Unfiltered Story #155139

, , , | | Unfiltered | June 22, 2019

Our store closes at 9:00pm. We lower the shutters so that no more customers enter and existing customers can get out.

Customer walks under lowered shutters at 9:10pm.

Store security guard: Sorry madam we are closed.

Customer: Leave me alone

Customer puts in earphones and proceeds to walk on.

Store security guard: I’m sorry we are no longer open. You have to leave.

Customer: Don’t talk to me

Customer takes her time browsing and picks up clothes.

Supervisor: We will soon be closing the tills.

Customer continues browsing. Eventually gives up, throws items on the floor and walks out!!

Was Not Egg-specting That

, , , , , , | | Right | June 20, 2019

(I’m a server at a café. Typically, our customers are older couples who order their food and leave with little to no fanfare. However, one gentleman in particular sticks out. I notice his table has a finished tray and dirty dishes and I go to collect them. As I approach, he notices me and says:)

Customer: “Excuse me, the food was very good but I have one complaint. I found this–” *pulls out a dirty yellow handkerchief* “–under my egg sandwich. It’s disgusting. I’m a member of Health and Safety and this just doesn’t work. In fact, what’s your name?” 

(I’m shocked, a little scared, and nervous. I start to apologize before giving him my name. I’m expecting an angry outburst, but instead, he says:)

Customer: “Well, [My Name], you seem nice, so I’m going to make this situation just–“ *moves his hands and tucks the handkerchief in one of them, then opens it to reveal an egg* “–make it all disappear.”

(I realize he’s doing magic and I let out a little laugh of relief. At the same time, his wife approaches the table and sits down next to him. He grins at her, holds up the egg, and says to me:)

Customer: “I did order an egg sandwich, though. But as for the kerchief, I was only yolking.”

(I laugh again, totally on board with his joke now.)

Me: “That’s very punny, sir.”

(I move on with his trays, but not before I see him grin at his wife and say:)

Customer: “She thought it was funny!”

(His wife just kind of shook her head disappointedly at him. I don’t think this is the first time he’s done this, but it made my day!)

Unfiltered Story #155105

, , | | Unfiltered | June 19, 2019

I work in a outdoor sporting goods shop, we sell a lot of camping equipment. A man comes tearing into the store and flings his shopping bag onto the counter.
Customer: I NEED TO RETURN THIS TENT!
Me: Of course, was there a problem with it?
Customer: IT’S GOT NO POLES!!
Me: Oh, that’s so bizarre, let me have a look here… Um… Sir… this is a sleeping bag…
Customer: *stares that the item in confusion for a few seconds*
F***ING TEENAGERS!!!
*grabs the bag and tears back out of the store. We never saw him again!

The Grid Truth

, , , , , | | Right | June 18, 2019

(I am working the checkout when a young boy, about five years old, comes up with me to buy a few “Tron Legacy” toys. I’m also a fan of the “Tron” movies, so I start to talk to him about it.)

Me: “I guess you like Tron, then?”

Boy: “Yeah! I love it! They are gonna make a second one!”

Me: “Well, technically, Tron Legacy is the second one. The first one is about as old as I am.”

(The boy just looks at me with shock.)

Boy: “But you’re ANCIENT!”

(I look at his mother, who is in shock that her little boy has called me ancient, as I am not that old. She also begins to turn red out of embarrassment until I burst out laughing. The little boy buys his toys and leaves with his mother, and I turn to my manager while still laughing.)

Manager: “If you’re ancient, what does that make me, then?”

(That little boy made me forget about all the abuse I get at work, and still makes me laugh now.)

They’ll Be There By The Twelfth Round

, , , , , , | | Legal | June 18, 2019

(This story is courtesy of my father-in-law. He is a regular at a busy little pub in [Large City] with an interesting mix of clientele. This pub is located on the main road and shares a car park with a reasonably large police station. One night things get a bit rowdy and a large scale fight breaks out. Windows are being smashed and people are staggering away bleeding. Naturally, the landlady calls the police.

Landlady: “This is the landlady of [Pub] on [Street]. We’ve got a massive brawl going on; could you please send some help?”

Dispatch: “No problem, but the nearest officers we have right now are 30 minutes away.”

Landlady: *glances down the street at the busy and active police station* “Isn’t there anyone who can get here faster?”

Dispatch: “Sorry, duck, there isn’t. Tell you what; do you think you can keep the fight going until we get there?”

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