The Great Fall

, , , , | Friendly | October 15, 2018

(I am with a good friend at a fast food restaurant. We place our orders. He gets his soda and for some reason begins moving it back and forth between his hands. In that moment, everything seems to go in slow motion. In one of the hand exchanges, a finger nudges the drink up a bit. He overcompensates with the other hand, and it gets nudged a bit further until… after a series of repeated failed grabs, much like a football receiver desperately trying to hang onto a ball that’s at the tip of his fingers… the cup and contents go above his head and come back down with a grand splat on the ground. He stands there, sheepishly looking at the mess some poor employee is going to have to mop up.)

Me: “Well, that was smooth!”

This Conversation Keeps Rolling Around

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2018

(A customer is standing in front of where the rolls are served on the buffet, but the pan is almost empty.)

Customer: “Are y’all going to put any more rolls on the buffet?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. They will be ready in five minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s fine.”

(I take five steps away from where she is standing, then immediately walk the five steps back.)

Customer: “Are they ready yet?”

Me: “Not yet.” *points to my watch* “They will take about five more minutes.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll come back.”

(I walk a few steps to the salad area to wipe the counter, and then she starts waving at me from the same spot she has been standing in.)

Customer: “Are they ready yet?”

Me: “…”

In Her World February Has 150 Days

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2018

(My store sells an extended warranty on select products in the store. However, the warranty is through a different company than the store. Whenever I sell it, I explain that you have to activate it on their website and then contact them if anything is wrong, not the store. We can’t do anything unless it’s within our return policy: thirty days for electronics.)

Woman: *to her daughter, who is about five* “Here.” *hands her a tablet that has a broken screen, with the receipt and warranty pamphlet* “Give it to that lady and she’ll fix it.”

Daughter: *running up to me* “Can you fix this for me?!”

Woman: *to me* “We called earlier to make sure you have it in stock. And someone said you do. We need to exchange it. We called [Extended Warranty Company] and they said to exchange it.”

(I examine the receipt; it’s from February, and it’s currently July. We can’t return the item in the store since it’s over thirty days. Also, there’s a return receipt stapled to it saying the item was already returned.)

Me: “Well, I used to work at the service desk, and we never did any returns for the extended warranty in the store after our return policy days end, which is thirty for electronic items. They usually want you to ship the item to them, and they’ll replace it by giving you money back.”

Woman: “They said it would be $100 to mail it and it would take six weeks to get a check!”

Me: “Huh, that’s weird. Well, let me call the service desk and ask them what to do.”

(The woman’s husband has since arrived, and chimes in.)

Husband: “They let us return it before if it was under warranty!”

Me: *on phone with the desk* “Hey. I have a customer here that called [Warranty Company], and they said to return it in the store, but they bought it in February and there’s another receipt that said it was returned.”

Service Desk: “They have to go through [Warranty Company]. If it was still within thirty days, no problem. But it’s not.”

Me: “All right, that’s what I figured. Thank you.” *to customers* “I’m sorry, but they informed me that since it’s over our thirty-day return policy, we can’t do anything in the store. You have to go through [Warranty Company], but it’s been under a year since you bought it, so it should still have a manufacturer warranty on it. It might be easier to replace it that way.”

Woman: “But they told us we can return it here!”

Me: “Did you tell them when you bought it?”

Woman: “No! Why would I?!”

Me: “Well, they wouldn’t have known that it’s been over our policy for returns. You only have thirty days for electronics, unfortunately, and this was purchased in February.”

Woman: “What do I do, then?!”

Me: “I would contact the manufacturer, and then [Extended Warranty Company]. They will replace it for you.”

Daughter: *to mom* “Will we be getting a new one?”

Woman: *to daughter* “NOPE. Because this woman said no!

(They stormed off.)

Google What Jabbering Means

, , , | Right | October 9, 2018

(I work in a popular restaurant specializing in pizza that is often busy to the point where we have people lining out the door. During one of these rushes a middle-aged woman and three children ages seven to ten walk in. The customer walks up to the counter while her children remain at the entrance fighting and generally causing a ruckus.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I have a pickup for [Customer].”

(I search for the name and ask for a phone number, but can find neither in our system.)

Me: “Do you know what number you called?”

Customer: “I called this store! Isn’t it [number that belongs to a sister location]?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that isn’t our number. That is the number for [sister location]. If you look up our location on Google, for some reason Google has their number under our name–“

Customer: *holds up a finger to me* “I’m going to just stop you right there, because I’m in a bad mood, and you jabbering at me isn’t helping!”

Me: *shocked into silence*

(She calls her husband and argues with him on the phone for a bit before demanding a manager. Our manager is out, so our assistant manager takes over, offering to call the sister location and cancel her order so that we can make it, instead, which would take about ten to fifteen minutes. While he’s at it, he also explains to her what I just tried to explain.)

Customer: “That’s not right! You guys should change that!”

Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We have tried contacting Google multiple times about changing it to the right number, but we haven’t gotten any results.”

Customer: “It’s still not right! Ugh, I’m just going to drive all the way to the other store. I’m not waiting that long just to get my food! You guys need to fix that number!”

(She leaves, yelling at her kids to shut up before exiting.)

Assistant Manager: “Yes, because we have the power to control Google.”

Me: “Honestly, it would’ve taken her longer to drive to the other store than for us to make her food, but I’m glad she decided to leave; I did not want to deal with her anymore. Who says ‘jabbering’ anymore?!”

(I haven’t seen her since.)

Horsing Around: Level 99

, , , , , | Right | August 29, 2018

(My sister is a waitress at a bar and restaurant. She comes home one day with this very interesting story. She’s in the kitchen and the bartender runs back into the kitchen.)

Bartender: “I can’t do it!”

Sister: “Can’t do what?”

Bartender: *wheezing* “Go. Look.”

(My sister goes to the bar. There is a woman in a head-to-toe — hoof? — fursuit of a horse, waiting at the bar.)

Sister: “Um… What can I get you?”

Horse Girl: “[Alcohol], please.”

Sister: “Can I see your ID?”

Horse Girl: *takes off horse head and hands her her ID*

Sister: *red-faced, nearly crying trying not to laugh* “A horse in a bar, huh?”

Horse Girl: *nonchalantly* “Yeah?”

(Horse Girl does not see the humor in this.)

Sister: “So… where’re you heading?”

Horse Girl: “To the convention center to watch a wrestling match.”

Sister: *nearly losing it* “Which convention center?”

Horse Girl: “Uh… The one right next door?”

Sister: *stares at her expectantly*

Horse Girl: “The Trotter?”

Sister: *f****** loses it*

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