Straight-Up Violence

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2018

(I’ve just printed out the cinema tickets for a woman and her son, who is 10 or 11 years old. There is a growing line behind her.)

Me: “Here you are, miss. I hope you enjoy the film!”

Woman: “Are you gay?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “Are you gay?

Me: “That’s really none of your business.”

Woman: “When it comes to my son, it is!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but what has being gay got to do with your son?”

Woman: *now hugging her son so tightly I wonder if he can breathe* “You might make him gay, too!”

Me: “Even if that was possible, I don’t see how that would be an issue. Now, if you could please stand aside, there are others waiting to be served.”

Woman: *quite literally dropping her son and ripping up the tickets I just gave her* “Get me someone else, like this young lady. I don’t want some [slur] giving me [slur] tickets!”

Me: *turning to my colleague — who is actually gay — who has been trying to serve her line without bursting into tears* “I’ll get a manager down. Are you okay with being alone until I get back?”

(My coworker nods, so I turn back to the woman.)

Me: “I’ll be back in a minute.”

(I can hear her screaming obscenities the entire time I’m in the back, and my manager asks about the noise as I enter his office. We both head back to find the son stood behind the counter, crying and hugging my colleague with quite a visible red mark on his face. My colleague is screaming at the top of her lungs along with the woman, who is being held back by several of the customers; it looks like she’s trying to mount the counter.)

Woman: *noticing me* “YOU [SLUR]! YOU DIRTY F****** [SLUR]! You did it! I’LL KILL YOU!”

Colleague: “Take him in the back. I think he’s bleeding.”

(My manager takes the boy into the back, as he is indeed bleeding down his neck. The woman is now being dragged out of the building as I call the police.)

Colleague: “No, one of the customers has already called.”

Me: “What happened?”

Colleague: “My girlfriend brought me my lunch, and she just turned on her. I thought she was going get physical, and I… I lost it. I told her to forget the tickets and get out, or I’d drag her out while phoning the police.”

Me: “But what about her son?”

Colleague: “She grabbed him by the ear and tried pulling him out. He started screaming and she full-on slapped him! That’s when the other customers stepped in. The boy ran straight to me.”

Me: “I thought the whole point of this was to protect him.”

(My colleague just shrugged. The police and paramedics arrived to find the son sitting with my colleague and her girlfriend in the back, watching one of the recent films that was pulled. He went off to the hospital to have stitches while we gave statements to the officers. About two weeks later, the son’s father came in and apologised for his ex-wife’s behaviour. They had divorced a few years back, and she had had visitation rights with the son that day. She was previously deemed unfit to be a parent due to severe psychological issues that emerged during her pregnancy, but they had believed her to be improving. We didn’t hear anything else after that, and hope they’re all doing well.)

That Will NOT Be A Happy Meal

, , , | Right | November 5, 2018

(A person walks in, wanders past the box office and concession, and moves straight to the self-serve soda fountain. He pulls a cup from a very popular fast-food chain out of his backpack and fills it.)

Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to pay for that.”

Customer: “Why? I bought this here, and you’re supposed to get free refills!”

Me: “Sir, I really don’t think you bought that here.”

(He storms up to me and thrusts the cup in my face.)

Customer: “Here! You happy?! I bought this here!”

Me: “Yeah, sir… I’m sorry, but I don’t think our company logo is an M comprised of two golden arches.”

Customer: *defeated* “How much will it be?”

(He leaves. A coworker who witnessed the entire ordeal speaks up.)

Coworker: “Did he really just try to pass off a fast food cup as one of ours… to your face?”

Me: “Yes… Yes, he did.”

Not The Most (Thermo)Dynamic Of Customers

, , | Right | November 5, 2018

Customer: “Give me a coffee. But can you fill it with ice? I don’t want it to be too hot.”

Me: “Do you just want me to put a little ice in it to help it cool down?”

Customer: “No, I want you to fill the cup up completely with ice. I don’t want it hot.”

Me: “All righty.”

