Older Can Mean Wiser

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2018

(My dad and I are scouring a store for maraschino cherries and we cannot find them anywhere. Finally, after a few more aisles, we find a lady who works here. This lady is not young, and I don’t mean that in a rude way at all. Her hair is white as snow, and she is obviously very high up there in age. My dad approaches her and asks:)

Dad: “Excuse me, miss. Do you know where we can find maraschino cherries?”

Older Lady: “They will either be on aisle 13, all the way at the end, on the right side, top shelf, or they will be on aisle 9, all the way at the end, on the left side, second shelf from the bottom.”

Dad: “Thank you. Have a great day.”

Older Lady: “You, too.”

(At first we were suspicious that this very much older lady could remember the exact places of such small things as cherries. First we went to aisle 13, and they were exactly where she said, except that they were out of them. Then, we went to aisle 9, and again, they were exactly where she said. My dad and I just shared this look of amazement for a few seconds and said, “Wow.” This lady may have appeared old, but her mind obviously hadn’t aged a day.)

Substitute One Customer For Another

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2018

(I’m at the airport in a popular coffee shop and the woman in front of me is on her phone. She asks for an iced coffee with every imaginable substitution, addition, and change. The poor cashier keeps trying to clarify while the woman is talking on her phone to a friend, and finally breaks away to shout at the cashier:)

Customer: “…and make that as non-fat as possible! I’m trying to lose twenty pounds! Do I look like I need to lose twenty pounds? I need to lose twenty pounds!”

(She keeps talking on her phone while the cashier tries to get her to pay and move on. She finally huffs and sighs and complains to her friend about how the staff are SO RUDE and how she needs to lose twenty pounds. I finally make it to the register and order. I’m dying laughing.)

Cashier: “Any special requests?”

Me: “Yes, please do that in the simplest way possible so I’m not the a**hole you’re making fun of all day!”

(I got a free pastry.)

Unfiltered Story #120942

, , , | Unfiltered | September 15, 2018

(A few years ago I was working at a Concession Stand for a [Movie Theater]. When we sell to our customers there’s basically a checklist we have to go through, one of the items on there is to ask if they would like a Rewards card. Barely anyone does but it’s still required. So as I’m ringing up a young couple I do the usual routine)

Me: And would you like to sign up for a [Reward Card] today?

Boyfriend: NO. Can you hurry up? We’re running late for our movie!

Girlfriend: (Whirls around to look at him) There is NO reason to be RUDE!

(I felt a little bad for the guy and quickly intervened)

Me: It’s quite alright ma’am, I’ll just ring up your order and you can be on your way.

(They left without anymore incident, but the next customer in line swaggered up to me with a big smile on his face)

Customer: Isn’t love grand?

(Somehow I stopped myself from laughing, because they were still in earshot)

Refunder Blunder, Part 41

, , , , | Right | September 14, 2018

(I am working the returns desk on a busy shift. Our company’s return policy has recently changed and we can no longer do any refunds, exchanges, or store credits without a proof of purchase, and we can only do returns within 30 days.)

Customer: “I need to return this shirt; it doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. May I see your receipt?”

Customer: *throws receipt at me* “Be quick about it. I’m in a hurry.”

(I notice her receipt is two days outside the return policy. Our system occasionally allows the return, so I try to scan it, anyway, but sure enough, it pops up, “Receipt date limit exceeded.”)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’re a few days past the return window. I will be unable to give you a refund on this item.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t fit! I can use this! Just give me a store credit, then!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the system does not allow a return outside the date. I can’t even do a store credit or exchange.”

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! Manager! NOW!”

(I radio my manager, who arrives and, upon hearing the situation, repeats exactly what I have told the customer.)

Customer: “I shop here all the time! You’re really going to lose a customer over two days and $20?!”

Manager: “Ma’am, that’s how the system is. We can’t override it even if we want to.”

Customer: “I am never coming back! Your store is s***! I hope you go out of business!” *she storms out*

(The next customer shakes his head.)

Customer #2: “Most people would return the item as soon as they realize it doesn’t fit…” *hands me his receipt* “Can I return these shoes? They’re too big for my son.”

(I smile and complete his return with no issue.)

Customer #2: “I’m sure you’ll lose sleep over the couple hundred dollars she spends here in a year.”

Me: “I’ll try not to, sir.”

Refunder Blunder, Part 40
Refunder Blunder, Part 39
Refunder Blunder, Part 38


, , , , , , , , | Friendly | September 13, 2018

This is a story from a few years back, when fad veganism was starting to gain traction.

At our college we had this one girl who would always hop onto whatever fad she could when they were gaining popularity. A lot of students disliked her because of her preachiness, and because it was extremely obvious that she was doing it purely for the holier-than-thou feeling, and didn’t actually believe in any of the causes she pledged to support or be into.

So, enter her vegan phase, where, day one of fall classes, she was in the cafeteria making this giant grandstand about all the positive of veganism and how it had changed her life, and so on. Everyone just kind of ignored her until she singled out a college freshmen eating a burger and proceeded to roundly mock his size — never mind that he was maybe 200 pounds — and blame it on his diet. He looked really annoyed, and a lot of the other people were really uncomfortable at her doing that to him.

Cue the day immediately after, where she did it again, but this time went up to him and started angrily reprimanding him for daring to eat meat in her presence, making her uncomfortable, and being insensitive to her diet. Without missing a single beat, he pulled the bun off and flung the meat patty dead center at her forehead, leaving a nice greasy stain for everyone to see. She paused for a minute, shrieked like a banshee, and ran out of the cafeteria crying. Campus security showed up a few minutes later, responding to a report of an “assault,” trying to stifle their laughter. They gave him a verbal slap on the wrist for it because he really didn’t do any harm and they were tired of her, too. She didn’t bother him again.

As an aside: a month afterward she was back to eating meat and processed food. Turns out she hopped into veganism without doing even the slightest bit of research, and malnourished herself into the hospital.

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