Cancelling Your Cancellation Stunt

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2019

(I work as a ride-share driver. If someone requests a ride but cancels it after a certain amount of time but before they are picked up, they get charged a cancellation fee of $5. This is to make sure the drivers still get paid for their time and gas when they travel to pick someone up. If a driver cancels a ride for any reason, the rider is not charged the fee. To get around this, some riders will call the driver and ask them to cancel for them. I have just traveled 15 minutes to pick up a rider. As soon as I pull up to the address, they call me.)

Rider #1: “Hello! Hey, can you hear me?”

Me: “Hey, I’m right outside.”

Rider #1: “I am having trouble with my phone!” *hangs up*

(I wait two more minutes before calling them back.)

Me: “Hey, I’m at your address. Are you here?”

Rider #1: “I put the address in wrong. I’m actually a few blocks away. Can you cancel so I can request the ride again?”

Me: “You can update your location in the app. I’d be happy to meet you where you are to pick you up.”

Rider #1: *to someone else in the background* “He said he will come to get us here. What do I do?”

(Suddenly, someone else is on the phone.)

Rider #2: “Um, hello? Yeah, the app won’t let me change the address, so can you just cancel the ride?”

Me: “That’s fine. Just cancel through the app.”

Rider #2: “Oh, um, it won’t let me do that, either. Can’t you just cancel it?”

Me: *feigning concern* “Oh, no! Have you tried contacting [App] tech support? They can help you through everything.”

Rider #2: *pause* “You should probably just cancel. What if someone else requests a ride?”

Me: “I’m happy to wait until you get everything straightened out.”

Rider #2: “OH, F*** YOU!”

(About thirty seconds after the call ended I was able to mark them as a no-show, and they got charged the cancellation fee, anyway.)

Mr. Potato-Head Is A Little Empty

, , , , , | Friendly | April 24, 2019

During college, I lived next to an apartment full of guys. My roommates didn’t give two hoots about neighbors, but I got on well with them and hung out at their place fairly often, as sort of the token chick.

They were fairly excited to finally be on their own in an apartment, and one day they decided they were going to have a “cookout” — really more of a cook-in since it was campus housing and an actual grill would have given the housing office a heart attack, but it sounded like fun, and I offered to help out and make a dessert in exchange for free booze.

I went over fairly early to help set up. One of the guys came out of the kitchen with a look like a kicked puppy. I asked him what was wrong and he held up two things — a raw potato and a masher — and told me forlornly, “I can’t mash it.”

He was astonished by the news that you had to actually cook the potato first. I ended up helping with a lot more cooking than I’d intended that day… but I got first dibs on drinks for the rest of the night, so the boys were forgiven.

Unfiltered Story #147734

, , , | Unfiltered | April 23, 2019

Me: (On the phone) Hello, sporting goods department, can I help you?
Customer: Yeah I was wondering if you guys had a certain jet ski part?
Me: Oh, no I’m sorry, we don’t carry those
Customer: But you can order it for me right?
Me: No, it’s not something this company sells. We can’t get it for you
Customer: Okay, well I’ll just come in and we’ll talk about ordering that part okay?

He hung up before I could explain again that we could not order this part for him

Perm-anently Avoiding That Place

, , , , , | Working | April 20, 2019

(My boyfriend has very curly, brown, shoulder-length hair, and I have black, straight hair a couple of inches longer.)

Me: *pointing to boyfriend* “I’d like a perm with curls just like those.”

Hair Stylist: *glares at me like I have two heads* “No can do.”

Me: “Er… no?”

Hair Stylist: “You want hair just like his?”

Me: “The curls, yeah. Is it possible to perm my hair that way? His are natural.”

Hair Stylist: “If you want his curls, he’s got to cut his hair.”

Boyfriend: “Are you saying match my length, too? No, I don’t want a cut.”

Hair Stylist: “If she curls, her hair will be much shorter than yours! She just can’t have curly hair your length if you won’t cut yours!”

Me: “I meant only like his in the size of the curls.”

Hair Stylist: “Look… If you curl your hair, it will be much shorter than his!”

Me: “I know!”

Hair Stylist: *to boyfriend* “Are you getting that cut?”

Boyfriend: “No, I’m not.”

Hair Stylist: “Then she can’t have your curls.”

Boyfriend: “Forget the length already. She would like curls that match these.”

Hair Stylist: “I’ve already said, she can’t have your curls if you aren’t getting a cut yourself.”

Me: “I know my hair will be shorter! The whole point is to have curls that look like that.”

(Even a second hair stylist repeated the first one. Nothing was ever said about matching color. We left and went somewhere else where they gave me my shorter, curly perm with no problem.)

Seemed Like Destiny Initially

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 20, 2019

(I work in a pretty large chain store. My coworker and I are chatting and the topic of names comes up. She says her parents have the same initials.)

Me: “Their relationship must be fate!”

Coworker: “They’re divorced…”

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