They’re Colder Than The Fridge

, , , , , | Working | June 28, 2018

(After nearly twenty years of verbal and physical abuse from my overbearing father, my mum has finally worked up the courage to leave him. The council allocates us a new house, and most of our furniture is odd bits and pieces donated by relatives. The only luxuries Mum has allowed herself are a new carpet, and kitchen appliances. She tries to order a fridge from [Catalogue], but on the day of delivery we get a call to say the lorry’s broken down and we’ll get the fridge next week. Bearing in mind we have eaten microwave meals for a week — as we only have a microwave — and the fact my brother is special needs, Mum rings to ask if it can be delivered sooner. The customer services woman sounds like she really couldn’t care less, and Mum complains about her, but it is agreed the fridge will be delivered the next day. Next afternoon, we get a phone call from the delivery men.)

Delivery Man: “Right, well, we can’t find your house on the GPS, ’cause it’s a new build, isn’t it?”

Mum: “Yes, the rest of [Street] is a building site. If you tell me where you are–“

Delivery Man: *shouting* “Just give us the f****** street names, would you? We’re from Bristol. We don’t know this f****** town.”

Mum: *in tears* “I’m sorry, but I don’t like your attitude. You know what? Just leave it. I’ll get a fridge from somewhere else–“

Delivery Man: “S***.”

(My mum hangs up on him, sobbing about men and how horrible people are these days. After giving her a hug, I convince her to ring up to complain, but before she can, she gets a call from a nice customer service woman. The nice woman assures her she did nothing wrong, writes down directions to our house, and promises that the delivery men will be on their best behaviour. A few minutes later, we see the white lorry reverse down our half-finished street. We know they’ll be trouble before they even come to the door, because a builder asks them to move to one side so they can get a forklift down to the building site.)

Delivery Man: “F*** off, mate.”

(The builder backs off, but keeps an eye on them, as do the rest of his team.)

Mum: *opens the door, and looks at the delivery men’s muddy shoes* “I’m really sorry, but would you mind taking your shoes off? I have a new carpet and—”

Delivery Man: “No, can’t do that. Look, do you want this f****** fridge or not?”

Mum: *finally losing her temper* “You know what? Just forget it. FORGET IT! Just take the d*** thing back and I’ll get my money back.”

(She closed the door on them. Grumbling, they went back to their lorry and sped off. The builders waited until they’d left before resuming their work. Needless to say, we’re going to order a fridge from somewhere else.)

It’s All In The (Lack Of) Delivery, Part 5

, , , | Working | June 21, 2018

(I am waiting for a delivery at home. I live on the top floor with no elevator. I have some problems with my prosthetic and have to use crutches.)

Delivery Man: *on speakerphone* “Your delivery is here.”

Me: “Okay, bring it up, please. It’s [Name].”

Delivery Man: “No, I can’t bring it up. Come down.”

Me: “I am unable to carry the package. Could you please come to my door?”

Delivery Man: *rather rudely* “No, you’ve got one minute to pick it up.”

(I walk down. He looks at me, then at the package, and then back at me. I take the slip and sign for it.)

Delivery Man: “Are you able to carry this up the stairs?”

Me: *with a grin* “No, that is why I ordered it to be delivered.”

It’s All In The (Lack Of) Delivery, Part 4
It’s All In The (Lack Of) Delivery, Part 3
It’s All In The (Lack Of) Delivery, Part 2

Might Have To Come Back Anyway For Stress

, , , | Healthy | June 16, 2018

(I work at the main information desk of a hospital. A fast-food delivery man comes inside with a bag of food.)

Delivery Man: “Is this the front desk?”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

Delivery Man: “Great. I’ve got an order for [Customer]. Their instructions said to meet them at the front desk, and they just got a text saying I’m here. I’m going to wait for them to come down, okay?”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(Several minutes go by. No one comes down. The delivery man begins to get irritated.)

Delivery Man: “You’re sure this is the front desk?”

Me: “Yes, sir. There are other desks in [departments], but this is the main, front information desk.”

Delivery Man: “Well, why isn’t [Customer] here?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know. Do you know if they’re a patient or a visitor?”

(The delivery man is now on his phone and not paying attention to me.)

Delivery Man: “I just don’t understand! My instructions say to meet [Name] at the front desk of [Brand] Inn!”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you say the [Brand] Inn?”

