It’s Literally Elementary, Sir

, , , | Right | August 28, 2017

(A customer is arguing with me over the price of several items he’s purchasing.)

Customer: “Look, it says right here in your flyer that chicken breasts are 20% off with this coupon, so stop being difficult and adjust the price for me.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s for store brand chicken breasts. What you have there are [Brand Name] chicken breasts.”

Customer: “What? It does not say that anywhere!”

Me: *picking up the coupon he’s handed me and reading aloud* “‘Offer applies only to store brand products listed. All brand names exempt unless otherwise stated.’ It’s written right here, quite plainly.”

(I point it out to the customer, who’s now staring at me in slack-jawed amazement.)

Customer: “The f***? I…I didn’t think you guys could read!”

(He paid for his items and left with no further fuss.)

This Is Making Them Very (Past) Tense

, , , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(I work at an airport in New York City. A customer approaches, looking confused after looking over the arriving flights monitor.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between ‘Landing’ and ‘Landed’?”