In an effort to avoid the spread of anything contagious, my cell phone store doesn’t allow customers to touch any of the phones we have on display. This is printed on numerous signs around the phones, and the screensaver on each phone even has, “Please don’t touch,” running on each and every one of them. Even still, people grab the phones to try them or play with them all day long. We’ve had to tell adults to please stop touching them.

A woman picks up a display model.

Coworker: “Ma’am, please don’t touch the phones. We’re trying to avoid the spread of disease.”

Customer: “Oh, of course. I won’t.”

She put the phone down, and literally four seconds later, she picked up the next one. This is why we have to clean everything with disinfectant all day long.

I’ve just returned home after three years of college, and I go back to the youth club I used to volunteer with. Things have changed a lot since I was here last, and since I used to be in charge of kitchen/sales, it’s only natural for me to step into that my first night back. Because we meet on Fridays, we sell, among other things, a large variety of candy.

It’s the end of the night and we’re packing up. I’m looking over the price list when the guy in charge of procurement — an old classmate and friend of mine — comes in. The real prices are in Norwegian Kroner, so the prices stated are just a rough estimate.

Friend: “You look puzzled, [My Name].”

Me: “What? Oh, no, I was just checking the price list.”

Friend: “Yeah, some of the prices are a little weird, I know.”

Me: “Yeah, why are we selling [candy bar #1] for $1.33? And [candy bar #2] for $1.56? Wouldn’t it be easier to keep it an even number? I mean, you’ve always complained about being left with so much small change at the end of the day.”

Friend: “I know, but I thought we should keep the prices close to the local stores’. I actually got the [candy bar #1]s on sale, two for a dollar.”

Me: “So, why not sell them for a dollar, then? And [candy bar #2] sells for over two dollars in some stores, so you could sell those for $1.90 or something to make up for the difference.”

Friend: “What?”

He seems really confused at this point, and I find myself actually talking slower.

Me: *Sighs* “If you paid one dollar for two bars, you essentially bought one bar for fifty cents, right? So, if you sell one bar for a dollar, you’ve made fifty cents. I can see why you’d want to try and price-match with the stores, and you could potentially make a few extra bucks a week, but if you’re offering the kids the same deal as the stores, what’s stopping them from buying in there instead of here?”

He didn’t have a good answer for that and seemed genuinely confused about the whole thing. He’s twenty-four and works at a grocery store, yet simple math still escapes him. He even suggested I use a calculator during sales, because counting is apparently difficult.

a couple with two small kids walked in to my store, the youngest child stayed with the parents, while the older started running around. the parents went over to one area and started looking at things generally shopping and didn’t look at the child running around. the older child started picking up stuff from the shelves and started banging it towards the shelves and floor. (these things can break) I went over grabbed it from her and told her this was not acceptable behaviour in a store. she simply ran away from me, later i saw her opening some toys and starting to play with them, again I went over and took it away from her, and she ran away. the third time i see the child standing next to our champagne and wine glasses, I see the mother walking towards the child and tought she might actually watch her child. she just walked by the child and told her to be careful, when the mother has gone out of sight the child grabbed one of the champagne glasses and raised it over her head as if she where about to hit it in the shelve. I ran over and took it from her and grabbed her arm and took her to the parents where this happened.

me: excuse me, you have to watch your children in the store
the mother turned towards me
Mother: HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU DO NOT TALK TO CUSTOMERS LIKE THAT.
me: i’m sorry but your child is running around and has almost destroyed several objects.
mother: MY CHILD WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THAT I JUST WALKED BEHIND HER SHE HAS NOT TOUCHED ANYTHING IN THIS STORE. HAVE SHE BROKEN ANYTHING?
me: not yet
mother: EXACTLY SHE HAS NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG, AND THE FACT THAT YOU DARE SAY THAT TO ME, DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN?
(i have not completed high school yet)
me: no
mother: WELL I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE ANY, YOU WOULD BE HORRIBLE AS A MOTHER, YOU COME OVER HERE AND TELL LIES ABOUT MY CHILD AND TELL ME SHE STARTED BREAKING THINGS WHEN SHE HAS NOT TOUCHED ANYTHING.

they started walking towards me so i backed up and grabbed my work phone ready to call security, at this point I honestly tought she might try and hit me. She walked pass me and went straight for the registrer, so I went after her and figured i would just quikly get her out of my store.

mother: YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON, YOU DO NOT TALK TO CUSTOMERS LIKE THAT, I WANT YOUR BOSS’S PHONE NUMBER.
me: thats fine let me get you that (I begin to write down the number)
mother to her child: sweetie you can’t touch anything you might break it.
me: here you go and your total is (random number)
mother: I WILL CALL YOUR BOSS AND YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT LYING TO YOUR BOSS CAUSE I WILL TELL HER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, AND HOW HORRIBLE YOU SPOKED TOO ME, YOU WILL BE IN BIG TROUBLE NOW. YOU SHOULD NEVER TALK TO CUSTOMERS LIKE THIS.
me: that’s fine bye and have a good day.

the family left and since I was alone in the store i then had to go back to be polite and smiling towards everyone else, personally I really just wanted to go in the back and take a break.

I work at a rather small dry cleaning place. A man comes in to pick up a suit with his young son. Usually, our customers’ children are too shy to talk to us.

Son: “Do you know how old I am?”

Me: *Taken aback* “No! How old are you?”

Son: “I’m four and a half years old.”

Me: “Wow. I’m twenty-one. I’m old!”

Son: *Thinking hard* “Yes.

I continue the transaction with the customer. 

Son: *To his father* “Dad, can I press the green button?”

Customer: “Of course you can!”

The customer puts in his card into the machine, and I go to type in the price, pressing the green button when I do.

Son: “But I wanted to press the green button!”

Me: “Oh, I am so sorry. You can do it now.”

He presses the green button, and two receipts come out, one for the customer and one for me. 

Me: *To the customer* “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, please!”

Son: “Daddy, can I have that piece of paper?”

Customer: “No, sorry, Daddy needs this one.”

Son: *To me* “Can I have that piece of paper?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I need this one. But I can print out another one for you.”

Son: “Yes, please!”

I print out another receipt for the little boy. This one is wider and longer than the one I gave his father. 

Me: “You’re getting a big one!”

I hand him the receipt. 

Son: “Ooooh! That is big!”

The customer thanks me and says goodbye as he leaves. They turn the corner when I hear:

Son: “Bye-bye!”

Me: “Bye!”

The boy comes running into the store again.

Son: “Bye! I’ll—” *starts thinking* “—see you tomorrow?”

Me: “No, you won’t, sweetie.”

Son: “No… I’ll see you some other day, then!”

Me: “Yes, you will! Definitely!”

Son: “See you then! Bye!”

After he left, I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day. That little boy made my entire week!

(An owner comes in with a cat that has been trowing up now and then for a month or so)

Vet: So, when does he trow up?

Owner: Well, he is fine during the week, but he seems to trow up a lot in the weekend.

Vet: What kind of food do you give him? Is there something you´re giving him before he trows up?

Owner: Oh, I only give him dry cat food. But in the weekend he gets wet food.

Vet: *gives the owner a ¨think about what you just said¨-look*

Owner: Oooooh, right.. I should probably stop giving him wet food.