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Oh, Sister!

, , , , | Right | April 2, 2021

I have to close a real estate deal where my clients are three sisters who all live in different states. Two of the sisters are great to deal with; they’re prompt, intelligent, and courteous. The third, not so much.

I send a long email with, “Please read this email very carefully and follow all the instructions,” in big, bold letters at the top. The gist of the email is that each sister needs to print the documents I sent three times, get their ID notarized, and send everything to me. There are about fifteen documents in all.

The first and second sisters send me everything with no issues. The third sister sends me one document.

This means that she opened the file I sent, printed one of the pages at random, went to a notary and signed it, and sent it to me by courier.

I follow up and tells her that she needs to send me all of the documents, not just one, and her notarized ID.

A few days later, I get the package. She has signed all but two of the documents and her ID isn’t there at all.

On the third try, she finally manages to get me her ID and the remaining documents. 

We close the deal and I email the sisters, asking them to decide how they want the money divided and what accounts they want it deposited into so that I can draft a payment direct for them to sign.

The third sister immediately emails me her banking information.

I’m not convinced she can read.

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This Is Letterheading Nowhere

, , , , | Right | March 10, 2021

I work in the mailroom of a law office. As such, I cover for the receptionist when they take their lunch. A call comes through.

Me: “[Law Firm].”

Caller: “You have letterhead and I need to know what the nine digits at the bottom are.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not sure I understand. Is this about a case?”

Caller: “That’s irrelevant. We received correspondence from you and there are a set of nine numbers at the bottom. Just tell me what the numbers at the bottom are.”

I’m pretty sure they are connected to the document tracking system, but I’m not certain as I’m not the file clerk, I don’t read the documents I process because it’s not my business, and I would like to get some more information.

Me: “Sir, I do not have an example of what you’re referring to. Can you tell me what case this is in reference to and the att—”

Caller: “That doesn’t matter! There are nine numbers at the bottom, and I want to know what they are. Surely you know. You’re an attorney.”

Me: “No, sir, I am not an attorney. You have reached the front desk. If you—”

Caller: “You’re not an attorney?”

Me: “No, sir. If you—”

Caller: “But surely you handle the mail. What are these numbers? Take a look at one of the items and tell me what they are.”

Ha… yeah, I actually work in the mailroom, but he doesn’t know that.

Me: “Sir, the mail does not come through the front desk. If you—”

Caller: “Get me an attorney.”

Me: “If you could tell me who—”

Caller: “I need to know what these numbers are!”

Me: “Sir, please. If we sent this item to you, then who was it from so I can—”

I was going to say, “…connect you to that attorney,” but he won’t let me finish the sentence.

Caller: “Connect me to an attorney!”

Me: “Without knowing what this is in regards—”

Caller: “Connect me to corporate! I can’t believe this!”

Me: “Certainly, sir. Their number is [number].”

I could have transferred them to the main office, but I let him dial his own phone. Did he expect there to be idle attorneys just sitting around waiting for someone to call so they could answer their legal questions? I’m not randomly choosing one to interrupt, especially with his attitude.

All he had to do was tell me the attorney listed on the document and I would have been happy to connect him to their legal secretary to give a definitive answer.

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Time Is Money, And You Don’t Have Enough

, , , , | Legal | January 14, 2021

I am a paralegal, working in a small office where I also double as the receptionist, which means my work is often interrupted by phone calls. Multitasking and going back and forth between jobs isn’t a problem for me, but the “junk calls” are very annoying.

One phone solicitor calls on a regular basis. At first, I politely decline what they are selling — something about magazine subscriptions, not at all work-related — but they never really take “no” for an answer and keep calling back. Finally, in exasperation, I tell them that my boss bills my time out at $100 per hour with a one-hour minimum, and if they continue to waste my time, we will send them a bill and sue them for it if necessary. I think that will make them finally take us off the list and leave me alone.

Nope! A few weeks later, I get another call.

Me: “I’ve asked you repeatedly not to call here.”

Caller: “Oh, are you the one who said you’d sue us?”  

Me: “Are you kidding me? You have it in front of you that I have asked you not to call and threatened to sue and you’re still calling me!”

Fortunately, that was the last call from them.

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Is That Inches Or Centimeters? Just Curious.

, , , , , | Working | December 28, 2020

My husband is a senior partner in a big law office. I call him up so he can measure a specific thing on his face for a snorkeling mask I need to buy. Still on the phone with me, he walks up to a secretary, takes a ruler from her desk, nods at her, and disappears into the bathroom; he needs a mirror to measure.

He comes out brandishing the ruler and she hears him speak to me.

Husband: “Eleven, it’s eleven.”

Almost at her desk, he stops as I explain to him that he measured wrong.

Me: “No way is it eleven. Even my measure is above eleven.”

Husband: “It is eleven.” *Pause* “No, it’s not longer.” *Pause* “It should be longer?” *Pause* “But it is eleven.” *Pause* “Oh, I should measure from there.” *Pause* “Okay, let’s do it again.”

He walks back to the bathroom and comes out again.

Husband: “Okay, now it’s thirteen and a half. Is that okay?” *Pause* “Okay.” *Pause* “Byeee!” 

And he left the ruler at the desk of a completely shocked woman. He only realized what had happened once he was back at his desk. It was one of those things where going back and explaining only would only make things worse.

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He Must Have REALLY Needed To Go

, , , , , | Right | November 23, 2020

I work in a small law firm. We have recently moved. There are several other companies located on this floor of the office building. Every door is marked with the suite number and company name, except ours; building management hasn’t done ours yet. As I am checking something with the receptionist, the front door bursts open, and a middle-aged man comes barreling in.

Man: “What? Why are you here?!”

Receptionist: “I’m sorry? Did you have an appointment?”

Man: “Of course not! Never thought I would need one. But why are you here?”

Receptionist: “I work here. Was there someone you wanted to see?”

Man: “Of course not! This is ridiculous! Just let me in!”

Receptionist: “I need to know who you need to speak with before I can let you into their office.”

Man: “No one! No office. Let. Me. In!”

Me: “Sir, I’m the office manager. Can you tell me what the problem seems to be? I’m sure we can get you pointed in the right direction.”

Man: “I’m in the right direction. Move!

He tries to push past me.

Me: “Sir, you need to leave now or I’m calling the police.”

Man: “Police? Just let me use the f****** toilet, you b****!”

Me: “The men’s room is two doors down.”

Man: “And you couldn’t tell me that in the first place?!”

He turned around and left, SLAMMING the door behind him.

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