Take A Stroll(er) Up The Staircase Of Madness

, , , , , | Right | December 2, 2020

We have escalators at our museum and guests often misuse them, including running the wrong way, sitting down, taking their feet off the steps and onto the sides, etc. We try to correct these actions whenever we can.

One thing people do is take strollers on the escalators. Signs are posted telling people not to do this, and if we see someone about to try, we stop them.

[Guest #1] moves towards the escalator with a stroller.

Me: “Sir, please take your stroller on the elevator.”

I point. The elevator is ten feet away.

Guest #1: “What?”

Me: “Please take the stroller on the elevator!”

Guest #1: “Oh, it’s fine.”

He waves me off and brings his stroller on the escalator. I die a little inside.

Another time, I’m talking with one of the museum’s administrators. We happen to be near the escalator. A family with a huge stroller, complete with a baby, approaches the escalator.

Me: “Oh, I’m afraid you have to take the elevator.”

Administrator: “Yes, the escalator is unsafe for strollers.”

Guest #2: “We’ve done this before.”

Administrator: “Sir, please take the stroller to the elevator.”

One of the family members takes the baby out of the stroller and carries them down the escalator.

[Guest #2] takes the stroller on the escalator.

Administrator: “…”

Me: “Welcome to my world.”

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No Coffee Is Worth This Much Trouble

, , , , , , | Legal | October 18, 2020

In my state, wearing a mask in any public building is required.

I go to the corner gas station that’s very popular with the local police because they give them free coffee. I go up to the counter to make my purchase and see that the two clerks don’t have their masks pulled all the way up. I’ve had some recent health problems, so politely, from behind my mask, I ask them before I approach:

Me: “Can you pull your masks up?”

They think I said, “Put your hands up,” and hit the panic button. The doors lock, and they bolt for the backroom while I’m having a WTF moment.

Now, as I’ve said, the place is very popular with the local police department, and there’s usually one or two cars there an hour. FOUR police cars arrive in thirty seconds; their precinct is a half-mile down the street.

They get out of their cars with guns drawn and shout at me to freeze, come to them, get on the ground, and other things I can’t make out from behind their masks. They also can’t get into the store because the doors are still locked and the cashier and supervisor aren’t coming out of the backroom because they think I’m robbing the place.

I get on the floor and stay there until the supervisor unlocks the door, holding a mop handle in my direction, and the cops swarm me and handcuff me while reading me my rights.

They start asking me my name, what I am doing there, etc. I’m still wearing my mask and one of them says he can’t understand me. I enunciate for them as clearly as I can while handcuffed.

Me: “I came up to the counter and asked them to pull their masks up as I have health problems.” 

It took another ten minutes of me repeating what I’d said before the cashier agreed that was what she’d thought I said and panicked. The supervisor panicked, too, and I ended up almost getting arrested because they couldn’t understand me. 

Enunciate, people. It might stop you from getting arrested. 

As a bonus, I got a free cup of coffee.

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But… The Cheese Is Right There

, , , , , | Working | July 13, 2020

This happens a while ago before the health crisis starts. I stop by a fast food place for lunch and use a self-service kiosk to place my order. I order a sandwich, bacon and cheese fries, and a drink. I get my receipt and sit down and wait for them to bring to food out.

Food comes, but instead of bacon and cheese fries, it’s just an order of fries with a side of cheese sauce. Thinking this may be my mistake since I placed it at the kiosk, I double-check my receipt and see that I did, in fact, order bacon and cheese. I take the order up to the counter along with my receipt and the convo goes like this.

Me: “Excuse me, I ordered bacon and cheese fries and I only got cheese.”

I show her the receipt.

Employee: “Yes, the cheese is right there.”

She points at the cup of cheese.

Me: “I know that, but I order it with cheese and bacon.”

I show her the receipt again. The employee gets irritated and points to the cheese again.

Employee: “The cheese is right there.”

Now knowing this will just go around in circles, I try a different approach.

Me: “I know the cheese is right there, but if you look at the receipt, it’s supposed to have bacon also. Where is the bacon?”

At this point, the cashier has a blank look on her face and is completely confused.

Me: “Can you get a manager, please?”

She goes off to get the manager, who comes over, and I show him the receipt and explain that I ordered bacon and cheese and only got cheese.

Manager: “The cheese is right there.”

He points to the cheese.

Me: “What do I have to do to get bacon, as well, since I paid for it?”

The manager looks confused, as well, and then looks at the cashier.

Manager: “Just give him an order with bacon and cheese. I don’t feel like dealing with this right now.”

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There Is No Escape From The Terms And Conditions, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | July 9, 2020

I work customer service in a store where coupons are common and almost always used. They’re always off “one single item,” but there are the rare “off entire purchase” coupons. If customers forget their coupons, we always try to get them to come back and do an adjustment to their receipt.

Me: “Hello, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I was in here a few days ago and I forgot my coupon.”

Me: “Ah, coupon adjustment.”

Customer: “Yes.”

She hands me the long receipt with the coupon and I look and see it’s only off one single item.

Me: “I assume you want it off the highest-priced item?”

Customer: “No, I want it off the entire order.”

Me: “This coupon is only for one single item.”

I point to where it says that on the coupon.

Customer: “Unbelievable! Your store always does this to me! Why can’t you guys just hold coupons behind the counter like [Competitive Store]? Or better yet, just drop the prices 20% and get rid of the coupons! Your store always complicates things!”

She grabs her receipt and coupon and walks out the door. I then turn to my coworker.

Coworker: “They don’t realize you’re doing exactly what you were trained to do.”

Me: “They act like I have control over pricing and coupons.”

Related:
There Is No Escape From The Terms And Conditions

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It’s Time To Take It To The Street

, , , , , | Right | April 29, 2020

I work as an ambassador for a service supported by the City of Cleveland. In general, we answer questions while out in the public, escort older people to and from various locations, clean up sidewalks, and patrol neighborhoods. 

I’m out one day on my normal route and an older gentleman approaches me. 

Older Gentleman: “Excuse me, could you tell me where the nearest public bathroom is?”

Me: “Certainly, sir. There’s a restroom a block north at the gas station on the corner of [Street #1] and [Street #2].”

Older Gentleman: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

Before I can say anything else, he proceeds to pull down his pants and s*** right on the sidewalk, pull up his pants without wiping, and calmly walk away. Then, he looks over his shoulder.

Older Gentleman: “You may want to clean that up. You can’t trust anyone these days!”

I think I died a little that day, and if it weren’t for the decent money, I would have quit on the spot.

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