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You’re Already Streets Ahead

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2021

I pick up four somewhat drunk men around the age of thirty in the centre of Copenhagen. After they get in the taxi, I ask where they’re going. 

Customer #1: “Just drive south along the coast. We’re getting off in four different places.”

Within a few minutes of driving, I’m asked by the computer running the meter, the GPS, and so on, where I’ll end up and when I expect to be there. Because of this and because some people do tend to fall asleep when they’re a bit drunk, I ask where the last one of them is going.

Customer #1: “I’m going to [City thirty-five km south of Copenhagen].”

Me: “Where exactly in [City]?”

Customer #1: “It’s a very small town outside [City] called [Town].”

As it happens, I grew up in that very small town and I still have family living there, my mother being one of them.

Me: “Where are we going in [Town]?”

Customer #1: “It’s a small street called [Street].”

He is going to the very same small street my mother lives on.

Me: “And which number are we going to?”

Customer #1: “It’s number seven.”

I then look at him in the rear-view mirror.

Me: “That’s the new wooden house, isn’t it?”

His lower jaw actually dropped and I could almost see him thinking something along the lines of “Rain Man.”

I didn’t tell him that I’d passed that house thirty-five kilometres away numerous times, while they were building it, when visiting my mother further down the street.

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Addressing The Lack Of Addressing, Part 4

, , , | Right | October 15, 2021

This takes place after I help a fairly clueless customer track down what he needs.

Caller: “I need to place this order. When will I get it?”

Me: “Once I get the shipping address from you, I can give you a better idea of lead time. Where are we shipping this?”

Caller: “Uh…”

The caller stammers for a few seconds and then mumbles out a street address.

Me: “And the city?”

Caller: “PA.”

Me: “Okay, and the city?”

Caller: “Pennsylvania. PA.”

Me: “Yes, that’s the state, but I need the city, as well.”

Caller: “Oh. Uh… I don’t know that.”

Me: “What about the zip code? I can get it from that.”

Caller: “Uh… um… I don’t know the zip code.” *Long silence* “So, when will I receive that?”

Me: “You’re going to have to call us back when you have the full address.”

Addressing The Lack Of Addressing, Part 3
Addressing The Lack Of Addressing, Part 2
Addressing The Lack Of Addressing

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Where Grounded Requests Aren’t Desirable 

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2021

The caller is shipping an order to Hawaii from mainland US.

Me: “Looks like that’ll go second-day air, so you’ll see that on Thursday.”

Caller: “Second-day air sounds expensive. Can’t you just ship it ground so it’ll be cheaper?”

Me: “Did you say ground?”

Caller: “Yeah, that’s always cheaper.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ground isn’t an option to Hawaii.”

Caller: “Why not?”

I’m struggling to think of how to say this without sounding like a total jerk.

Me: “Because, um… ground requires roads.”

You can practically hear the light bulb turn on.

Caller: “Can we back up to before I asked for ground shipping?”

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They Need To Get Out More

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2021

I work as a scheduling coordinator for a roofing company. A customer calls in to schedule an appointment. She lives about an hour from our main office. We still service her area, as we service the majority of the state. I get her scheduled, and then this exchange happens.

Customer: “Where is your office located, anyway?”

Me: “Our main office is located in [City].”

Customer: “But I saw a billboard in [Customer’s City].”

Me: “Yes, we do have billboards all over!”

Customer: “Why are you telling me your office is in [City]?”

Me: “Because that’s where it’s located.”

Customer: “But I live in [Customer’s City].”

Me: “Right. We advertise in your area because we service that area.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand, but okay.”

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We Don’t Think The Tube Extends That Far

, , , , | Right | September 1, 2021

I work at a bus station in Indiana and sell tickets for cross-country travel. I have gotten some weird questions from drunk people, but this might be the best.

Customer: *Slurring* “Can you tell me which bus would get me to London?”

Me: “I’m sorry, where do you want to go?”

Customer: “London, England. Which bus I gotta take?”

Me: “You know England is on an island, right?”

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