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Don’t Football Players Normally Wear More Padding?

, , , , , , | Learning | March 15, 2022

I work the night shift at my college library. We have study rooms with big TVs that students are able to reserve. Normally, it’s for watching recorded lectures or powerpoints, but you can watch anything in there.

Tonight, we have a group of guys reserving it to watch the playoff games. That’s okay, as long as you don’t get too rowdy. We set them up in a room on the far side of the library. They’re not disturbing anyone; I can just faintly hear the sound of screaming and excitement from the TV itself, or so I think.

Student: “Umm… there’s a group of guys watching… non-school-related videos.”

Me: “Oh, I know. Is it too loud?”

Student: *Flustered* “Yes! It’s too loud!”

Me: “All righty, I’ll tell them to turn it down. Thanks for letting me know.” 

I start heading toward the stairs.

Student: “They’re not up there! They’re back there!”

The student points to the other side.

Me: “Wait…”

I realize that the “football noises” have been coming from the wrong direction this whole time. 

I follow the “football noises” and uncover a librarian’s worst nightmare: a group of teen boys huddled around a monitor.

Me: “WHY?! Why with the volume up all the way like that?! My God!”

I turn to the hero student that reported them.

Me: “I’m sorry, I got them confused with a group of guys watching football upstairs.”

Teen Boy: “You’re allowed to watch football in the library?” 

Me: “You’re watching sexually graphic videos in the library. Why do you care what’s allowed?!

They were subsequently herded out like a group of crime-committing cattle.

Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | January 28, 2022

I am in line at a convenience store. There is one register open. I am the second person in line with three other people behind me. We are all socially distancing, so the line stretches a bit. A second cashier makes her way to another register and is obviously preparing to open up to help with the line.

Cashier: “I’m open now.”

All of a sudden, a man appears out of nowhere and walks over to the second cashier with his items. I do not have a chance to react. I look on without saying a word, too shocked to figure out what to say.

Customer In Line: “Dude, there’s a line here. You’re not next. That lady up there should be next.”

Rude Customer: “Whatever. I only have a few things.”

Me: *Regaining my thought* “This is a convenience store. Everybody only has a few things. That was rude to do that.”

The rude customer paid for his things and left while the rest of us looked on in disbelief.

Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3
Not Even In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2
Not Even In Line And Out Of Line

Charlie Ran Away

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2022

The bookstore where I used to work is in Mississippi.

Customer: “Where are all the Charlie The Ranch Dog books?”

I checked the computer.

Me: “It looks like we don’t have any in stock.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “They must not be popular here.”

Customer: *Angrily* “Well, they are in Colorado!”

I wanted to point the way back north for her.

She Must Be Exhausted From Holding That Back All The Time

, , , , | Working | December 6, 2021

I work for a grocery delivery company. I am not actually an employee of any grocery store. Because of this, whenever I’m working, employees tend to drop their work-persona around me because I am not a “real” customer. I love it.

Deli Employee: “Hi! How can I help you today?” 

Me: “Can I get a pound of this ham—” *shows her the order on my app* “—cut on #2, please?”

The deli employee drops her customer service voice as soon as she sees who I am.

Deli Employee: “The other b**** who was supposed to be up here has a doctor’s appointment and left early. I get that. I get it. But girl, you got a whole a** job; you gotta get someone to cover for you, because look at this s***! I’m back here alone! Do you understand? These b*****es leave me here alone! I was supposed to clock out three hours ago, but ain’t no one came to help me. I’m ‘bout to walk out right now and my manager can’t say nothing. We’re out of most cheese. F*** am I supposed to do about that? If my manager has the audacity to try and chit-chat with me when I clock out, I’m swinging. I don’t care. She can fire me. Everyone’s hiring; I’ll get a new job today.”

She hands me the ham and returns to cheery smiles

Deli Employee: “Thank you, have a good day! Who’s next? Actually, ma’am, we’re out of rotisserie chickens…”

I swear she didn’t take a breath that whole time.

Either Fill Out An Application Or Shut Up

, , , , | Right | October 25, 2021

Like every other restaurant in the country, we are severely understaffed. It is Sunday, our busiest day of the week, when I am called to the register because a customer wants to talk to the manager.

Customer: “I am very disappointed in this place. I’ve been eating at [Chain Restaurant] for twenty years all over the country and I have never seen one as dirty as this one. There is trash all over the floor…”

She speaks for two solid minutes, repeating herself often.

Customer: “…and there are only a few waitresses running around doing all the work!”

Me: “I’m sorry you are disappointed. The reason for what you’ve experienced is that we are understaffed by about ten servers and half the number of cleaning and kitchen staff we usually have. I promise you the team members we have are doing their best.”

Customer: “Well, then, you should just hire more people!”

I just stare at her for a few seconds.

Me: “Gee, I didn’t think of that. If there’s nothing else you need to tell me, I have to get back to cooking.”

I just left her standing there with her mouth open.