I’m stocking shelves in the back of the store I work in. The store is set up with shelves only being 5,2 feet tall, so you can see any part of the store from anywhere. By the entrance, there is a group of kids being loud and looking at things but not really bothering anyone. Suddenly, an older woman yells at me and gets my attention.

Customer: “You need to tell them to quiet down; they are ruining my shopping experience.”

Mind you, these kids are hardly even eight years old.

Me: “It wouldn’t help if I told them to quiet down. They would not learn their lesson and would come back another day being just as disruptive.”

Again, no one else was bothered by these kids. The customer went over and yelled at the kids, telling them to leave the store and stop bothering serious customers. The kids left, and she left herself a minute later without buying anything.

The store I work in is a toy store.

An angry customer comes up to me and slams his one-day-old expensive phone on my counter so hard he’s lucky it doesn’t crack.

Customer: “You have exactly one f****** minute to fix my phone, or I want a new one. NOW!”

Me: “All right. What seems to be wrong with it?”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘what seems to be wrong with it’? IT’S F****** DEAD, CAN’T YOU SEE?!”

I hold the power button for four seconds and the phone boots up. I turn the screen around for the angry customer to see, trying to withhold my smug grin.

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I told that little s*** son of mine to test the phone before he sent me back here!”

He stormed out, extremely red-faced.

This is an email correspondence that draws over several weeks.

Customer: “I would like to return this kids’ mattress. It was advertised as organic, but when I opened it, it had a label that said it was highly flammable!”

Me: “Oh, that sounds strange. Can you please send us a photograph of this label so that we can take it up with the manufacturer? This is supposed to be one of the safest mattresses on the market!”

We email the manufacturer, asking them if they have any idea what the customer is referring to.

Customer: “I threw the label away.”

Me: “The manufacturer says that there is no such label on the mattress.”

Customer: “Yes, there was; both my partner and I saw it, and we are highly-educated people so I think we know how to read!”

We get the manufacturer to send us all the labels and instruction manuals that come with the mattress.

Me: “Are you referring to this label that says, ‘This mattress is made from flame-retardant materials without additives.’?”

Customer: “You marketed this as an organic mattress, and if it is flammable it is not organic!”

Me: *Flabbergasted* “As stated earlier, it is not a flammable mattress. Of course, it will eventually catch fire if you put it on a flame, but this will take longer to catch fire than other mattresses. Furthermore, it is organic and certified as such, as stated in the description.”

Customer: “A product that contains chemicals can’t be organic! You are lying to me and I want to return this mattress!”

I really wanted to ask her if she would like an organic hay mattress, instead, but you know, that WOULD be highly flammable.

I work at a pet shop in a mall.

Customer: “Do you sell soap bubbles?”

I think about soap bubbles with catnip for cats.

Me: “For cats?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Soap bubbles for cats?”

Customer: “No!”

The customer is full-out laughing, almost grabbing her stomach and bending over.

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to find a store that is not a pet store. We only sell equipment for cats, dogs, and animals.”

The woman was stunned, stopped laughing, and just stood there looking at me before leaving. 

I feel bad for the way I answered her — that wasn’t good customer service at all — but I was so fed up with all the customers coming to ask for products that would never be sold in our type of store. We do actually have soap bubbles with catnip for cats, but she didn’t have to laugh at me like that.

I work customer service for a major newspaper in my country, helping customers with their newspaper subscriptions. An elderly woman calls in. She sounds quite sad but she’s perfectly pleasant throughout the entire conversation. 

Customer: “I didn’t get my newspaper today.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that. Is this at [address]?”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “I see here that you have a subscription that includes delivery Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.”

Customer: “Yes, and it wasn’t on my doormat today.”

Me: “But… it’s Monday.”

Customer: *After a pause* “Oh, you have got to be kidding me. I’m so sorry!”

Me: *Laughing* “It’s perfectly fine. It’s clearly a proper Monday!”

Customer: *Also laughing* “You’re absolutely right! I’m really sorry!”