Epi’s And Lockdowns And Police, Oh My!

, , , , | Learning | April 4, 2018

I am working a long-term substituting position as a front office secretary. I love it because I don’t have to deal with a big group of kids all day, and I get to hear all the juicy stuff going on in the school. A couple highlights from my first week:

  1. Yesterday, a student found an epipen on the PE field. Instead of turning it in, like a normal person would, he decided to inject himself with it. He got a free ride to the hospital in the back of an ambulance.
  2. We had a lockdown drill today. Yay. Everyone in the office — around 20 people — files into the supply room, which is thankfully big enough to hold all of us. We wait around ten or fifteen minutes when the resource officer opens the door to let us know that, apparently, the first announcement wasn’t heard by anyone because the rest of the campus is acting normally. Cue another ten or fifteen minutes of sitting around doing nothing while the police officers run another check of the school.

Unfiltered Story #108231

, , | Unfiltered | April 4, 2018

(I’m at the store to upgrade my phone. I’ve worked retail for seven years and have always had a bit of a twisted sense of humor. The associate and I are making idle conversation about retail and the upcoming Black Friday weekend.)

Associate: “So what’s your Black Friday plan of action to deal with it?”

Me: *without skipping a beat and completely deadpan* “Killing myself.”

Associate: “…soo, we’ve got these great phone cases.”

It’s Not Projected To Go Well

, , , , , | Working | April 3, 2018

(Our company is looking to hire a marketer to handle two separate projects, to come up with good strategies and put them into action, and to do all that boring but essential corporate stuff, like make potential customers aware of these products, talk to people about setting up coverage or ad buys, figure out marketing campaigns, etc. All this is detailed in the job posting. The guy we end up hiring is very confident, and comes highly recommended. The first week, however, he only focuses on one of the two projects. We’re not that concerned, since we figure he’s trying to get a handle on them separately, and they’re so different that he probably needs a while to get up to speed on them both. After another two weeks, it quickly becomes apparent that he’s only working on one of them. He hasn’t so much as mentioned the other project, or spoken to the team on it beyond the introductions. We decide to call a meeting to see how things are going.)

Me: “We wanted to see how you were settling in, and how you felt things were shaping up. We know you’re working a lot on [Project #1], which is great, and we like the things you’re putting into action there. What have you got in mind for [Project #2]?”

Marketer: “Well, for [Project #1]…” *goes off on a long-winded speech about what he’s doing on the project we’re not worried about, but doesn’t mention the other*

Me: “That’s great, but we wanted to talk about [Project #2]. The launch windows for these are very close together, and it would make us feel better if we had some insight into your plans for this one, as well.”

Marketer: *looking a little annoyed* “Well, to be frank, [Project #2] is outside my wheelhouse. I don’t really know what to do with it.”

Me: *taken aback, since this isn’t what he told us in his interview* “Well… What are you doing to rectify that?”

Marketer: *shrugs* “To be honest, I think you should hire someone else. Or just forget about it.”

Me: “What?! You applied for a position specifically to handle these two projects. You were made aware of them in the listing, we discussed them at length in your interview, and that is what we hired you for: to handle them both.”

Marketer: “Well, misjudgments happen.”

Me: “You signed a contract. I need you to start working on [Project #2].”

Marketer: “I already told you I’m not interested!”

Me: “Okay. Are you refusing to do what you agreed to do when you were hired and what is outlined within the terms of your contract that you signed?”

(He blustered a bit and kept insisting that he didn’t want to work on one of the two projects he had been specifically hired for. When I told him then that we were no longer in need of his services, he got extremely defensive and angry, and even threatened to sue for “unlawful firing.” He later tried to make it sound discriminatory… but he was a white guy with no disabilities? I’m just baffled at the idea that someone would think it was okay to refuse to do half of the job they had signed on for, and then seem shocked when they were let go. We ended up hiring someone else who did both projects just fine and made them great successes.)

The Training Is Waning

, , , , | Working | April 2, 2018

(I work at an adult education center. A coworker and I are told to attend a local training for four days. At the end of the first day, my principal calls me, tells me to skip the rest of the training, and to return to the school. She says she needs me back and I can do the training next year.)

Coworker: *leans over and says* “I just want you to know that I know you skipped out on the last three days of training. You are lucky I am not the kind of person to report you to the principal. You’d better be grateful to me.”

Me: “You are welcome to let the principal know I was not at the training for the last three days. Check the sign-in sheet and you’ll see exactly where I was.”

(The coworker slunk away. The next year, Hurricane Andrew hit during the training days, and by the third year, the training was obsolete. I never did get trained.)

Lord Grant Me The Power To Survive This…

, , , , , | Right | April 2, 2018

(I work in the tech department of an office supply store. An older woman has just bought a laptop from me, and I’m showing her the basics.)

Lady: *as I’m plugging in the power cord* “What is that?”

Me: “It is the power cord.”

Lady: “What does that do?”

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