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Top Shelf Confusion

, , , , | Right | January 4, 2022

My mom and I are both very short: she’s about 5’2″ and I’m 5’0″. We go to a local retail chain, and she is looking for tampons in a specific brand. The only one we can find in that brand is on the very top shelf, where neither of us can reach, and the shelf is too unstable to climb. We turn to the nearby employee for help.

Employee: “Can I help you two?”

Mom: “Hi. Can you grab a ladder or a taller employee to reach those tampons for us?”

Employee: “Certainly, just wait right here and I will be back in a few minutes.”

A few moments after the employee left, I noticed that there was the exact thing my mom needed, well within reach and hidden behind a different box of tampons. Now, the smart thing to do would be to take the tampons and apologize to the poor employee — who was just as short as we were — for wasting their time.

I did not do the smart thing.

I took the box and tossed it up on the top shelf. To the poor employee whose time I wasted, I am so sorry for being that kind of person. You were very helpful and lovely.

Needs To Be Treated For Their Screaming Disease

, , , , , | Right | October 7, 2021

I am working at the front desk of a hospital during flu season, so kids are not allowed. A mother and two kids walk in. After I explain the policies, the mother is visibly angry and tries to explain that the kids want to visit the patient.

She begins screaming in the kids’ faces and turns to me. She tries to claim that I made her children cry despite them not caring about visiting and the fact that she literally screamed and tried to make them cry on purpose.

Mother: “Look at this! You made my children cry. They want to see their [family member]!”

Me: “I just saw you scream in their face; that doesn’t make any sense.”

She turns to the kids and speaks in a tone that implies I somehow ruined their evening.

Mother: “C’mon, kids, let’s go.”

Be Leery Of The Beer Query

, , , , , , | Related | September 29, 2021

My cousin, age ten, and I, age seven, went to the local grocery store to get some stuff for my mom. She had (jokingly) added “a six-pack of cold beer” to the shopping list.

My cousin and I arrived at the checkout lane, and the nice lady told us:

Cashier: “I’m afraid you can’t buy beer because you’re under eighteen years of age.”

I did a bit of quick math.

Me: “But, we are seventeen together. You can overlook one year, can’t you?”

The checkout lady smiled and shook her head. The other people near the counter chuckled. We were embarrassed and returned the beer to the shelf.

Arriving home, we told the tale to my mom and cousin’s mom. They had big grins and told us they were joking and just wanted to see what would happen.

I grumpily replied, something like:

Me: “Well, the beer wasn’t cold, anyway.”

You Were Warned

, , , , , , , | Working | September 2, 2021

I am sitting at a gate in an airport waiting for my flight to start boarding. A frantic woman runs up to the desk agent near the gate. The woman has a leashed dog with her.

Woman: “Where is the pet relief area?!”

Desk Agent: *Turns to look at the dog* “Hi, puppy!”

Woman: “Excuse me, ma’am! Where is the pet relief area?!”

Desk Agent: *Sarcastically* “Well, excuse me for talking to your dog!”

Woman: “I don’t care if you sing opera to my dog. If you don’t tell me where the pet relief area is, she’s going to take a s*** right here!”

Desk Agent: “That’s okay if she does; it’s fine.”

Woman: *Turns to the dog* “Madeline, finish your business now.”

The dog promptly went number two. I felt my mouth hanging wide open in disbelief, and the gate agent’s face looked similar. To her credit, the woman fully cleaned up the mess with bags, spray, and napkins she kept in her purse.

Retroactively Robbing The Cradle

, , , , , | Romantic | August 29, 2021

My fiancé is extremely smart; however, sometimes he forgets the age gap between us, and even though it’s only five years, it’s humorous to me.

We are laying in bed looking at a certain photo app, and the trend of a video showing when you and your significant other met and where you are now is playing.

Fiancé: “I wish I would have known you in high school. I would have made all my friends jealous.”

I turn and stare at him.

Fiancé: “What? I would have!”

Me: “Hun, when you were eighteen in high school, I was thirteen!”

Fiancé: “OH! OH, NO! No, I didn’t mean that! Not like that! I forgot!”

I just about died of laughter.