Thinking Outside The Box And The Car

, , , | Right | January 2, 2018

(I work at a DIY store which sells six-piece garden furniture sets all in one box. These boxes are not small, as you could imagine.)

Me: “Hi there, are you okay? Do you need anything?”

Customer: “Well, we like [set in the box], please. Can you help it to my car?”

Me: “Of course, that’s what I’m here for. Is your car a decent size, as the box is quite hefty and large?”

Customer: “Yeah, it will fit; no problem.”

Me: *thinking he has a van or pickup* “Okay, great. Let me get you a trolley.”

(We load the box up and pay through the till and out we go.)

Me: *looking into the car park* “Which is yours?”

Customer: “Oh, the red one over there.”

(I glance up and see a little car.)

Me: “Really? There’s no way this will fit into that. You don’t have any boot space or a back seat to put it on?”

Customer: *looking a bit irate as I’ve doubted him, taking the trolley off me* ” Of course it will; I’ve had these before without a problem. You just don’t know what you’re doing.” *humph*

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure and you don’t want my help. If you need me I will be inside.”

(I got called to the main desk about 30 minutes later by my coworker who was watching them struggle, and she turned to me and asked why didn’t I help. I just rolled my eyes at her and she nodded with a knowing smile. He did manage to fit it in an hour later; however, his girlfriend had to make her own way home from our store as there wasn’t room for both of them in the car.)

No Pizza Is Worth This Much

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | January 2, 2018

(I am a 19-year-old female living with my girlfriend. My girlfriend has anxiety and can’t stand it when a man comes near her. Recently, my girlfriend got sick and was hospitalized. To celebrate her recovery and her arrival home, we order pizza. When the pizza arrives, I am on the phone with my dad asking him to bring something for tomorrow.)

Me: “Babe, can you get the door? I’m on the phone.”

(As she goes to the door, she sees it’s a guy. She whimpers and runs back into the kitchen where I’m standing.)

Girlfriend: “[My Name], it’s a man. I can’t do this.”

Me: “It’s okay, babe. I got it.”

(I hang up and go to answer the door. The delivery guy is short, baby-faced, and looks like he’s just started his first year of university. As soon as he sets his gaze on me, I see the wheels in his head start turning.)

Delivery Guy: “Took you long enough!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I was on the phone.”

Delivery Guy: “I guess I could let it slide if I could… sit in and eat this with you? You’re my last delivery for the night.”

(He smirks and I roll my eyes.)

Me: “No, thank you. I’m good. How much will it be, then?

Delivery Guy: *holding my pizza away from me* “Aw, come on! You are smoking! It’s free if I can get your number and a kiss.” *winks*

(I am so over this guy. I start digging through my wallet and pull out enough to cover it.)

Me: “I’m really not interested.”

Delivery Guy: “Aww. Well, then, maybe just your number? Come on, sweetie. I can show you a good time!”

(He hands me my pizza. I roll my eyes.)

Me: “Look, I’m just trying to have a nice night in with my girlfriend. Here’s your money.”

(His eyes are as big as saucers as he realizes his mistake.)

Delivery Guy: “Eww! I just hit on a [slur]!”

(He then took off running down the hall… without his money. Hey, horny delivery boy, thanks for the free pizza!)

There’s A Reason “Fan” Comes From Fanatic

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 1, 2018

(I’m filling up at a motorway petrol station. As I enter the kiosk, I recognise an actor who plays a rather notorious character on a popular soap opera making his way to the register.)

Actor: *to cashier* “Pump four, please, mate. And could I also get—”

Customer: “YOU!”

(A belligerent-looking customer storms up to the actor, inches away from his face.)

Customer: “How dare you! I know what you did to [Female Soap Character]! I’m calling the police!” *to cashier* “Detain this man! He’s a known thug and a thief, and—”

Actor: *adapting a more exaggerated London accent* “‘Ang about; did you say [Female Soap Character]?”

Customer: “Well, yes! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

Actor: “Nah, nah! You must be confusing me with my cousin is all.”

Customer: “Your cousin?”

Actor: “Yeah, [Notorious Soap Character]. You can tell us apart because ‘is skin looks ‘ealthier, and ‘e keeps ‘iself groomed a lot better.”

Customer: *squints* “My God, you’re right! You look nothing like him! I’m terribly sorry. Look, I don’t mean to pry, but you should stay away from your cousin; he’s a very bad man!”

(The customer turns to leave the station. When she disappears the actor shakes his head and turns to the cashier.)

Actor: “Twenty years of doing this, you learn how to deal with people like them.”

Counting Down Until Next Year

, , , , , | Working | January 1, 2018

(I work in a gift shop. The shop is closed for the Christmas holidays and we are using the absence of customers to do a serious stock take. We sell a lot of small items such as marbles and pencils, and as such we have to count hundreds of them and it’s all done by hand. It takes a lot of concentration and it’s extremely easy to lose count and have to start all over again. To make things more difficult, the only way for the admin workers to access their office area is to walk through our gift shop where we are counting. Our manager makes a request at the staff meeting that the office workers stay quiet as they walk through and not to disturb us while we are counting. It doesn’t work.)

Office Worker #1: “Oooh, is this the counting that I’m not meant to be disturbing?”

Office Worker #2: “Dear me, that looks boring.”

Office Worker #3: “What number are you up to now then?”

Office Worker #4: “How was your Christmas break?”

Office Worker #5: “Why are you ignoring me? I’m trying to talk to you. That’s a bit rude.”

Finance Staff: *standing in the middle of the shop having a loud conversation about money and numbers, distracting us from the numbers we were meant to be thinking about*

(I wish I could say this was a one-off, but this happened multiple times throughout the day, even after being reminded to stay quiet several more times by the shop managers. We all lost count every single time.)

Careless The Care Comments

, , , , | Working | January 1, 2018

(I am working in a large UK retail shop as a Christmas temp. I have been called in by the warehouse manager at 7 am to help take the delivery in. Half way through, the shop floor manager demands that I stop taking delivery and move to the tills instead, even though I still have delivery to put away and I am covered in dust from the stockroom.)

SF Manager: “How are you finding the tills?”

Me: “I’m enjoying it, but I am concerned that I left a job half-finished upstairs and that it might affect the flow of stock if it is left unfinished.”

SF Manager: “Don’t you think I know what I’m doing as a manager?”

Me: “I didn’t mean anything like that. I just want to be sure that I’m not messing up.”

SF Manager: “THAT is not your concern.”

(Ironically, he cited people not caring enough about their duties as a main reason for not keeping any temps on after New Year.)

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