It’s my first day working at the supermarket after training. I am talking about this to my manager when a customer approaches us.

Customer: “I’m looking for the pyramid tea bags — you know, the ones that grow on the trees? I don’t want those artificial flat ones.”

Me: “Uh… pyramid tea bags don’t—” 

Manager: “Right this way, sir!”

My manager shows him the boxes of tea bags that come in a pyramid shape, designed to improve how well they infuse the water as they steep.

Customer: “Perfect! Thank you!” *Trots off happily* 

Manager: *To me* “If you know what they’re asking for, just take them to it. You’re not paid enough to argue with stupid. None of us are.” 

Related:
Choose Your Battles, Part 9
Choose Your Battles, Part 8
Choose Your Battles, Part 7
Choose Your Battles, Part 6
Choose Your Battles, Part 5

This was in the 1970s when security was lax. It was the end of my first year at university in the UK, a day before the official end of term. Many of my student friends had already gone home, and I was at a loose end.

I decided to go on a personal bar crawl round campus and had a huge amount to drink. On my stagger back to my hall of residence, I discovered that I didn’t have my key. So, I staggered out to the porters’ lodge to see whether they could unlock my door.

Me: *Probably slurred* “Very sorry, I seem to have lost my key. Are you able to unlock my door?”

The cheerful porter made no move to get up out of his comfy chair. Instead, he quickly unclipped a big bunch of keys from his belt and held one of the keys aloft.

Porter: “That one!”

I staggered back to my hall, tightly gripping that key of the bunch. I tried unlocking my door, but the lock wouldn’t turn. Was I using the wrong key from the bunch? Should I try all the others? 

But on instinct, I tried my door handle, and my door opened. And wouldn’t you know it: my own keys were still on my desk! I had never even locked my door in the first place.

I groaned at my stupidity for not even trying my door before haring off to the porters’ lodge. I sat on my bed, idly looking at my own keys and the porter’s ones. And then I noticed something: my own room key and the porter’s key were quite different. I tried the porter’s key in my own door, and it worked. Clearly, the porter’s key was a master key. No doubt many of the other keys on the porter’s bunch were masters.

Obviously, what I should have done was take the porter’s keys back to him straight away. However, I did not do that…

Instead… I somehow just fell asleep. I woke up late the next morning, maybe 9:30 or 10:00. I remembered what had happened the night before and realised, to my horror, that I had been hanging on to a massively valuable set of keys for ten or twelve hours. I quickly rushed off to the porters’ lodge, and the same porter from the night before was there, along with a colleague.

Me: “Hello, I’m very sorry. I forgot to bring these back when I borrowed them last night.”

The porter didn’t say anything, just stood there silently with his mouth open as I handed him the keys. The porter’s colleague just laughed; the laugh had a cruel edge to it.

Today, I wonder whether the porter panicked a bit when I didn’t come back the night before. Did he come out hunting for me? (I would guess he had no idea which room I was in.) Did they call in campus security? Did they put in a request to rekey every door on campus?

Even in the 1970s, what on earth would possess a porter to hand the keys to everything to a drunk nineteen-year-old? Although he probably knew me by sight as a genuine student, he was taking one heck of a risk.

Perhaps he was just fed up after a year of continually helping idiot students back into their rooms, etc. And right at the end of the year, the porters were rushed off their feet the whole time.

I’ve been running a team for a while and, if you believe the team scores, not doing too badly at all. Then, I get a notice that an employee is transferring to my team — non-negotiable, very little detail, something about a legal claim.

Just great. This won’t end well, I know it.

Day 1 is training. On Day 2, apparently, his training wasn’t good enough. He moaned so much that he got a second day.

On Day 3, I take him down to the team and ask that he watches the jobs, just to be sure. On Day 4, I get him to do a few little jobs — nothing taxing.

On Day 5, I pull him aside to see how his first week went.

At this point, he has done maybe two hours of work. The rest of the team has nothing positive to say about him (which has never happened before), and he has an attitude.

Me: “So, how did this week go?”

Employee: “Okay, I guess. A bit boring, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, you’ve only just started. I would give it a chance.”

Employee: “Yeah, well, they haven’t really trained me properly.”

Me: “Oh, really?”

The job is entry-level, requiring no formal experience as long as you can read with basic comprehension. The job is mostly pushing the right colour button. The complicated stuff that needs comprehension is left to the guys who have been here a while.

Employee: “Yeah, they don’t really say anything.”

Me: “Okay, well, I will look into that. And next week, we will try again.”

The next week is more of [Employee] being in the way rather than doing anything. I plead with Human Resources to move him on. But clearly, something has gone on, and we are stuck with him.

The team starts to complain about him, and I can’t see anything he has achieved. At the end of the week, I pull him to the side.

Me: “How are you getting on? I’m not seeing a lot of completed jobs under your name…”

Employee: “Yeah, I’ve been getting the others to sign mine off.”

