Unable To “Hold” In The Laughter

, , , , | Working | April 15, 2018

(I work for a disability law office and often reach out to hospitals and doctor offices about our clients’ medical records. One office has contacted us to say they have never seen one of our clients, and I request a certain letter be returned to place in their file. Two weeks later, I have to contact the office about the letter, which was never sent. The woman I speak to puts me on hold to search for her fax confirmation for the letter. At first, I pay little attention to the hold music, until the man starts singing a horrible rendition of “Lavender’s Blue.” By the time the song gets near the end, he is screeching the chorus, and I’m barely struggling to contain my laughter. The song ends, I think it’s over, until the song starts up again. By the third round, I’m laughing so hard, I’m struggling to stay quiet and not interrupt my coworkers. About midway through the song, the hold music is interrupted.)

Worker: “Okay, we did find the letter, and you’re right; it didn’t send through. We should be able to send it back through within the next ten minutes.”

Me: *still struggling not to laugh* “Thank you so much. I appreciate it.”

Worker: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Have you ever listened to your hold music?”

Worker: “No, but we’ve been asked who chose our hold music. Is it that bad?”

Me: *laughing hard now* “It’s the worst! But it gave me the best laugh, ever. Whoever this guy is, he’s almost squealing when he sings the chorus.”

Worker: *laughing with me* “Now I have to hear!”

(She had a coworker call through on another line via their cell phone, put it on speaker, and put the call on hold. Within a couple of minutes, we were all laughing at the worst hold song ever chosen.)

On The Phone With Two Different People

, , , | Right | February 22, 2018

(I work at a large law firm as the central receptionist.)

Me: “[Firm], how can I help you?”

Customer: *immediately starts being very rude and yelling at me*

Me: “Sir, there’s no need to take that tone. I’m happy to help, but please stop yelling.”

(Surprisingly, he’s very polite for the duration of the call. I get him the information he needs, and I’m pleased that I stood up for myself and that it worked.)

Me: “Well, sir, I think you’re all set. Have a nice day!”

Customer: *politely* “You, too…” *his voice turns to a snarl* “…and I’ll take any f****** tone I want, a**hole!” *slams down phone*

Me: “…”

Entry-Level A**hole

, , , | Right | February 21, 2018

(I work at a large law firm. I cover the phones while the receptionist goes to lunch. This particular day, someone from the firm’s legal department happens to be in the vicinity when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Firm], how can I help you?”

(The customer immediately launches into a long and technical explanation about a paper he needs. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I can tell it’s most likely related to a company owned by the firm, and not the firm itself, so I try to get more information. He’s already made several threats to sue the firm, and me, if I don’t comply, which I might have taken more seriously if he hadn’t led with that. I’m beginning to lose my patience, especially as I have no idea what he’s talking about whatsoever, and I’m 90% sure it’s not even related to this firm.)

Me: “Okay, sir, let me see what I can find out about that. Can I get your name and number and get back to you?”

Caller: *exhales loudly* “Look, can I speak to someone less… entry-level?”

Me: “…”

(It turned out that the form he wanted was from a case the other company had handled ten years ago. The firm lawyer who overheard my call wrote an email to the correct person and copied me on it, adding a warning to the person that the caller had been rude to me. The lawyer sent me a note, as well, making sure I was okay.)

Not Watching Out For The Important Things

, , | Right | February 14, 2018

(I work in a law office.)

Client: “Wait. I’ve just noticed that none of you wear good brand watches.”

Me: “So?”

Client: “How do I know I can trust you? You don’t have nice watches!”

Me: *to coworker* “Time to get knockoffs!”

The Notion Of This Potion Is Magic

, , , , , | Working | January 17, 2018

(I work as a secretary for a busy lawyer. Towards the end of the year the office is incredibly busy as clients remember all the “urgent” things they had lying around for weeks, but which now can’t wait till after the holidays. As per his wishes, I’m trying to keep people away from my boss, but even so, his schedule is completely full. When an important client calls, I make no promises to the client, but let my boss know that in this case the customer may be right, and it does seem urgent. It is, so they arrange for a phone call. During the day, I often tiptoe into my boss’ office to get signatures, and I happen to walk in while he is talking to this client. I only catch this gem:)

Boss: “Gosh, no. We’re incredibly busy, that’s all; Ms. [My Name] is fighting tooth and nail to get me some breathing space, but it’s just not happening. So far, no one’s invented a magic potion or anything.”

(I get an idea, so I leave quickly and return a few minutes later to place a fresh cup of coffee on his desk. My boss glances at it and starts laughing.)

Boss: *still on the phone* “I’m so sorry! Ms. [My Name] has found the magic potion and brought me coffee.” *pause* “No, you can’t have her. I found her and I’m keeping her.”

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