Buy Bye

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2019

(It’s a slow day. The only customer is at the box office while I wait at concessions.)

Customer: “Where can I get a bottle of water?”

Coworker: *gesturing to me* “You can buy water at the concession stand right over there.”

(The customer walks up to my stand, grabs a bottle of water from the cooler, and walks towards the theater, ignoring me.)

Me: “Uh, sir?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Did you want to purchase that water you just grabbed? I can help you right over at this register.”

Customer: “Oh, the girl over there said I could take one.”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to need you to pay for the water.”

Customer: “But the girl said I could take one.”

Me: “The bottles of water are not free, sir.”

Customer: “But the girl said I could take one!”

Coworker: “Sir, I said you could buy one.”


(He slams the bottle back into the cooler and practically stomps his way into the theater.)

Coworker: “Wouldn’t the word ‘buy’ have the implication he needed to pay for it?”

Me: “And people wonder why I’ve lost faith in humanity…”

Oh, I Just Can’t Wait To Be Over This Shift

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2019

(We have been playing “The Lion King” for the past couple of weeks in a couple of our theaters. They are only for children and their parents/guardians. We have had quite a few strange encounters during this time.)

Me: “Hello.”

Customer #1: “Can I get one ticket for The Lion King, please?”

Me: “Just one?”

Customer #1: “For my son.”

(The son looks about five years old.)

Me: “He does need to be accompanied by a parent or guardian.”

Customer #1: “There will be other parents in there who can look after him.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t allow that to happen. They are complete strangers to both you and him.”

Customer #1: *nonchalant* “Fine. I guess I’ll watch it with him. Where’s the bar? I need a mojito.”

Me: “We don’t have a bar.”


(Another customer:)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Customer #2: “I’d like to book an entire theatre, please, for The Lion King.”

Me: “Oh, okay. The next empty screening is 5:00 pm. We normally charge at the adult rate, with 10% discount because you’re buying en masse. That should be… £446.40.”

Customer #2: “For one ticket? That’s outrageous!

Me: “No, that’s for the whole theatre.”

Customer #2: “But I only want one ticket. My son has social anxiety and can’t sit with anyone.”

Me: “But booking an entire theatre means paying for every seat.”

Customer #2: “But you have to give me special treatment. My son has a mental illness!”

Me: “I’m afraid that doesn’t affect how we operate. I know my manager wouldn’t authorise booking an entire theatre for the price of one ticket. It would be a significant loss in revenue.”

Customer #2: “Then what am I supposed to do?”

Me: “He could watch it on DVD?”

Customer #2: “That won’t be very special. He hasn’t seen it in twenty years!”

Me: “Twenty? The viewings are for children only.”


(Another customer:)

Customer #3: “Is this a new Lion King movie?”

Me: “No, this is a rescreening for the original movie. It’s for children.”

Customer #3: “Why would children be interested? They wouldn’t have been born.”

Me: “Well, the owners feel these films are important, because they are part of what is called the ‘Disney Renaissance.’ Films like this may never be created again, or capture the true magic of that age.”

Customer #3: *laughing* “Oh, my. You women really are stupid. No one is going to be interested in watching a crappy old film!”

(He then stood around for twenty minutes, laughing at anyone who bought a ticket for “The Lion King.” We had to call the police. Another customer… This woman comes up to the counter wearing a lion headpiece, that looks a lot like the one worn by Luna Lovegood in one of the Harry Potter movies.)

Customer #4:The Lion King, please.”

Me: “How many tickets?”

Customer #4: “Just one. It’s just me.”

Me: “Oh, I’m afraid these screenings are only for children and their parents or guardians.”

Customer #4: *looking absolutely devastated and tearing up* “Oh, no. That’s so sad. It’s my favourite movie.”

Me: “I am sorry. Maybe you could watch it on DVD or Bluray. I assume you have it?”

Customer #4: “Oh, I have several!”

Me: “Well, there you go.”

Customer #4: “I can’t take them out of the packaging, though. That would ruin them!” *sighs* “I guess I’ll just have to torrent it.”

Unfiltered Story #138522

, , | Unfiltered | February 3, 2019

(The site where one can buy tickets online has the wrong time for a popular kids movie, the movie was listed online as starting an hour after the actual start time of the movie A grandfather and his two granddaughters come to me and ask for tickets to the movie that has already started.)

Me: I am terribly sorry sir, but the time that was listed online is wrong, and the movie started an hour earlier.


Me: “I understand that this is not what you had planned….”


Me: “Sir, I have no control over the times that are posted online, and I do apologize for this”


Me: I shall let him know that you wish to speak to him sir.

(It took all my effort to not laugh at his “rejection” of my apology. His granddaughters were trying their best to calm him down too.)

You Will Need A Seat To Witness This Stupidity

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 30, 2019

(My dad and I are at a movie when we notice that a group of six girls and two boys of about thirteen are having an argument with three other boys of about seventeen. My dad, annoyed that they’re being loud, goes over. Note: he’s six foot three and looks very intimidating.)

Dad: “Is something wrong?”

Girl #1: “They’ve taken our seats!”

Boy #1: “No, they’re ours!”

Girl #2: “We booked the whole middle row so we could sit together. See?”

(She’s clearly on the verge of tears as she shows my dad her ticket.)

Dad: “This says she’s meant to be sitting where you are. Where’s your ticket?”

Boy #1: “Uh… we threw them away.”

Dad: “That’s the best lie you can come up with?”

Boy #2: “Come on; let’s just move.”

(The boys get up as the group of eight thanks my dad. What my dad doesn’t see is that they move over to the three seats next to me, one of which belongs to my dad. I block his seat with my legs before they can sit down.)

Boy #3: “These are our seats.”

Me: “You’re really f****** stupid.”

Boy #1: “Excuse me?”

Me: “F*** off back to your actual seats.”

Boy #2: *sighs* “Come on, then.”

(The group walked to the back to what were probably the worst seats in the cinema. I get why they wanted to move, but trying that bull not once, but twice, was ridiculous.)

When It’s Up, The Tone Of Conversation Is Down

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2019

(At the movie theater where I work, we have a rewards program. It has become cardless, meaning you don’t need the card. We always ask for a guest’s phone number so we can look up their account. On this day, I get a response I wasn’t expecting.)

Me: “Okay, that’s three tickets to [Movie]. Do you have a rewards account with us?”

Guest #1: “Yes, I do, but I don’t have my card with me. Can you look it up by phone number?”

Me: “Yes, I can. Whenever you are ready…”

Guest #1: “Okay, it’s [phone number].”

Me: “Okay, got it up.”

Guest #2: “That’s what I love hearing from a man.”

Me: “…”

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