(I am working the checkout at a women’s clothing store. We sell relatively cheap jewelry by the registers.)

Customer: “Can I go show my wife this bracelet? I’m not sure if she will like it.”

Me: “Please do not take unpaid merchandise out of the store.”

Customer: “I’m not going to steal it!”

Me: “Oh, I know, but it’s store policy.”

Customer: “Well, can I leave something so you know I will be back?”

Me: “Sure, you can leave money.”

Customer: “How much?”

Me: *responds with the amount stated on the tag* “I’ll even take a credit card to make it easy for you.”

(The customer happily pays and leaves.)

Next Customer: *bewildered* “Did that really happen?!”

(I’m a driver for a particular rideshare company. I have a passenger in my car who’s been quiet, for the most part, until I approach an intersection where I’m to turn right. The light is red and there’s a blind corner, meaning I can’t see what’s approaching from the left until it’s right in front of me. For this reason, I’m waiting for the light to turn green before I make the turn. I mean, duh.)

Passenger: “Uh, I don’t see a ‘no right turns on red’ sign here.”

(I’m about to say something like, “Excuse me?” when all of a sudden a wave of cars comes zooming along from the left. There was no warning. If I’d been in the intersection they definitely would have hit me.)

Me: “Yeah, as you can see, the corner’s blind.”

(Later on, she berated me for pulling over on the right side of the street to let her out instead of making an illegal — and dangerous — U-turn. Sadly, she’s not even the first passenger I’ve had who seems to think I’m immune to the laws of physics and traffic. One star for her.)

(I work in a bank. We have an annual mandatory training meeting, and this year it is scheduled on my day off, so I have to drive into work for an hour. Two days before the MANDATORY meeting:)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], you’re coming to the meeting, right?”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Coworker #2: *twenty minutes later* “Are you going to come to the meeting on Saturday?”

Me: “Yes, I’m coming.”

Coworker #3: “What is your favorite flavor of cake? I’m thinking of making one for our potluck next week.”

Me: “I like chocolate cake, but you should ask our other coworkers because most of them don’t really care for chocolate.”

Coworker #3: “Okay, thanks, I’ll make chocolate. You are coming to the meeting on Saturday, right?”

Me: *super confused about why I keep getting asked about whether I will come to a mandatory meeting* “Yes.”

(Thirty minutes before the mandatory meeting starts:)

Supervisor: *texts me* “Hey, [My Name], are you going to come to the meeting today?”

Me: *wondering if the mandatory meeting suddenly became optional* “Yes, I am on my way.”

(When I got to the bank, I could see everybody in the lobby staring at me as I walked up. I started to panic, thinking I got the time wrong, and walked in. As soon as I got in the door, everybody started singing “Happy Birthday.” There was a chocolate cake on one of the desks. My birthday was a few days away, but I hadn’t really talked to anyone about it, so I was totally shocked. My coworkers said my face went completely purple, and they were so happy they’d surprised me. Then, we started the meeting. I have awesome coworkers.)

(Note: At this time, I am in my early teens with my braces. There is another kid with my name, but he has a different last name. After getting my new wire, the lady that is treating me goes off and says these important things that she doesn’t give me enough time to react. We go to call my mother up)

Employee: “[Name] [other last name]’s Mom.

*My mother doesn’t respond, and I couldn’t hear the lastname very well*

Me: *slightly irritated* “I’ll get her”

*She is on her phone, so I wave my hand inbetween*

Me: “Come on, let’s go up.”

*We go up, and the employee rattles off about what they changed, then she says:*

Employee: “We gave him a choice to brush his teeth and he denied.”

*They’ve never done this before, so she kinda confused me for a minute, then kept moving on. My mother gives me an angry face, making me slightly laugh*

Employee: “And he’s laughing.”

*She rattles off some more, and then we leave, and when I got home, my mom says this:*

Mom: “I’m going to talk to the manager, they laughed at me when [My Name] waved his hand in my face!”

*She is discussing this with my father, who tells her to calm down and grab a wine, and then she calms down.*

Me: *to myself* “Not only did my mother just get mad over me not brushing my teeth for something they do all the time, but they don’t ask me, and gave me the PERFECT opportunity to put this up on Notalwaysright.com, since i’ve been reading the stories everyday!”

(I am working the register at a large liquor store when a woman with a few items in her cart comes up. I give my standard greeting and start ringing up her items.)

Customer: “Do you guys have any deals going on?”

Me: “Yes, they’re all either marked with large signs on the endcaps or with hanging tags in the aisles.”

Customer: “Can’t you just tell me what they are?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have all the sale items memorized.”

Customer: “What are you, new? I work retail, too, and I know my whole store’s inventory and all the sales.”

Me: *in my head* “Well, la-di-fricken-da, good for you!” *out loud* “Well, that’s very impressive, ma’am, but we have over 1000 SKUs, 100 of them or more can be on sale at any time, and the sales change weekly.”

Customer: “That’s no excuse for not knowing your products!”

Me: “I’m very sorry that I can’t help you, but even most of the managers here don’t know everything item or everything that’s on sale every week. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Learn your sales!” *storms out of the store*