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We Hate Applicants Like This

, , , , , | Working | October 4, 2021

We’re hiring for an entry-level position with good wages and low entry requirements. The company is a pretty good place to work. We get loads of applicants and eventually create a shortlist. Then, we have a whole load of interviews and narrow it down to two great guys. They have similar education and experience, and they both interview really well. We are struggling to make an offer, so we invite them both back for another interview.

During the interview, we go into the details a bit more, and before the second interview has even finished, it is clear that [Applicant] just has that little bit more about him. In my mind, he is the one I would recommend. 

Me: “Thank you again for coming to this interview. We have had just so much interest. It has been hard to choose.”

Applicant: “Oh, I bet. I’m really interested in working here myself. It looks like a great job.”

Coworker: “We expect to place an offer in the next day or two.”

Me: “Were there any final questions you wanted to ask us?”

Applicant: “Oh, yeah. There aren’t any religious nutjobs working here, are there?”

Coworker: “No, we don’t employ nutjobs as a rule.” *Laughs*

Applicant: “Oh, I, err… Well, maybe not nutjobs, but you know what I mean.”

Me: “Sure, I do. No, everyone here is really friendly and we have a great atmosphere. In fact, [Owner] puts a lot of emphasis on it.”

Applicant: “Great, so I will hear in a couple of days.”

I showed him out, and my coworker and I had a chat. We both agreed that [Applicant] was the better choice. But the “nutjob” comment was worrying, especially in a multicultural, multifaith office. I decided to check social media on a hunch. Checking his full name showed me his profile which was full of ignorant and hate-filled comments. He was instantly removed from the application process and banned from future vacancies.

The lesson here is that if you’re going to hate others for believing in something, keep it to yourself.

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She’s One Streetlamp Short Of A Street

, , , , | Right | October 4, 2021

I’m showing a couple around my house. They seem to be genuinely interested, and the woman is doing all the talking.

Woman: “I noticed a street light close to the house. Is that an issue?”

Me: “We don’t think so. It is a bit bright, but we have blackout curtains so we don’t notice it.”

Woman: “I don’t know. I think it might be a problem.” *Turning to her husband* “Do you think it will be a problem?” *Without letting him answer* “I think that’s going to be a problem.”

Me: “Well, some people have contacted the council and they came out to fit shades on the lights. You can see them around the area; that would work and it’s a free service.”

Woman: “Hmm, I don’t know. Do you think they would move the light?”

Me: “Dig up the street and move the light? No, I doubt that. I would take a drive down the road and look at some of the other lights that have had the shades on.”

Woman: “I don’t know. We will have to think about it.”

Me: “Not a problem. You let me know.”

Woman: “It’s just that we like the house, but we couldn’t put up with the light.”

Me: “I understand.”

Woman: “If there was something they could do…”

Me: “As I say, they fit a shade to the street light that blocks the light from shining in the windows.”

Woman: “Would they? Oh, I’m not sure if that would work.”

Me: “Again, they have done it for several houses around here. You can see for yourself when the street lights turn on.”

Woman: “Around here? Where?”

Me: “On most streets. You can’t miss them; they have black shades fitted.”

Woman: “Hmm, well, we will think about it.”

Me: “Okay.”

Woman: “Because of the lights.”

Me: “No, no, I understand.”

I led them out and the man gave me an apologetic smile. Months later, they did put in an offer — way below the market price and what we had already agreed on with another buyer. I hope she found the house she was looking for, but every street around here has the exact same lights exactly the same distance from the houses.

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Someone Always Loses When You Play The Blame Game

, , , , , | Working | October 4, 2021

I have never met anyone like [Coworker]. Nothing is her fault and no one can tell her otherwise. If she makes a mistake at work, well, the computer must have done it. If her kids are failing school, it’s those teachers to blame.

Most of us are used to her now and tune her out. Even her boss just straight-up ignores her bulls*** unless it’s a big mistake. It’s such a daily experience and “normal” that no one considers what would happen if, say, a senior director from another office got into range of the [Coworker] propaganda weapon that is her mouth.

It is me that notices first. She leaves the office and finds the meeting room the director is using and invites herself in. I rush back to the office and find [Coworker]’s boss.

Me: “You know the visiting director?”

Boss: “Don’t I ever. I have a session with him later. I am not looking forward to that.”

Me: “Well, [Coworker] has found him and is talking his ear.”

Boss: “Oh, right.” *Realises* “Oh, s***!”

He rushes past me and to the office. I think they will be straight back, but over an hour later, I’m called into the room.

Director: “And you are [My Name]? Is that correct?”

