The Day The Music Died

, , , , , | Right | February 21, 2020

(I work in an antique store. On this particular day, I have just started my shift and am standing at the counter filling out part of my daily paperwork. I glance up and greet the customers, two young guys maybe in their 20s, when I hear the bell go off. They go off into an area of the store I can’t see from the counter, but soon I hear them playing on one of the vintage guitars we have in stock. This normally wouldn’t be a problem — that’s why we keep them on the floor — until a few moments later when I hear a lot of crashing, followed by a lot of swearing.)

Customer #1: “OH, S***, OH, S***, OH, S***, OH, F***!”

Customer #2: “DUDE! WHAT THE F***?!”

(Naturally, I have to investigate. I find them standing there, guitar and stand on the floor and a few other displays with expensive and rare merchandise scattered and broken on the floor. I swear it’s like a scene from a bad comedy movie! They look at each other and then back at me, while I stand there with my hands raised in the biggest “WTF” stance I can muster.)

Customer #1: “Uh… that… wasn’t us.”

Customer #2: “No, moron, you’re right. It wasn’t us! It was you!

(I had to call my manager in and, with a lot of arguing and his insistence that he had found it that way, we managed to get him to pay for at least part of the stuff he broke and he was strongly encouraged not to come back! His friend paid for what he couldn’t and apologized profusely for his idiot friend. I really still can’t figure out how he managed to do so much damage trying to put a guitar on the stand! Thanks to that genius, now we have the guitars on the wall and a policy that says if someone wants to test it, it has to be done by the register where there are no displays!)

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Unfiltered Story #186193

, , , | Unfiltered | February 14, 2020

On a behind-the-scenes tour of a tropical gallery at the local aquarium, this happened…(I’m female.)
Coworker: We get a lot of our coral from Logan airport as people smuggle it in for exotic fish tanks in the illegal pet trade.
Guest: I didn’t know people did that!
Me: Yeah, I’ve heard stories of guys coming through customs with baby snakes, baby fish, baby parrots stuck in their pants to get through security! I would never do anything like that!
Guest: I know! And it’d hurt for me even more than it would hurt for you!!!!
(reference to male and female anatomy).
Guest: *creepy wink*

Collies Without Borders

, , , , , , | Related | February 7, 2020

(My family is gathered at my house and we are attempting to watch television together. Originally, I am seated in the middle of the couch between my sister and my mother, while my uncle is seated across the room from me. Said uncle has a habit of quickly grabbing the remote and slowly remembering that he has no clue how to work my equipment, so I stand to get the remote and get the game on. Almost instantly, my border collie jumps up and takes my spot without invitation.)

Me: “Get off.”

Mother: “You can just sit over there.” *points to a different seat*

Me: “Not the point. No one invited her up. She shouldn’t be on the couch unless she’s called.”

Sister: *as she starts rubbing my dog* “It’s fine! Just leave her be!”

Me: “It’s not fine. She’s a big dog. If she doesn’t learn obedience, bad things will happen.” *back to my dog* “Off!”

(Despite her love of being rubbed, my dog takes the command and climbs off the couch to lay down beside it.)

Sister: “You are such a bully.”

Me: “When you get your own dog, raise it your way. This is my dog, so I’ll raise it my way.”

(With that out of the way, I go back to working on the television. Before I can finish, my sister glances out the window and notices my neighbors’ daughter has come to visit. As she is friends with said daughter but they don’t get to see each other much due to college, my sister pops out to say hi and catch up. It is also worth noting that my neighbors have a Papillon. On her return, my sister groans.)

Sister: “[Neighbors] have to do something about [Papillion]! He is completely out of control! Doesn’t listen to one thing anyone says! Why can’t he be more like [Border Collie]?”

Me: *facepalm*

(Despite my numerous efforts to explain it, she has still yet to figure out my “bullying” is how to get an obedient dog and still objects to how strict I am with my border collie.)

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Just Send It To Every Email Ever And It Will Find You

, , , , , | Right | February 6, 2020

(Our registers have recently added the option of an emailed copy of customers’ receipts if they would like it; we are required to ask each customer at the end of their transaction.)

Me: “Would you like a printed receipt, emailed, or both?”

Customer: “Oh, emailed.”

Me: “Sure, can I get your email address, please?”

Customer: *suddenly hostile* “I’m not giving you that; you’ll send me spam!”

Me: *puzzled* “If you want your receipt emailed, I’ll need the email address to send it to.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just send it without me giving it to you?”

Me: “Erm… no.”

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This Is Not Smoothie Sailing

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2020

(I work in a popular ice cream shop in Boston, and one of our rules is that if we accidentally break a waffle cone while scooping ice cream into it, we must offer the customer the cone for free, or remake it. If they decide to keep it, we tell them to let the person at the register know so they don’t charge them for the cone. On this day, a particularly irate customer is yelling at a coworker, when the coworker asks me to help.) 

Customer: “My girlfriend’s cone broke! Get us another one! It’s leaking everywhere!”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry about that sir. Did she break it, or did the person scooping it break it?”

Customer: “I don’t know! That dumb b**** probably broke it!” *points at another coworker who had nothing to do with them*

Coworker: “Well, I can get you another cone, but if I do, you’ll have to pay for it.”

Customer: “WHAT? WHY?”

Me: “Sir, if we broke your cone, we would have given it to you for free. If you broke your cone, we’re not responsible for that, but we’re happy to make you another ice cream. You got a waffle cone, and that costs extra money.”

Customer: “FINE. Whatever! Just make a new one!”

(My coworker takes the melting ice cream, tosses it into the trash can, and starts to make a new one. The customer, seeing this, goes berserk.) 

Customer: “What the f*** are you doing?!”

Me: “Sir, he threw away your broken and melting ice cream to make you a new one, like you asked us to…”

Customer: “BUT I COULD’VE KEPT THAT!”

Me: “Yes, but you would have had to keep the broken cone then, too.”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS ARE ALL F****** IDIOTS! GET ME A SMOOTHIE, INSTEAD!”

Me: “Um, you want a smoothie, instead of the cone? We can’t do that, sir; they’re not the same price. I can make you a smoothie and a new cone, but not substitute one for the other.”

Customer: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

(At this point, my manager came over and gave him a smoothie and a new ice cream for free, just to get his crazy a** out the door!)

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