Legal Lightning Struck Twice

, , , , | Legal | September 22, 2018

When I was six years old, my father was struck by lightning while he was lowering a wheelchair ramp for the last passenger on his bus. Thankfully, he survived, but the injuries put an end to him working. Since it happened while he was on the job, this was clearly a case for workers’ comp. The problem? Dad was working for the city, who in turn controlled workers’ comp. Long story short, they desperately did not want to pay. So, my parents needed to get a lawyer.

While preparing the case, my mother asked about getting a hold of the aforementioned passenger, who was the only witness to my dad being struck. The lawyer waved her concerns away. “They’re not contesting the fact that he got hit,” he said.  

Flash forward much, much later to their meeting with the opposition. The workers’ comp lawyers’ argument? “We don’t know for sure that he was even hit by lightning at all!”

Mom was livid, especially since by this time, the witness had moved out of town. Fortunately, a family friend had taken it upon herself to track the guy down, and he was able to testify that, yes, my dad was hit by an enormous bolt of electricity, and the “singed and delirious” look wasn’t just a new fad he felt like trying.

Phase two was, “But surely taking one billion volts to the head didn’t hurt him any,” but that’s another story.

The Birds And The Bees And The Bathroom Employees

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | September 21, 2018

I come from a very religious family. As such, I was never given any formal sex-ed talk.

I was 12 and I was at the mall by myself. I went into the washroom and found blood in my underwear. I completely panicked and ran into the closest store.

In this store, there was one female worker, but the rest of the store was empty. In tears, I begged her to call my family to come get me because clearly I was dying.

The woman calmed me down and gave me an adhesive pad. After explaining what it was and how to use it, she let me use the staff-only washroom in the back. She then gave me the whole sex talk my parents and my religious school had failed to tell me. She only told me because I was so freaked out and confused. I don’t think she knew I was religious; she just thought I was super innocent and my parents didn’t tell me s***.

I never told my parents what this employee said. My parents acted like my period was shameful and discouraged any discussion about it, besides saving sex for marriage, when I went home that night. Before I went to bed, my mom handed me a package of pads and a book about Virgin Mary. She didn’t explain how to use them, the difference between wings and no wings, etc., like the woman in the store had. I would’ve been so overwhelmed if it weren’t for that woman.

The following year, I was taught about how abstinence is the best birth control, but nothing like what that employee taught me. I had to be the one to teach my friends about their own bodies, and I am so grateful for what that employee did. I have friends who are in their early 20s just learning what I learned when I was 12.

This woman saved my teen years.

Making A Wrong State-ment

, , , , , , | Right | September 20, 2018

(I work selling tickets at a large movie theater chain.)

Customer: “Can I get two tickets for [Movie] at 3:30 pm?”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but the movie began at 3:00 pm. The previews are actually about twenty minutes long, so you still have time to go in.”

Customer: “NO! I want the 3:30 show time.”

Me: “Sir, there is no 3:30 show time.”

Customer: “DON’T PLAY STUPID WITH ME! I KNOW THERE IS A 3:30 SCREENING, YOU IDIOT. SEE?!”

(He pulls out his phone and slams it against the box office glass. I motion for him to slide his phone through the small opening and make sure he is watching carefully as I scroll up to the top of the show time page)

Me: “Sir, as you can see, these are the show times for our location in California. You are currently in Florida.”

(He couldn’t even look me in the eyes after I slid his phone back. He proceeded to walk off without another word.)

Common Sense Has Other Left The Building

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work in a small shop near a popular affluent retirement community. We recently got a credit card machine that will read the new chips in credit cards, and has a screen for signatures. Some of our customers are having difficulties with the machine.)

Me: “Please insert the chip in the card reader.”

Customer: *places the card on top of the pin pad*

Me: “Please use the slot underneath the pin pad.”

Customer: *puts the card in properly*

Me: “Please sign on the screen.”

Customer: *signs name, and stares at the buttons at the bottom of the screen, that read ACCEPT, CLEAR, and CANCEL*

Me: “Touch ‘ACCEPT’ at the left, please.”

Customer: “This one?” *reaches for the CANCEL button at the right*

Me: “The one on the left, please. ‘ACCEPT.’”

Customer: “It’s this one?” *again going for the CANCEL button at the right*

Me: *in slight desperation* “Your other left, ma’am.”

Red Vs Blue Calling You

, , , , , | Right | September 18, 2018

(I am the customer in this story. I have recently rescued a kitten, named Caboose after a much-loved character in a web series I am obsessed with. The character is known for accidentally causing catastrophes and blaming another character. I am playing with Caboose in my lap next to my phone when I realize that he has been playing with the screen and has called my phone’s support line.)

Support: “Hello, [Company] Support. My name is [Support]; how can I help you today?”

Me: “Uh… hi. Sorry, but my kitten appears to have paw-dialed you guys.”

Support: “That’s okay! Is there anything you needed to ask, anyway, while we’re on?”

Me: “Mm, nope! Caboose just enjoys eating my phone case. Thanks, though!”

Support: *still cheerful* “It’s not his fault. Tucker did it.”

Me: “I love your company now.”

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