If You’re Going To Be An Idiot, Be A Loved Idiot

, , , , , , | Working | July 3, 2020

I am fortunate enough to work with talented, fun, hard-working people I consider friends, but like all friends, some of them drive me a little insane. One of the worst is a guy who never listens to anything.

Coworker: “This program is a pain. How am I even supposed to [do a thing]?”

Me: “That’s weird. The tutorial covers that. Did it not display for you?”

Coworker: “I just clicked through it.”

Me: “Okay… Well, hit ‘enter’ to go to the menu.”

Coworker: *Sounding annoyed* “But how do I go to the menu?”

Me: *Pause* “Hit ‘enter.’”

Later, in an email:

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]! I’m working on a promo with [Client], just so you know. I’m going to rope in [Artist] to do the images for it.”

Coworker: “Have you thought about using [Exact Same Artist I Just Mentioned]?”

Me: “That was the second sentence of that email.”

Coworker: “Oh, well, I didn’t read that far.”

Even later-er:

Coworker: “Hey, what are we doing for our launch today?”

I email him a list of items.

Coworker: “But what about [very first item on the list, I’m not even kidding]?”

Me: “You’re lucky you’re my friend.”

He’s a great coworker and friend except for this, and it wouldn’t be an issue if it didn’t happen all the time, and if he wasn’t such a butt when the same thing happened to him.

Me: “I gave [Other Coworker] your new phone number.”

Coworker: “I gave it to him yesterday! I even wrote it down.”

Me: “I know; he couldn’t find the paper when he went to add you to his contacts.”

Coworker: “Ugh, I hate repeating myself! People need to pay more attention to the details.”

Sigh. Love you, buddy.

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Overachieving Isn’t Always The Answer

, , , , | Learning | April 21, 2020

This happens when I am in third grade, nine years old, and getting the second report card of the school year. The teacher hands them out at the end of the school day, but my mother and I see her at my dance studio that night.

Me: “Ms. [Teacher]? Why did I get a bad grade in reading?”

Teacher: “You didn’t take any of your reading quizzes. You need to read a book every month.”

Mom: “You know her. You know she’s read more books than any other student in your class. What are these reading quizzes you’re talking about?”

Teacher: “The ones on the computer. It generates a report automatically, grading each test and averaging them out with what I put in for your grade.”

Me: “You mean I have to do more? But I already have all my points. Twelve books, twelve quizzes.”

Teacher: “Wait… You already did them all? When?”

Me: “The first month of school.”

By taking every quiz I needed to in the first semester, the software was setting me up with zeros for the rest of the year. They changed it immediately to be one book a month rather than the ten books a year the syllabus had stated.

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Unfiltered Story #191765

, , , | Unfiltered | April 12, 2020

(I work in my family’s restaurant chain on the weekends as a hostess. A busser comes up to me and is rather nervous)
Bus boy: “Do we have comment cards?”
(We have had no one ever ask for a comment card)
*hands him a sticky note*
Me: Here, now go
(Everything is calm until a rather large woman comes up twenty minutes later and asks for the manager)
Lady: First, the Mexican rice looked Chinese.
(All the servers and waitresses just laughed quietly since we were at a Mexican restaurant and the rice is just fine)
Manager #1: What do you want me to do, change our entire recipe? *he then crosses his arms*
Lady: THAT’S AN AGRESSIVE STANCE!!!
Manager #1: How else do you want me to stand?” *He then props his hand up on the wall and continues listening
Lady: “ANOTHER AGGRESSIVE STANCE, AS A MANAGER YOU SHOULDN’T BE THAT AGGRESSIVE AND IM IN THIS BUSINESS TOO”
(At this point Manager #2 is clearly mad for being yelled at in front of everyone. Manager #2 hears from the other side of the restaurant the yelling and comes to investigate.)
Lady: “THE FOOD WAS NOT MEXICAN AND THIS GUY WAS CLAIMING TO BE THE MANAGER BUT I KNOW HE ISN’T!!!”
Manager #2: “This guys is the manager and is my brother, so if I you’re just going to make a fool of us in public, just leave.”
Lady: FINE THEN *goes running out of the room and heads to the door*
Waiter: “You forgot to pay”
Lady: “OK!” *turns around and slams $50 on my desk*
(We found out that the husband and son were embarrassed of the mom so they went to wait in their car. Sadly, we have customers like that all the time)

Unfiltered Story #191754

, , , | Unfiltered | April 11, 2020

I work at a grocery store bakery. One of our competitors offer chocolate, vanilla, and marble cakes, however we only have chocolate, yellow, and marble. Some customers can’t grasp that there is a difference between vanilla cake and yellow cake. One customer in particular comes in to order a cake. He’s maybe around my age, and is looking at the cakes very confused.
Me: Can I help you with something, Sir?
Customer: Yes…I need a cake.
Me: Okay, how big?
Customer: For like…20 people?
Me:Okay, what flavor?
Customer: What?
Me: What flavor of cake? We have chocolate, yellow, and marble.
Customer: Vanilla.
Me: We don’t have vanilla. We have chocolate, yellow, and marble.
Customer: What’s a yellow cake?
Me: A yellow cake is a white cake that still has the egg yolks in it, so it has a “dairy sweet” taste to it.
Customer (thinks for a moment): Oh, okay. And what’s a marble cake? Is that a mix of chocolate and vanilla?
Me: No, it is a mix of chocolate and yellow swirled on the inside.
Customer (points to cake that has a YELLOW CAKE sticker on it): Is this vanilla?
Me: No (points to sticker), this is a yellow cake.
Customer: Oh, so you don’t have vanilla cake?
Me: No, Sir.
Customer (contemplating): I’m going to have to think about this.

He leaves and never comes back. I have two to three conversations like this daily.

Unfiltered Story #187705

, , , | Unfiltered | March 2, 2020

I was working as a supervisor at an outlet store that closes every night at 9 pm. One night, the last customer finally left about a quarter after 9 and I went and locked the doors on one end and started heading over to lock the other set of doors when a young couple came in.

Me: “I’m sorry, the store is closed.”

Customer *grabbing one of the shopping carts*: “Excuse me?”

Me: “The store closed at 9 and it’s now 9:15.”

Customer: “So you don’t want my business?”

Me *thinking ‘No, I don’t want your business’*: “It’s not about wanting your business or not. We close every night at 9.”

Customer looks at her boyfriend and gets huffy: “Well, I’m going to call and report you to your manager!”

Me: “Okay, have a nice night!”

Of course neither the customer or her boyfriend called and complained.