Delivery Man: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’s a hotel.”

Delivery Man: “Yeah.”

Me: “This is a hospital.”

(He looks around, apparently noticing the “TO EMERGENCY ROOM” sign, the pharmacy, and the several rows of wheelchairs around my desk for the very first time.)

Delivery Man: “CRAP!”

(He runs out of the lobby, leaving the drinks from the meal behind. He returns about five minutes later, grabs them, and runs out without saying anything. About two hours later, he returns with another order.)

Delivery Man: *sheepishly* “I’m in the right place this time. I checked.”

Me: “That’s good!”

Delivery Man: “Is [Man] here?”

(I look around. There are no men in the lobby.)

Me: “Sorry, I guess not.”

Delivery Man: “What?! My instructions say [Man] is waiting in the Women and Infants Services lobby! He’s supposed to already be here!”

Me: “Well… The Women and Infants Services lobby is down that hallway to the right, actually. This is the front lobby—”

Delivery Man: “So I’m in the wrong spot again?”

Me: “Well, the wrong department—”

Delivery Man: “G**d*** it! I thought this job would be easy!”

(He stormed out of the lobby and stomped off to the correct department. At least this time he remembered his drinks!)

Wait For A South-Westerly To Blow It Back

, , , , , | Working | June 1, 2018

(My niece’s birthday is in January, and for her birthday present, my sister offers to order her a customized ring. It takes my niece a while to decide, but they put the order in right before Valentine’s Day. Finally, at the beginning of March, the ring is shipped out and set to be delivered to the apartments where my sister and I live. Unfortunately, the delivery date happens to be the same day the east coast is slammed by a nor’easter.)

Sister: “Did you happen to bring in a package for me today? A small one, probably less than a pound?”

Me: “Uh, no? Why?”

Sister: “I was expecting [Niece]’s ring today, and I got an email saying it was delivered around five o’clock today, but I can’t find it.”

Me: “It wasn’t between the storm door and front door?”

Sister: “No, it wasn’t, and the tracking info says it was left on the porch.”

Me: “What? In these winds? There are news reports of the winds knocking down entire trees around town! What kind of idiot leaves a one-pound package on an exposed porch in a nor’easter?!”

Sister: “Your guess is as good as mine.”

(Needless to say, my sister now gets the joy of jumping through hoops to get a replacement.)

No Washing Machine Can Wash Away The Blame

, , , , , | | Working | May 24, 2018

(My first job when I turn 16 is at a high-end department store in the UK, famed for its customer service. I normally work in the tech section — a teenager’s dream — but today they are short on the customer help desk, so I am drafted in to help. This is my second day assisting. I’m stood at the desk, keeping myself busy, when a lady in her 70s appears, in floods of tears.)

Me: “Hello, madam, is there anything I can help with today?”

Customer: “Oh, God… It’s just… Ohh…” *wails uncontrollably*

Me: “How about you take a seat here and calm down?”

(She sits, and gathers herself slowly.)

Me: “Okay, what’s happened? How can we help?”

Customer: “Well, you see, I had a delivery of my washing machine booked in this morning, for my new kitchen.”

Me: “Okay, and did the delivery team arrive on time and with the machine?”

Customer: “Yes, yes, that’s not the problem. They arrived on time, they came upstairs to the flat to check it could fit, and then they went down to the van to get it.”

Me: “Sounds good so far?”

Customer: “Well, yes… They got up to the flat, and started moving the washing machine down the corridor. As they got to the kitchen door, my cats decided to run out of the kitchen as they were startled by the machine… I think the first man saw this coming, but the man holding the back of the machine didn’t, and after my first cat appeared, he dropped it.”

Me: “Dropped the machine?”

Customer: “He dropped the machine onto the second cat.”

Me: “Oh. I see. Well… I’m so sorry… Let me go and find a manager, then; I’m not sure of what to do or say.”

Customer: “That’s not all.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Once they realised what they’d done, they said they’d take the machine back and replace it.”

Me: “And did they?”

Customer: “Well, they were in such a panic and rush to leave they reversed the lorry into my new brick wall.”

Me: “Oh.”

(Three minutes later in the office, where four section managers are:)

Me: “Okay, who wants a great situation to deal with today?”

(The chain paid for her entire new kitchen in full, all works to repair the wall, and the cremation of a cat.)


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