I work for a law firm that’s renting the Natural History Museum as a venue for its big holiday party.

Coworker: “Do we have to have it at THAT museum?”

Me: “What are you talking about? Drinking champagne under the dinosaurs will be so cool!” 

Coworker: “Yeah, but they should pick a venue that doesn’t conflict with some of their employees’ beliefs.”

Me: “Beliefs?”

Coworker: “Yeah! Dinosaurs! I just… don’t buy the idea of dinosaurs.”

Me: “You don’t have to buy it. It’s a fact they’re giving to you for free!”

This was a lawyer who has defended clients in court…

Related:
This Kind Of Thinking Needs To Go Extinct

I work on a case with people from many different areas. Most of the people on the case work in a time zone that’s three hours ahead of mine. This means that I am often in meetings or depositions that start at around 7 AM or earlier.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended several days of a deposition, starting at 5:30 (for me) each day. Those days, I left the office at around 3 PM. My manager then called me into her office.

Manager: “Why are you leaving early every day?”

Me: “I started at 5:30 AM.”

Manager: “I don’t care. This is a nine-to-five job. It doesn’t matter if you’re in earlier; you leave at five, otherwise people will think it’s okay to come in and leave whenever they want.”

Well, nine-to-five it is!

I started arriving in the office promptly at 9 AM. This unfortunately led to me skipping several meetings, but alas, it cannot be helped. One meeting I skipped, scheduled for 6 am, is an important biweekly one that my manager is also supposed to attend. She has never attended and always relies on me to prepare a report on the meeting, so she can present it to her boss.

Manager: “Where is [report]?”

Me: “I don’t have it. I wasn’t able to attend the meeting, since I work a nine-to-five job and I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. No report, sorry!”

As I left promptly at five, I peeked through the window to her office and got a great view of her trying to explain herself to her boss.

Today, she called me and dejectedly informed me that I can leave the office whenever I want from now on.

My old boss knew when I turned down a client, it was because we charged a flat rate, and there was no way that I could resolve their case at that price, and there would be nothing left on the bone.

Me: “Hey, just looked over the intake for the new case. I’d pass on this one.”

Boss: “The usual?”

Me: “The estimation is twenty hours, but I know it’s going to take triple that, minimum. The contract language is messy, and the client’s already gone through two firms. That’s two red flags before I even open discovery.”

Boss: “All good. You don’t need to always explain to me why you do this. I trust you.”

Cue the new boss. Within the first week of his joining, we got a case that I can tell is going to be a hot mess. I tell him so at intake, the usual things I see off the bat.

Me: “So, if those are there, it will be even worse as we peel back the onion.”

New Boss: “It’s not good to turn down clients.”

Me: “We’re not exactly scraping the bottom to find cases. I strongly recommend we pass.”

New Boss: “No. We’re not going to turn down cases.”

He accepted the case. A month later, I ended up getting fired. It was all okay, though. I was on my way out already, and would have quit about a week later anyway.

In that month, I had already put in forty hours putting out fires in that case, and the other lawyer who took it over likely had another two hundred hours. My new boss ended up with a bar complaint from the client, all for about six grand.

On the side, I do moderation for a legal assistance forum. We are not professionals, and we give advice mostly based on common sense and Googling.

For context, in France, PTO (vacation) is a minimum of five weeks a year by law, which was the case for the following user.

User: “I took the entire month of September off for my holidays, as allowed by law. At the end of September, I called my boss to say I can’t come back because of a death.”

We don’t know the relation between this user and the dead person, and why it prevented this user from going back to work.

User: “So, I decided to take the month of October as a holiday too. When I came back to work in early November, I was surprised that my boss decided to fire me.”

Me: “Is there a question?”

User: “What should I do to get a severance package?”

I’m a paralegal in a busy law firm. I’ve been here a few months. It’s late in the evening, and a few of the lawyers and senior paralegals are staying behind to finish work on a case.

Senior Paralegal: “Hey, can you go grab some Coke for the rest of us?”

They hold out some money, like… quite a lot!

Me: “Sure… uh, what kind? Diet? Zero? Cherry?”

They all burst out laughing.

Senior Paralegal: “No… we… uh. We mean the other kind.”

I’m at a loss. Do they mean Pepsi?

Senior Paralegal: “You see that room, there?”

Me: “The stationery room?”

Senior Paralegal: “Yeah. It’s where most of the lawyers, and uh… most of us go to get a bump.”

Me: “A bump?”

Other Paralegal: “Oh my god, [My Name], were you born yesterday?! Drugs, darling! Coke! It’s undiscussed office knowledge that THAT room is where one gets the… energy to carry on the work.” 

It takes me a moment to process two things. One, that they are talking about this so nonchalantly, as if it’s expected that everyone in the office just KNOWS this. And two, that they would be so brazen to expect me to just… go out and get some for them?!

Me: “…What?! No! Absolutely not! I’m not comfortable with that, and also, I wouldn’t know where to even start getting some!”

Everyone looks genuinely surprised. One of the actual lawyers speaks up.

Lawyer #1: “Well… that’s a first.”

Another lawyer leans back in his chair.

Lawyer #2: “You thinking about law school?”

Me: “Yes, actually.”

Lawyer #2: *Laughs.* “You’ll pick up a habit or two when the studying starts.”

Me: “I’ve been here five months, pulling all-nighters and midnight finishes with all of you fighting for cheating husbands who want to leave their wives with nothing. If I can do that sober, I can do anything sober.”

Three years later…

I’m in law school, still pulling all-nighters. The closest I’ve ever come to drugs is one joint in Amsterdam.

…And I hated it.