Don’t Get Your Hose All Up In A Twist

, , , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(I work in a sales office, selling industrial hose and fittings. If a customer doesn’t know exactly what they are looking for, we are required to ask certain questions to determine the specification. Due to the nature of the product, the company could get into a lot of trouble if we sell something that is not up to the job. I receive an email enquiry from a customer with a picture attached, showing an enormous engine with a bit of hose clamped on to it, but no specifications. The following exchange occurs via email.)

Customer: “Can you source the textured pipe on this photo that goes over the gearbox?”

Me: “Could you please provide more information on the required hose?

  • Hose ID and length
  • Working pressure
  • Working temperature, and surrounding temperature
  • What is going through it
  • Is it for suction or delivery?”

Customer: “It’s in the picture.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we need the hose specification in order to select the best hose for the application. Without the information requested, we cannot make an offer.”

Customer: “With the greatest of respect, if I knew that, I wouldn’t need to email my hose supplier! No worries; I’ll look elsewhere.”

(I certainly wish that customer luck in finding a supplier willing to sell him a hose with no specification!)

A Knee-Jerk Reaction

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2018

(To reduce strain on my back, I often kneel down while reshelving books on the lowest shelves in the library. Whilst I am doing so, a woman — who must be in her 60s or 70s — has been browsing the fiction section, and she walks past me.)

Elderly Woman: “The best place to be is on your knees.”

(I don’t know if it was a poor choice of words, or if she’d actually intended it for it to sound like it sounded, but either way I was left at a loss for words at her remark; my colleagues, on the other hand, had a good laugh.)

Upset That You Gave Her Nothing To Moan About

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2018

(From the ages 14 to 15, I volunteer in the local Oxfam charity bookshop. When this incident takes place, I am working on the till. A lady comes up to pay for some books.)

Me: “Hello, is that all for today?”

Customer: *takes one look at me* “Where are all the older people?” *talking about the older volunteers who work during the week*

Me: “Um, well, this is currently my shift, so I am serving customers today.”

(The lady glared at me as I rung up her books, and grumbled something about the youth of today and insolent, immature children who shouldn’t be allowed to work in respectable shops. As a teenager who is not the stereotypical “youth,” I smiled sweetly at her as she marched out of the shop. Later on, my manager praised me for handling it maturely. I then found out that that lady was the same woman who blamed my mum for starting the war because she is German, despite the fact that my mum was born in 1972.)

Doppelgänger Deli

, , , | Right | July 4, 2018

(I work on a deli counter in a local supermarket. I’m opening today. It’s before seven am and I’m the only person on the counter right now. Our uniform requires us to wear a hat for health and safety, which disguises my hair. A customer approaches.)

Customer: “Hi, I was told I needed to speak to [My Name]?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so. She’s a short woman, about five foot tall.”

Me: “That could still be me, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t you. Maybe I’m in the wrong store. She has shoulder-length brown hair.”

Me: “Er…”

Customer: “Let me guess; so do you?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, it isn’t you!”

(The customer left. I never found out what it was she wanted or if she found my doppelgänger. Certainly one of the stranger experiences I’ve had on the counter.)

Making A Superking-size Mistake

, , , , | Right | July 4, 2018

(Longer cigarettes are referred to as Superkings, and the shorter ones are King Size. This happens at least once every few days, meaning I have to get a supervisor to come and correct the till. Since our cigarette kiosk is around the corner from the checkouts, and the supervisors don’t always answer the phones, it can take a while for them to come around. I’ve worked on a cigarette kiosk for three years and am familiar with the cigarettes.)

Customer: *very confidently* “Hi. Could I have 20 [Brand Cigarettes], king size, please?”

(I get the cigarettes, scan them, and give the customer the total.)

Customer: “Oh, no, I meant the long ones, obviously! You must be new on the kiosk.”

(They then huffed as I waited for a supervisor to void out the “wrong cigarettes.” I’ve taken to double-checking every cigarette pack with the customer to make sure they’re right!)

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