Me: “That’s me. Can I help?”

Director: “There seems to be some ‘confusion’ about the systems and issues. You are in the right role to help clarify?”

Me: “I will certainly try. What’s the issue?”

Director: “I’m told that [database] is currently down and none of the links work, and this is causing us to have—” *checks notes* “—massive delays. This is your responsibility, no?”

Me: “We had four hours of planned downtime and no further issues. Some employees didn’t follow company process and kept local copies, causing major issues.”

Director: “Hmm, interesting. What about the [software] that is way behind schedule?”

Me: “[Software] has no planned start date and is not critical to the company. It was merely mentioned as a future opportunity. Some employees do not quite understand this yet but it was well communicated.”

This carried on for some time. Each of [Coworker]’s snipes and complaints were completely fabricated or her own doing! [Coworker] got a warning and tried to transfer out of the department, but no one would take her! As it wasn’t just me she tried to blame, the whole office stopped talking to her. She probably thinks that isn’t her fault, either. But at least I don’t have to hear it all day now.

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You Can Change The Locks But You Can’t Change Their Hearts

, , , , , , | Working | October 4, 2021

We get hit by the health crisis badly. Many of our staff have caught the illness to varying degrees, and the business as a whole has had a reduced workload. Many of us are worried about our jobs and doing what we can to keep the company going.

I’m asked to cover the stores area. I have zero experience, so I am a little confused to be asked. But it’s like an hour a week tops, so I agree.

Boss: “Thank you for doing this.”

Me: “It’s not a problem. I’m a little confused why it’s me, though.”

Boss: “Err, there are some trust concerns with some employees. And we feel like you are safe hands for this task.”

Me: “Oh, okay, thanks. You have a key for me?”

Boss: “Sure, I asked everyone to drop their key on the stores desk. There is a pile of keys over there.”

Me: “A pile of keys for a secure area?”

Boss: “Well, yes, I know what you are saying. But there have been so many keys handed out over the years that we have no idea who has one.”

Me: “So, now is the perfect time to change the locks, isn’t it?”

Boss: “Well, I suppose, but time and—”

Me: “The lock is what, £5? And I can fit it myself.”

Boss: “Yeah, I guess. I’ll pick it up on my lunch.”

He does and I fit the new lock. I have one key and I give the others to my boss. I carry on my day. The next morning, I arrive, and someone has broken the lock and attempted to repair it.

Me: “Err, someone broke into stores last night.”

Boss: “What? No one needs to get in there. Let me check the cameras.”

We watched as three workers repeatedly kicked the door and then pried the door open. They were seen taking several items into the car park and another camera showed them putting them into cars.

My boss was fuming. Two of the men were off sick with [widespread illness] and had provided evidence. Between him and the owner, they managed to get the police involved and most of the stolen items back, plus some pieces that they didn’t know were missing. Charges were filed, and while they avoided jail time, they were out of work and pocket at a time that the whole country wasn’t hiring.

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A Call-Back Attack

, , , , , | Right | October 4, 2021

I receive a call from a customer who is having trouble getting his car security system online. He describes an error code I have never heard of.

Me: “Give me about ten minutes to do some research and ask some ‘veteran’ tech coworkers that are known to make miracles happen. I’ll call you back.”

Right around the time I hang up, I look up to notice the department manager motioning me to come with her, as we need to discuss an unrelated pressing issue in her office.

About twenty minutes later after everything is sorted out, I return to my terminal to notice several messages from coworkers who are advising me about a customer calling them repeatedly and screaming that I had flat-out lied to him and said I would call him back but never did. Checking the profile of the customer I had spoken to earlier, I discover that it is indeed him, starting his tirade of phone calls exactly twelve minutes after our conversation had ended.

I receive an instant message from someone in the Spanish language department.

Coworker: “I have an English-speaking customer on the line and I’d like to transfer them to you.”

After I accept the call, the customer goes on a two-minute tirade.

Customer: “It was extremely rude of that other agent to transfer me to someone else!”

Probably because the agents on the Spanish line don’t speak English, idiot!

Customer: “This is the worst customer service I have ever experienced, and I am going to complain personally to the board of directors!”

The moron actually did perform some online sleuthing and somehow was able to find the email address for the company CEO, writing him a rambling email — which was intercepted by his assistant and simply directed to our department manager — and threatening to return his vehicle for a full refund if I was not fired by the end of the week for “blatantly lying to customers.” He further stated that he wanted a copy of my termination letter as proof. 

The manager simply forwarded me the email with a note saying, “Thought you could use a good chuckle.”

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