Inconveniently Indiscriminate

| USA | Right | April 26, 2017

(I’m ushering one busy day. A woman storms up to me, fuming, practically dragging her son behind her. She shoves her tickets into my face.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what seems to be the matter.”

Customer: “There’s no seat here! I ordered these seats and there’s nothing there!”

(I check her ticket… It’s a print-out from an online purchase. She’s booked the wheelchair accessibility spaces that we have reserved for individuals in wheelchairs. They are essentially extra empty spaces that are kept in the theater for people who cannot transfer comfortably into our normal seats from their wheelchairs. They’re popular because they save a lot of people with varying disabilities a lot of discomfort.)

Me: “Oh, jeez. When you reserved these, you must have picked the wheelchair accessibility spaces. Hmm. If you go to the box office or the manager’s desk, they should be able to change those out for you or get you a refund at the very least.”

Customer: “It didn’t say it was like this online!”

(This is a blatant lie. Every major online ticket retailer, including our own website and Fandango, has our wheelchair accessibility spaces clearly marked and include pop-ups that tell potential guests there is no seat there, and only to click “Ok” if they are using them for their intended purpose.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am. If you’ll just go to the box office or a manager’s desk, they should be able to help you out.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand it.”

Me: “Well, we offer wheelchair accessibility spaces for any handicapped guests we have. It’s easier for some people that way.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not right, you know!”

Me: *taken aback* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “It’s not right! Why would you offer these seats online?”

Me: *completely confused and sort-of angry* “So people who need the spaces can buy them?”

Customer: “Well, it’s not right! You shouldn’t offer handicapped seats!”

Me: “Well, ma’am… we’re not going to discriminate against handicapped individuals.”

Customer: “It’s not right that you offer those! You shouldn’t have seats for handicapped people! It’s an inconvenience to ME!”

(She stormed off and I heard her reaming out our managers at the manager’s desk. She evidently continued her tirade about how we shouldn’t offer wheelchair accessibility and tried to demand we take away the option for individuals in wheelchairs to order tickets online. Don’tcha just love people?)

This Hamburger Does Not Exist

| MN, USA | Working | April 21, 2017

(My friends walks into a theater and see a hamburger smashed into the floor. They conscientiously decide to go tell a theater employee.)

Friends: “There’s a hamburger on the floor in the theater.”

Usher: “We don’t sell hamburgers.”

Friends: “Well, there’s still one on the floor in there.”

Usher: “But we don’t sell hamburgers.”

(Friends gave up and went back to watch their movie.)

Serving Spider-man

| NY, USA | Right | April 20, 2017

(I’m working concession when a customer runs up to me, freaking out.)

Customer #1: “There’s a tarantula!”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Customer #1: “A freaking tarantula just ran across my foot!”

(I have never once in my 30 years of life seen a tarantula just running around anywhere I’ve been locally. I go over to look, and lo and behold… there’s the biggest freaking tarantula I’ve ever seen on the floor over by the front doors. Thing looks like it could eat a rat in two bites and still be hungry. I call a manager who tries to get it out safely, but sadly he’s forced to kill it because it became aggressive. The customer who reported it to us talks to us for a few minutes and jokes around about the whole matter, as they have never seen a tarantula in the area either. A few minutes later, a man comes out of a theater and starts looking around the area where the tarantula was… With a confused look on his face, he comes up to the box office.)

Customer #2: “Did you see a tarantula here?”

Me: “Uh, yeah?”

Customer #2: “Oh, did he get out?”

Me: “Wait, you knew there was a tarantula on the floor?”

Customer #2: “Yeah.”

Me: “And you didn’t tell anyone?”

Customer #2: “Well, I brought him in.”

(I can’t even think of how to respond.)

Customer #2: “Oh, I just got in from out of state. I found him in my car. I brought him in and set him on the floor. I figured, the way people spill food everywhere, he’d have plenty to eat here. Where is he?”

Me: “They killed it because he tried attacking a manager. Dude… are you serious? You set a live tarantula loose in the theater?”

Customer #2: “Yeah. I’d like to speak to a manager. I can’t believe you’d kill such a beautiful creature.”

