The Tea-Leaves Say Sending The Money In Is Unlikely

, , , , | Right | January 2, 2019

(I work in a coffee shop inside of a hospital.)

Older Man: “I have a dilemma.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what can I do to help?”

Older Man: “I left my wallet in my car, and it’s parked way on the other side of the parking lot. Could I get tea and then send you the money?”

Me: “Umm, how will you send the money to us?”

Older Man: “Oh, I can just mail it to you.”

Me: “No, we don’t have that service set up, so I can’t give you tea, but if you’d like some water I can get you some water.”

Older Man: “Come on. You can’t just donate tea to me?”

Me: “No, it’s not my product to give away. It’s $2.75 for tea.”

Older Man: “I’m not a bum; I’m good for the money!”

Me: “I’m sure you’re not a bum, but I can’t give away product, and we do not accept payment through the mail. Maybe the hospital cafeteria can help you?”

(The cafeteria gave him tea, but he made sure to come over to tell me he would pay them back next time he was here. Did he really expect to be allowed to mail his payment in? That’s not a thing that happens.)

Very Mint Thin-Skinned

, , , | Right | December 31, 2018

(I’m out grabbing some groceries when I notice that the Girl Scouts have a table set up outside selling cookies. I decide to buy some to bring home to my husband as a treat since I know he’s had a rough week.)

Me: “Hi. Can I take two boxes of these, please?”

(The little girl serving me smiles and takes the last two boxes of Thin Mints off the table in front of her, while another little girl turns and begins pulling out a new case to put up. Before she can, however, a woman in line behind me explodes.)

Woman: *in a high-pitched, hysterical voice* “You’re out of Thin Mints?! Unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”

(She turns and storms off, ranting loudly.)

Little Girl: *looks at me with wide, shocked eyes* “I… I was putting out a new case. Right now.”

Me: “Sorry, miss. Welcome to retail.”

Unfiltered Story #134151

, , , | Unfiltered | December 28, 2018

Customer: “What about the [vomitous bargain brand] ham? Is that one good?”

Me: “No, it isn’t.”

Customer: “What? No? What do you mean, no?!”

Me: “Well, it is the cheapest brand we carry, sir. Cheaper brands are generally lower-quality. And that company, in particular, has been investigated by the government multiple times for the inhumane and unsanitary conditions at its factories.”

Customer: “Well, if it’s no good, then why do you sell it?!”

Me: “Because Americans are shameful, honorless pigs who will sacrifice quality and standards for the sake of cheaply and instantly gratifying their base, caveman desires, even to the point of slowly killing themselves.”


Customer: “Okay, then. I’ll take a pound.”

The North Pole Is Bitingly Cold

, , , , , , | Right | December 26, 2018

(During the Christmas season I am a seasonal associate at a department store as my first job. An older woman comes up with some Christmas decorations, including a flat-bottomed Santa designed to be put on mantles.)

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for shopping at [Store]. Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Customer: “I did! Thank you. This Santa is on sale.”

Me: “That’s great! We do have some great deals going on.”

(She leans down to the Santa before handing it over.)

Customer: “If you don’t ring up at the right price, bite her.”

Me: “…?!”

(Luckily, the Santa rang up at the right price.)

Best To Just Say “Hakuna Matata” And Move On

, , , , , | Learning | December 25, 2018

(This story takes place when I am in the second grade. There is some kind of school-wide book writing contest going on that everybody is supposed to participate in. I decide to make an animal counting book with weird adjectives and interesting animals. One of the animals I pick is the meerkat, which I love to watch on “Meerkat Manor” after school. I submit my story to my teacher and am surprised when she calls me up to talk about it.)

Teacher: “Oh, this is nice. I like what you’ve done. But sweetie, you know meerkats aren’t real, right?”

Me: “What? Yes, they are.”

Teacher: “No, sweetie, I don’t think so. They’re just in that Lion King movie.”

Me: “Meerkats are real! I watch them on TV all the time! It’s on Animal Planet!”

(After more protests and my second-grade self rambling about the show, she Googled it on her computer, still extremely skeptical. As pictures of very real meerkats came up she seemed bewildered and dismissed me. She actually seemed so confused, I’m not sure she even trusted the pictures on Google.)

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