(By law, we now charge 5p for carrier bags. I begin to serve a customer who has quite a few items with her.)
Me: *while scanning items* “Would you like a bag for these? They’re five pence.”
Customer: *retorting* “No. I’m not paying five pence for a bag!”
Me: *politely* “Okay, then, that will be [amount], please.”
(The lady pays for her items, and just as she’s about to take them:)
Customer: “Excuse me?! Where is my bag?!”
Me: “…”
(Our store is large and has a row of fifteen tills. Until about two years ago, two of them were separate customer service stations but now all staff do this and there are signs stating this and that customers should join the queue. The customer I am currently serving is hoping we have a specific lunch bag her daughter wants that she saw a week earlier. A colleague has gone to check the stockroom for me and I have put her other items through the till. We are chatting and she and her nine-year-old daughter are standing up at counter as you would expect while we await the return of my colleague. Suddenly an elderly woman sneaks through a gap by my till and goes behind my customer. I am about to ask her to join the but she doesn’t stop, she barges through the small gap between mother and daughter and shoves a pillow at me.)
Me: “I am actually serving this lady at the moment, please join the queue.”
Customer #2: “I need to come to you; I have a return.”
Me: “All staff now do this; if you would join the queue someone can help you with this shortly.”
(She glares at me, huffs and then shoves past the queuing customers to do so. The woman I am serving just looks stunned that someone could be so blatantly rude.)
(It’s a busy but fairly normal shift. After a mad rush of customers it quietens down, and a man in his twenties comes to my till with a “selfie phone case.”)
Me: “That’s £12.99 for that, please.”
(He places two £1 coins and a few 20p coins on the counter. I count them out and look at him expectantly. After a few moments I realise he isn’t going to get out an extra £10.)
Me: “Sorry, it’s £12.99.”
(He still looks gone-out, and then seems to realise he hasn’t got enough.)
Customer: “What am I supposed to do, then?”
Me: “Do you have any extra cash or a debit card?”
(The man ignores me and turns instead to a customer just passing.)
Customer: “Have you got 10p?”
Passing Customer: “What?”
Customer: “I need 10p!”
Passing Customer: “Sorry.”
(The customer leaves, looking baffled.)
Me: “It’s ten pounds, sir.”
(An elderly lady has just joined the queue. He turns to her, instead.)
Customer: “Got £10?”
Elderly Lady: “Pardon?”
Customer: “Can I have £10?”
(Understandably, the lady is looking a little intimidated and confused.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you can’t ask other customers to give you the cash. I can save the item for you behind the till until you do have the money, if you prefer.”
Customer: “Okay. I’ll sort something out.”
(He went, and I apologised to the elderly lady. The man returned about fifteen minutes later, but went to a colleague, and this time he bought a pack of chocolate. I still don’t know why he expected other customers to give him the money, and I don’t know why he thought £3 was enough to pay for something worth £12.99 in the first place. It was clearly labelled on the product and the shelf!)
(My husband and I are customers in this story.)
Cashier: “Crisps or cookie with your sandwich?”
Me: “A white chocolate and macadamia cookie, please.”
Cashier: “Okay, but just to make sure, you are aware that it has nuts right?”
Husband: “Yes? How many people don’t know that the cookie with macadamia nuts in it contains nuts?”
Cashier: “You’d be surprised.”
(I am at a theme park attempting to get on a Disk’O ride. The ride restraints on this ride are automatic and come up from the bottom of the seat at the back and rest on the riders’ backs to fasten them into the motorcycle position. We are called off the ride after the restraints are pulled up and released, and I have the following conversation with a staff member:)
Me: “This is what happens when you have GLaDOS in control of the restraints.”
Worker: “GLaDOS? We’re not Aperture Science; our funding methods are much more dubious!”
