This Customer Is Exhaust-ing 

, , , | Right | January 22, 2021

I work at a shop that’s a huge tourist attraction in any state and town known greatly for their motorcycles. We’ve just gotten done doing a new owner celebration; we rev motorcycle engines and honk the horns when someone buys a new motorcycle.

Customer: “UGH. This is awful. Why does it smell so badly of car exhaust in here?!”

Me: “They can’t be serious.”

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This Franchise Doesn’t Own Them… Yet

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2021

I work in a members-only lounge at a popular theme park. We provide an air-conditioned space with charging stations, as well as free soda and coffee machines. There is also a [Coffee Shop] located just across the plaza in the park. This happens on the day [Coffee Shop] releases its Unicorn [Drink].

A customer approaches me at the check-in for the lounge.

Customer: “I’m here for my free Unicorn [Drink].”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I heard you give free Unicorn [Drink]s to members. I want one.”

Me: “Do you mean the new [Coffee Shop] drink?”

Customer: “Yes. Someone in line had a coffee and said that they got it here for free. So I want a Unicorn [Drink].”

I realize what must have happened.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, they must have meant our complimentary coffee. We do have a Keurig machine in the lounge that is for member use, but it’s just decaf or regular. We aren’t affiliated with [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: “What do you mean? [Theme Park] owns [Coffee Shop]!”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! I walked past one right outside!”

Me: “We have a partnership wherein we sell their coffee in their stores on property. But even if we did own them, the Unicorn [Drink] is a seven-dollar specialty drink. There is no way we could afford to give away thousands of those for free every day. You’re welcome to come up for a complimentary coffee, or if you really want the Unicorn [Drink], [Coffee Shop] is—”

The customer turns to go:

Customer: “I know where it is! The guest service here has taken a nosedive! [Founder of Theme Park] is turning over in his grave!”

Me: “Have a magical day!”

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No Room For Memorizing Lyrics AND Scriptures

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | January 16, 2021

Like most churches, ours helpfully puts the words to the hymns on a screen for all to see. Today, however, as we start the next song, the screen suddenly flickers and quits. The onstage chorus looks at each other in confusion, but the pianist is still playing strong, so everyone desperately tries to mumble along to the melody. The pastor tries to call out the words for us, but it’s hard to understand what exactly he’s saying.

Finally, we get to the refrain, which apparently everyone knows by heart, as the entire congregation suddenly belts it loud and clear! The lyrics screen briefly resurrects for a moment, just long enough to display the words we’re already singing from memory, and then dies before the next verse again.

Once again, we mumble along until the refrain: “Ner ner ner ner ner… BEEECAAUSE HE LIIIIIIVES!”

By the look of things, our pastor was moved to tears. Perhaps you had to be there, but it was certainly one of the more memorable worship sessions I’ve ever been to.


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for January 2021!

Read the next Feel Good roundup for January 2021 story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for January 2021!

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Deaf To Reason, Part 13

, , , , , | Right | January 16, 2021

I work in the local office of a major pest control company and handle all the usual calls from bills to cancellations.

Customer: “I want to cancel my service.”

Me: “I can definitely help you with that. May I have a reason for the cancellation?”

Customer: “Yeah, the tech never answers me when he’s facing away from me and I try to talk to him!”

I take a more careful look at the customer’s account, specifically who their regular service technician is, and I’m a bit dumbfounded. The customer’s technician is one of two of our techs who has severe hearing loss; this particular tech even has cochlear implants.

Me: “I’m sorry, [Customer], you said that [Tech] wasn’t responding to you when his back was turned?”

Customer: “That’s right!”

Me: “Are you aware that [Tech] is hearing impaired?”

Customer: “I know that! I still think it’s incredibly rude!”

I go straight past dumbfounded to agitated at that, and I say with all the icy politeness I can muster:

Me: “I’m so sorry about that. I’ll make sure your service is cancelled immediately.”

To this day, that is still the most obnoxious disregard for another’s person’s condition I’ve heard from one of our customers, and I hope no one ever tops it.

Related:
Deaf To Reason, Part 12
Deaf To Reason, Part 11
Deaf To Reason, Part 10
Deaf To Reason, Part 9
Deaf To Reason, Part 8

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Auntie Dearest Created Terror All On Her Own

, , , , , , | Related | January 13, 2021

My family took a trip to Disney World back in 1997 when I was eight years old. With me were my mother, step-father, twin four-year-old half-brothers, and twenty-two-year-old step-aunt (my step-father’s sister). My parents offered for [Step-Aunt] to go as she was fresh out of college and they felt that they may need help with three kids; they even paid for all of her meals, flight, and hotel room.

My family and I had a lot of fun going to all of the parks, but I really wanted to go on the Tower of Terror ride in the park that was known then as MGM Studios. Unfortunately, the day that we went there, the Tower of Terror was having issues and closed down for the day. I was distraught when I found out we couldn’t ride it that day.

