. I should also mention the register I am on is a carousel one, with a spinning wheel with bags on it so I can bag the items myself. If the carousel gets too full, I usually politely ask the customer to put some of their stuff in their cart. The carousel has gotten a bit full, but I manage to squeeze everything on there. The customer is just standing there, staring at me.)

Me: “Is there a problem? I double-bagged everything.”

Elderly Lady: “Put them in my cart now.” 

(As I contemplate where she should actually put her groceries, I put them all into her cart.)

Elderly Lady: *scowls at me and starts to leave*

Me: “Wait, you haven’t paid yet!”

Elderly Lady: “Yeah, I did.” 

Me: “No, you have not; my screen still shows your total and that you haven’t paid yet.”

Elderly Lady: “Your screen is wrong, then.” 

Me: “You haven’t even received your receipt yet, so I know you haven’t paid yet.”

Elderly Lady: *glares at me as she pays* 

Me: *getting her receipt and handing it to her, smiling brightly* “Have a great day!”

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Call Of The Search

, , , , , | Friendly | November 30, 2019

(When I am a kid, our synagogue is looking for a new rabbi. One of the members of the Rabbi Search Committee decides to call my dad to get his thoughts, so he looks him up in the phone book. However, there are two people with Dad’s name in the phone book, and she calls the wrong one.)

Committee Member: “Hello, is this [Dad]?”

Other [Dad]: “Yes, who’s this?”

Committee Member: “This is [Committee Member] with the Rabbi Search Committee. I’m calling to get your thoughts on your search. Do you have any?”

Other [Dad]: “Yes, I do have some thoughts!”

(Despite not being a member of our synagogue, the other [Dad] and the committee member talk for about twenty minutes on his thoughts on the rabbi search process. Eventually, they finish up.)

Committee Member: “Send my best to [Mom] and the kids.”

Other [Dad]: Who is [Mom]?

Committee Member: “Your wife.”

Other [Dad]: No, my wife’s name is [Wife].

Committee Member: “But this is [Dad], right?”

Other [Dad]: “Yes, there are two of us; I think you want the other one.”

Committee Member: “But wait, I said I was from the rabbi search committee. We talked for twenty minutes. What’s going on?”

Other [Dad]: “Oh, my church is looking for a new minister. I thought you were joking.”

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Unfiltered Story #178404

, , | Unfiltered | November 29, 2019

(I’m covering another store location that isn’t my home store. This occurs as soon as we open for the day.)
Customer: Can you break $100?
Me: Unfortunately, I don’t have enough change at the moment.
Customer: How can you not have enough change? Can’t you go to the bank and get some?
Me: No, I’m only working here for the day, I normally work at [location].
(She tries to think of other reasons as to why I should have more change to break her $100 bill and how I should get change to do so.)
Customer: Well, I guess I’ll have to go to another store to break it.
(She leaves for a few minutes and comes back with smaller bills. We make the transaction and I’m happy she’s about to leave.)
Customer: *looking at receipt* Actually, can I just pay with my card instead?
Me: …