Only A Token Kindness

, , , , , | Right | September 2, 2017

(Our supermarket gives a blue token to all customers, so they can choose a local charity to benefit from the bag charges. On this day, a woman has just spent £250 when the following takes place.)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us today. Here is your receipt, and a token to put in on your way out.”

Customer: “I only get one?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; what do you mean?”

Customer: “I have spent £250 today at this shop, and I only get one token! This is appalling. I deserve more!”

Me: “Well, the token policy is one per customer, per transaction, so you can’t have more than one, despite spending a large amount here.”

Customer: *sighs loudly, leans over the checkout, and grabs a handful of tokens from my tub and marches off*

Me: “Did that just happen?”

Dr. McCoy Will Be Right Over

, , , , , | Working | August 29, 2017

(I have been vomiting all morning and decide I am not well enough for work. I phone in sick.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name]. I’ve been throwing up all morning and I’m not going to be able to come in.”

Manager: “Aww, that’s a poor excuse.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Manager: “Can’t you come up with something more exciting?”

Me: “Like what? I’ve just chest-burst a Xenomorph and now I’m fleeing for my life as Spock and Jack O’Neill try to kill it?”

Manager: “Oooooooh, sounds dangerous! When’s your next shift?”

Me: “Monday. Hopefully I’ll be better by then.”

Manager: Perfect! Good luck with the aliens, and let me know if you need the Millennium Falcon to drop by!” *hangs up*

Me: *speechless*

(I asked about it when I got back, and learned it’s a game that management plays. Whoever comes up with the best excuse in the year gets vouchers to use in the store, and as this was my first time being sick, I didn’t know. Sadly I only got second place that year, but now I keep a book of outlandish stories that I make up, so the next time, I’m ready!)

Unfiltered Story #92714

, , , | Unfiltered | August 29, 2017

(On a very rare occurrence, I found myself to be right for once! It was early Friday night in Soho, and I had ordered a falafel wrap.)

Me: Can I get some pickles in that please?

Staff: *grabs jalapeños*

Me: Okay yes, those please, but can I also get some pickles? *points*

Staff: *grabs handful of different jalapeños*

Me: *moves to stand in front of pickles and points at them*

Staff: Ohhh!

I Am 17, Going On 15…

, , , | Right | August 28, 2017

(I am a bus driver.)

Customer: “One child’s ticket to [location].”

Me: “How old are you?”

Customer: “Fifteen.”

Me: “Full fare, please.”

Customer: “I’M 15 YOU F****** B****** S*** HEAD! HOW DARE YOU SAY I’M OLDER THAN I AM?! I SHOULD HAVE YOU DONE FOR DISCRIMINATION! I WANT FREE TRAVEL NOW!”

Me: *calmly points to the “Happy 17th Birthday” badge on her top*

Customer: *blushes*

Me: “So, full fare?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Couldn’t Handle The Reality Of Reality

, , , | Working | August 28, 2017

(I’ve interviewed a series of candidates for a position. One young guy comes in with no real experience, but he is really keen, and he mentions that he is just looking for a chance to prove himself and that he is really excited to have a “real” job apart from part time. He interviews well and we agree to give him a chance on a junior role. He gets his offer letter and we wait to hear from him about confirming his start date. He doesn’t respond after a day or two so I give him a call.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. We were hoping you would be able to confirm your start date. Did you get the letter?”

Candidate: “Sorry, I did, but my boss wasn’t in today, so I couldn’t sort it out.”

Me: “Okay, well, please let me know tomorrow where we stand.”

Candidate: “I will, thank you.”

(The next day comes and goes, and I have to ring him again.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. We haven’t heard from you today. We need to set up your computer and induction. What is happening?”

Candidate: “I’m sorry. I wanted to leave on [date we asked him to], but I didn’t put my notice in writing. I’m speaking to my boss tomorrow to sort it all out.”

Me: “Okay, we need to make a move here. We have plans in place and are keen to get you started. You were originally supposed to start [next week]. We need to know where we stand as this is urgent for us.”

Candidate: “Okay. I promise I will ring you tomorrow.”

(When he doesn’t ring the next day, I’m too busy in a meeting to get back to him. Instead, the day after, I call and get no response. I call the agency who sent his CV in and they can’t get hold of him. After a week of nothing [and a need to get someone employed urgently], we withdraw our offer in writing. A full week passes before he calls and gets my voicemail.)

Candidate: “What’s going on? I just got this letter. I told you I was sorting it out. It was only going to be a few more weeks. You’re just like [Other Company]. You suck.”

(Something told me he wasn’t ready for a “real job” yet.)

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