I work in a place that is mostly known for breakfast. I try to be understanding, but I have one of those faces that just can’t hide my feelings.

A party of four comes in late one evening. They ask if we serve breakfast all day. Yes, we do. I start taking their orders, and all is going well until this.

Me: “Ma’am, what will you be having?”

Guest #1: “Do your omelets have eggs?”

I am stunned into silence, my face saying, “Are you an idiot?” Thank heavens her friends are cool.

Guest #2: “It’s an omelet! What do you think it’s made with?!”

I work in a call center environment where agents can get different calls depending on training. 

I received an email from a supervisor stating that their agent was getting hundreds of incorrect call types that they were not trained in, and I needed to fix it immediately. 

I could look up every call the agent had taken for the past year; I saw that they had gotten one rollover call, meaning the queue had rolled over the call from a different skill due to zero agents, ensuring that the call was still answered.

I copied the supervisor’s manager and replied:

Me: “In the past 365 days, [Agent] has received one rollover call. Can you verify the call type [Agent] shouldn’t be getting? Or do you mean one call, not hundreds?”

I never heard back.

I am working at a small ice cream stand in a theme park. It’s a very hot day, so I am getting a lot of customers.

Customers: “I’d like three cups of [flavors], and we’d like those to go.”

Me: “All the ice cream is to-go. It comes in either cups or cones.”

Customer: “No, I mean we want to eat it later.”

Me: *Confused* “So, you want to order it now and come back later?”

Customer: “No, you stupid girl! We want to take our ice creams now, but to go! To… go! We want to eat them later.”

Me: “You could do that if you wanted, but the ice creams will melt very quickly; it’s a hot day today!”

Customer: “Duh! Obviously! This is why want them to go, but we don’t want them to melt.”

Me: “We don’t offer any cold bags as this is just an ice cream stand.”

Customer: “I want to take the ice cream now, but I don’t want to eat it until later, and I don’t want it to melt.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I think you’ve seriously misunderstood what we mean by ‘The Magic Kingdom‘…”

Related:
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 18
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 17
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 16
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 15
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 14

I am eating in a nice restaurant on Saint Augustine Beach with my mom, dad, and sister. There is usually a wait of around thirty minutes here.

A large group of people walks into the area I am in, and they stand next to my table.

Woman: “It looks like there is an empty table there, but I don’t think it will fit all of us.”

The group discusses this while standing in the way of waiters. Eventually, a hostess walks up.

Hostess: “Hi. Were you added to our waitlist?”

Woman: “Um, no. We just came in.”

Hostess: “Unfortunately, there is a wait. You are welcome to add your name to the waitlist and grab a drink from the bar, but we do ask that you wait outside.”

The woman looks shocked. The hostess has walked away at this point.

Woman: “This is ridiculous! They expect us to wait? I cannot believe this!”

The group starts funneling out to the patio.

My Dad: “Have they never been to a restaurant before?”

Customer: “I’ll get an Americano.”

Me: “We’re using a new Colombian blend today. Would that be okay?”

Customer: “You f****** liberals gotta make everything political! I just want a coffee, and you gotta bring politics into it!”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry if I caused any confusion. I just wanted you to know that we changed where we source our coffee recently, and—”

Customer: “So, the liberals get into the White House, and you just happen to start getting your coffee from Washington, huh? Coincidence?”

Me: “Sir, we’re getting it from Colombia, not Washington. I don’t think you can grow coffee there… or anywhere in the USA outside of Hawaii, I think?”

Customer: “Bulls***! You just said Washington! District of Columbia!”

Seriously?!

Me: “Sir, I mean Colombia, the country, not Washington DC!”

Customer: “Why are you making everything political?”

Me: “I mentioned a Latin American country exporting coffee, and you started talking about liberals in the White House, but I’m the political one?” 

Customer: “I don’t want your d*** liberal coffee!” *Storms out*