(I send him over to the manager’s desk, in complete shock over what I’m hearing. A few minutes later, I hear the most insane thing I’ve ever heard being shouted by my manager.)

Manager: “Are you seriously asking me for a refund because we killed a tarantula YOU set loose in the theater? No! Get out, now!”

(I swear to god… I’m genuinely sorry that I’m not making one word of this up.)

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Customers Are Beastly On Opening Weekend

| PA, USA | Right | April 14, 2017

(We’ve just gotten the “Beauty and the Beast” remake in. It managed to sell out every single screening for the weekend before Friday afternoon. We are a relatively small theater, but we manage to schedule about 20 screenings of the film between open and close each day over the weekend, and have even started to get permission to start canceling other shows in order to add a few extra show-times for the film. It’s gotten to the point where this new release is so in-demand that the other films we have at the moment are only getting one to three screenings each per day to make room for it. It’s complete and utter chaos, with hundreds of people in the lobby at any given time, our concession staff being unable to even keep up with simple things like making enough popcorn to keep the warmers filled despite bringing in extra people, and the phone ringing off the hook with dozens of calls each hour. Yet despite all this… everyone’s being pretty nice. So of course, about 10 minutes before I’m done for the day on Saturday, a customer has to walk up to me with several other adults and about a half-dozen children…)

Me: “Picking up tickets?”

Customer: “No. I’m gonna need ten tickets to Beauty and the Beast for the 4:45 that just went in.”

Me: “Oh, jeez. I’m sorry. Everything for Beauty and the Beast is sold out until 11:15 tonight. We just added a show for that time. But even that’s already half-full.”

Customer: “Fine. Then give me tickets for the 5:30.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but unfortunately everything is sold out for Beauty and the Beast until 11:15 tonight.”

Customer: “The 6:00 3D showing, then!”

Me: “Again, I apologize, but everything is sold out until 11:15 tonight.”

Customer: “I knew this would happen! The 6:15 showing?”

Me: “…everything is sold out until 11:15.”

Customer: “Fine! Ten tickets to whenever the next showing of Beauty and the Beast’ is! And I’m not paying for all ten tickets!”

Me: “The next available time is at 11:15 tonight.”

(The customer slams her hands on the counter, turns, and starts screaming about how we ‘don’t know how to do anything right.’ Her daughter starts crying and tries to hug her, and hand to god, the customer shoves her daughter away and bellows…)

Customer: “Don’t cry to me! Cry to the jerk there who doesn’t know how to sell us f****** tickets! He can’t even do his job right! It’s his fault. He won’t let you in. Cry to him! Leave me alone!”

(She stormed away, leaving the rest of the group speechless. They slowly sulked away a few moments later.)

Hit Them With Reality

| Independence, MO, USA | Right | April 14, 2017

(I am a customer in line at the ticket booth. In front of me are two teenage girls, and in front of them is a group of four younger kids, around 10 or 11. A man comes up and gets in line with the kids. It’s quite obvious he’s the father of one of them and the chaperone for them that night.)

Teenage Girl #1: “Hey! You can’t cut in line!”

Man: “Oh, I’m not cutting. I am with them. I just had them stand in line while I parked the car.”

Teenage Girl #1: “I don’t give a s***! YOU CAN’T CUT IN LINE.”

Man: “Whoa! Calm down! I’m here to take these kids to a movie. I dropped them off while I parked the car. We’re all in the same group so it’s still just going to be one transaction. it’s not going to take any longer.”


Man: *very calmly* “Oh, yeah? Well, do it. Go ahead and hit me. Let’s see how that goes.”

Teenage Girl #1: *starting to cry hysterically* “You can’t say that! You can’t get in my face like that!”

Teenage Girl #2: “You can’t do that! You can’t get in her face like that! SHE’S A MINOR! DON’T YELL AT HER! SHE’S A MINOR!”

Man: *still calm* “Well, if she’s still a minor then she should learn to respect her elders.”

(He then turned around and stood in line like nothing happened. The girl continued to cry and went to get an employee to try to get the man kicked out. But because several witnesses explained the situation, the girls were asked to leave instead!)

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