The next day was our last full day in Florida before we went home, but my parents were too tired from all the parks and wanted to relax with us kids by the pool. I was insistent that I needed to ride the Tower of Terror and asked if one of the adults could take me.

Mom: “[Step-Aunt], would you please take [My Name] to MGM?”

[Step-Aunt] appeared reluctant, but my parents reminded her that they’d paid for everything so far and this was the only time they were asking her to do this for them on the trip.

My mother got me ready to go to the park but made sure to give me some money and a list of emergency numbers in case I got separated from [Step-Aunt]. My mother then gave [Step-Aunt] specific instructions.

Mom: “You are not to turn off your cell phone, you do not let [My Name] out of sight, and please make sure to put more sunblock on her if you are gone for more than two hours.”

[Step-Aunt] took me from the hotel and we started walking to the theme park, but I soon realized we weren’t going to MGM but to another theme park, Epcot.

Me: “[Step-Aunt], this is the wrong park!”

Step-Aunt: “We are just going to get a drink and then we will go to MGM so you can ride the Tower of Terror.”

At this time, Epcot was known to be the only theme park where you could get alcohol, as they had areas themed after different countries, each with their own alcohol. I went along with it because I figured [Step-Aunt] was telling the truth, but after [Step-Aunt] got her first drink, we started walking further into the park while she was drinking. By the time [Step-Aunt] had finished the first drink, we were in a new country’s area and she got a second drink.

I tried arguing with her, but [Step-Aunt] said she just needed another one and we would get going soon, but I had my doubts. After [Step-Aunt] got her third drink from a different area:

Me: “When are we going to MGM?”

Step-Aunt: “We may not even make it there and you will just need to deal with it.”

[Step-Aunt] continued to drag me through four more country areas, getting a drink in each one. I even tried buying my own snack and water since we had been in the park almost three hours and I hadn’t had anything since breakfast. [Step-Aunt] told me no because then she would need to take me to the bathroom and that would slow her down.

At one point, when [Step-Aunt] went to the bathroom herself, I snuck over to a payphone and called my mom.

Me: “Mom? We’re not at MGM; we’re in Epcot. [Step-Aunt] has just been getting drunk, and she won’t let me buy food or water. I’m thirsty and sunburnt.”

My mother was furious.

Mom: “What store are you near? Go there and wait, and do not go anywhere.”

A minute later, when [Step-Aunt] got out of the bathroom, my mother called her on her cell phone to tell her that she was on her way to get me and that she was not to leave. [Step-Aunt] tried claiming that I was a liar and that we had gone to Epcot after we had been to MGM and ridden the Tower of Terror. My mother wasn’t buying it.

Mom: “I will meet you at [Nearby Store]. If you’re both not there, I’m going to call the police for abducting my daughter. If only [My Name] is there, I’ll tell them you abandoned her.”

[Step-Aunt] and I waited for about twenty minutes in the store in silence until my mother showed up, practically sprinting. My mother was furious seeing me so sunburnt and dehydrated.

Mom: “You have thirty minutes to get back to the hotel. [Step-Father] wants to talk to you.”

[Step-Aunt] tried arguing her case, but my mother just told her to go. Then, she bought a sports drink, water, and a snack for me and let me regain my strength. When I was feeling better, albeit sad about how I’d been treated all day, my mother brought me back to the hotel but said she would take me to ride the Tower of Terror later if I was up for it.

When we got back to the hotel, [Step-Aunt] wasn’t there but [Step-Father] said that she had shown up but had gone home early. After I rested and got an actual meal, my mom took me to MGM before they closed for the night and I was able to ride the Tower of Terror. Besides the issues during that day, I had a great time on the trip.

I didn’t find out until years later what exactly happened with [Step-Aunt]. When Step-Aunt got back to the hotel, [Step-Father] was furious with how his younger sister had treated his daughter and asked what she had been thinking. [Step-Aunt] said that she had been planning on getting drinks at Epcot that day, that she was just going to drag me around for the day, and that she was just planning on lying about going to MGM before when they got back.

[Step-Father] was so angry.

Step-Aunt: “[My Name] isn’t your real daughter, anyway! Shouldn’t my happiness matter more to you?”

This really struck a nerve with [Step-Father] as my bio-dad bolted before I was born and [Step-Father] started seeing my mother when I was just five months old. As far as he, my mother, and I saw it, he was my real father. 

Step-Father: “You have two options, [Step-Aunt]. One, I give you some money and you take the bus back home, or two, you pay for your own flight back home, because I am about to call the airline and cancel your ticket.”

She tried pleading with him, but he was so angry with what she did that after she left, he didn’t talk to her for almost two years.

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