My husband and I were visiting Oslo, and we went to the National Museum. We are American, and we were speaking English between us. My Norwegian was enough to get by and be polite.

At the time we were there, there was a special traveling Egyptian exhibit. It was only a largish room, and I read faster than my husband, so I was hanging around by a wall-sized mural of Hatshepsut’s tomb. Suddenly, an elderly lady approached me, put her arm through mine, and started telling me how her father excavated the tomb, how much fun she had playing there, and how slippery the ramp was when it rained. When she was done, I thanked her for sharing with me, and she patted my arm and wandered off.

It doesn’t sound like a story, until you take into account that she was speaking German, which I do speak but for obvious reasons hadn’t been. I have no idea why she thought I’d understand her.

I never checked on her story to see if it matched up. The whole bizarre story might be better than the truth.

(I am fairly new at my grocery store. I’m a very petite nineteen-year-old girl who often gets mistaken for being a minor. A customer giving off a weird vibe comes to my till.)

Customer: “Happy birthday! I think I saw you in the paper!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but no, it’s not my birthday. But thanks, anyway, I guess.”

(He stares at me for a second.)

Customer: “Are you sure? I’m pretty sure that was you. Here, I’ll show you.”

(The thing creeping me out the most is how sincere and serious he seems. He pulls out the paper and shows it to me. It’s a forty-year-old mother of four, and it is her birthday.)

Me: *getting very embarrassed and screaming on the inside* “Um, sorry, but that is definitely not me.”

(I’m always very chipper and welcoming at work, so he probably senses my change of mood and posture.)

Customer: “Huh, I was so sure… Two bags, please.”

(The rest of the transaction went quietly and he left. My manager laughed until she cried and now notifies me every time he comes in. I hate him.)

(I used to work in a grocery store which also had the possibility of cashing out/putting in money directly to your bank account. We had a regular old lady who used to come in with an expired card or no ID at all. Since I was not at all trained to do these transactions, I had to call the store manager:)

Me: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”

Old lady: “I want take out money from my bank account.”

Me: “Sure, that’s no problem. How much?”

Old lady: I’ll have [Amount of money]”
(She then proceeds to just hand me her card, expecting me to know her pin)

Me: “I’m sorry m’am, but I don’t know your pin. And this card is expired.”

Old lady: “Yes you do. I always use this card!”

(At this point, I actually recognizes her, and call for help, before gesturing to the other customers in line to change registers, as only one can be used for her kind of transaction.)

Me: “There will be someone with you very soon, m’am. It won’t be long.”

(I then move to the other register, just across the lane we are in, when she apparently loses her cool.)

Old lady: “Excuse me!? Where is he? I am waiting. Where the f**k is Frederik. Have you even called for help!?

(I’m just sitting there, reassuring here that help will be there soon, and that I cannot help her. This was a regular occurence, and I never remembered her between each time.)

(This happens during the day on New Year’s Eve. My coworker and I are completely overwhelmed with work, non-stop calls, and our manager calling us every five minutes to tell us how to do our jobs. We take a quick break to go into the kitchen and get some food and water before getting back to the crazy rush. In the kitchen, we see that one of our bosses has hung up a sign:)

Sign: “Due to the most recent cutbacks, new rules for absences have been created for 2017.

Illness: Not a valid reason to be absent. Doctor’s notes are no longer accepted! If you can make it to the doctor, you can make it to work.

Absence due to surgery: Not accepted. Any employee who is considering surgery is to abstain from this. We need everything the employee can offer of flesh and blood. Service is to happen in the same condition as when the employment began. If anything is removed, the employee’s value is lowered. Exceptions can be made if paychecks are lowered to an equal value.

Death (your own): Your own death is accepted as a reason for absence. However, the employer is to be informed two weeks in advance so the successor can be trained properly.

Visits to the dentist: We only hire people with dentures. Due to this, you can send your teeth for repairs by mail, instead of constantly going to the dentist.

Pregnancy: Completely forbidden. At work, you should sit with your legs crossed. The employer is to make sure that contraceptives are available.

Visits to a gynecologist: Must be avoided! You can sit on a copy machine, take a picture, and send this to the gynecologist.

Toilet visits: Too much time is spent in the toilet. Due to this, a new three-minute rule will be enforced. After three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper is confiscated, the door is opened, and the toilet-goer is photographed. If this rule is broken several times, the photographs will be posted on the bulletin board.

Lunch: Thin people will get a thirty-minute lunch break, since they need to eat more to look healthy. Normal people will get a fifteen-minute lunch break, so they can intake a balanced meal and keep their mediocre figure. Overweight people will get a five-minute lunch break, since this is the amount of time needed to drink a protein shake.

Finally: Thank you for your loyalty to the unit. Our motto is to always have a positive attitude towards the business. It is, therefore, a matter of course that you send all your questions, comments, complaints, irritations, accusations, and other aggressions elsewhere.”

(My coworker and I laughed so hard that getting through the rest of the shift was quite a bit easier.)

(I work in a bookshop at an airport. This day, I opened the shop at 5:30 am so I am very tired. A customer comes in with her son. She’s old, and he’s probably in his thirties or forties. The customer is talking to her son as they enter and says she wants to use a credit note. She doesn’t have any books or anything to buy as she comes up to the register; all she does is put the credit note down on the counter. I look at it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t use this credit note. It expired 11 days ago and is for another bookshop.”

Customer: “What? Are you that strict?”

Me: “Well, seeing as it’s both expired and not for our shop, yes, I’m sorry, but you can’t use this here.”

(She picked the credit note up from the counter and stormed off with her son while grumbling.)