Anxiety That Gets You Through The Day

, , , , , , | Working | November 24, 2020

I’m at our main ticket booth, and the captain for one of our private charter cruises is hanging out waiting for his guests to arrive. He witnesses my encounter with a phenomenally stupid guest and my obvious urge to beat my head against a wall.

Captain: “So, what are your coping mechanisms for dealing with wanting to yell at guests?”

Me: “The certain knowledge that if I yell at guests I’ll probably get fired.”

Coworker: “Anxiety.”

Me: “Yeah. Anxiety.”

Captain: “I’m not sure I like those answers.”

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We Think Maybe They Don’t Know What A Boat Is…

, , , , | Right | November 19, 2020

I’m working at the main ticket booth of a local sightseeing cruise company. The booth faces landward with our docks behind it. Guests line up in designated queues in the courtyard to wait for boarding, and we lead them down the ramp and onto the dock. I am finishing a reservation for a guest.

Me: “We’ll begin boarding at 11:45 from that line in the courtyard.”

I point to the line. The guest doesn’t see it.

Guest: “Where?”

Me: “Right there. You’re looking right at it.”

The guest then points at the courtyard.

Guest: “Is that where the boat is going to be?”

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Cruising Your Way To Some Excellent Tips

, , | Working | July 8, 2020

I’m on a cruise ship in the Caribbean with my wife, her parents, and her two sisters. We agree early on that every night we will have dinner together, and we will go early enough to beat the rush. It’s one of the first nights, and we have a very friendly waitress taking our order, bringing us our food, etc.

The next night, my parents-in-law decide they want to try the ship’s Teppanyaki restaurant, so it’s just the three daughters and me. We end up coincidentally at the same table, with the same waitress. What happens next surprises us.

Waitress: “Good evening, Ms. [Sister-In-Law #1], Ms. [Sister-In-Law #2], Ms. [Wife], Mr. [My Name]. Where are Mr. [Father-In-Law] and Mrs. [Mother-In-Law]?”

We are shocked. We have not told her our names; she must have read them on our ID cards which we showed her when ordering drinks. Just as amazing is what happens next:

Waitress: “Do you want iced tea, water, ginger ale, and Diet Pepsi again?”

This was our correct order from the previous night.

From then on, every night, we asked specifically if we could sit in that waitress’s section. Once, they even pulled her off of buffet duty to wait our table — for which she thanked us profusely. 

Once, the hostess started bringing us somewhere else, and we saw the waitress already putting our drinks at our regular table. Despite her efforts to discourage us, my father-in-law left her a massive tip.

I know it’s not reasonable to expect that wait staff will remember your name and order, but when it does happen, it helps make the meal a bit more special.

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Missing Part Of The Picture

, , | Right | June 2, 2020

I am the assistant manager of sales in the photo department onboard a cruise ship. We sell a lot of cameras and we have a special on a waterproof cameras that comes with a kit: 4GB card, rubber case, and a floating strap.

A guest just bought one and I explain to him how to use it. The next day, he’s back.

Guest: “Hey, uh… Listen, I lost my camera.”

Me: “What happened?”

Guest: “Well, I went snorkeling, and I forgot to put on the floating strap, so it fell down and I couldn’t find it. I want to buy another one.”

Me: “All right, no problem. I’m sorry you lost your camera. Here, let me bring you another one and show you how to put on the floating strap.”

I bring a new camera, show him how the floating strap is attached, and go through all the details. I have to add that I have the very same camera and I have never had issues with it and the floating strap works great.

Fast forward to the next day. The same guest comes back.

Guest: “Uh… Yeah, I lost the other camera, too.”

Me: “What? Again? How?”

Guest: “Well, I didn’t put on the floating strap and I went on a snorkeling excursion and I dropped it in the water.”

I am speechless!

Guest: “So, uh… Can I have another one for free?”

Me: “Sorry, but no.”

Guest: “But I already bought two of these; you should give me another one for free!”

Me: “Thanks for your business, but I’m afraid it won’t change my answer. You can’t have a $300 camera for free.”

He actually complained to guest services and I got a call from the hotel director. When I explained to him what happened, he couldn’t stop laughing.

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He Got Smashed And The Camera Followed

, , , | Right | June 1, 2020

I’m working as an assistant manager of sales in the photo department. A guest bought a camera yesterday; it was a water-, dust-, shock-, and freezeproof model, a very nice camera that I also own myself, being in the Caribbean and all.

The guest comes back the following day, as soon as we open the photo gallery. He shows me the camera, which looks like it was dragged behind the car for a few miles. It is badly scratched all over the body, with a broken LCD screen and lens, missing battery cover, etc. It wasn’t dropped; it was SMASHED.

Guest: “I bought this camera yesterday here and it doesn’t work anymore! I want a new one!”

Me: “Sir, let me inspect the camera.”

I go through the camera and see all the above-mentioned damage.

Me: “Sir, what happened? Did you drop the camera from somewhere? Did it fall under the car or something?”

Guest: “No! I just put it in my bag and this is what happened! I want a new one now!

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t accept that. This isn’t a factory damage, nor is it covered by the warranty. The camera is damaged quite extensively and I can’t accept it for replacement.”

Guest: “What?! You have to replace it right now! I paid for a working camera and this one isn’t working anymore!”

Me: “Sir, your camera was fine when we took it out of the box and set it up for you. Somehow, you managed to damage it quite extensively and no, we can’t replace it with a new one. Sorry.”

Guest: “I’ll complain! I’ll get you fired for this!”

Of course, the guest goes to the guest services desk, makes a big drama, and complains to officers. Some ten or fifteen minutes later, I get a call from — surprise, surprise — the hotel director.

Hotel Director: “[My Name], I have a guest here complaining that the camera he bought isn’t working and that you don’t want to replace it. He’s really upset. What’s happening?”

Me: “[Hotel Director], please ask the guest to show you his camera.”

Hotel Director: “Hold on.”

I hear the hotel director lowering the phone and talking with the guest. About a minute later, he picks up the phone again.

Hotel Director: “Hey, [My Name], I see what you mean. It’s all right; I’ll deal with him. Thanks and sorry.”

The guest got a free dinner for two in a specialty restaurant but no new camera. The hotel director and I always shared a good laugh when we talked about it afterward.

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