When Doing The Right Thing Sours The Milk

, , , , , , , | Working | March 26, 2020

About ten years ago, I got my first job in a local pub right on the seafront. It was — and still is — a beautiful location, and my best friend also worked there behind the bar. I thought I had scored the perfect job, but due to the actions of a few terrible people, it became a living nightmare. There were many things that went on that you probably wouldn’t believe, but today I’m just going to tell you about one of the milder instances.

The big boss, a giant of a man almost as wide as he was tall, wanted to train me up on coffees. Along with the usual instructions, he told me to just put the jugs of hot steamed milk back into the fridge after we were done with them. They were large pitchers, so the same batch of milk would be constantly heated, cooled, and reheated throughout the day. After the boss had walked away, my best friend quietly told me that it wasn’t safe to do that, and we should throw the old milk away as soon as the coast was clear.

Concerned, I did some research that night and found that, yeah, it’s not safe to keep steaming hot liquids in the fridge, as the repeated cooling and heating keeps the milk in the “danger zone” temperature range too often, which could lead to the growth of bacteria, as well as potentially affecting the temperature of everything else in the fridge.

Being young, naive, and on the autistic spectrum, I innocently assumed that my manager was simply unaware of these facts, and that surely he would be glad to know the truth. I printed off my findings and took them to him the next morning.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t go well. 

He shooed me into the kitchen, physically backed me up into a corner, and began threatening me that — in his own words — “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing,” and that he had been thinking of giving me a promotion but now he “didn’t think he could trust me.”

I had my hours cut, and of course I never got that promotion, which honestly I don’t think ever existed. If we were ever caught throwing the milk away, it was taken out of our pay. It was a good lesson in never trusting the bosses to do the right thing, a lesson that has been backed up time and time again in every place I’ve worked since.

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Unfiltered Story #190857

, , | Unfiltered | March 26, 2020

(It was about 1:00 AM on Valentines Day at my job, when a woman in about her early twenties ran up to the register fully naked)

Woman: DO YOU KNOW WEAR THE TAPONS ARE!

Me: Uhh by the medicine.

(The woman ran off and ran out in about two minutes flat but she had left a trail of blood on the floor…)

Their Carpets Are Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Wimey

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2020

(My father and I go to a “Doctor Who” shop in London, as we’re both big fans of the show. This happens as we’re going to check out.)

Clerk #1: “Hello!” *normal checkout conversation takes place*

Clerk #2: *on store phone, in background* “Hello? No, this is not the carpet shop. You must have copied the number wrong. We have not ever sold carpets; this is a sci-fi merchandise store! No carpets.”

(This phone conversation goes on for quite a few minutes, back and forth.)

Dad: *to [Clerk #1]* “Does this happen often?”

Clerk #1: “Yes, the carpet store is right next door; sometimes we get confused customers.”

Clerk #2: *hangs up phones* “One day I should, if they won’t believe me when I say we’re not a carpet shop, say, ‘Yes, you’re right; we’re the carpet shop. Can I have your name, address, and payment info?’ I wouldn’t actually do anything with it, but maybe wait until they complain about no carpets.”

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The Tables Have Turned

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2020

(ALL of our tables have numbers on them for the kitchen to take food to. When customers come to a till to place their order, we must ask for a table number, as there are approximately two-hundred tables. This happens to my coworker who is working the till.)

Coworker: “Hello! How are yo—”

Customer: “I’d like a steak sandwich, kids’ spaghetti, a salmon sandwich, side of chips, side of onion rings, a latte, a cappuccino…”

(She rants off this massive order without stopping. Meanwhile, my coworker hasn’t done anything yet as she hasn’t been given a table number.)

Coworker: “Sorry, I need a table number first.”

Customer:What?!

Coworker: “I need a table number before I can take your food order.”

Customer: “Well, I’m over there!” *gesticulates randomly*

Coworker: “Each table has a number; we need the number or I cannot take your order.”

Customer:I am outside! Can’t you just tell the kitchen to take it outside?”

Coworker: “No, because there are other people sitting outside as well as you. I need the table number.”

(The customer then THREW the menu at my coworker and stormed off. She didn’t go to get her table number as we didn’t see her for the rest of the day!)

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Armoring Up For The Ultimate Prank

, , , , , | Friendly | March 24, 2020

(I’m sitting with one of my friends during dinner. The conversation rolls around to her sister, with whom my friend is in the middle of a — several years long by now — prank war.)

Friend: “So, I need ideas on how to pay back that little b****. Got anything?”

Me: “You mentioned that your house had a suit of armour, right?”

Friend: “Yeah, that piece of junk my dad found in a thrift store.”

Me: “How about you put on that suit of armour, wait until your sister wakes up in the morning, and then jumpscare her.”

Friend: *homicidal joker grin on face* “Ooh, I like the sound of that. Problem: I’m not sure it’s even wearable. And it’s covered with dust and cobwebs.”

Me: “Can you try to get your father to put it on? Say that you’re curious if it can actually be worn and talk him around into wearing it. That way you can both confirm if it can be worn and how to put it on.”

Friend: “Oh, that’s a good idea. Two birds with one stone.”

Me: “Better, I imagine that your father would not want to wear something that is filled with spiders, so he’ll probably clean it first, which means that you won’t have to wear a dusty old suit.”

Friend: *excitedly* “And I can video him doing it. If he gets stuck inside it’ll be a big hit on [Video Site]! Five birds with one stone. Man, you’re a genius.”

Me: “I prefer ‘devious mastermind,’ but anyway, that still leaves the million-dollar question: will your father wear the suit of armour?”

Friend: “Yeah, I can convince him to do that. He’s quite the nut job. Once, my uncle and I managed to convince him into dancing naked on the abandoned railway bridge near our farm.”

Me: *OMGWTF face* “What?”

Friend: “Yeah, a rain dance to piss off the sky. We videoed it. Getting him to put a suit of armour on will be easy. Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. This is going to be so fun!”

Me: “Show me the video of your dad in the armour at some point. And good luck with the prank.”

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