It’s Just Not Your Day

| London, England, UK | Right | April 5, 2017

(A customer runs in through the door in an obvious state of distress.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you? Do you have an appointment?”

Customer: “WHAT DAY IS IT!?”

Me: “[Date].”

Customer: “WHAT DAY?!”

Me: “Wednesday…?”

Customer: *weeping in obvious terror* “MAKE IT NOT BE!”

Me: “How… how would I make it not be Wednesday?”

Customer: “MAKE IT BE TUESDAY! PLEASE!”

Me: “I… can’t. I’m sorry.”

(The customer ran outside, screaming. I found out later that he was going to lose his house if he didn’t make a payment by Tuesday, and he’d forgotten to. I’m still not sure how I was supposed to time-travel for him, though.)

Swear By Your Professionalism

| Germany | Working | February 24, 2017

(I get along fine with my boss and enjoy working for him, but we had a bit of a rocky start: I’m somewhat shy and he’s prone to angry outbursts, which intimidate me, and this seems to make things even worse. Then one day I decide to change things up a bit.)

Boss: *storms to my desk* “[My Name]! Where’s the f***ing file I need?”

Me: *in a calm tone* “I put the f***ing file on your desk this morning, sir. As requested.”

Boss: “Oh. That’s… fine. Carry on.” *pauses* “Did I say f***?”

Me: *still calm* “No, sir. That would be pretty f***ing unprofessional.”

Boss: *bursts out laughing* “D*** right.”

(He went back to his office happy as pie, and from then on work became a lot better. The best thing about it, though, was the face of my colleague, who overheard the exchange.)

Not Blind To Their Activity

| South Africa | Working | January 9, 2017

(My father is a prosecutor for the state working on a rather complex deposition, and is busy planning said deposition on the floor of his office since the space on his desk isn’t big enough. A young female student who has landed herself a clerkship is assisting him. They have another lawyer in their offices who is legally blind. The blind lawyer walks up to my father’s office, and opens the door.)

Blind Lawyer: “[Father], are you here?”

Father: “Yes, I’m here behind my desk on the floor.”

Young Female Clerk: *cheerily* “I’m here on the floor as well.”

Blind Lawyer: *cough cough* “Excuse me…”

(He took a step out of the office and closed the door again. I can just imagine what was going through his head.)

God Gets Paper Jams Too

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Working | January 8, 2017

(I work in a law office that I love, but where the employees are by and large not very good at technology. To remedy this, our office has started doing monthly optional tech lunches. This is the email announcement for one of them.)

Announcement: “Just a reminder for the next Brown Bag Tech Lunch, next Friday at noon. The title is: ‘Why you should not ask “Why?” when your computer or file won’t work.’ Some of the subjects to be covered:

Why did [Coworker #1]’s PC lose its ‘Trust Relationship’ with our network?

Why did [Coworker #2]’s password change not stick?

Why did almost every PC in the Milwaukee office refuse to install updates?

Why does almost everyone’s Citrix session crash occasionally?

Why did the printer print out gobbledy-gook?

Why did [Coworker #3]’s scanner refuse to scan a document?

Is there a God?

Plus, some things you can do that might keep things like that from happening.

No need to RSVP. Will be available by video conference. See you there!”

Won’t Be Haunted By This Marriage

| Leesburg, VA, USA | Romantic | January 4, 2017

(My fiancé and I decide last minute to have a small wedding with just our direct family members. I am slightly disappointed to be getting married in a lawyer’s office, but happy to be getting married to my fiancé. Once everything is done, we are about to leave when things get interesting.)

Me: “Thank you so much! This building is actually quite lovely. I was expecting a standard building.”

Lawyer: “Oh, no! This is one of the oldest buildings in town! It was originally a tavern in the 1700s and over the years it’s been many different things. In the Civil War alone it was a military hospital, prison, and mortuary! This place is actually haunted! Want to see?”

Me: “Absolutely! Impromptu ghost tour and finding out I got married in a haunted house? Best wedding surprise ever!”

(He then took us on a tour of the building and attic. Soldiers from the Civil War had drawn directly on the walls and a few drawings were depicting ghosts that had been seen in the house over the years! It was completely accidental, but it made the day even more eventful!)

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