There Are Plenty Of White-People Movies; They’re Called Movies

, , , , , | Related | October 8, 2019

(We’ve just finished watching a movie that had a main cast that was nearly all white. At the end of the movie, the main character says, “We can save the future, but we’ll need help.” They recruit people across the globe. None of the recruits are white.)

Dad: “I guess they don’t want white people in their future, huh?”

Me: *headdesks*

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Unfiltered Story #168976

, , | Unfiltered | October 6, 2019

(I am waiting in line to buy popcorn. It’s my turn to order.)

Me: Hi, can I get a bag of cockp*rn?
(I freeze. The employee taking my order is trying so hard not to laugh. I take a moment and place my head in my hands. We literally stand there for about a minute, not talking. When I look back up, the employee is still smiling politely.)
Me: May I get… a bag of the cooked vegetable indigeniously found in North America, please?
Employee: (still smiling) Would you also like some melted yellow oil made from the secreted liquid of a cow?
Me: Yeah, sure.

Unfiltered Story #168966

, , | Unfiltered | October 5, 2019

(I’ve just started working box office one day. A couple walks up to me. The man is mid-20’s, very buff, and clearly has a nasty attitude with a permanent scowl on his face. The girlfriend is practically glued to him at the waist.)

Male Customer: (Practically shouting) “Look, I found out you have a military discount on tickets… Why didn’t I get it?!”

Me: “Did you notify the person who sold you your tickets that you’re military?”

Male Customer: (Chuckles and rolls his eyes) “Uh, no. I shouldn’t have to.”

Customer’s Girlfriend: (Under her breath; glaring at me) “Way to respect our brave heroes, douchebag.”

Male Customer: “I’m not some tub of lard like all the other… CITIZENS in here. Couldn’t you tell I’m a freaking HERO?! I’m in the ARMY!”

(He pulls a military ID and practically throws it at me.)

Me: “Sir, if you’d like, you can go to the managers desk, and see if they can approve a discount or partial refund to make up for the price difference the military discount would have given. I’m unfortunately not authorized to give refunds without prior approval.”

(The customer snatches back up his ID.)

Male Customer: “Ugh, no. A two-dollar discount isn’t worth dealing with… CITIZENS over. I’m a HERO. I don’t have time for stupid, low, lard-ass CITIZENS.”

(And yes, he made sure to put emphasis on every mention of the word “Hero” and “Citizen.” And people wonder why I don’t automatically worship soldiers just because they’re in the military…)

The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 11

, , , | Right | October 1, 2019

(I am working in the box office on a busy weekend with a coworker, just before Mother’s Day. A man in his thirties or forties comes to me because my coworker has a family in her line, buying tickets.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like a gift card.”

Me: “All right, I can sell them here.”

(I begin to reach for our gift cards, which are quite plain; they’re a solid color with our company name on them.)

Customer: “Do you not have anything… prettier?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we do not have Mother’s Day-themed gift cards.”

Customer: *grimacing, hesitates* “Well… can you tell me about them?”

Me: “Um… Our gift cards never expire, you can use them for tickets or concessions, and we can put any amount you want on them.”

Customer: “Well, you have senior discounts, right? Do they work on those?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(My coworker, by this time, has finished her sale and has been listening. The customer looks absolutely confused.)

Coworker: “It’s like, if you had twenty dollars, it spends the same, only you can only use it here. It’s like cash.”

Customer: “Okay… Well, let me get a fifty-dollar gift card.”

(I verify the amount and make the sale, give him the card and his receipt, and thank him. He looks very confused again.)

Customer: “Does it have to be activated?”

Me: “You can use it as soon as I hand it to you, sir.”

(He left, and my coworker and I were silent for several seconds, before she finally asked if he simply didn’t know how a gift card worked, feeling just as confused as I was through the entire transaction. I suppose there’s a first for everything!)

The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 10
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 9
The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 8

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Gatsby Is Less Great In 2D

, , , , | Right | September 30, 2019

(I have an annoyed customer come up to me at the ticket check podium.)

Customer: “WHY is The Great Gatsby in 3D?”

(I don’t know what to say, apart from the obvious.)

Me: “Because it’s a 3D film.”

Customer: “That’s not a very good answer.”

(Then, his friend pipes up.)

Customer’s Friend: “What the h*** did you want her to say? Just because you’re angry, don’t take it out on her.”

(That guy’s friend totally made my night.)

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