On the underground train going from Heathrow into central London, it starts filling at my station. There was a woman who appeared to be a tourist (suitcases, T-shirt with “London” on it, American accent), and a man about two seats down.

The man sneezes twice. Very common on the tube.

Woman: “You need to get off the train.”

Man: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “You can’t be on the train sick. That’s not fair. I’m immunocompromised.”

Man: “I’m not ill. If you’re immunocompromised, I’d suggest either getting off the train yourself or wearing an FFP3 mask.”

Woman: “No! You need to get off this train!”

The man just ignored her at this point.

Woman: “I’m calling the police!”

The whole tube laughed so hard, she started shouting obscenities and left the train at the next stop.

My friend and I are waiting at a bus stop in London during Pride. We’re both decked out in rainbow shirts, and there are plenty of other people nearby wearing similar outfits.

An elderly woman at the stop keeps glancing around before finally addressing us.

Woman: “Excuse me, lads. Why is everyone wearing rainbows today?”

Friend: “It’s Pride.”

Woman: “Pride?”

Me: “Gay Pride.”

Woman: “Oh! I see.”

She thinks about this for a moment.

Woman: “You know, in my day, ‘gay’ meant being happy.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Woman: *Smiling at both of us.* “And looking at you two, it seems it still does. Stay happy, you handsome gents!”

Friend: “Thank you!”

Me: “You too!”

Woman: “Don’t worry. I plan on being gay until the day I die.”

Me: “Us too!”

Woman: “I mean in the happy sense, of course.”

Friend: “Of course.”

Woman: “Although I wouldn’t say no if the right lady came along.”

She points at the rainbow stickers we’ve been handing out.

Woman: “Here, give me one of those rainbow stickers for my coat, in case I meet a pretty lady on the bus!”

We have a coworker who has a little sign on her desk that says “Life’s a b****, and so am I.” If she were a hard worker who had our backs, I could handle the occasional b****y comment, but she’s lazy, back-stabbing, and generally just an unpleasant person. 

Also, she seems to think being a b**** is a fun personality trait that we just have to accept because “that’s just how I am,” and pushing back against it means we’re not accepting her for who she is. 

One time, during a team meeting, she was being particularly obnoxious. I was also having a bad day, so I was losing the ability to filter my thoughts the longer the meeting went on.

Eventually, after implying that an absent department head is disabled because he “forgot” about the meeting:

Coworker: “I’m not trying to be a b****—”

Me: “—Oh, so it comes naturally, then?”

She paused, glaring at me. She then appealed to the CEO that I should be disciplined for my outburst.

CEO: “Don’t you have a sign on your desk saying that you’re a b****?”

Coworker: “Well, yes, but—”

CEO: “—So are you? Or are you not?”

Coworker: “That’s not the point. It’s not professional to—”

CEO: “—To have that sign up on your desk where everyone can see it, I agree. Please remove it from your desk after the meeting.”

Coworker: “…”

CEO: “Also, [Department Head] isn’t here at the meeting, not because he forgot about it, but his wife gave birth to their baby six weeks early. I’m sure you’ll join the rest of us in sending out congratulations to him as he goes on his paternity leave, yes?”

Coworker: “…”

CEO: “Now… where were we?”

[Coworker] removed the b****y card from her desk as instructed. She also didn’t say another word to me for the rest of the week, so I’d also call that a win.

I work in a call centre for the UK’s National Health Service (NHS), in a department that organises transport to the hospital for mobility-impaired patients. The service is free, but we do need some basic information from the caller.

Caller: “I need to book a transport to take me to hospital.”

Me: “That’s fine. Can I take your NHS number?”

Caller: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “If you check your prescription or a letter from the hospital, it’ll be on there.”

Caller: “Oh, I’ll just die then. Thank you.” *Hangs up.*

I worked in a bike shop. Some kid came in:

Kid: “Can you fix my bike’s ‘suspicion’?”

My colleague and I shared a look over this kid’s mispronunciation of ‘suspension’ and thought we’d have a laugh with him.

Me: “Stop stealing stuff to fix it then!”

Within a split second, the kid turned and shouted something along the lines of:

Kid: “S***! They’re on to us!”

We see another kid at the back of the shop we hadn’t noticed come in, and they both bolted, leaving the bike with us.