Me: “Okay, well, that shouldn’t happen; they should know better. Listen. We will give it one more week, okay?”

He mutters something, and he doesn’t dare repeat it when asked. I write everything down as I feel I might need it.

The next week, there are more complaints, and there’s no real work done. I pull him aside.

Me: “I’m not sure this is working out. Can you give me any reason why you’re not completing any work? Not raising any concerns?”

Employee: “I told you, I’m doing the work, and they are signing it off!”

Me: “You realise I’ve talked to them, right? They told me you barely do anything and they have to do it for you! That’s why they sign it off.”

Employee: “You think you could do my job? Huh? If it’s so easy?”

Me: “I don’t need to be able to do your job; I need to make sure you have all the tools and ability to do your job — which I have done, and yet you still are unable to do so. I think we need to take this to HR.”

Employee: “Yeah, well, I’m untouchable. You can’t do s***.”

After a long conversation with HR, I finally found out that they had botched [Employee]’s termination for something — something about a fight — and had to dump him on another department.

The fact that he refused to do any work and my documentation, however, were enough to get rid of him properly. I did have strong words with HR that day about being a dumping ground, and I got an apology and a promise never to do that again.

We don’t have a very big kitchen at work, so most of us keep our things in our desks. I go to make myself a drink and can’t find my cup. I realise I must have left it to dry, but when I check the kitchen, it’s not there, and there are no spares.

Coworker #1: “You all right?”

Me: “No, someone has taken my cup. Again.”

Coworker #1: “What did it look like?”

Me: “Neon orange. I bought it especially so no one would mistake it for theirs.”

Coworker #1: “I would check [Coworker #2]’s desk if I were you. She is always doing this; she can’t be bothered to get her own coffee and can’t be bothered to wash up her cup. She’s the reason we’re not allowed any spares.”

I walk back to my desk. [Coworker #2]’s desk is about halfway there.

Me: “Anyone seen my cup? Bright orange, can’t miss it.”

A few people murmur that they haven’t. Suddenly, [Coworker #2] seems totally transfixed by what’s on her screen.

Me: “You’ve not seen it, have you, [Coworker #2]? I really need a coffee. I’ve not had one all morning.”

Coworker #2: “Hmm? Oh, no. Sorry. Don’t really drink coffee.”

Oh, but what can I see? She has put my cup inside an empty upright folder. It’s still nearly full.

Me: “Oh, what’s this?! Some silly person has taken my cup and put it on your desk. Let me grab that for you — especially as I’m going to have to wash it up now.”

Coworker #2: “Wait.”

Me: “Yes?”

Coworker #2: “Err… never mind.”

I threw her drink down the drain, washed up, made my own drink, and slowly walked past her desk. Best tasting coffee I’ve ever had.

[Coworker #2] still didn’t buy her own cup because, “Why should I when there are cups already?”

A few weeks later, I caught her taking mine off the drying rack, so now, every time I wash mine, I hand dry everyone’s for them to take back to their desks.

With no cups for her to steal, you would think she would just go and buy one. Nope, she gets a new coffee delivered every day. She would rather spend £25-plus a week than buy a cup for £1 and wash it up. I will never understand some people.

I am in a hardware store with my daughter when she starts to feel unwell — really unwell. I speak to an employee.

Me: “I don’t suppose you have a bathroom? She’s not feeling well.”

[Employee #1] takes one look at how poorly my daughter looks.

Employee #1: “Sure, you can use the staff bathroom. Follow me.”

He leads us out back, swipes through the door and through the corridor, and points out the toilets. He leaves us to it, and I find our way back out into the store. As we emerge from the door, another employee catches us.

Employee #2: “What were you doing there?”

Me: “Oh, my daughter wasn’t well. An employee let us through.”

Employee #2: “Hmm… Which employee?”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t catch his name. But we didn’t let ourselves through.”

Employee #2: *Abruptly* “Well, I know that! What did the employee look like?”

I’ve been in this shop enough times to know what a manager looks like and dresses like, and this person isn’t one. I’m not sure why they are being so insistent.

Me: “Average-looking.”

Employee #2: “Tall or short? Thin or fat?”

Me: “Maybe… I don’t know. Look. My daughter has been sick; we need to leave.”

Employee #2: “No, you are going to stay here!”

Me: “Look. If the other guy broke the rules, I’m sorry. I get it; the rules are there for a reason. But she was just violently sick.”

Employee #2: “You’re not leaving until I find out who let you through.”

Me: “Is there a manager here?”

I explained everything to the manager, who apologised profusely. He rather loudly told off the employee for trying to stop me from leaving and “reminded them” that any disciplinary action would be managed by him and not any employee who was nearby.

Clearly, the employee on a power trip didn’t get their way, as our helpful employee was still there months later.