A Bag Of Old Tricks

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2018

(I am working in the concession stand where we offer free refills on large popcorns on the same day of purchase. A customer approaches and takes an old popcorn bag out of his jacket pocket.)

Not-So-Sneaky Snacker: “Can I get a refill?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only offer refills on popcorn for the same day of purchase.”

Not-So-Sneaky Snacker: “I bought this today.”

Me: “Sir, I know that’s not true. That’s not the bag we’re currently using, I just saw you come in from outside, and you are literally the first customer of the day.”

(He opened his mouth as though to argue, but instead just slunk away in defeat. A few months later, he was permanently banned for defrauding the theater’s rewards program, and for sexually harassing one of the managers.)

Their Response Was Suitably Theatrical

, , | Right | November 14, 2018

(I work in a theater. It’s 11 pm, and since the last movie of the night went in thirty minutes ago, all the staff are working on closing up for the night. As we’re throwing away the last of the day’s popcorn, a man walks up to the concessions counter. Keep in mind, all theaters typically close thirty minutes after the last movie goes in.)

Customer: “Can I buy a ticket from you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the registers are actually all closed now. We do have kiosks, however, and you still have a few minutes to purchase a ticket for [Movie] before it expires for the night.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to see [Movie];I came here to see [Other Movie]!”

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, sir, but that movie went in over an hour ago and is almost finished, so it won’t be available on the kiosks.”

Customer: “So, are you going to sell me a ticket, then?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but as I said, we’re closed for the night, and all of the registers have been put away. There are more showings tomorrow night for it, though, and tomorrow is cheap night.”

Customer: “Are you serious? What am I supposed to do now? Can’t you just let me in?”

Me: “I really can’t help you. Again, I’m very sorry.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of a movie theater turning someone away before! I’m a paying customer!” *storms off*

(I’m still trying to figure out if he REALLY intend on paying $12.50 to watch the last twenty minutes of a movie.)

Their Mess Is Your Problem

, , , | Right | November 13, 2018

(I work at a large and fairly popular movie theater in my area, mostly in the middle of the week and the entire weekend. This particular weekend is the opening of the popular children’s movie “Storks,” and large crowds of parents and their children come to see it. Naturally, this means that the auditoriums showing the film are disaster areas. It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m working as the lead usher, where I make sure that my team is quickly and properly cleaning the theaters and that trash is being taken care of. We’re cleaning up our largest theater, which holds nearly 500 people at full capacity. There’s popcorn, candy, and trash everywhere, and every trash can is overflowing. I’m forced to call a manager to assist us with cleaning. A large group of people waiting for the next showing has gathered outside, and they are impatient.)

Manager: *over his radio* “Could we get an extra set of hands in this theater? We’re not going to get this done in time.”

Supervisor: *over her radio* “Yeah, I’m on my way now.”

(As my supervisor steps through the doors to the theater, I can hear the guests whining and complaining outside.)

Me: “Don’t we have a hold-out line for this theater? I hate listening to these people.”

Supervisor: “We were supposed to, but no one told the greeter, so he didn’t direct them towards it.”

Me: “Great.”

(We frantically try to finish cleaning the theater. At this point, we’re not as thorough about it as we usually are; we just need to get it done. I finish cleaning my area and head to the trash cans so I can change them. Unfortunately, the guests standing by the doors can see me through the windows. One of them, a middle-aged gentleman, steps into the theater.)

Guest: *yelling* “Are you guys done yet?”

Me: “We’re still trying to finish up in here. I’m so sorry about the wait, sir, but it’s very messy and we’re going as fast as we can.”

Guest: *walking further into the theater and still yelling* “Can’t you go any faster?”

(Before I can respond, my manager walks towards us, looking extremely frustrated.)

Manager: “Sir, if you could please go back outside and wait, we are almost finished in here.”

(The man grumbles and steps back outside, and my manager helps me change out the trash. I start to get a little nervous watching the people outside get more and more frustrated, but we finish after that and begin walking out of the theater. As we step out, the crowd starts clapping and walking into the theater before my ushers, the manager, the supervisor, and I have exited. I frown at everyone as they walk by and listen to them grumble.)

Guest: “They always take so long to clean the theater; it’s so annoying.”

Guest’s Friend: “I know; I wish they would go faster.”

(My ushers and I wait for everybody to enter the theater before moving on to the next one.)

Me: “God, did you see how they clapped for us? That was so frustrating.”

Usher: “It was so messy in there; it was ridiculous.”

Me: “I know. You’d think people would keep it clean so we don’t take so long and make everyone angry.”

(An hour and a half later, we returned to the theater to find it just as messy as it was earlier. People never learn.)

Go Back To Free-Styling It

, , , , , | Right | November 9, 2018

(This is when the big, all-in-one, self-serve, “freestyle” soda dispensers are still a relatively new concept. I work at the concession stand in a movie theater where this exact interaction takes place multiple times a day.)

Me: “Here’s your cup for your drink.”

Customer #1: “We get the drinks ourselves?”

Me: *gestures across the lobby* “Yes, it’s self-serve at the freestyles, right over there.”

Customer #1: *looking around, confused* “What’s a ‘freestyle’?”

Me: *smiling politely* “The big red machines over in the corner.”

Customer #1: *smiles gratefully and laughs a little* “Okay, thanks!”

(I never get irritated at repeatedly answering that same question with that same answer, because I had never heard of a “freestyle” until I started working here, so I have sympathy for the customers’ confusion. But for everyone’s benefit, I decide to start cutting to the chase, while also hopefully still getting a smile or chuckle out of our customers. This happens with the very first customer I try my new tactic on.)

Me: “Here’s your cup for your drink.”

Customer #2: “We get the drinks ourselves?”

Me: *gestures to freestyles while smiling brightly* “Yep! At the big red machines over there.”

(The customer suddenly scowls at me and emits an irritated laugh.)

Customer #2: “So, you think I’m just some stupid b**** you have to dumb it down for? GOD!”

(The customer stormed off, muttering about how rude I was and how stupid I must have thought she was. I went back to the old spiel after that.)

About As Useful As Some Passed Gas

, , , , , | Working | November 8, 2018

(We have one coworker at the theater who is a deadweight. He always comes in late and does very little work. I’m in the lobby when I notice one of the auditoriums is letting out.)

Me: *to the manager* “Hey, I’m going to go clean the auditorium.”

Manager: “Okay, then. Hey, [Coworker]! You go in and help him.

Me: *under my breath* “G**d*** it!”

(We both go into the auditorium, and instead of picking up trash or sweeping, my coworker just follows me around making farting noises.)

Coworker: *makes a farting sound* “Ew, [My Name]! You’re nasty.”

Me: “Really? You’re doing this? How old are you? Twenty or ten?”

Coworker: “What are you talking about? I’m not doing anything.” *makes another farting sound* “Dude! What did you eat?”

Me: *sigh*

(This goes on the entire time. I finally get done with the auditorium, and then I go up to the manager.)

Me: “The next time you want to send [Coworker] to help me clean auditoriums, please do me a favor and don’t.”

(He eventually left to work at a grocery store around the corner. I heard he only lasted a couple of months.)

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