They Cardly Notice Each Other Anymore

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 27, 2019

(My husband typically works the day shift at his employer. Two weeks ago, the company got a new contract for a job that requires work be done during the night shift, and my husband, being one of the newer employees, is chosen for the job. Instead of working from six am to six pm, he’s now working from six pm to six am and sleeping during the day while I’m away at work. Unfortunately, this means our original plans for Valentine’s Day are ruined, and while we’re sad about it, we decide to celebrate on a later date. Still wanting to do something, I buy a card for him and place it underneath his phone before I leave for work on Valentine’s Day, hoping he’ll see it when he wakes up. Around noon, I get a phone call from him.)

Husband: “Happy Valentine’s Day. I just wanted to let you know I’m heading into work early today. The new guy broke one of the machines, so I’m going to see if I can fix it before calling in the tech. Good news is that since I’ll be there at one this afternoon, I can leave around midnight rather than stay until six, so I can catch up on sleep. Did you see the card I left you?”

Me: “Umm… What card?”

Husband: “Seriously? I left it right by your purse so you’d see it before you left for work.”  

Me: *chuckling* “I’m really sorry. I’ll look for it when I get home. Speaking of which, did you see the card I left you?”

Husband: “Uh…”

Me: “Are you kidding me right now? I left it underneath your phone!”

Husband: *chuckling* “I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.”

Me: “Sheesh. We really belong together, don’t we?”

Husband: “Or we’re just both unobservant.”

Me: “You know what? Don’t ruin the moment on Valentine’s Day.”

(Sure enough, I found his card in the same spot where I left it, and my card was next to where my purse was sitting.)

Peacocktease

, , , , , | Romantic | January 30, 2019

(I am sitting by myself on a bench in the local mall, waiting for my husband who has run to the bathroom. I happen to have long hair with streaks of teal in it. I’m replying to some work emails on my phone, not looking around at anyone, when a guy comes up to me.)

Guy: “I just had to tell you…”

Me: *confused, startled look*

Guy: *in what is probably an overly passionate tone for an eight-dollar box-dye job* “Your hair looks like a cascade of peacock feathers trailing down your shoulders.”

Me: *really taken aback by his earnestness, but honestly appreciating the compliment* “Oh. Um. Thanks!”

Guy: “So, I was thinking—“

(At that point, my husband walks up to me.)

Husband: “Okay, honey. Where are we getting lunch?”

(The guy looks at my husband, who is only just noticing him and gives him a polite, inquisitive smile. Then, the guy gives me a positively acidic look.)

Guy: “Okay, TEASE!” *turns and storms off*

(It was confusing, but mostly funny. Sorry my teasing, come-hither cascade of peacock hair lead you on or whatever, my dude. Hope you chill out some and grow up.)

A Corn Chip Off The Old Country Block

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2019

(I am a white woman. I am buying a brand of corn chip that comes with each chip rolled into a little tube, usually bright red, and touted as being very spicy. The guy behind the register is an older, white dude.)

Employee: *examining bag* “Can you eat these?”

Me: *assuming he’s referring to the spicy warning on the bag* “Oh, I don’t think they’re too spicy. I’m not even a spicy fiend and I think these are good. You should try them sometime.”

Employee: “No, I mean, I thought this was supposed to be for the Hispanics.”

Me: *taken aback* “Uh… Well, I mean, I don’t think it’s ‘for’ anyone specifically.”

(He gives me a dubious look.)

Me: *after a pause* “I can eat them, too.”

(He didn’t say anything else, but he looked very skeptical. It was so weird. I told a friend of mine about it later, who IS Hispanic, and she thought it was hilarious. Now, whenever we go out somewhere together and she’s coveting whatever food I’ve ordered, no matter what it is, she’ll act like she’s taking it away while saying sadly, “I’m sorry, [My Name], but this isn’t FOR you. It’s for Hispanics.”)

Exploding Over Turkeys Happens Outside The Holidays

, , , , , | Right | January 10, 2019

(I work in a bakery at a chain grocery store, but I am also cross-trained in the deli department, which is connected to the bakery. We just hired some new people, and I am scheduled to work in the bakery at the same time as a trainee is working in the deli by herself. The manager asks me if I can keep an eye on her in case she needs help, and I happily agree. It’s also important to note that we just switched some of our deli meat brands and flavors after we finished training our new employees, so some of the meats that we had when she first started training we either no longer carry or we carry it in a different brand. I’m working in my department when I hear this:)

Coworker: “Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you with something?”

Customer: “I would like some oven-roasted turkey.”

Coworker: “Okay. Would you like [Brand #1] or [Brand #2]?”

(Somehow, this question sets him off. He turns red in the face and starts yelling at my poor coworker.)

Customer: “You are so incompetent! Do you not know what you are doing? How hard is it to slice some meat?!”

(He goes on, and my coworker is too shocked to say anything. I step in to see if I can defuse the situation.)

Me: “[Coworker], are you okay?”

Coworker: “I just asked what brand he wanted because I couldn’t remember if we had the same flavor in another brand…”

Me: *to the man, as sweet and cheery as I can be* “Can I help you with something, sir?”

Customer: “NO! This entire store is filled with incompetent people! I just asked for some meat and she can’t slice it for me? How hard can it be to slice some meat?! I just want some meat!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We are currently switching our brands, and my coworker was confused about which brand of turkey you wanted, Did you want [Brand #1] or did you want [Brand #2]?”

Customer: *throwing a temper tantrum at this point* “I just want some meat! How hard is that?! You are all incompetent, and I will never shop here again! I’m about to leave and I will never come back!”

(I can deal with rude customers, but at some point, a switch just goes off in me, and I’ll be d***ed if I’ll let a customer talk about my coworkers like this. However, instead of blowing up at rude customers, I have a different tactic.)

Me: *with a sweet, peppy smile* “All right, sir! Well, you have a good day! Thank you for shopping at [Grocery Store Chain].”

(The man looks like he is about to lay an egg — just totally shocked. He shakes out of it, and angrily grabs his cart and goes to check out.)

Me: *to coworker* “You okay?”

Coworker: “Yeah… I just asked him a question.”

Me: “Don’t worry about it. Some people are just jerks.”

(I went back to my work and our shifts continued normally. He must have had a bad day, because there is no way that turkey is so important that you have to have a meltdown in the middle of the store over it. That employee left a couple months later; most people don’t stay too long. I still work here, but I graduate school soon, so hopefully, I will never have to deal with rude customers like him again! If I do have a rude customer, I just kill them with kindness.)

I’m Going To Pencil You Down As A “No”

, , , , , , | Right | January 10, 2019

(I’m a cashier in a grocery store that does a lot of donation drives, so sometimes customers get really upset when they happen back to back. That was the case for this story:)

Me: “All right, your total is going to be [dollar amount] today. We’re doing a back-to-school donation drive to give supplies to local schools. Would you like to give a pack of pencils for—“

Customer: *interrupting me* “NO! I’ve been a teacher for nineteen years. Kids don’t use pencils to write; they use them to stab each other!”

Me: *pause* “Okay.”

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