(Five minutes later, the customer returns.)

Customer: “Hey! This coffee you sold me is ice cold! I just wanted it to not be so hot!”

Me: “I thought you wanted it that cold? You had me fill it up with ice.”

Customer: “I didn’t realize filling it with ice would make it cold!”

(Yes, you read that last bit right.)

There’s A Special Hell Reserved For People Who Talk In The Movie Theater

, , , , , , | Right | November 2, 2018

(I’m working opening night of “Deadpool,” taking tickets. After the first twenty minutes of taking tickets, I give up warning people with kids that this movie is NOT for children. A family of four — a mom, a dad, and two boys about six and eight years old — come in with tickets for — you guessed it — “Deadpool.” While tearing their tickets I tell the dad:)

Me: “Sir, just so you know, this movie has a hard R-rating.”

(As expected, he just sneers at me, holding out his hand.)

Father: “Just do your job and shut your mouth'”

(I give him his stubs and direct him to his auditorium. After about twenty minutes, my manager asks me to make theater rounds, where we walk into each auditorium during the show to make sure there are no problems with the film, and to check for recording devices, feet on seats, etc. He specifically mentions the “Deadpool” auditoriums because he’s getting complaints that someone’s kids are being loud and the parents are ignoring other patrons’ requests to be quiet. Dreading dealing with this guy because I’ve got a pretty good idea who it is, I go into the nearest showing. Sure enough, it’s the dad from earlier, who’s now arguing with the people behind him, who have just asked him to quiet his kids. As he’s telling them to mind their own business, the woman in front of him stands up, turns around, and yells:)

Woman: “Listen up, you sorry piece of s***! I’ve waited twenty-five years and one day for this movie, and I’m not going to let it be ruined because you’re a piece-of-s*** parent, so either shut them the f*** up or get your f***-trophies the f*** out of here!”

(Before the dad could pick his jaw up off the floor to respond, the entire packed auditorium started cheering and clapping. The family got up and left without saying a word. The kids looked dazed, and the dad wouldn’t look anyone in the face all the way out. Red-Haired Lady in the Deadpool shirt and leather jacket, I don’t know who you are, but you are my new hero!)

Why Is This Soda-mn Hard?

, , , , | Right | October 27, 2018

(A customer comes up, pointing at our self-serve, touch-screen soda machines.)

Customer: “These machines are awful! They don’t work! They’re broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Show me what the problem is and I’ll see if I can help.”

(I leave the counter and walk over to the machines.)

Customer: *placing cup down and pushing the ice button* “I push this and I get ice! But who wants just ice?! There’s no way to get soda with these stupid machines! What idiot thought that getting soda machines that only gives you ice was a good idea?! They must be broken or something!”

Me: “Actually, you pour the soda into the cup by pushing the soda button next to the ice button.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know that?”

(They proceed to push the soda button.)

Customer: “Nothing’s coming out! I told you these machines were broken!”

Me: “Well, first you have to use the touch screen to select the soda that you want.”

Customer: *becoming more frustrated* “How was I supposed to know that?!”

(They then start haphazardly slamming their fingers into the touch screen, which is clearly marked with big bold letters that say, “Touch Screen to Begin.”)

Customer: “How does this stupid thing work?”

Me: “You just navigate the menu and select the type of soda you want, and then you select any additional optional flavor you want.”

Customer: *fuming* “How was I supposed to know that?!”

(The customer selects the “cola” option and then proceeds to press the button. They stop after a second and take a sip.)


Me: “Did you press the cherry cola option?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Well, sir… you need to press the flavor of the drink you want before the machine can give it to you.”


(They turn back to the machine, and press the cherry cola button. They then hold down the soda button and refuse to let go until the cup starts to overflow, sloshing cola all over their hand.)


(I flagged down a supervisor and headed back to stand, because I literally didn’t know what else to say. And the sad thing is, this sort of thing has happened to me two or three times a week since the new machines came in a while back. Is getting a soda really that hard?)

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